IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.
- Thread starter H0peAndFa1th
- Start date
The ritual I would rather use "custom" instead of "ritual"
of having combine meals within families is fading away. I have lost count of number of times either @marosa or I have said that stop this habit of trying to paraphrase every word. You are killing your essay in the first sentence itself. You folks are misunderstanding what "paraphrasing" topic line mean. Also, this habit of trying to show off vocab by using synonym of every possible word is harming you more than helping.
In short "Combine meals" doesn't even mean anything.
This trend is mainly due to busy lifestyle This makes sense and increased financial burden. Okay I'm interested in knowing why?
As a result, the proximity among family members is declining, Makes sense
and health problems are rising. Sounds a far fetching idea straighatway. People are not eating with family but that doesn't mean they aren't eating or eating junk. But let's see how you handle in BPs
The first major contributing factor is the increase in financial responsibilities. Your first sentence in BP1 needs to do more than this. This is a repeat of introduction in a way. Give the reader more context straightaway.
To earn a livelihood, not only do professionals work in anti-social hours, What?
but they also do part-time jobs on weekends. When they spend a significant portion of their daily routines in travelling and working, they left with no option to have lunch or dinner with their families. I kind of get what you are trying to say but it doesn't really come out that way.
Similarly, this industriousness is also narrowing down the availability of leisure time to relax. Consequently, people often socialise with their acquaintances on dining tables in restaurants. By having meals with friends in restaurants, they kill two birds with one stone as they do not have to take out extra time to socialise with companions. Are you using companion as a synonym for Family? I don't know how to make this more clear that such use of vocab and going overboard with trying to find a synonym makes your essay less effective.
Spending less time with imitate family members is increasing distances among them. As they rarely spend time with each other due to busy schedules, the comfort level, and openness to share their issues is decreasing. Fair point. Now see if you can combine these two sentences and decrease the length .. give the same message and also make it more impactful. That would be killing two birds with one stone.
As a result, when people are in hot waters, they often reluctant to express their thoughts, feelings and problems, especially when they are having issues with friends. Not sure how this is on topic.
Even worse, this isolation often generates frustration, which in severe circumstances can lead to depression. Moreover, the ramifications on children’s physical health are also on the rise as, without supervision, they usually spend free time on gadgets and have unhealthy edible items. This is what I call as "overstretching" your argument. No where in your essay you have defined the problem of "not eating with family" = " parents not eating with children". This is out of the blue and out of context.
This behaviour promotes a sedentary lifestyle; therefore, problems like obesity in society is prevailing and creating many other diseases such as diabetics, cardiac arrest and blood pressure. Same issue as above.
To conclude, financial pressure and spending time with friends is resulting in no meal or a few meals with family members. The mental and physical ailment, depression and obesity, have been increasing as a result of this prevailing trend.
I think this essay has been written in a much better way if you just focused on your two ideas.
BP1 Reason for trend -> Need to work more to earn a living
BP2 Impact of trend -> Increasing emotional distance between family numbers.
All that arguments about obesity and all is taking you away from topic.
Hello @cansha
By Anti-social hours, I mean shift work - part-time work - Night/evening shifts.
Socialise with companions, I was trying to refer the time spending with friends, not with family. As they don't have to take out time separately to meet friends. They prefer to have meals with friends so that they can save time for themselves. I am not sure if this makes sense to you or not but this is what it was in my min while writing.
Children, if not having meals with family, means they are not supervised and they might have unhealthy foods.
What could your ideas or bullet points since I tried to find a good essay on this but didn't get any reasonable essay. As some band 9 essays even haven't discussed the impact on society as required in question.
While some people think that genetically modified food is a blessing to the world, others consider it devastating. Since this advancement can help to combat food shortage, I consider it beneficial for the world.
On the one hand, artificially modified grains and plants can result in damage to the ecosystem. This is because they can ward off those animals and birds that naturally feed on them. It can result in the disturbance of the natural food chains and webs as they may not survive for long without their natural food. For instance, it is difficult for honey bees to survive for a long time when they are unable to find nectar from hybrid and genetically modified sunflower plants. However, there is a high probability that the flora and fauna naturally change and start looking for other feeding options to survive.
On the other hand, it is most likely that genetically modified grains, plants, and saplings can help to increase food production, which can help to reduce food shortages. This is because these food grains grow faster than the natural ones, giving more produce to their producers. More production helps in making countries self-sufficient in food production and harvesting, and actively fighting against hunger and malnutrition. India reduced its import and became self-sufficient in pulses recently due to allowing genetically modified agriculture about a decade ago.
In conclusion, even though some people think that the production of more modified grains means more damage to the environment, I think that these grains can help countries to alleviate social problems such as hunger. It is believed that the advancement in research in this field in the future can also reduce the environmental risks as some people think they create.
By Anti-social hours, I mean shift work - part-time work - Night/evening shifts.
I understand that. So, if a person is working in night shift can also not have lunch with family? How much proportion of people are working in night shifts? Are 90% people now working in night shifts or anti social hours?
Socialise with companions, I was trying to refer the time spending with friends, not with family. As they don't have to take out time separately to meet friends. They prefer to have meals with friends so that they can save time for themselves. I am not sure if this makes sense to you or not but this is what it was in my min while writing.
So your argument is people's preference have changed now? They would rather have meals with friends than family?
Children, if not having meals with family, means they are not supervised and they might have unhealthy foods.
Okay so if parents were having meals with Children in say Macdonald's or Pizza hut then? Your argument of bad health is valid but the way it is written it seems like before everything was fine and all these things started just now. You may want to limit your argument to say that some children may face health issues. Some / Most / Many / All qualifiers matter when making an argument.
What could your ideas or bullet points since I tried to find a good essay on this but didn't get any reasonable essay. As some band 9 essays even haven't discussed the impact on society as required in question.
As I said in previous review your ideas are valid (apart from going in to whole obesity, blood pressure thing which for me is an overstretch).
I would follow the same structure
1. BP1 Causes of not eating together: Reasons could be following
- Competitive work culture resulting in longer working hours
- More global work teams. For example I could be based in US but may have calls with Asia and hence need to take calls at my dinner time and their breakfast time.
- Some people may have traveling jobs where they spend whole week away from family - Consultants etc.
- And ofcourse one of your reasons that people may be working on different shifts
Actual reasons don't matter much you can pick a theme and build arguments around that.
2. BP2 impact of not eating together: I would mainly focus on emotional issues around it. There could be many themes
- Like this was the time for the family to sit together and share what happened in their day - that increased connect and bond of family
- Time for parents to connect with children and keep tabs on their academic or sports related progress
- With no time like this emotional distance between children and parents or even spouses could increase .. impact on emotional bonding of families
- May increase emotional stress and cause tensions between spouses or children .. Keyword "may" and not it "will"
You started your BP2 on that theme and you just said openess is decreasing or something. But, you didn't touch upon how? You kind of assume reader knows that eating together meant people were more open before .. but why and how?
For instance if my BP is gonna talk about 2 or 3 benefits, each benefits i consider as one idea. because i can able to develop them further. is that correct?
Good one!! I would give it 7 or above.
Hello there, thanks for the comments,
I thought that new technology is not confined to editing picture only, but also small camera with high resolution, or camera with ability to zoom or etc.
Considering that, the filming will be accessible conveniently.
BTW, I think that you might be right
thanks for the advice
I thought that new technology is not confined to editing picture only, but also small camera with high resolution, or camera with ability to zoom or etc.
Considering that, the filming will be accessible conveniently.
BTW, I think that you might be right
thanks for the advice
Hello guys, I did write an other essay,
kindly let me know what are you thoughts about it
thanks ;-)
@cansha
@marosa
When new towns are planned, it is important to build more public parks or sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some people argue that in planning new cities, building sport complexes and public parks should be prioritized over constructing malls and megastores, thus people utilize their spare time to be more active and healthy. I completely agree with this statement since not only it will promote a healthier lifestyle implicitly, but also it will demote the consumerism habit likewise.
Undoubtedly, urban life has accustomed people to a destructive habit of consumerism, thus, the more we are investing in constructing malls, the more we are pushing citizens towards it. Factually, overspending money on extravagant items, not considering saving as an essential part of life and high amount of waste disposal are detrimental effects of consumerism. Hence, the key factor in encouraging individuals to spend money irrationally, can be investing in megastore. Additionally, being addicted to shop is a newly proposed mental issue of urban lifestyle and psychologists call it shopaholism. Indeed, city planners ought to consider this problem and design a city in a way that people have more exciting option for their leisure time, instead of going straight to shopping malls.
Admittedly, spending leisure time at sport units and public parks is beneficial for mental and physical health of the new city habitats. In fact, when these infrastructures are available, people are able to use them conveniently and at a reasonable price. Therefore sedentary lifestyle and consequently population obesity will be resolved in a long term run. Moreover, when citizens utilize these facilities for regular exercise like walking, it will improve overall mental health of an individual. As a matter of fact, the activity involves sightseeing, communication with other people and a social bonding with other citizens, therefore, a balanced physical and mental hobby will be provided simultaneously.
To conclude, I am of the opinion, designing new cities, allocating budget in constructing sport units and public parks must be prioritized over building shopping centers, since it has both mental and physical benefit for citizens
kindly let me know what are you thoughts about it
thanks ;-)
@cansha
@marosa
When new towns are planned, it is important to build more public parks or sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some people argue that in planning new cities, building sport complexes and public parks should be prioritized over constructing malls and megastores, thus people utilize their spare time to be more active and healthy. I completely agree with this statement since not only it will promote a healthier lifestyle implicitly, but also it will demote the consumerism habit likewise.
Undoubtedly, urban life has accustomed people to a destructive habit of consumerism, thus, the more we are investing in constructing malls, the more we are pushing citizens towards it. Factually, overspending money on extravagant items, not considering saving as an essential part of life and high amount of waste disposal are detrimental effects of consumerism. Hence, the key factor in encouraging individuals to spend money irrationally, can be investing in megastore. Additionally, being addicted to shop is a newly proposed mental issue of urban lifestyle and psychologists call it shopaholism. Indeed, city planners ought to consider this problem and design a city in a way that people have more exciting option for their leisure time, instead of going straight to shopping malls.
Admittedly, spending leisure time at sport units and public parks is beneficial for mental and physical health of the new city habitats. In fact, when these infrastructures are available, people are able to use them conveniently and at a reasonable price. Therefore sedentary lifestyle and consequently population obesity will be resolved in a long term run. Moreover, when citizens utilize these facilities for regular exercise like walking, it will improve overall mental health of an individual. As a matter of fact, the activity involves sightseeing, communication with other people and a social bonding with other citizens, therefore, a balanced physical and mental hobby will be provided simultaneously.
To conclude, I am of the opinion, designing new cities, allocating budget in constructing sport units and public parks must be prioritized over building shopping centers, since it has both mental and physical benefit for citizens
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The question is: In the past, photography was used to real people and places; however, because of technology, today you cannot trust what you see.Hello there, thanks for the comments,
I thought that new technology is not confined to editing picture only, but also small camera with high resolution, or camera with ability to zoom or etc.
Considering that, the filming will be accessible conveniently.
BTW, I think that you might be right
thanks for the advice
So it’s about technology enabling us to distort the reality.
This unfortunately is very TRUE. In reality people need to write a 7.5 essay at a minimum to make sure they get a 7 on exam day.