Thank You for your comments. Unfortunately, I wrote that essay. I will try to improve what you mentioned and will be back again.
Thanks,
Pritesh
IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.
- Thread starter H0peAndFa1th
- Start date
Thank You for your comments. Unfortunately, I wrote that essay. I will try to improve what you mentioned and will be back again.
Thanks,
Pritesh
Hi @H0peAndFa1th,
Please see this essay and give me some suggestions.
COUNT 303
One way to solve the problem of congestion on the roads is to increase the tax on private vehicles. How could this alleviate congestion? What other measures can you suggest to deal with congestion in cities?
It is often believed that applying the extra tax on private vehicles might eradicate the issue of traffic on the roads. This measure eliminates the congestion problem by influencing society to use public transportation. However, ample efforts of the government can also diminish the traffic in metropolitan cities.
To begin with, middle class and poor people might not afford private vehicles, if authority imposes a higher amount of the duties on these vehicles. This will lead individuals to adopt economical ways of transportations, such as bicycle and public transport. As a result, this trend will reduce the number of vehicles on the roads which will eventually solve the traffic congestion issue to some extent.
One way which can help to diminish the congestion is to offer cheaper rates for public transportation. In other words, states should lower the fares of public transport services, which will encourage the community to commute through public vehicles, including buses, metro, and trains. To illustrate, since the government of Norway has offered free transportation services for their citizens, amount of traffic on the local roads has been dropped to only 25 percent in last 2 years.
Finally, another solution is to build separate lanes for bicycle riders. This will influence society to use the bicycle for small journeys as it will be safer to ride this type of vehicle in the extra lane. In addition, the government should also promote bicycle with numerous advertisements and seminars because this type of vehicles does not harm the environment, and a bicycle is good for one's health. Therefore, such measures can help to tackle down the congestion issue.
In conclusion, imposing the higher tax on private vehicles could solve a traffic problem to some extent. Thus, cheaper fees for public transport and extra roads for bicycles can play a predominant role to deal with traffic in urban areas.
Thanks
Please see this essay and give me some suggestions.
COUNT 303
One way to solve the problem of congestion on the roads is to increase the tax on private vehicles. How could this alleviate congestion? What other measures can you suggest to deal with congestion in cities?
It is often believed that applying the extra tax on private vehicles might eradicate the issue of traffic on the roads. This measure eliminates the congestion problem by influencing society to use public transportation. However, ample efforts of the government can also diminish the traffic in metropolitan cities.
To begin with, middle class and poor people might not afford private vehicles, if authority imposes a higher amount of the duties on these vehicles. This will lead individuals to adopt economical ways of transportations, such as bicycle and public transport. As a result, this trend will reduce the number of vehicles on the roads which will eventually solve the traffic congestion issue to some extent.
One way which can help to diminish the congestion is to offer cheaper rates for public transportation. In other words, states should lower the fares of public transport services, which will encourage the community to commute through public vehicles, including buses, metro, and trains. To illustrate, since the government of Norway has offered free transportation services for their citizens, amount of traffic on the local roads has been dropped to only 25 percent in last 2 years.
Finally, another solution is to build separate lanes for bicycle riders. This will influence society to use the bicycle for small journeys as it will be safer to ride this type of vehicle in the extra lane. In addition, the government should also promote bicycle with numerous advertisements and seminars because this type of vehicles does not harm the environment, and a bicycle is good for one's health. Therefore, such measures can help to tackle down the congestion issue.
In conclusion, imposing the higher tax on private vehicles could solve a traffic problem to some extent. Thus, cheaper fees for public transport and extra roads for bicycles can play a predominant role to deal with traffic in urban areas.
Thanks
Yes, you should get those videos. Those videos give the information about small mistakes that we make and best structure to get band 7 or up.
I already bought those videos and really liked the way she described. I have also got 6.5 2 times and trying hard to get 7 in writing.
yes they are quite good.
and it explains your method, keep writing.
Keep the word count around 260 to 275 maximum.
there are two questions
first :
How could this alleviate congestion ?
second :
they are asking you to provide solution for a problem (other measures)
Did they asked about your opinion ?
Nope, they didn't, however you can write a short paragraph on your personal opinion, or a line in conclusion.
Let's rip it apart
It may sound odd, but both "the" are wrong, unknown to me so no "the"
How does it influence ? sorry it does not, you did not explained that, its wrong.
However ??? really ? it comes when you give contrast view ? where's that ? nowhere
why there's so much errors?
let me explain.
just imagine your reader just woke after 100 year of sleep, he can read but does not know anything about your problem, solution or this world.
how would you explain something to that person ???
its hard, if not impossible, right ??
you don't know how to write an introduction, nobody knows.
see it in steps:
1.People are buying cars
2.which create congestion on roads, sometimes there are several kilometer/miles long traffic jams,
3.cities come to halt , which result in loss : time, money etc,
4.to solve it, people are suggesting to levy/impose tax on private vehicles
5.which will deter people to own more private vehicles, thus there will be less vehicles on roads, consequently fewer jams
6.but still we could adopt another solutions or more thoughtful solutions etc, whatever suits you.
7.which will we elaborated further in this essay or I will elaborate further.
now I know what the hell is going on. don't you feel that ?, now you really know what our writer is going to discuss with you ??? or what to expect in following paragraphs
please make reader's life easy. AKA logical flow, coherence and cohesion
paraphrase the question, or introduce it in your own new way.
"if" always followed by a "then"
you ended your sentence without it, see it
at least your logic is right here.
nice, i guess you gave answer for first question, "how"
very well written
general statement, then explanation, then example,
and lots of vocabulary too
"Finally", I know you feel compelled to write it but drop it for good.
hmm, everything seems fine, but example is missing.
Replace "Thus" with "Additionally"
rest is precise and clear
it's 7 band essay with mistakes, without mistakes it could easily fetch 7.5 to 8.5 [depends on examiner], but they don't give bands honestly so let's say 6.5 for sure lol,
IELTS writing has become blatant mockery of innocent people
Hello @H0peAndFa1th, Would you be able to check this essay? Really appreciated your help! Thank youu so much.
Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with.
What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child having a large number of toys?
It is often seen in many houses that parents tend to purchase their children an enormous number of toys to be played with. Kids possessing numerous toys could have both advantages and disadvantages based on their mental abilities and parental training.
The major advantage of having a large number of toys would be that, kids recognize the idea of sharing with their friends. They are taught about the moral qualities of how helping others could make them happy and satisfied which is a key quality in the future. Besides, different toys operate differently. Children can analyse various working mechanisms and be familiar with it. As a matter of fact, kids' brain senses and memorizes 30% faster than that of adults, which would lead them to learn numbers, alphabets, rhymes and new words efficiently. Moreover, kids learn to be more organized and ordered.
On the other hand, the most prominent demerit of having lots of toys is that children would fail to realize the value of possessions. They often think anything is just too easy to be obtained and could be thrown away without understanding the real value. If not advised strictly, then the space would always be left messy. The act of destroying tendency would rise thinking that, they would get more even if one is lost. On another note, children can find having a lot of toys overwhelming. This could result in lack of focus in one specific thing. For instance, a child who possesses toys of alphabets of two different languages can often get confused and learn things wrong such as the alphabets and spellings wrong right from the start.
In conclusion, children obtaining a large number of toys have both merits and demerits. However, by right parental guidance and advises, any of the disadvantages can be tackled down. After all, a child is a reflection of how he was taught when raised up.
Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with.
What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child having a large number of toys?
It is often seen in many houses that parents tend to purchase their children an enormous number of toys to be played with. Kids possessing numerous toys could have both advantages and disadvantages based on their mental abilities and parental training.
The major advantage of having a large number of toys would be that, kids recognize the idea of sharing with their friends. They are taught about the moral qualities of how helping others could make them happy and satisfied which is a key quality in the future. Besides, different toys operate differently. Children can analyse various working mechanisms and be familiar with it. As a matter of fact, kids' brain senses and memorizes 30% faster than that of adults, which would lead them to learn numbers, alphabets, rhymes and new words efficiently. Moreover, kids learn to be more organized and ordered.
On the other hand, the most prominent demerit of having lots of toys is that children would fail to realize the value of possessions. They often think anything is just too easy to be obtained and could be thrown away without understanding the real value. If not advised strictly, then the space would always be left messy. The act of destroying tendency would rise thinking that, they would get more even if one is lost. On another note, children can find having a lot of toys overwhelming. This could result in lack of focus in one specific thing. For instance, a child who possesses toys of alphabets of two different languages can often get confused and learn things wrong such as the alphabets and spellings wrong right from the start.
In conclusion, children obtaining a large number of toys have both merits and demerits. However, by right parental guidance and advises, any of the disadvantages can be tackled down. After all, a child is a reflection of how he was taught when raised up.
@H0peAndFa1th, Let's see what happens with this one
As a result of tourism and increasing number of people travelling, there is a growing demand for more flights. What problem does this have on the environment? What measures could be taken to solve the problem?
It is irrefutable fact that since tourism has gained the vast amount of popularity and number of travelers has been increased, requirements of national and international flights have been grown over the years. Consequently, this growth can have an enormous effect on the environment in term of air pollution. While a problem may seem intractable, the government should take several steps to alleviate the aforementioned issue.
To begin with, plans create the air pollution, which is dangerous for the environment. This is because that greenhouse gas emission from these flights plays a predominant role in the formation of global warming and greenhouse effects on the environment. As a result, this will have detrimental effects on the earth, such as increased temperature, flood, and an earthquake. To illustrate, polar ice from north and south poles of the earth is melting, which is the major cause of flooding in numerous regions.
One way which can help the government to limit the number of flights is to collect extra tax on the air travel fare. In other words, if the cost of air travel is significantly higher, fewer people will commute through these flights. Accordingly, the demand for plans will eventually diminish. For example, in 2015, due to the lower cost of flights, a number of air travelers were almost 1 million in India. Therefore, the government of India has levied 25 percent tax on each air ticket as that was the only effective solution remained and at the end, it worked.
Another solution to consider that state should promote other modes of transportation. If people travel through public transport, such as bus, train, or metro, then number of active flights will decrease. For instance, Australian government promote local tourism and allow citizens to commute for free on governmental buses to these places. In short, this way authority can minimize the total number of flights and save the environment to some extent.
In conclusion, air pollution is the primary concern for the increased number of flights. Thus, imposing higher duties on air travel and encouragement of public transportation can play a paramount role to deal with pollution.
Word Count: 346 (I am trying to write an essay in between 250-270 words, but to make well-developed essay it goes over 300 words.)
Thank You,
Appreciated
As a result of tourism and increasing number of people travelling, there is a growing demand for more flights. What problem does this have on the environment? What measures could be taken to solve the problem?
It is irrefutable fact that since tourism has gained the vast amount of popularity and number of travelers has been increased, requirements of national and international flights have been grown over the years. Consequently, this growth can have an enormous effect on the environment in term of air pollution. While a problem may seem intractable, the government should take several steps to alleviate the aforementioned issue.
To begin with, plans create the air pollution, which is dangerous for the environment. This is because that greenhouse gas emission from these flights plays a predominant role in the formation of global warming and greenhouse effects on the environment. As a result, this will have detrimental effects on the earth, such as increased temperature, flood, and an earthquake. To illustrate, polar ice from north and south poles of the earth is melting, which is the major cause of flooding in numerous regions.
One way which can help the government to limit the number of flights is to collect extra tax on the air travel fare. In other words, if the cost of air travel is significantly higher, fewer people will commute through these flights. Accordingly, the demand for plans will eventually diminish. For example, in 2015, due to the lower cost of flights, a number of air travelers were almost 1 million in India. Therefore, the government of India has levied 25 percent tax on each air ticket as that was the only effective solution remained and at the end, it worked.
Another solution to consider that state should promote other modes of transportation. If people travel through public transport, such as bus, train, or metro, then number of active flights will decrease. For instance, Australian government promote local tourism and allow citizens to commute for free on governmental buses to these places. In short, this way authority can minimize the total number of flights and save the environment to some extent.
In conclusion, air pollution is the primary concern for the increased number of flights. Thus, imposing higher duties on air travel and encouragement of public transportation can play a paramount role to deal with pollution.
Word Count: 346 (I am trying to write an essay in between 250-270 words, but to make well-developed essay it goes over 300 words.)
Thank You,
Appreciated
Last edited:
Hi ,
I got IELTS writing 6.5 in my first attempt. Attempting 2nd one in next month. Appreciate if anyone can give feedback on the following essay.
Question:
Some people say that in all levels of education, from primary schools to universities, too much time is spent on learning facts and not enough on learning practical skills. Do you agree or disagree?
It is often argued that there is an overemphasis on theory oriented learning throughout the education system with less time spend on real-life practical lessons. This essay completely agrees with the above statement considering the growing number of inefficient workforce and the bookish-knowledge based examination system.
It is a common phenomenon in the corporate world that there are a lot of people with degrees and certificates, but very few with the skills required for an employment. Theory-based educational system manufactured these candidates only with bookish knowledge, but not with the real-life skills. For example, recent unemployment report by the United Nations states that out of all 100 students pass out from a graduation course only 22 are really equipped with practical capabilities.
Having said that, it is wrong to put all these blame on students since most of these are not their fault. The real culprit here is our fraudulent examination system which only tests student’s memorised knowledge, not the creative practical abilities. To illustrate, in India, all examination conducting bodies are only concerned with how to assess a student with his/her memory capacity and not bothered about whether he/she can actually implement or use this knowledge in his/her real life.
To conclude, the main focus of education system throughout the world is only to promote bookish knowledge, not the real skills which are essential once in real life. And this is mainly caused by the theory-oriented examination system which manufactures candidates with certificates but not with skills.
I got IELTS writing 6.5 in my first attempt. Attempting 2nd one in next month. Appreciate if anyone can give feedback on the following essay.
Question:
Some people say that in all levels of education, from primary schools to universities, too much time is spent on learning facts and not enough on learning practical skills. Do you agree or disagree?
It is often argued that there is an overemphasis on theory oriented learning throughout the education system with less time spend on real-life practical lessons. This essay completely agrees with the above statement considering the growing number of inefficient workforce and the bookish-knowledge based examination system.
It is a common phenomenon in the corporate world that there are a lot of people with degrees and certificates, but very few with the skills required for an employment. Theory-based educational system manufactured these candidates only with bookish knowledge, but not with the real-life skills. For example, recent unemployment report by the United Nations states that out of all 100 students pass out from a graduation course only 22 are really equipped with practical capabilities.
Having said that, it is wrong to put all these blame on students since most of these are not their fault. The real culprit here is our fraudulent examination system which only tests student’s memorised knowledge, not the creative practical abilities. To illustrate, in India, all examination conducting bodies are only concerned with how to assess a student with his/her memory capacity and not bothered about whether he/she can actually implement or use this knowledge in his/her real life.
To conclude, the main focus of education system throughout the world is only to promote bookish knowledge, not the real skills which are essential once in real life. And this is mainly caused by the theory-oriented examination system which manufactures candidates with certificates but not with skills.
Hi Guys,
May I ask for your valuable feedback on the essay below:
The most important things in life are free of any cost.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is impossible to imagine life without many vital things and many people contend that the most essential factors, which make life possible, are available freely. I completely accord with this opinion. In the upcoming paragraphs, I will outline how our natural environment and social relations are the most prominent, yet free things to make life sustainable.
Admittedly, the rudimentary necessity to imagine our lives on this planet is our ecosystem. It would not be possible to survive if we take our environment out of the picture. It provides us many of the required resources, for example, water, oxygen, and food to ensure the survival of many species on earth, including human beings. This all is available to us without any cost and we all become free member of it from the time of our birth. Thus, our natural habitat is undoubtedly one of the most important thing, which is readily available for us without any charges.
Another most crucial thing with which we are born is our social relations. In other words, the family and society are gifted to us by birth. They are important because it would never be possible to lead a healthy and happy life without having our strong social relations. Even before the evolution of mankind, the apes, for instance, used to live in groups, which ensured their survival in wild. They would look after one another, and care for each other in the wild, just as we humans do. That all too, without any monetary expectations. It would not be unwise to say that family and social dependency has always been a key element to reaping the benefits of our precious lives.
To conclude, having discussed the significance of our mother nature and the social ties, I am convinced that the most crucial things, which make life vivid, are available to us free and we must realize and respect their superior role in our lives.
May I ask for your valuable feedback on the essay below:
The most important things in life are free of any cost.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is impossible to imagine life without many vital things and many people contend that the most essential factors, which make life possible, are available freely. I completely accord with this opinion. In the upcoming paragraphs, I will outline how our natural environment and social relations are the most prominent, yet free things to make life sustainable.
Admittedly, the rudimentary necessity to imagine our lives on this planet is our ecosystem. It would not be possible to survive if we take our environment out of the picture. It provides us many of the required resources, for example, water, oxygen, and food to ensure the survival of many species on earth, including human beings. This all is available to us without any cost and we all become free member of it from the time of our birth. Thus, our natural habitat is undoubtedly one of the most important thing, which is readily available for us without any charges.
Another most crucial thing with which we are born is our social relations. In other words, the family and society are gifted to us by birth. They are important because it would never be possible to lead a healthy and happy life without having our strong social relations. Even before the evolution of mankind, the apes, for instance, used to live in groups, which ensured their survival in wild. They would look after one another, and care for each other in the wild, just as we humans do. That all too, without any monetary expectations. It would not be unwise to say that family and social dependency has always been a key element to reaping the benefits of our precious lives.
To conclude, having discussed the significance of our mother nature and the social ties, I am convinced that the most crucial things, which make life vivid, are available to us free and we must realize and respect their superior role in our lives.
Ur essay is check and posted at
https://m.facebook.com/IELTS-Support-For-All-181704142453200/?ref=bookmarks
overall nice
suggestion: try to answer the question simple and directly, like : "I completely agree with the statement"
I completely accord with fancy stuff, but don't confuse the reader with it. make your statement clear.
This all is available : All of this or these things
free member of it : it should refer something, what's that?, and member of club ? society ? or what ?
whole line is awkward.
your last line make your second last line redundant, and second last line has no purpose in this para,it proves nothing and its complete junk, that you must avoid, it feels like you did not have anything to write here.
read the para without this line, you would feel completely fine.
one little logical error,
this is first thing >>Thus, our natural habitat is undoubtedly one of the most important thing (don't prove it)
its second >> which is readily available for us without any charges (prove this only, its main idea)
right ?
now what are you trying to prove here, is it important or free, you are proving that its free and important, but which should come first ? how would you write it better ?
here you are complicating things, it should be simple, and very simple
like : Thus, our natural habitat which enable us to sustain a life is completely free to us.
or
Thus, our natural habitat which enable us to sustain a life comes at no cost at all.
first line, try to avoid complicated writing, "with which we are born" ??
my take : we are born with fingers, legs, eyes, head etc, not with relations, got it ??
second again, "gifted to us by birth"
my take : no it could the best curse possible on earth, so not true all the time.
again "would never be possible to lead a healthy and happy life without having our strong social relations"
my take : totally wrong, what about orphans ???
again , "That all too, without any monetary expectations".
my take : "monetary expectations" it is a new idea, don't bring any new ideas in a paragraph just stick to main idea, I know its an aspect but, it makes reader think outside of para. so its not focused.
"It would not be unwise to say that family and social dependency has always been a key element to reaping the benefits of our precious lives."
take : "reaping the benefits of our precious lives" what ? what kind of language it this ?, nobody will question you on this one. but I take logical errors very seriously. you must reap benefits of something else in your life, not reap the life ?
you are doing some sort of literal translation from your mother tongue, any native english user can catch it at once, because it's not English, they don't write like that, because their thought process does not work like that, please get this idea very clearly in your mind.
reap the benefits of human relation in our lives >> getting the idea ?
stress on reader mind = lower band score. that's final.
are you an engineer, lawyer or doctor? listen, simple is best.
"I am convinced"
please don't convince yourself, because you are writing an argument essay. which has a purpose,
that purpose is to convince your side/view point/take/opinion etc to the reader.
for that you need to give a statement, then the reason for that, then an example which can support your reason then conclusion to that statement. got it ?
and we must realize and respect their superior role in our lives
here you are introducing new idea, "realize , respect " ?? why ?? you are telling that yes they are free, nothing else, nothing else, nothing else, nothing else, Don't preach,suggest,predict about anything.
write
To conclude, having discussed the significance of our mother nature and the social ties, it is conspicuously clear that the most crucial things, which make life vivid, are [ available at not cost at all.] [ available freely.] [ free.]
don't get demoralized, I try to rip essays apart, that's how I learn about things.
it could fetch 7, but as usual its not less than 6.5. so you are stuck, sorry for that.