Some people believe that for a hobby to be enjoyable, it needs to be difficult. Do you agree or disagree?
In the contemporary world, entertainments become an essential element to fuel the daily-run of human life; however, the desired outcome of these activities is calibrated by their difficulties. As some people assume, despite the availability of merely dared activities, an increased challenge of hobbies generally persuades people to adopt, due to the devotion of time and efforts. To remember the enjoyment, throughout my lifetime, I entirely agree that hobbies should be contested.
No need for the first part of the sentence; the reasons for you agreeing should be mentioned in the introduction. So for band 7 and above you should say something like “In my opinion, hobbies should indeed be challenging, since those enable personal growth, as well as are more memorable”.
Firstly, by nature, human beings are always evolved with challenges
; as a result a simple “and” would be enough, hobbies are no exception from the rule. Even though effortless entertainments such as watching a web-series, listening to soothing music are available
“to a wider audience“, “practically to everyone“... ,
vast people tend to enjoy the value-added, yet complicated hobbies widely. Leisure activities like mountain trekking, Touring around the countries are
an example
s of some holidays of a lifetime, such activities heavily Influence
the people's busy life
influence how?. Being provided their determination, enthusiasm, and efforts
(i.e. Money, time),
in terms of money and time challengers extremely value the highly braved activities.
You start with a statement that challenges help us to grow, then you end up saying people like hiking. To score 7 you should’ve devoted this paragraph to explaining how exactly challenging tasks enable our development. Like saying difficult hobbies enforce us do something new every time, something we don’t do at our regular job, or that they teach us be insisting, not to give up etc. You’re lacking supports to your main idea here.
Secondly, the outcome of complicated hobbies distinct from the degree of pleasure over
fewer effort more effortless relaxations. "
Challenging hobbies emerge people to be contented and refreshed" John Fossin, professor of psychology at the University of California, Inspirational leisure's equips people with confidence, thereby providing attainment over the completion of the task, he added. You shouldn’t do this on IELTS Furthermore, daily hobbies, which failed to impact memories of persons, are generally repeatable and easily accessible, but skill-required time-passes are special because of its uniqueness, and complications. Therefore, it will be remembered during the lifespan.
The same here, you start with one idea and end up with something else.
To summarize,
In conclusion or to conclude - use those two if you need 7 and above, key elements of hobbies are to make performers contented during not only activities but also the post flourishing memories. Since sufficient hard-activities consume their time duration and occur expenses to them, naturally, people contribute more dedication to succeed it. Consequently, succeeding in the difficulties pays them off with rewards of happiness and refreshments. Therefore, I support that the more the complications in hobbies are more enjoyed and cherished.
Your conclusion is too long for IELTS, read others’ conclusions to get to know the recommended format.
@cansha @marosa