Marriage of convenience

[iarblue]

LOL dont worry i would have gone stupid crazy if someone said all Brazilians were scammers.You know what your in for and you know in your heart that it is for the long haul at any moment in time anyone of us could be getting scammed.Nobody knows until it happens.But i feel in my heart that the people we see on here regularly are here for the good.

 

[EaSt CoAsT GiRl]

I wish I had a crystal ball so I knew for sure...maybe I'll go to Toys R Us and buy a magic 8 ball...maybe it will tell me if I am being scammed...lol.

Sometimes I wonder why I read these posts, they often upset me. Then I remember how helpful they have been too and would much rather have to deal with upsetting posts than have no support from others going through a very similar situation as I am. These forums are truly a blessing.

 

[iarblue]

What part of the east coast you from i was raised there in Stellarton,till i was 18 and ran back here i was born in Toronto.

 

[EaSt CoAsT GiRl]

I was born in NS, but currently live in NB (have lived in NB most of my life). Love the East Coast, great place to raise a family, not too much going on for the most part.

 

[iarblue]

Yeah thats why i left,i just seen everyone down there going nowhere.The ones that worked went to work and when you were done everyone headed to timmies for the meet lol.It was funny cause a few years back i took my ex wife to their for a visit she said should we not call friends and tell them we are coming,i said nope i went to the timmies and you guessed it they were all there this was 10 years after i left and they were still all there infront of timmies like they never left,just aged.

 

[EaSt CoAsT GiRl]

LMAO, yes that is very true of small towns. Same people, same crap different year..lol.

 

[reegs]

Joecreosta is taking some heat! Well, in general, people who over-generalize leave themselves open to criticism. Nevertheless, I think his posts are making an important point--albeit in a way that is offensive to many. I think it's good for everyone getting married or sponsoring a spouse from abroad to consider the points laid out in his posts. I have met many people in long-lasting relationships with partners they've met while on holiday or online, but I've also seen many who probably would have benefited from a little shock talk from Joecreosta prior to getting married. Here is what he said in an earlier post (sorry, I am new to forums and I don't know how to make it appear in a separate box):

Here's the issue for the innocent when they fall in love with their spouses over the internet.
1) they do NOT speak same language
2) spouse overseas knows little English or not at all
3) no communication with spouse's family overseas, only husband wife aint enough for this marriage game
4) spouses not having any education on western canadian culture
5) sponsors not knowing their spouses family culture relgious values
6) sponsors not giving enough time to understand each other and their cultures
7) sponsors not knowing differences between two religions
sponsors just being so desperate to bring someone new to their life from overseas, forgetting about their own back-yard sales (u can find plenty at bars clubs)
9) sponsors not consulting with their families and friends before importing a husband from overseas
10) this one is funny, sponsors and applicants claiming to have been fallen in love before even seeing each other in person

Though they might be easier to digest if worded in a more diplomatic way, I think all of these points are worth seriously considering prior to signing the sponsorship agreement.

 

[heatherusa]

Joecreosta is taking some heat! Well, in general, people who over-generalize leave themselves open to criticism. Nevertheless, I think his posts are making an important point--albeit in a way that is offensive to many. I think it's good for everyone getting married or sponsoring a spouse from abroad to consider the points laid out in his posts. I have met many people in long-lasting relationships with partners they've met while on holiday or online, but I've also seen many who probably would have benefited from a little shock talk from Joecreosta prior to getting married. Here is what he said in an earlier post (sorry, I am new to forums and I don't know how to make it appear in a separate box):

Here's the issue for the innocent Canadians when they fall in love with their spouses over the internet.
1) they do NOT speak same language
2) spouse overseas knows little English or not at all
3) no communication with spouse's family overseas, only husband wife aint enough for this marriage game
4) spouses not having any education on western canadian culture
5) sponsors not knowing their spouses family culture relgious values
6) sponsors not giving enough time to understand each other and their cultures
7) sponsors not knowing differences between two religions
sponsors just being so desperate to bring someone new to their life from overseas, forgetting about their own back-yard sales (u can find plenty at bars clubs)
9) sponsors not consulting with their families and friends before importing a husband from overseas
10) this one is funny, sponsors and applicants claiming to have been fallen in love before even seeing each other in person

If you were to re-word this list in a more diplomatic way, I think all of these points are worth seriously considering prior to signing the sponsorship agreement.

I think the issue with the post is not the points, but the statement "Here's the issue for the innocent, rather stupid Canadians when they fall in love with their spouses over the internet."


These broad generalizations about people of different races and ethnic backgrounds, about "stupid" women and "dishonest" Moroccans and "rude" french Canadians are what have irritated people on this forum to a great extent. Many of us go to great lengths to be mindful of others feelings and others feel that they can say what they want and as long as they say "sorry if I offended anyone" when it is clearly evident that they do not care that they offend others.

Joe's post actually started off great, and then he messed it up by calling Canadian women stupid, suggesting that the only relationships that are genuine are Canadian/American and that internet relationships aren't real because the people have never met in person (some people have enough intelligence, compassion, feeling and emotion to fall in love with someone for their personality and not the physicality).

Iarblue is right.... Joe would have less of a problem if he could learn to word his posts so they were not inflammatory, rude to certain groups of people and based in some real facts, because then when he actually makes a worthwhile post, like how this one started , people would get a lot more out of it than just a deeper look at his true personality.


Reegs: I absolutely agree that the points are worth looking at... and people need to be more aware of their choices, and responsible for those choices instead of blaming others. Meeting someone in a bar down the street can be just as risky as meeting the towel boy in a resort. Common sense needs to be put in to play.

 

[GTWifey]

Joe I dont think your comments were racist.

I just agee that if the Sponsor falls head of heels in love with a stranger across the world & gets USED for PR status, then he/she should NOT blame the Canadian government entirely for their downfall. CIC takes strict measures to screen each application/relationship for the exact reasons you mention. Otherwise, we would all have our spouses beside us right now.

Love is blind & the truth hurts. It doesnt matter what foreign country a Canadian travels to; from the Middle East to Asia to Africa & the Caribbean; as a foreigner you WILL find LOVE if thats what your looking for. No problem!!!!!!! In you that person will see opportunity & a better life in Canada. They will also tell you anything and everything to steal your heart & get there. If you are in a foreign country getting married then you instantly become a celebrity for these reasons!!!! Only few in that country will disapprove of the marriage. Trust me, they will congratulate the nonforeigner for more reasons than one. . .

Thats just reality.

ON a BRIGHTER note, I think its unfortunate that we often hear just about the 'convenience cases' more so than the ones that end up successful. If youve found true love then thats great!!!! There are also a lot of genuine applications like mine where Ive known my spouse since childhood. SO I'm positive that there are many couples that reunite in Canada & stay together. I would be anxious to learn if CIC conducts a survey to find out if these marriages do last 5-10 years down the road. . .

Perhaps we can gear this thread into hearing more about those POSITVE stories

 

[EaSt CoAsT GiRl]

Joe I dont think your comments were racist.

I just agee that if the Sponsor falls head of heels in love with a stranger across the world & gets USED for PR status, then he/she should NOT blame the Canadian government entirely for their downfall. CIC takes strict measures to screen each application/relationship for the exact reasons you mention. Otherwise, we would all have our spouses beside us right now.

Love is blind & the truth hurts. It doesnt matter what foreign country a Canadian travels to; from the Middle East to Asia to Africa & the Caribbean; as a foreigner you WILL find LOVE if thats what your looking for. No problem!!!!!!! In you that person will see opportunity & a better life in Canada. They will also tell you anything and everything to steal your heart & get there. If you are in a foreign country getting married then you instantly become a celebrity for these reasons!!!! Only few in that country will disapprove of the marriage. Trust me, they will congratulate the nonforeigner for more reasons than one. . .

Thats just reality.

ON a BRIGHTER note, I think its unfortunate that we often hear just about the 'convenience cases' more so than the ones that end up successful. If youve found true love then thats great!!!! There are also a lot of genuine applications like mine where Ive known my spouse since childhood. SO I'm positive that there are many couples that reunite in Canada & stay together. I would be anxious to learn if CIC conducts a survey to find out if these marriages do last 5-10 years down the road. . .

Perhaps we can gear this thread into hearing more about those POSITVE stories

I agree 100% that the governement should not ever be blamed for the people that end up being used so their spouse can gain PR in Canada. I do disagree however with the statement that "as a foreigner you WILL find LOVE if thats what your looking for. No problem!!!!!!! In you that person will see opportunity & a better life in Canada." I was on a family vacation with my daughters and mother, just ended a 5 year relationship 3 months prior to meeting my current husband and was in NO way looking for love. It just happened, over a few month period.

I am so fed up with people assuming if you met your spouse while on vacation that they are using you to gain entry to Canada. YES we all know that happens, it doesn't always turn out with a happily ever after ending, but it most certainly does a lot of the time! Just becuase you grew up with someone does not mean they are any less likely to hurt or use you in some way, it happens every day to all walks of life, from all parts of the world!

 

[reegs]

"Just becuase you grew up with someone does not mean they are any less likely to hurt or use you in some way, it happens every day to all walks of life, from all parts of the world!"

I disagree with this statement. I think that when Canadians marry someone they've met on holiday or online the risk is much greater. Again, that's just my opinion based on people I've met and I don't have any statistical evidence to support it. I think that the risk is automatically higher when someone is out of their normal everyday environment. It is harder to pick up on cues that would normally tell you that a person is risky when you don't even know what the cues are. This is compounded when a language barrier is involved.

 

[GTWifey]

And I stand by each word EastGirl.

Reality hurts. Truth hurts. If these quick marriages were not flagged by CIC in the past as often turning into 'convenience marriages' then the process of screening/approving each Principal applicant wouldnt be so strict. Period.

It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages. If you hardly know the person then LIVING with them after sponsorship will prove to be even more difficult.


With reference to my situation, we (my entire family) have known my spouse since he was a child. My mother grew up in his mother's house. . .thats how close BOTH families are. The bond between both families was established long before I was born. Sure, in the span of knowing him for decades we have both hurt each other. Thats what makes our marriage strong today!

I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

 

[EaSt CoAsT GiRl]

I didn't say the risk wasn't greater when you meet and marry someone from another country. What I said was you can grow up with someone and still have them hurt/use you in some way. Just because you think you know someone because you have known them a very long time, doesn't mean it can't happen to them too.

And, why does everyone seem to assume there are always language barriers in all relationships where one person is from "here" and the other is from overseas?!

 

[EaSt CoAsT GiRl]

Why do you automatically assume that because someone marries someone from another country that they don't know each other?? No, they may not see each other every day, but they certainly talk every day!! Being able to talk on the telephone in my experience is a great way to get to know someone, you don't have anything to distract you from the conversation. I also go spend 3 weeks with my husband every few months, during which time we are together 24/7. If you can't get to know someone during those visits, you have a real issue!

As I said in a previous post, I am not naive...I am well educated and know these scams do occur on a regular basis, but I also know that us STUPID CANADIAN WOMEN marry men from such places as the Dominican Republic and those marriages OFTEN last for years! Look at how many Canadians married to Canadians end in divorce even though they saw each other every day and knew each other very well!

Also, as I said before...I do not think those being scammed should blame the government for that...they know what they are getting into and the risks they are taking. IF they don't know the risks, than in my opinion these are the people that will allow themselves to be used and taken advantage of by fellow Canadians as well.

 

[EaSt CoAsT GiRl]

And I stand by each word EastGirl.

Reality hurts. Truth hurts. If these quick marriages were not flagged by CIC in the past as often turning into 'convenience marriages' then the process of screening/approving each Principal applicant wouldnt be so strict. Period.

It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages. If you hardly know the person then LIVING with them after sponsorship will prove to be even more difficult.


With reference to my situation, we (my entire family) have known my spouse since he was a child. My mother grew up in his mother's house. . .thats how close BOTH families are. The bond between both families was established long before I was born. Sure, in the span of knowing him for decades we have both hurt each other. Thats what makes our marriage strong today!

I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.


One more thing...what makes you think all of these marriages are "quick"?? Some of these men and women are in long distance relationships for years before getting married. From what I have been reading, too many people on here are quick to judge and stereotype based on where a person is from. Why not judge based on knowledge of the individual and not the country they are from?! And YES, I know some countries have higher rates of scams than others, but it doesn't mean that every person from that country is out to do harm!