Love or Opportunity? Coffee Social

[amikety]

Yes, yes it is. And you folks are an amazing part of me growing during this phase of my life. If I can handle this, especially with the grace you all have, I can handle anything. My fiance has noticed the change in me. So thanks again ever so.

True, true.

I've found supportive groups of women to be very empowering. It's like having your own cheer leading squad. (Halfy gets my vote for captain!). It was the best thing for me when I got divorced for sure.

 

[Koukla74]

Thank you, for the warm welcome. I had meet my husband while on vacation 2010, we exchanged phone numbers before I left his country. We spoke everyday from that point on... I went to visit him once again in his country and spent a few days with him and him only, I didn't meet his family. Actual to this day, I have never met his family. He asked if he could come visit me in Canada for a vacation . He came for 3 weeks, I realized at this time he had a lot of friends here in Canada. He went back to his country we continued to talk. A month later he moved to Canada and our relationship was blossoming. A year later September 2011 we got married. December 2011, we did our Immigration paper work. Till now I thought everything was great, I was happy I thought he was happy! Yes, he went out with friends, did odd jobs to keep his from going crazy! I always ask question about his outings and he would get very defensive. February of this year, he came home with a truck. Told me it was his friends truck, thought nothing of it. From this time forward he is only home now about 3-6 times a month. I ask questions and it turns into an argument. About two months ago, found out the owner of the truck. Did my research, then found a picture of them on Facebook together! As I looked deeper into her, there was more photo's together. So, at this time it all makes sense to me. I ask questions about his where about and like normal, I don't get an answer and I become very frustrated.
At this time I am completely besides myself, I never been married before, my heart is completely broken. I thought this was a true marriage!

 

[Ms Malawi]

Thank you, for the warm welcome. I had meet my husband while on vacation 2010, we exchanged phone numbers before I left his country. We spoke everyday from that point on... I went to visit him once again in his country and spent a few days with him and him only, I didn't meet his family. Actual to this day, I have never met his family. He asked if he could come visit me in Canada for a vacation . He came for 3 weeks, I realized at this time he had a lot of friends here in Canada. He went back to his country we continued to talk. A month later he moved to Canada and our relationship was blossoming. A year later September 2011 we got married. December 2011, we did our Immigration paper work. Till now I thought everything was great, I was happy I thought he was happy! Yes, he went out with friends, did odd jobs to keep his from going crazy! I always ask question about his outings and he would get very defensive. February of this year, he came home with a truck. Told me it was his friends truck, thought nothing of it. From this time forward he is only home now about 3-6 times a month. I ask questions and it turns into an argument. About two months ago, found out the owner of the truck. Did my research, then found a picture of them on Facebook together! As I looked deeper into her, there was more photo's together. So, at this time it all makes sense to me. I ask questions about his where about and like normal, I don't get an answer and I become very frustrated.
At this time I am completely besides myself, I never been married before, my heart is completely broken. I thought this was a true marriage!

You will find some of us have been through something similar or had similar fears at points in our relationships. To be heartbroken is tough, especailly when you are the one who was used and left behind. True marriages do exist, but sometimes we miss out on them and get caught up in the romance of it all. Consider yourself lucky to find out all about this now and have time to move on with your life. Trust me there is a guy out there who will love you for you and forever. I went through something kinda like this years ago, and with a few scars (imperfections) I found my prince charming. It will never be easy but there will always be a support group for you.

 

[Ms Malawi]

It's like having your own cheer leading squad. (Halfy gets my vote for captain!).

I second that!!!

 

[Ms Malawi]

Yes, yes it is. And you folks are an amazing part of me growing during this phase of my life. If I can handle this, especially with the grace you all have, I can handle anything. My fiance has noticed the change in me. So thanks again ever so.

Just remember Blueangel that you contribute to all of us by sharing your story and by being part of the conversation. You cheer us on when we need it.. and I am really thinking the cheer squad is a great idea!!!

 

[amikety]

Thank you, for the warm welcome. I had meet my husband while on vacation 2010, we exchanged phone numbers before I left his country. We spoke everyday from that point on... I went to visit him once again in his country and spent a few days with him and him only, I didn't meet his family. Actual to this day, I have never met his family. He asked if he could come visit me in Canada for a vacation . He came for 3 weeks, I realized at this time he had a lot of friends here in Canada. He went back to his country we continued to talk. A month later he moved to Canada and our relationship was blossoming. A year later September 2011 we got married. December 2011, we did our Immigration paper work. Till now I thought everything was great, I was happy I thought he was happy! Yes, he went out with friends, did odd jobs to keep his from going crazy! I always ask question about his outings and he would get very defensive. February of this year, he came home with a truck. Told me it was his friends truck, thought nothing of it. From this time forward he is only home now about 3-6 times a month. I ask questions and it turns into an argument. About two months ago, found out the owner of the truck. Did my research, then found a picture of them on Facebook together! As I looked deeper into her, there was more photo's together. So, at this time it all makes sense to me. I ask questions about his where about and like normal, I don't get an answer and I become very frustrated.
At this time I am completely besides myself, I never been married before, my heart is completely broken. I thought this was a true marriage!

I'm sorry to hear that. I see a lot of red flags in your story, even subtle ones like having a lot of friends already here. That's a desire to want to come to Canada regardless of a spouse.

If you have time, consider hiring a PI. If not, you can withdraw the application.

But really it's best to find these things out before its too late.

*hugs*

 

[Maddants]

Thank you, for the warm welcome. I had meet my husband while on vacation 2010, we exchanged phone numbers before I left his country. We spoke everyday from that point on... I went to visit him once again in his country and spent a few days with him and him only, I didn't meet his family. Actual to this day, I have never met his family. He asked if he could come visit me in Canada for a vacation . He came for 3 weeks, I realized at this time he had a lot of friends here in Canada. He went back to his country we continued to talk. A month later he moved to Canada and our relationship was blossoming. A year later September 2011 we got married. December 2011, we did our Immigration paper work. Till now I thought everything was great, I was happy I thought he was happy! Yes, he went out with friends, did odd jobs to keep his from going crazy! I always ask question about his outings and he would get very defensive. February of this year, he came home with a truck. Told me it was his friends truck, thought nothing of it. From this time forward he is only home now about 3-6 times a month. I ask questions and it turns into an argument. About two months ago, found out the owner of the truck. Did my research, then found a picture of them on Facebook together! As I looked deeper into her, there was more photo's together. So, at this time it all makes sense to me. I ask questions about his where about and like normal, I don't get an answer and I become very frustrated.
At this time I am completely besides myself, I never been married before, my heart is completely broken. I thought this was a true marriage!

hey there Kouikia how are u doing today..........im very sorry to hear about what happened to you....if i was like you i would withdraw the application before he get his residency...they made a new law that he will have to stay with you for 2 yrs before he become a permanent resident and if he mess up they will take it back from him so that part is in your favor....but he had a visa to come visit you in canada...i think you should of just keep letting him visit you until the visa would be up.once he said that he had alot of friends there in canada already.....that should be a red flag but it done already....just with draw back your application and run him out of your life....i know it hard nut you have to do what right for you.....hope this advice help you out

 

[Halfmoon]

**nom nom nom**


mmmmmm Ceasar salad and spicey chicken tenders - someone took the honey garlic I ordered.

OMG, have you ever sneezed when you had food in your mouth? :-X I need to run to the store and get kleenex to keep them on my desk :-X

Lunas, that's why we love you. You are so cute in your own way. Here let me help you, I got you some bounty.
Yesterday, you were my cheerleading squad in full effect when I had to light a match under a few butts however made sure it wasn't close to yours as we understand it was a bit windy after the bean episode.

Waffles and cheese omelette, his specialty

In reality, he's not much of a cook (he's admitted that!) but neither am I!! Though I'm a darn good baker

Parker, don't hold back, we'd love to have some of your treats.

Hey eveybody,
I promise. No waves today. I talked to my fiance and he was quite pleased with me for standing up for myself ( one of the first times in my whole life. As stated above, I just didn't like the illusions posted. : Saying arrogant or bigheaded was the appropriate thing to say. Which was the point I was trying to make. I'm sorry if it seemed I was getting on a soapbox. But I have dealt with with insults and ridicule my whole life.
That said, I really enjoy threads such as this one. and I feel acepted here. It's almost as if I'm with you guys. I get to laugh just reading the posts. I'm learning a lot already. Though I have not filed yet, I know what to expect and how to deal with things. I'm already counting the days until I hear "welcome to Canada" and i can stay with my love forever. Hugs to everyone here. Thank you so much. I will see him tonight after returning to the states for some personal stuff. I have told him about this forum and you guys and gals and he thanks you too.

Blueangel, You Go Girl!!! Did we leave out the part that "the soapbox" podium is a part of this thread? Your fiance is a very lucky man in many ways more than one.

I did this eating spicy salsa one time... can I just say my nose was on fire for the whole day!!!

Mameelynn, that's as bad as the salsa going down the wrong pipe (throat)!!!

Yes. And reading this made me choke on my water. Thanks for that!

Lunas, pass Amaranth some of the bounty will ya?

I've found supportive groups of women to be very empowering. It's like having your own cheer leading squad. (Halfy gets my vote for captain!). It was the best thing for me when I got divorced for sure.

Amikety, what can I say....your creative juices started our wonderful Coffee Social. You're so supportive to us all. Your awesomeness is so awesome. As for being captain, well we are all captains in our own right. Did the image of my heart shape buttocks get you accepted yet?? Let me know, as I can spice it up with a real high thong as a second attempt if necessary.

I second that!!!

Ms Malawi, you were one of the first to inspire me personally to build on this thread. Look at the amazing outcome???

Thank you, for the warm welcome. I had meet my husband while on vacation 2010, we exchanged phone numbers before I left his country. We spoke everyday from that point on... I went to visit him once again in his country and spent a few days with him and him only, I didn't meet his family. Actual to this day, I have never met his family. He asked if he could come visit me in Canada for a vacation . He came for 3 weeks, I realized at this time he had a lot of friends here in Canada. He went back to his country we continued to talk. A month later he moved to Canada and our relationship was blossoming. A year later September 2011 we got married. December 2011, we did our Immigration paper work. Till now I thought everything was great, I was happy I thought he was happy! Yes, he went out with friends, did odd jobs to keep his from going crazy! I always ask question about his outings and he would get very defensive. February of this year, he came home with a truck. Told me it was his friends truck, thought nothing of it. From this time forward he is only home now about 3-6 times a month. I ask questions and it turns into an argument. About two months ago, found out the owner of the truck. Did my research, then found a picture of them on Facebook together! As I looked deeper into her, there was more photo's together. So, at this time it all makes sense to me. I ask questions about his where about and like normal, I don't get an answer and I become very frustrated.
At this time I am completely besides myself, I never been married before, my heart is completely broken. I thought this was a true marriage!

Koukla, I feel and empathize with your pain and hurt. There's nothing in this world that could possibly hurt more than when someone uses and abuses you....especially someone who you love so much.

I promise you one thing here and you may not see it today, tomorrow or even the next while, but I can assure you that when you've gained the courage to walk away from this situation, he's going to grovel in ways an earthworm couldn't ever imagine. Don't even try to comprehend the situation or make sense out of it as I know that is what's running through your mind every minute of the day. Why and how could he do this to you? You've done so much for him and you love him so. How could anyone be so inhumane and not give you what you are deserving of. One day hopefully sooner rather than later, you'll wake up and say to yourself "Koukla, it doesn't matter why any more. The closure isn't even important. Only thing that matters is that I get the hell out of this asap. Not another second, not another minute. Run as if it's all you have to save your own life." At this time, your "true self" will take over and gradually gain the confidence, strength to build back what was stolen and broken.

He has crossed the line here. Could you ever possibly trust him again and live peacefully within your own spirit. I highly doubt it. We don't need to point out the signs as you already know them. I'm sorry you are going through this. You know what you need to do. You simply need to find the courage to write that email to CIC or pick up the phone. On the day you do, it will be the first day for the rest of your life.

 

[Merlyns_Tim]

Thank you, for the warm welcome. I had meet my husband while on vacation 2010, we exchanged phone numbers before I left his country. We spoke everyday from that point on... I went to visit him once again in his country and spent a few days with him and him only, I didn't meet his family. Actual to this day, I have never met his family. He asked if he could come visit me in Canada for a vacation . He came for 3 weeks, I realized at this time he had a lot of friends here in Canada. He went back to his country we continued to talk. A month later he moved to Canada and our relationship was blossoming. A year later September 2011 we got married. December 2011, we did our Immigration paper work. Till now I thought everything was great, I was happy I thought he was happy! Yes, he went out with friends, did odd jobs to keep his from going crazy! I always ask question about his outings and he would get very defensive. February of this year, he came home with a truck. Told me it was his friends truck, thought nothing of it. From this time forward he is only home now about 3-6 times a month. I ask questions and it turns into an argument. About two months ago, found out the owner of the truck. Did my research, then found a picture of them on Facebook together! As I looked deeper into her, there was more photo's together. So, at this time it all makes sense to me. I ask questions about his where about and like normal, I don't get an answer and I become very frustrated.
At this time I am completely besides myself, I never been married before, my heart is completely broken. I thought this was a true marriage!

Greetings Koukla74 and welcome to the forums,

I'm a bit of a newbie in here myself, though both my wife and I have been reading what ever we thought might apply to or help us on the Manila part of the forum for quite some time.
I'm really sorry to read what happened, but as someone else mentioned there should have been a few red flags (the one about not meeting any of his family would have been a big one for me). Love can be sort of blind and I know you probably look back now and say to yourself you should have picked up on a few of those flags.

I think we've all been though heart break at one time or another and can sympathize with how you're feeling and what you're going through right now. You've been used and that really leaves a bad feeling that's hard to get over. Personally speaking I'd rather be angry than hurt about something like that. More people should have a chance to read some of the really good things to watch out for or what would send up red flags, such as are in this very thread.

You're not the only one to ever make a mistake in judgement however. Most of us who have survived a bad marriage in the past, ... whether to a domestic, or an import, know we've made them too. All we can do is learn from our mistakes and try to keep going.
I don't know what you're options are but too bad he didn't get one of those new PR cards with the 2 year probation. They are a great idea that was just implemented too late to help some, but should help countless others in the future.

 

[Halfmoon]

Greetings Koukla74 and welcome to the forums,


... whether to a domestic, or an import,

Love it for jumping right in!!

Import - HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Like!! Well I like mine with lots of horse power.

 

[Merlyns_Tim]

Love it for jumping right in!!

Import - HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Like!! Well I like mine with lots of horse power.

You and me both Halfmoon hahaha ;D

 

[Koukla74]

hey there Kouikia how are u doing today..........im very sorry to hear about what happened to you....if i was like you i would withdraw the application before he get his residency...they made a new law that he will have to stay with you for 2 yrs before he become a permanent resident and if he mess up they will take it back from him so that part is in your favor....but he had a visa to come visit you in canada...i think you should of just keep letting him visit you until the visa would be up.once he said that he had alot of friends there in canada already.....that should be a red flag but it done already....just with draw back your application and run him out of your life....i know it hard nut you have to do what right for you.....hope this advice help you out

Thank you, for the kind words!

 

[Koukla74]

Love it for jumping right in!!

Import - HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Like!! Well I like mine with lots of horse power.

My question to all is, can this be a marriage Fraud? What steps can I take for him not to do this again to another person?

 

[Ms Malawi]

You and me both Halfmoon hahaha ;D

Seems to be a common theme with the imports!

 

[Ms Malawi]

I have to say I wish I had a forum like this when I when I was going through my difficult time. The advice that is here is real and is helpful to those who need it. Even though my life is in a different place now I am still getting pointers and that little "reassurance" my partner is who i think he is.. even if he does need to go through the 5 layers of the atmosphere somedays in his astronaut pants!

So thank you to everyone for your advice, support, laughs and tears.

Halfmoon - you are right we are all leaders.. but I defnitiely think your heart-shaped bottom was the detail that sealed the deal! I know if mine was that precise I would be falling off my chair quite a bit more than I do now in laughter!