U know what Dair2dv8103100? At least U spend time with Ur husband with chats and video messaging etc. I dont. I would love to but we cant seem to find the time. He has been one of the few constants in my life for a long time; have known him for most of my adult life, (high school sweethearts, dated and were together for over 8 years BEFORE marriage, lived in the same city for some of those years, etc) so I am not sure if I feel super-cheated out on not being able to "get to know" each other due to separation. Somewhere in the deepest darkest part of my mind, I like being on my own, having my space, making ALL my decisions totally ON MY OWN including those affecting our daughter. I am terrified about having to change all that; I wish that I can have my husband and still have that all. Wishful thinking! I knowwww, I am a terrible person. :-X lol ;D
My sisters think I just play "tough", as a way of dealing with all the absence and responsibilites. I cant tell if they are right; maybe. I know for sure that I hate to feel weak or dependent on anyone, so maybe that explains the need to be in total control at all times. I dont know. I just try to keep moving at all times, so no time to stop and sulk about my husband being away. :-\
I dont like to talk about this with anyone; I find it hard to even admit it to myself. (Right now, I am thinking "yeah right! and U go and post it on a public forum!!!" lol).
Well, I just wanted to let U know how lucky U r. And U r probably closer to normal than myself. lol. ;D
