There are basic issues with this essay. For example the first line of introduction adds no value. BP1 is much longer than BP2, even though BP2 is the para where you "agree" to a view point. Forget the essay for a moment - tell me what you want to say in 3-4 bullet points. Let's learn to think about a topic.
IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.
- Thread starter H0peAndFa1th
- Start date
You have quoted various time about the background statement (first time). Can you tell me is it not necessary or there is an issue with my sentence?
I don't know why my mind often gets stuck in explaining a point.
For anyone can create art: practice, devotion
Only special people can do: Born talent, natural expertise
That was definitely not the first time Cansha or me or someone else on this thread insists that there is no need for a general line in the intro. Secondly, that is not your background statement, your background statement came afterwards: https://ieltsliz.com/background-statement-practice/
I’m doing your job here, but here are some of the reviews with that same comment, please notice how many times you didn’t pay attention to the suggestion and kept doing the same thing.
https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-90#post-7568485
1.2, BUT even if your background statement is too short you can’t use just any general statement about how since the dawn of time people have been involved in art, or how the technological revolution has brought tremendous changes to our lives. Maybe it would be a better idea to state that art is a common practice at schools or that especially with the internet basically anyone nowadays can get involved in learning and practicing arts. And then you could switch to the statement saying that at the same time, some argue that art is not for everyone bla bla bla
Some people believe that for a hobby to be enjoyable, it needs to be difficult. Do you agree or disagree?
In the contemporary world, entertainments become an essential element to fuel the daily-run of human life; however, the desired outcome of these activities is calibrated by their difficulties. As some people assume, despite the availability of merely dared activities, an increased challenge of hobbies generally persuades people to adopt, due to the devotion of time and efforts. To remember the enjoyment, throughout my lifetime, I entirely agree that hobbies should be contested.
Firstly, by nature, human beings are always evolved with challenges; as a result, hobbies are no exception from the rule. Even though effortless entertainments such as watching a web-series, listening to soothing music are available, vast people tend to enjoy the value-added, yet complicated hobbies widely. Leisure activities like mountain trekking, Touring around the countries are examples of some holidays of a lifetime, such activities heavily Influence the people's busy life. Being provided their determination, enthusiasm, and efforts (i.e. Money, time), challengers extremely value the highly braved activities.
Secondly, the outcome of complicated hobbies distinct from the degree of pleasure over fewer effort relaxations. "Challenging hobbies emerge people to be contented and refreshed" John Fossin, professor of psychology at the University of California, Inspirational leisure's equips people with confidence, thereby providing attainment over the completion of the task, he added. Furthermore, daily hobbies, which failed to impact memories of persons, are generally repeatable and easily accessible, but skill-required time-passes are special because of its uniqueness, and complications. Therefore, it will be remembered during the lifespan.
To summarize, key elements of hobbies are to make performers contented during not only activities but also the post flourishing memories. Since sufficient hard-activities consume their time duration and occur expenses to them, naturally, people contribute more dedication to succeed it. Consequently, succeeding in the difficulties pays them off with rewards of happiness and refreshments. Therefore, I support that the more the complications in hobbies are more enjoyed and cherished.
@cansha @marosa
In the contemporary world, entertainments become an essential element to fuel the daily-run of human life; however, the desired outcome of these activities is calibrated by their difficulties. As some people assume, despite the availability of merely dared activities, an increased challenge of hobbies generally persuades people to adopt, due to the devotion of time and efforts. To remember the enjoyment, throughout my lifetime, I entirely agree that hobbies should be contested.
Firstly, by nature, human beings are always evolved with challenges; as a result, hobbies are no exception from the rule. Even though effortless entertainments such as watching a web-series, listening to soothing music are available, vast people tend to enjoy the value-added, yet complicated hobbies widely. Leisure activities like mountain trekking, Touring around the countries are examples of some holidays of a lifetime, such activities heavily Influence the people's busy life. Being provided their determination, enthusiasm, and efforts (i.e. Money, time), challengers extremely value the highly braved activities.
Secondly, the outcome of complicated hobbies distinct from the degree of pleasure over fewer effort relaxations. "Challenging hobbies emerge people to be contented and refreshed" John Fossin, professor of psychology at the University of California, Inspirational leisure's equips people with confidence, thereby providing attainment over the completion of the task, he added. Furthermore, daily hobbies, which failed to impact memories of persons, are generally repeatable and easily accessible, but skill-required time-passes are special because of its uniqueness, and complications. Therefore, it will be remembered during the lifespan.
To summarize, key elements of hobbies are to make performers contented during not only activities but also the post flourishing memories. Since sufficient hard-activities consume their time duration and occur expenses to them, naturally, people contribute more dedication to succeed it. Consequently, succeeding in the difficulties pays them off with rewards of happiness and refreshments. Therefore, I support that the more the complications in hobbies are more enjoyed and cherished.
@cansha @marosa
Hey guys! I'd appreciate if you could review and rate my essay:
In the past, photography was used to real people and places; however, because of technology, today you cannot trust what you see.
Is it a negative or positive aspect of development?
Recent improvements in technology have altered the common sense about the originality of pictures. While this development can be advantageous in different aspects, I believe that its several drawbacks for the society prevail over the benefits.
On the one hand, advances in photography have provided amateurs and professionals with a variety of tools that can be utilized to increase the quality of their photos. Firstly, upgraded cameras are taking pictures with increased frame rate, which result in a more suitable selection of photos in high speed events like sports. Secondly, there are numerous software packages that can assist people to edit their pictures in a more convenient way. For instance, red eye spots or unexpected pedestrians in a family photo could easily be removed in a computer application, such as Photoshop. Finally, expert photographers are now capable of using special effects on their work related photos, thus they can enhance the effectiveness of their published report in a newspaper or a magazine.
On the other hand, I would argue that these alterations are unrealistic and original pictures are of higher value to the society. Today, edited pictures are vastly used in spreading fake news and false data. As a result, we cannot distinguish between right and wrong, and society suffers from the dishonest information that some news agencies demonstrate. Moreover, many imaginary pictures are increasingly produced and misused to increase superstition, especially amongst less developed nations. Lastly, because we cannot trust photos anymore, photography has lost its position as an artistic talent; therefore, many individuals are losing their jobs and unfortunately the unemployment rate increases.
In conclusion, technological developments in photography can be beneficial, however, the negative aspects of these developments outweigh the advantages.
In the past, photography was used to real people and places; however, because of technology, today you cannot trust what you see.
Is it a negative or positive aspect of development?
Recent improvements in technology have altered the common sense about the originality of pictures. While this development can be advantageous in different aspects, I believe that its several drawbacks for the society prevail over the benefits.
On the one hand, advances in photography have provided amateurs and professionals with a variety of tools that can be utilized to increase the quality of their photos. Firstly, upgraded cameras are taking pictures with increased frame rate, which result in a more suitable selection of photos in high speed events like sports. Secondly, there are numerous software packages that can assist people to edit their pictures in a more convenient way. For instance, red eye spots or unexpected pedestrians in a family photo could easily be removed in a computer application, such as Photoshop. Finally, expert photographers are now capable of using special effects on their work related photos, thus they can enhance the effectiveness of their published report in a newspaper or a magazine.
On the other hand, I would argue that these alterations are unrealistic and original pictures are of higher value to the society. Today, edited pictures are vastly used in spreading fake news and false data. As a result, we cannot distinguish between right and wrong, and society suffers from the dishonest information that some news agencies demonstrate. Moreover, many imaginary pictures are increasingly produced and misused to increase superstition, especially amongst less developed nations. Lastly, because we cannot trust photos anymore, photography has lost its position as an artistic talent; therefore, many individuals are losing their jobs and unfortunately the unemployment rate increases.
In conclusion, technological developments in photography can be beneficial, however, the negative aspects of these developments outweigh the advantages.
Many animals today are being hunted to the point of extinction. What can be done to tackle this problem?
Around the world, the passion and need for killing animals is growing rapidly. Many animals are at times being hunted for glory and others are being hunted for medical needs. There are a number of ways through which such severe shooting can be reduced like banning illegal hunting through the high fines and implementing strict standard operating procedures for need-based hunting.
To begin with, one way through which the local authorities can tackle the problem of excessive animal killing is by imposing heavy fines. One of the common reasons why people like killing such innocent creatures is that they are driven by their passion, hence, putting fine on them will slow their passion. A perfect example in this context is from Gilgit Baltistan region of Pakistan where foreigners have to pay up to $50,000 bounty for hunting the Himalayan IBEX, one of the rare creatures to be found in this region of the world. The Government of Pakistan then utilizes this money on uplifting the region and a part of it is also dedicated on sustaining the generation of the IBEX.
Another way through which the wildlife can be saved from being extinct is by implementing a strict level of standard operating procedures for medical need based killing. As private medicine manufacturing firms are growing, they are killing more than required to accelerate their production level. Here, every firm requesting for need-based killing must ensure that they will follow SOPs. There should be no relaxation in this regard by the authorities ensuring that procedures are being followed. Moreover, the procedures should be supported by law so that lawbreakers can be heavily penalized for disturbing the ecosystem by killing more than the required numbers.
To conclude, the local authorities can control passion-based animal killing by imposing heavy fines and similarly, killing for medical purposes must be monitored strictly so that no one is allowed to exceed from their need.
@cansha @marosa
Around the world, the passion and need for killing animals is growing rapidly. Many animals are at times being hunted for glory and others are being hunted for medical needs. There are a number of ways through which such severe shooting can be reduced like banning illegal hunting through the high fines and implementing strict standard operating procedures for need-based hunting.
To begin with, one way through which the local authorities can tackle the problem of excessive animal killing is by imposing heavy fines. One of the common reasons why people like killing such innocent creatures is that they are driven by their passion, hence, putting fine on them will slow their passion. A perfect example in this context is from Gilgit Baltistan region of Pakistan where foreigners have to pay up to $50,000 bounty for hunting the Himalayan IBEX, one of the rare creatures to be found in this region of the world. The Government of Pakistan then utilizes this money on uplifting the region and a part of it is also dedicated on sustaining the generation of the IBEX.
Another way through which the wildlife can be saved from being extinct is by implementing a strict level of standard operating procedures for medical need based killing. As private medicine manufacturing firms are growing, they are killing more than required to accelerate their production level. Here, every firm requesting for need-based killing must ensure that they will follow SOPs. There should be no relaxation in this regard by the authorities ensuring that procedures are being followed. Moreover, the procedures should be supported by law so that lawbreakers can be heavily penalized for disturbing the ecosystem by killing more than the required numbers.
To conclude, the local authorities can control passion-based animal killing by imposing heavy fines and similarly, killing for medical purposes must be monitored strictly so that no one is allowed to exceed from their need.
@cansha @marosa
To conclude, I believe that hobbies with a certain level of difficulty are highly beneficial due to their favorable impact on people’s development, as well as the positive memories they give rise to. - such a simple conclusion is enough for band 7
Hi!Many animals today are being hunted to the point of extinction. What can be done to tackle this problem?
Around the world, the passion and need for killing animals is growing rapidly. Many animals are at times being hunted for glory and others are being hunted for medical needs. Explain why you need this sentence please There are a number of ways through which such severe shooting this wording should be replaced can be reduced like too informal- such as or including banning illegal hunting through the high fines and implementing strict standard operating procedures for need-based hunting.
To begin with, one way through which the local authorities can tackle the problem of excessive animal killing is by imposing heavy fines. One of the common reasons why people like tend to kill killing such innocent creatures is that they are driven by their passion, hence, putting fine on them will can or may slow their passion reduce the number of such cases. A perfect example in this context is from Gilgit Baltistan region of Pakistan where foreigners have to pay up to $50,000 bounty for hunting the Himalayan IBEX, one of the rare creatures to be found in this region of the world. The Government of Pakistan then utilizes this money on uplifting the region and a part of it is also dedicated on sustaining the generation of the IBEX.
Another way through which the wildlife can be saved from being extinct is by implementing a strict level of standard operating procedures for medical need based killing. As private medicine manufacturing firms are growing, they are killing more than required to accelerate their production levels. Here, every firm requesting for need-based killing must ensure that they will follow SOPs 1. Here - where?, 2. What is SOP? The examiner is not going to google anything for you. There should be no relaxation in this regard by the authorities ensuring that procedures are being followed. Slow downMoreover, the procedures should be supported by law so that lawbreakers can be heavily penalized for disturbing the ecosystem by killing more than the required numbers. You’re missing an example here, maybe naming what kind of animals or production you’re talking about, or maybe you know a recent case how such companies damaged fauna severe
To conclude, the local authorities can control passion-based I’m not sure there’s such a term animal killing by imposing heavy fines and similarly, killing for medical purposes must be monitored strictly so that no one is allowed to exceed from their need.
@cansha @marosa
In general, you should try to sound as neutral as possible in IELTS essays.
The task response and the structure is ok. The one example is ok, except for you telling the examiner that it’s a perfect example))) but you’re missing an example for the second bp.
You had 2 general sentences in the intro, don’t do that on the exam date.
Also, maybe you should be too specific in BP2, because not only pharmaceuticals kill animals, other manufacturers do the same, so maybe you could talk about all, and then talk specifically about pharmaceuticals in the example. Saying “1. manufacturers kill animals for fur, meet etc... 2. as competition gets tougher the number of animals that suffer also increases... 3. high competition in pharmaceutical industry in X country led to Y type of snakes to nearly disappear from that region”. Hope I could explain.
Oh really! Thanks a lot. It was such a relief!
I'll try my best. You've really encouraged me.