Love or Opportunity? Coffee Social

[lunas]

Just been skimming through this thread.

Interesting conversation here.

I'd like to recommend a movie for you to watch. It's called "Like Crazy" and it's on Netflix (even the Canadian one). It is about a girl from the UK who goes to the states to study and falls in love. The movie shows the deteriorating relationship because of visa issues. It made me ball my eyes out.

Thank you for the suggestion. I'm always looking for movies to watch on Netflix while I have my dinner (alone boohoo)

 

[Ms Malawi]

Just been skimming through this thread.

Interesting conversation here.

I'd like to recommend a movie for you to watch. It's called "Like Crazy" and it's on Netflix (even the Canadian one). It is about a girl from the UK who goes to the states to study and falls in love. The movie shows the deteriorating relationship because of visa issues. It made me ball my eyes out.

Good recommendation. It is a movie I think we all can relate to!

 

[Ms Malawi]

I certainly would not worry too much Ms Malawi. When we applied, I had no idea about immigration, zilch! I never found this forum until 1 month after we sent our app. I can tell you this though, if I had to redo my application (after the info I know now) I would have made a much much better job of it. I look back now and am glad the process is over but all the time during the application I had so many reservations, thinking they would want additional proofs or send it back incomplete. I am the world's most un-organised person and our application seemed to be fine. So good luck , fingers crossed and hope it is a nice speedy process for you. ;D

Thank you R151NG5UN. I have to say the support in this forum and now this thread is really amazing.. definitely the things that help especially over the long stretches! Definitely glad I stumbled upon it while I was preparing my application, though like you there are definitely things I missed!

 

[kyc221]

It also gives you the option to connect on an emotional and intellectual level before even seeing a picture or meeting in person. That was a big deal for my husband. He got a lot of flack from his friends for dating an American over 3000 miles away, then getting engaged the second time we met in person. He told them - look, all we can really do it talk and play computer games together - and we talk while playing the games. I know her personality better than people I've been good friends with for years in real life. We spent so much time getting to know each other that even without any type of physical bond, we're able to love each other. Now, if that isn't real love, what is?

This post is SO true.
DH and I met on Livejournal (do you guys know the site? A mix of blogging and Facebook) on a Harry Potter related community. We were definitely NOT looking for a relationship online. After talking for a year, we just couldn't help it... we fell in love. We talked for a year and a half on chat and Skype before meeting IRL, and when we did, it was simply the confirmation that we really worked as a couple. I often say that those 10000kms between us were our chaperones, LOL --- sorry, meant hahahahahahah--- because we were forced to talk and get to know each other in ways we're not sure we would have experienced if we had met IRL somewhere.
Distance is difficult, but I love our relationship, level of communication and honesty so much, that I wouldn't change a thing.

PS: Thinking of other things I read in this thread about scams, I remember 2 things about my own experience.
When our relationship was just starting, a big earthquake shook my country, during which I lost my external hard-drive. It was a REAL LOSS to me, since it was the only place I had a full back up of all my University work.
DH, not even officially my boyfriend at the time, tried to replace it for me from Canada, but he was having problems to pay from outside of my country. Our only option was for him to give me his credit card information. When that came up, we just stared at each other on the screen... he said he wasn't comfortable doing that, and I said I didn't either. It was too much of a responsibility. Soooooo, I thanked him very much for his gesture, that it only showed how kind-hearted he was, but we should leave it at that. Finally, I got my hard-drive back, and everything was good

Sometimes I think that had I been a scammer, I would have been all over that offer, LOL! But I am not that, and my intentions were genuine. I didn't feel comfortable having access to his information like that. On the other hand, DH was concious of the risks, and decided not to take one on me... which at the end makes me feel better, because I know that now he truly trusts me and my love for him... or he wouldn't have married me!!

That links to my 2nd thought after reading this thread.
When hubby told his family about me for the 1st time, they didn't like it very much. It was only his brother, though, that came to him and asked him directly if he was sure I wasn't a scammer. He said he was sure I wasn't.
Much later, once when I was talking with DH's mom, she told me they were so very afraid for him when he came visit me. They thought I was going to kidnap him or something <<< my face at the time. She then said that now that they know me, they feel much better and happy for their son. Hey, they even helped him to prepare his wonderful proposal in Las Vegas...

So, I guess what I mean to say, is that scam is a real danger. But being afraid of that shouldn't be such a prevalent thought, that you miss out on developing a real, wonderful relationship! Just make sure to pay attention to the signs, be honest, take care of yourself, and TALK. Talk on the camera for hours, get to know each other, and you won't go wrong

 

[Ms Malawi]

So, I guess what I mean to say, is that scam is a real danger. But being afraid of that shouldn't be such a prevalent thought, that you miss out on developing a real, wonderful relationship! Just make sure to pay attention to the signs, be honest, take care of yourself, and TALK. Talk on the camera for hours, get to know each other, and you won't go wrong

Great advice and I can say I agree. The scams do exist, and once you have been hurt you are always that little too cautious (at least I was) but when you realize someone actually loves you for you and is not for their own personal gain, it can be great. I know my current husband went through the ringer with me, and through all the questions and doubts he stood beside me and reassured me day in and day out he was not going anywhere. To show that, he made me a promise (he will give his word but doesn't promise unless its something very very important) that he will be waiting for me on my 45th birthday (random age down the line) with a kiss and a cherry plum. And well that kinda sealed the deal that my doubts were not directed at him and that he was in it for me not what he thinks he can get out of relationship. Talking is the best thing especailly when you are long distance and it really lets you know who you are with. I know my phone company loves me! ;D

 

[Halfmoon]

Great advice and I can say I agree. The scams do exist, and once you have been hurt you are always that little too cautious (at least I was) but when you realize someone actually loves you for you and is not for their own personal gain, it can be great. I know my current husband went through the ringer with me, and through all the questions and doubts he stood beside me and reassured me day in and day out he was not going anywhere. To show that, he made me a promise (he will give his word but doesn't promise unless its something very very important) that he will be waiting for me on my 45th birthday (random age down the line) with a kiss and a cherry plum. And well that kinda sealed the deal that my doubts were not directed at him and that he was in it for me not what he thinks he can get out of relationship. Talking is the best thing especailly when you are long distance and it really lets you know who you are with. I know my phone company loves me! ;D

Based on my experience, a "genuine" person's actions are consistent, consistent, consistent. The fakers, scammers, even the REAL good ones, could put on a great act, HOWEVER, as the laws go, eventually true colors reveal ESPECIALLY when they get comfortable with you. Communicate and ask alot of questions, keep mental notes of inconsistency. Deceitful ppl tend to get irritated easily when they're questioned with things they are uncomfortable discussing or trying to hide.

 

[Halfmoon]

This post is SO true.
DH and I met on Livejournal (do you guys know the site? A mix of blogging and Facebook) on a Harry Potter related community. We were definitely NOT looking for a relationship online. After talking for a year, we just couldn't help it... we fell in love. We talked for a year and a half on chat and Skype before meeting IRL, and when we did, it was simply the confirmation that we really worked as a couple. I often say that those 10000kms between us were our chaperones, LOL --- sorry, meant hahahahahahah--- because we were forced to talk and get to know each other in ways we're not sure we would have experienced if we had met IRL somewhere.
Distance is difficult, but I love our relationship, level of communication and honesty so much, that I wouldn't change a thing.

PS: Thinking of other things I read in this thread about scams, I remember 2 things about my own experience.
When our relationship was just starting, a big earthquake shook my country, during which I lost my external hard-drive. It was a REAL LOSS to me, since it was the only place I had a full back up of all my University work.
DH, not even officially my boyfriend at the time, tried to replace it for me from Canada, but he was having problems to pay from outside of my country. Our only option was for him to give me his credit card information. When that came up, we just stared at each other on the screen... he said he wasn't comfortable doing that, and I said I didn't either. It was too much of a responsibility. Soooooo, I thanked him very much for his gesture, that it only showed how kind-hearted he was, but we should leave it at that. Finally, I got my hard-drive back, and everything was good

Sometimes I think that had I been a scammer, I would have been all over that offer, LOL! But I am not that, and my intentions were genuine. I didn't feel comfortable having access to his information like that. On the other hand, DH was concious of the risks, and decided not to take one on me... which at the end makes me feel better, because I know that now he truly trusts me and my love for him... or he wouldn't have married me!!

That links to my 2nd thought after reading this thread.
When hubby told his family about me for the 1st time, they didn't like it very much. It was only his brother, though, that came to him and asked him directly if he was sure I wasn't a scammer. He said he was sure I wasn't.
Much later, once when I was talking with DH's mom, she told me they were so very afraid for him when he came visit me. They thought I was going to kidnap him or something <<< my face at the time. She then said that now that they know me, they feel much better and happy for their son. Hey, they even helped him to prepare his wonderful proposal in Las Vegas...

So, I guess what I mean to say, is that scam is a real danger. But being afraid of that shouldn't be such a prevalent thought, that you miss out on developing a real, wonderful relationship! Just make sure to pay attention to the signs, be honest, take care of yourself, and TALK. Talk on the camera for hours, get to know each other, and you won't go wrong

Good read. Thanks for sharing this......

 

[amikety]

This post is SO true.
DH and I met on Livejournal (do you guys know the site? A mix of blogging and Facebook) on a Harry Potter related community. We were definitely NOT looking for a relationship online. After talking for a year, we just couldn't help it... we fell in love. We talked for a year and a half on chat and Skype before meeting IRL, and when we did, it was simply the confirmation that we really worked as a couple. I often say that those 10000kms between us were our chaperones, LOL --- sorry, meant hahahahahahah--- because we were forced to talk and get to know each other in ways we're not sure we would have experienced if we had met IRL somewhere.
Distance is difficult, but I love our relationship, level of communication and honesty so much, that I wouldn't change a thing.

PS: Thinking of other things I read in this thread about scams, I remember 2 things about my own experience.
When our relationship was just starting, a big earthquake shook my country, during which I lost my external hard-drive. It was a REAL LOSS to me, since it was the only place I had a full back up of all my University work.
DH, not even officially my boyfriend at the time, tried to replace it for me from Canada, but he was having problems to pay from outside of my country. Our only option was for him to give me his credit card information. When that came up, we just stared at each other on the screen... he said he wasn't comfortable doing that, and I said I didn't either. It was too much of a responsibility. Soooooo, I thanked him very much for his gesture, that it only showed how kind-hearted he was, but we should leave it at that. Finally, I got my hard-drive back, and everything was good

Sometimes I think that had I been a scammer, I would have been all over that offer, LOL! But I am not that, and my intentions were genuine. I didn't feel comfortable having access to his information like that. On the other hand, DH was concious of the risks, and decided not to take one on me... which at the end makes me feel better, because I know that now he truly trusts me and my love for him... or he wouldn't have married me!!

That links to my 2nd thought after reading this thread.
When hubby told his family about me for the 1st time, they didn't like it very much. It was only his brother, though, that came to him and asked him directly if he was sure I wasn't a scammer. He said he was sure I wasn't.
Much later, once when I was talking with DH's mom, she told me they were so very afraid for him when he came visit me. They thought I was going to kidnap him or something <<< my face at the time. She then said that now that they know me, they feel much better and happy for their son. Hey, they even helped him to prepare his wonderful proposal in Las Vegas...

So, I guess what I mean to say, is that scam is a real danger. But being afraid of that shouldn't be such a prevalent thought, that you miss out on developing a real, wonderful relationship! Just make sure to pay attention to the signs, be honest, take care of yourself, and TALK. Talk on the camera for hours, get to know each other, and you won't go wrong

My husband decided I was really interested (he'd been burned by internet dating and was extremely cautious) when I paid for his flight to me with my credit card. My husband's credit card didn't have enough funds available to buy a ticket, so he couldn't come to visit. I put it on the line and bought the ticket myself. He did pay me back in cash when he got to my home.

 

[kyc221]

My husband decided I was really interested (he'd been burned by internet dating and was extremely cautious) when I paid for his flight to me with my credit card. My husband's credit card didn't have enough funds available to buy a ticket, so he couldn't come to visit. I put it on the line and bought the ticket myself. He did pay me back in cash when he got to my home.

Yes, that would really prove you were interested in him. If you really love someone, you won't care who pays for what, because what really matters is how much you want to be with them.
I was a poor student on a student budget when I met DH, so when he came visiting me, he paid for almost everything. It was just our situation. Still, I did all sorts of things on my end: sorted his apartment rental, did reservations for our trip, and put my life on hold (including two research projects I was working on) to enjoy to the max his presence. I introduced him to all my friends and close family (we even had a calendar to keep track of everything we had planned). His visit wasn't just about us living it up during a month of vacation, it was about me showing him my world; sharing with him my life.

 

[aerogurl87]

It seems that many are "meeting" online? Is that true?

I think so. I met my boyfriend online as well, haha. He emailed me and I thought he was moving to the USA for school or with his family since his profile said "willing to relocate". When in reality he said he set his search for the US and Canada and I was the only girl he found that was worth talking to.

 

[aerogurl87]

You are not alone. We did ours together but I had to pull teeth to get him to be more proactive.

This is how it was with my boyfriend. I actually ended up filling out all the paperwork and just getting answers from him to fill in a few things like where his parents were born and such. I did get him to write a one page letter though somehow. Now just keeping my fingers crossed that I will hear something soon.

 

[aerogurl87]

I also remember when my boyfriend and I first decided it was time to meet, he told me after the fact that he didn't think I was going to show. He'd dated a girl online for a few years on and off who had flaked on him everytime it came time for them to meet. He'd even bought her two tickets over the years, that went unused. So he said he wasn't sure if I was for real. But even though I was barely scraping by on minimum wage, I managed to pay for my entire flight to him in full and only asked that he have a place for me to stay when I got there. I didn't realize it at the time, but it was really a big deal to him to see me get off that plane and make good on my promise to him.

Based on my experience, a "genuine" person's actions are consistent, consistent, consistent. The fakers, scammers, even the REAL good ones, could put on a great act, HOWEVER, as the laws go, eventually true colors reveal ESPECIALLY when they get comfortable with you. Communicate and ask alot of questions, keep mental notes of inconsistency. Deceitful ppl tend to get irritated easily when they're questioned with things they are uncomfortable discussing or trying to hide.

Yep consistency is the key. If someone isn't genuine they eventually get sloppy and holes start cropping up in their stories or they get more and more secretive as time goes on. That's why it's best to date someone for awhile before you sponsor them, so you have a chance to get out of the honeymoon stage and into reality, everyday life.

 

[Halfmoon]

Yes, that would really prove you were interested in him. If you really love someone, you won't care who pays for what, because what really matters is how much you want to be with them.
I was a poor student on a student budget when I met DH, so when he came visiting me, he paid for almost everything. It was just our situation. Still, I did all sorts of things on my end: sorted his apartment rental, did reservations for our trip, and put my life on hold (including two research projects I was working on) to enjoy to the max his presence. I introduced him to all my friends and close family (we even had a calendar to keep track of everything we had planned). His visit wasn't just about us living it up during a month of vacation, it was about me showing him my world; sharing with him my life.

One of the trips my husband surprised me when he proposed to me, he had asked me to come visit him on a long weekend and would pay for my flight. I really appreciated that since he's from JA where it's difficult for him to travel to see me. By this gesture, it showed me that he was thinking of me and not expecting me to pay for every trip down there. When it came to our wedding plans, we planned and made all decisions together. It gave me a glimspe of what our future partnership would be like when we do finally live together. He covered all wedding expenses including the horse and carriage he surprised me with!! I felt like the princess on the island that day. Everyone in his home town stood by the road and watched the carriage prance through the town. They waved and cheered as we passed. Only thing I paid for was my flight, and rented the tuxedos which I got a great deal from Moores!!! He did all the rest which for once in my life I really felt like someone took the weight off my shoulders on the most important day of my life.

 

[Halfmoon]

This is how it was with my boyfriend. I actually ended up filling out all the paperwork and just getting answers from him to fill in a few things like where his parents were born and such. I did get him to write a one page letter though somehow. Now just keeping my fingers crossed that I will hear something soon.

ha ha...my husband has a short attention span when it comes to paperwork. It's like telling a 5 year old to eat vegetables. It took us months to get completed not to mention we were so busy with work and life.

 

[Ms Malawi]

One of the trips my husband surprised me when he proposed to me, he had asked me to come visit him on a long weekend and would pay for my flight. I really appreciated that since he's from JA where it's difficult for him to travel to see me. By this gesture, it showed me that he was thinking of me and not expecting me to pay for every trip down there. When it came to our wedding plans, we planned and made all decisions together. It gave me a glimspe of what our future partnership would be like when we do finally live together. He covered all wedding expenses including the horse and carriage he surprised me with!! I felt like the princess on the island that day. Everyone in his home town stood by the road and watched the carriage prance through the town. They waved and cheered as we passed. Only thing I paid for was my flight, and rented the tuxedos which I got a great deal from Moores!!! He did all the rest which for once in my life I really felt like someone took the weight off my shoulders on the most important day of my life.

Ok... Now Halfmoon im jealous... sounds like your hubby is definitely your prince.
Im.waiting for our traditional Malawian wedding as my husband and I registered because he coulsnt bare to lose me to any of those men back in Canada. Im hoping for the upcoming wedding it will be similar to your experience, where i can be the princess for the day, and got a feeling it will be as he is already planning what traditions we will share.

Enjoy the love and support of a man like that. They seem to be rare, though when we find them we need to hang on tight and enjoy the ride!! Finhers crossed you will be reunited with him soon!