we know nothing about your English proficiency, so we can't comment on that, its about skills not material.
IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.
- Thread starter H0peAndFa1th
- Start date
so, tell problems and their solutions, hmm.
"vast amount of popularity" > don't put amount to popularity, its odd.
"enormous effect" > say deleterious, dire, detrimental, not enormous
"problem may seem intractable" >> nice
"the government should take several steps to alleviate the aforementioned issue." >> what ??
you just tanked the essay with this line, they are asking solution from you, don't involve third party here.
you missed the glimpse of problems and solutions, going in dark ahead.... means I don't know what this essay contains
its planes or Airplane
it has one problem >> pollution.
"help the government to limit" >> don't say it, please.
"a number of" > the number of
"as that was the only effective solution remained and at the end, it worked." >> what ?
Therefore, the government of India has levied 25 percent tax on each air ticket, which reduced the demand of air travel significantly. Thus, imposing pollution tax seems to be tested and effective solution.
it has one solution > tax, good.
why another ?? one is enough, I think.
but well written.
very concise and precise, no mess, no new ideas etc. no prediction,suggestion.
goood
I should fetch 7, try to reduce word count.
Thanks @H0peAndFa1th. I see your points. I will try to rectify these mistakes. Thanks for your details inspection.
And, I dont get demoralized anymore
will be attempting IELTS 4th time
Today I was reading this book, I don't trust Indian writers, because most of them produce poor work. However this guy has explained something that nobody did.
The Ultimate Guide To IELTS Writing Paperback – 2013 by Parthesh Thakkar (Author)
https://www.flipkart.com/ultimate-guide-ielts-writing/p/itmdhydvzgxpbuaz
Take a look at all
https://imgur.com/a/7i4Td9d
Band Mesh, I loved this thing, I think, now I know why I am stuck at 6.5
Read the first bullet point carefully. If your response fall short by 10 words no bands will be deducted ?? is this true ??
131 t0 140 = 0.5 band deduction
121 to 130 = 1 band deduction
The Ultimate Guide To IELTS Writing Paperback – 2013 by Parthesh Thakkar (Author)
https://www.flipkart.com/ultimate-guide-ielts-writing/p/itmdhydvzgxpbuaz
Take a look at all
https://imgur.com/a/7i4Td9d
Band Mesh, I loved this thing, I think, now I know why I am stuck at 6.5
Read the first bullet point carefully. If your response fall short by 10 words no bands will be deducted ?? is this true ??
131 t0 140 = 0.5 band deduction
121 to 130 = 1 band deduction
I found your post via your signature. It is well-written and I do agree. But, it is really sad if that's the case. They have really raised the standard of 7 quite high. It is extremely difficult for non-natives to make only 3 or 4 grammatical errors on 400 words exam in under one hour. It is not just the grammar but the points to defend/support the topic not only have to be relevant but also they must be strong.
I am stuck to 6.5 in writing but the rest I can clear without issue. I am waiting for EOR result on my fourth attempt and I am praying to Allah I get an increase and get this IELTS behind me once and for all.
Edited:
I have analyzed the first picture you shared in that post and it is amazing you must score at least 7 in task 2 to have realistic chance. If you score 7 in task 2, then, you only need to score 6 in task 1 (that means cover all three points of the letter with not that many grammar/spelling mistakes). If this is the case, I am confident my attempt four essay was worthy of 7 so I don't know why I got 6.5 in total. I also covered all letter points with average grammar and spelling mistakes, hopefully it will be corrected via EOR.
Very enlightening post, H0peAndFa1th. Thank you.
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Now, everybody watch this, if an Expert english teacher, also a native speaker can stuck at 7.5 in writing, then it only seem plausible for us, non-natives, to stuck at 6.5.
this video can help you to jump from 6.5 to 7
here's old info
Find out what these things are, and add them into your essay and letter,
Simple sentence.
Compound sentence.
Complex sentence.
Compound-Complex sentence.
Conditional sentence ( If they do not invest in good books then students can not get good information.)
Relative clauses, defining and non-defining.
use Modals, Could, Should, would, - Avoid writing like this is the end of arguments, leave the wiggle space in your own idea or view.
ever heard of term : overgeneralisation ?? - avoid it. see : 1 2 3 4
use linking devices, However, furthermore, moreover etc see : 40 Useful Words and Phrases for Top-Notch Essays
but don't repeat same devices, or force them into your essay, avoid mechanical use.
First give the idea, then reason or explanation then example of this idea/reason/explanation, and then conclude the whole idea. Its all logical
one paragraph = one idea, don't add subbranches or add irrelevant information
Try to give glimpse of your body paragraphs in introduction.
Try to link second paragraph with first paragraph at first sentence, show some continuity or flow.
Don't mess with conclusion, just restate the first para and second para conclusion in different words (paraphrase it) and close it in one or two sentences. Avoid suggestion,prediction,adding new info or anything else for that matter.
don't write tooo much, stick to 260 words.
After all of this, it is just a forced way of cooking a dish with almost every spice present in your kitchen, they are crying for you to put that everything in one dish. In other words, they just want to check your inventory by checking your essay, they would not check your brain or else.
this video can help you to jump from 6.5 to 7
here's old info
want to add few things to it.
Find out what these things are, and add them into your essay and letter,
Simple sentence.
Compound sentence.
Complex sentence.
Compound-Complex sentence.
Conditional sentence ( If they do not invest in good books then students can not get good information.)
Relative clauses, defining and non-defining.
use Modals, Could, Should, would, - Avoid writing like this is the end of arguments, leave the wiggle space in your own idea or view.
ever heard of term : overgeneralisation ?? - avoid it. see : 1 2 3 4
use linking devices, However, furthermore, moreover etc see : 40 Useful Words and Phrases for Top-Notch Essays
but don't repeat same devices, or force them into your essay, avoid mechanical use.
First give the idea, then reason or explanation then example of this idea/reason/explanation, and then conclude the whole idea. Its all logical
one paragraph = one idea, don't add subbranches or add irrelevant information
Try to give glimpse of your body paragraphs in introduction.
Try to link second paragraph with first paragraph at first sentence, show some continuity or flow.
Don't mess with conclusion, just restate the first para and second para conclusion in different words (paraphrase it) and close it in one or two sentences. Avoid suggestion,prediction,adding new info or anything else for that matter.
don't write tooo much, stick to 260 words.
After all of this, it is just a forced way of cooking a dish with almost every spice present in your kitchen, they are crying for you to put that everything in one dish. In other words, they just want to check your inventory by checking your essay, they would not check your brain or else.
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Could you please evaluate my writing task 2 essay?
Topic: Some people think that what children watch on television influences their behaviour. Others think that amount of time they spent watching television influences their behaviour. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Essay:
There is no doubt that television greatly affects children. While some people think that the length of time they spend watching TV has a significant impact on them, I argue that it is the content of the program that has a great influence on child’s psychology.
On the one side, those who believe time given by children over TV has a major impact on their behaviour might argue that it contributes to child’s aggression and isolation from outside world. This is because they spent their precious time on watching TV rather than study, exercise and interacting with people. Therefore, it can make them feel exhausted and isolated. They will have less bonding with family members because of less interaction. As an illustration, if children watch TV late in night, they will feel sleepy next day and this can force them to act angrily towards their classmates.
On the other hand, my view is that explicit content such as violence, crime and sex influence children more. The reason for this is that they are immature and get manipulated by others easily. In addition, TV advertisements have great affect on them, and they could argue with their parents to buy unnecessary items. Moreover, if they are allowed to watch such serials or movies, influentially they might commit crime in the future. For example, famous TV series, Game of Thrones has too much violence and nudity in it and children below 18 years of age should not watch it.
In conclusion, though both two factors have their own implications, I believe that the content is more dangerous in comparison to how much time teenagers are spending over television.
Topic: Some people think that what children watch on television influences their behaviour. Others think that amount of time they spent watching television influences their behaviour. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Essay:
There is no doubt that television greatly affects children. While some people think that the length of time they spend watching TV has a significant impact on them, I argue that it is the content of the program that has a great influence on child’s psychology.
On the one side, those who believe time given by children over TV has a major impact on their behaviour might argue that it contributes to child’s aggression and isolation from outside world. This is because they spent their precious time on watching TV rather than study, exercise and interacting with people. Therefore, it can make them feel exhausted and isolated. They will have less bonding with family members because of less interaction. As an illustration, if children watch TV late in night, they will feel sleepy next day and this can force them to act angrily towards their classmates.
On the other hand, my view is that explicit content such as violence, crime and sex influence children more. The reason for this is that they are immature and get manipulated by others easily. In addition, TV advertisements have great affect on them, and they could argue with their parents to buy unnecessary items. Moreover, if they are allowed to watch such serials or movies, influentially they might commit crime in the future. For example, famous TV series, Game of Thrones has too much violence and nudity in it and children below 18 years of age should not watch it.
In conclusion, though both two factors have their own implications, I believe that the content is more dangerous in comparison to how much time teenagers are spending over television.
1) yes there is no doubt, but a very bad way to start the essay.
First introduce the topic then say something like that.
2) you can not argue anything, it's discussion essay, discuss first view ( length of time ) then second view (content of program) then give your own opinion on that.
2 sentence introduction is good, but content is bad,
while some think that----, however, I argue that-----
got it ?
there are few keywords, Television, Children, Time, Content and then influences their behaviour
Intro:
Television has greatly affected our lifestyle, especially children who spend great amount of their time at watching programs. Owing to that, It has become a debated issue whether It is content of the programs or the time children spend influence their behaviour.
here I introduced television, children, children watching television, time they spend, and the issue, but I did not took any side. I am stating what's there and I feel its enough. this introduction is logically fine.
influences their behaviour :: prompt did not said that it is bad or good, so we can take it either way. However it is understood or common sense that prompt is insinuating it in a negative way.
1S (First sentence):
avoid talking about "those or others" in body paragraphs, do it intro and leave it there.
"time given by children over TV" << totally wrong language, >> time spent by children at watching television
use of "might" [modals - GOOD],
"child’s aggression" "isolation from outside world" [topic related vocab, good]
2S : reason good,
"This is because" [good, linking, cohesion]
3S: "Therefore" [nicely drawn conclusion]
4S: again reason, after conclusion?, feel awkward, don't do it or its wrong.
5S: Example is out of context or not linked with the topic and it always come from outer world, Understand what an example is, a thing or act done by someone else, here you are referring to someone.
angrily [change of word form = more bands -> good ]
Rewrite
On the one side, too much time spent on watching television might contributes to child’s aggression and isolation from outside world.This is because children spend their precious time on watching TV rather than study, exercise and interacting with people in real world. Therefore, it can make them feel exhausted and isolated. For example, researchers at Oxford institute found that 87% of children face serious problems in social skills who watch television for more than 4 hours per day. As a result, children become nonchalant in their behaviour and behave angrily towards their peers, parents and teachers.
statement > reason/explanation > example > conclusion of all of that.
1S: "my view" nobody asked for that. "more" than what ? more is used for comparison.
2S: "The reason for this " [good] immature, manipulated [nice vocab]
3S: "In addition" [good] but content of this sentence is bad, you are adding new idea here, buying things ?, just stick to "violence, crime and sex influence"
4S: "Moreover" [good], again content is bad
5S: bad example, you clearly don't have any idea what an example is and how to give it in a context to your topic sentence.
"should not watch it" basically you are not allowed to give suggestion in body paragraphs
leave it for your own opinion.
rewrite:
On the other hand, explicit content such as violence, crime and sex leaves negative impression on young impressionable minds. The reason for this is that they are immature and inexperienced. And they are not well-versed with the way of the world like adults do. Thus, sometimes, without knowing the consequences, they try to imitate the glorified scenes of violence performed by their favourite actors. For example, a survey done by New York Times revealed that around 74% of juvenile crime is either motivated or imitated from such content.
here, I can give the example like that in the end. because I have already concluded the argument in 3rd sentence or I can add another line like
As a result, there exponential rise in young criminals in past few decades.
now see here, stuck to the main idea, "explicit content " in every sentence, if you digress or slip from that, you will loose bands.
got it ?
"though both two factors have their own implications" avoid writing like this, instead mention which two.
"content is more dangerous" also mention which content, here sounds like all content.
and content on your own opinion is lacking,
----
I think in discussion essays, content of first view, second and opinion should be the same.
means, 60-70 words for each, just for balance.
----
I did, what I could, rip your essay word by word.
Try to carefully analyze band 9 sample essays, read this whole thread 3 times atleast, read every essay review, see you are doing same mistakes.
for this essay you will get 6.5 bands surely, but forget about 7.
bas grewal saab ajj lai ena hi.
@H0peAndFa1th Could you please evaluate my essay writing. Thanks in Advance.
Many people think that people these days are not as fit and active as they used to be in the past.
What do you think are the reasons for it?
What do you think can be done for it?
There has been a recent trend among general population that they spend more time in-door rather than doing any out-door activities. Many individuals believe that people are not as healthy as compared to their older generations. In my opinion, this is true that and I will illustrate in this essay the reasons for that.
Firstly, our modern lifestyle is playing a significant role in this epidemic. Most people spend ceaseless number of hours daily sitting in front of computers and using other electronic gadgets at work and at other places. Thus, it leaves them no time to go out and do any kind of outdoor sports. For example, recent studies have shown people who spend more than 2 hour sitting continuously are at greater risk of having cancer and other health related issues.
Secondly, bad heating habits are also adding fuel to the fire. Excessive use of sodium and sugar in our daily diet is also contributing to this cause. For instance, studies have proven that consuming junk food is a leading cause of obesity, subsequently resulting into diabetes and other cardiovascular diseases. Whereas in past people would do lots of physical activity and ate an organic food.
However, not only is it important to do daily exercise, but it is also important to consume a well-balanced diet. We should dedicate a certain amount of time from our daily routine to do different out-door activities. Furthermore, we should reduce the consumption of junk food and start participating in out-door activities such as cycling, hiking, walking, rafting, and sprinting just to name the few.
In conclusion, I strongly believe people these days are facing a greater challenge of health and other forms diseases which were non-existent in past. In order to over-come these they should invest in themselves by giving them time to do proper workout to enhance their endurance and stamina. Remember health is wealth and we should really take care of this blessing before it’s too late.
Many people think that people these days are not as fit and active as they used to be in the past.
What do you think are the reasons for it?
What do you think can be done for it?
There has been a recent trend among general population that they spend more time in-door rather than doing any out-door activities. Many individuals believe that people are not as healthy as compared to their older generations. In my opinion, this is true that and I will illustrate in this essay the reasons for that.
Firstly, our modern lifestyle is playing a significant role in this epidemic. Most people spend ceaseless number of hours daily sitting in front of computers and using other electronic gadgets at work and at other places. Thus, it leaves them no time to go out and do any kind of outdoor sports. For example, recent studies have shown people who spend more than 2 hour sitting continuously are at greater risk of having cancer and other health related issues.
Secondly, bad heating habits are also adding fuel to the fire. Excessive use of sodium and sugar in our daily diet is also contributing to this cause. For instance, studies have proven that consuming junk food is a leading cause of obesity, subsequently resulting into diabetes and other cardiovascular diseases. Whereas in past people would do lots of physical activity and ate an organic food.
However, not only is it important to do daily exercise, but it is also important to consume a well-balanced diet. We should dedicate a certain amount of time from our daily routine to do different out-door activities. Furthermore, we should reduce the consumption of junk food and start participating in out-door activities such as cycling, hiking, walking, rafting, and sprinting just to name the few.
In conclusion, I strongly believe people these days are facing a greater challenge of health and other forms diseases which were non-existent in past. In order to over-come these they should invest in themselves by giving them time to do proper workout to enhance their endurance and stamina. Remember health is wealth and we should really take care of this blessing before it’s too late.
first problem : too many words
Cut that opinion, rest is fine. It is not being asked. it is redundant.
or change it with
There are several reasons and possible solutions to overcome this situation, which I will elaborate further.
1S : modern lifestyle - significant - epidemic << nice vocab.
2S : well explained reason.
3S : nicely drawn conclusion from reason.
4S : example is fine, but It feels awkward, not being healthy to cancer ?? I would call it far fetched, exaggerated.
rewrite
For example, recent studies have shown people who spend more than 2 hour sitting continuously are at greater risk of being obese along with weak heart [or weak cardiovascular system] and other health related issues.
now feeel the difference there.
1S : "fuel to the fire" > it is idiomatic language, loved it.
2S : hmm, good, could have added that, " sodium and sugar from junk food in our daily" cuz you have to tell the source for that, blame something atleast.
3S : ohh you added junk food here and cardiovascular is also here, nice.
4S : hmm comparison to past. cool
here, 3rd sentence is almost repeating the first two sentence, yes in other words, but it is. It need some rephrasing, but still its very good.
nice conclusion, little bit overdrawn though, but still a great one.
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to me, it feels like atleast 7 band essay, maybe it can fetch upto 8 or so, whoknows!!
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just one little problem, you made two paragraphs for two problems, one for two solutions, there is no example in solutions.
you could have made one single para for problems and one for solutions, to make it more balanced.
and with this conclusion can become concise.
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It sounds like native writer, no disruption in flow, no stress on mind, no wondering what's going on.
its pretty much precise and clear.
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Please write more like this one and share here, so others can understand this as well.
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Thanks for the great feedback. Actually, before last time I was able to score 7 in writing, but unfortunately at that time listening screwed me up. Though listening module was one of my strengths. But last time I was able to able to score CLB 10 in all modules except for Writing, which I can only blame my self as I just made a complete mess of it. However, I am persistent and I will crack IELTS with flying colors.
Bht bht dhanwad bai ji...
Actually I am new to IELTS and hardly have written 5-6 essays till now. I don't have any teacher who can evaluate my essays.
Could you please help me how can I improve on it? Any reference material? Suggestions? It will be highly appreciated.
Thanks again!!
keep posting your essays here, keep reading band 9 essays, there are books mentioned in thread and can search on google to download them, watch youtube videos
Could someone please evaluate my essay? Thanks in advance!!
Topic: Nowadays, some people claim that public museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and works by using computer. Do you agree or disagree?
Some people believe that public museums and art galleries are not required as old objects and works can be watched online using computers. I completely disagree about this claim and think that they are necessary for country development and protecting historical work.
Firstly, Museums and art galleries are essential in order to protect historical things and work. Secondly, they help in preserving our culture and history. People from all around the world visit these places and it helps visitors to know about local tradition and past works. For instance, some museums and galleries have antique paintings which give visitor a glimpse of past, that a computer could not provide. Hence, such infrastructure should be maintained and remained intact, though they require huge funding from the state government for their maintenance.
Another benefit that museums brought is that they help in the growth of tourism and economy. This is because tourists like to visit such places and fund generated thereafter, is used in the development of the country. In addition, art galleries generate ample employment opportunities for the people of the country. Therefore, for country's economic development, having historical museums and art galleries is beneficial. Despite this, watching history over computers is an easy and comfortable way but they could not provide the view that museums can give.
To conclude, this essay discussed the reasons why museums and art stations in a country are helpful for preserving and watching historical works and, in my opinion, they should not be removed and continue to help in tourism and economic growth of the country.
Topic: Nowadays, some people claim that public museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and works by using computer. Do you agree or disagree?
Some people believe that public museums and art galleries are not required as old objects and works can be watched online using computers. I completely disagree about this claim and think that they are necessary for country development and protecting historical work.
Firstly, Museums and art galleries are essential in order to protect historical things and work. Secondly, they help in preserving our culture and history. People from all around the world visit these places and it helps visitors to know about local tradition and past works. For instance, some museums and galleries have antique paintings which give visitor a glimpse of past, that a computer could not provide. Hence, such infrastructure should be maintained and remained intact, though they require huge funding from the state government for their maintenance.
Another benefit that museums brought is that they help in the growth of tourism and economy. This is because tourists like to visit such places and fund generated thereafter, is used in the development of the country. In addition, art galleries generate ample employment opportunities for the people of the country. Therefore, for country's economic development, having historical museums and art galleries is beneficial. Despite this, watching history over computers is an easy and comfortable way but they could not provide the view that museums can give.
To conclude, this essay discussed the reasons why museums and art stations in a country are helpful for preserving and watching historical works and, in my opinion, they should not be removed and continue to help in tourism and economic growth of the country.