Dont wish to sponser spouse from pakistan: in big trouble : HELP !

[scylla]

New York, USA has 30 months processing time. So according to your logic USA must be "truly horrible to live in and everyone wants to get out by any mean"

Some people need to get their head out of their a*ses to stop generalizing and putting their stupid reasoning online without thoughtful thinking.

The vast majority of American applications aren't processed through the NY office - they are processed through Ottawa. NY is where the applications with issues / problems are sent - that's why the processing times are so long.

 

[canadianwoman]

No I don't and I see your point, they won't do that. but our relationship isn't genuine, we haven't spent time together, we don't talk much like married couples do, it's just messed up. Only nikkah is done, and that usually results in applications being denied right?

Yes, but you told CIC that the ruksati was done, and have pictures to prove it!

 

[canadianwoman]

Oh really I didn't know that, but in terms of genuineness, we spent no time with eachother, we don't really talk on the phone everyday or text much, so won't this lead to it not being proved genuine?

It would for relationships where both people are from Western countries. But in countries where arranged marriages are normal, CIC accepts a different kind of proof of genuineness: proof of the arrangements for the marriage, a big ceremony, all the traditions followed, etc.
It is true that if there has been almost no communication after the wedding for a year or more, the visa officer might be suspicious.

 

[zmahe]

pr= permanent resident. As in it was all to become a permanent resident of Canada. If there's no way you can stand up to your family you could always just REALLY half ass the application. Like a previous poster said, show very little proof, answer the questions without giving lots of information and generally try to make the visa officer suspicious that it's a fake marriage. Don't forget that in Canada your family has no right to force you to do something you don't want to do and there are organizations that can help you if you need them.

http://www.fmp-acsa.ca/faq/

 

[hubby chubby]

Well Princess you asked a question.

You got many answers (mostly members starting debating with each other). Which is beside the point.

It's your life, your money, your time, your situation. (Sit down and take a deep breath)

Life comes with many problems and obstacles. Decisions falls on the person living that life. (Which is you)

We are all strangers (who gave our opinion). Take it all in and make your decision. Make sure it's yours and not anyone else's.

People who Mind don't Matter & People who Matter don't Mind.

Good luck, hope YOU make the right decision and not the decision the world thinks is right.

Best regards.

 

[SenoritaBella]

Has anyone heard from Princess_123, even via private message? She has been quiet for some time now.... hope all is well.

 

[zardoz]

Has anyone heard from Princess_123, even via private message? She has been quiet for some time now.... hope all is well.

She is still about...

Last Active: 02 June 2014, 07:49:01

 

[Princess_123]

Wow, I cannot believe this kind of thing still exists! But I guess you can always file the application and then call CIC to report it was a forced marriage and that you were forced to submit the application!

If I do that, wont my parents or whoever was involved in arranging the marraige get in trouble by the law?

 

[Princess_123]

Based on the "parents are making me fill in forms and etc"........

Assuming OP files for sponsorship and even gets it knocked out by CIC in her favour,

what is she gonna do when parents will tell her to move to PK and be with him? I mean, she's doing what parents are saying now.
Will she be moving to Pak when parents tell her to go there and live with him cuz he can't go to CA ? What will she want
CIC to do for her then ??

It's best she end it now, apply for divorce right away through some lawyer in Pak.
The guy will get the hint and move on. There'll be nothing they can do then.
But for this, she will have to take initiative, CIC won't do it for her.
Each day wasted on this is not only bad for her, but also for the dude she left hanging for 1+ yr and ongoing.

Either she puts an end to it right away, and face the consequences. Or waste the time of EVERYONE (related) involved to only delay the same.

Ive been born and raised in toronto and I wouldnt be able to go back and live there at all and i dont think my parents will make me do that in that case.
If it was that easy id do that. Its not though. He already gets the hint, but we both cant do anything about it, even he probably cant cause we have the same family issues. our families are involved and they both dont want this to end. We both pretty much dont have a choice.
Ive tried talking and it didnt help thats why i have no choice.
your right, time is being wasted and im not happy about that at all. But its better than going through all this then ending up in a bigger problem after the ruksati (real wedding) happens that would lead to worse conensquences

 

[Princess_123]

That's because New York gets forwarded to more complicated/red flag applications. Normal US applications are actually processed through Ottawa.


As for the original post, I'm sort of at a loss. I'm trying very hard to understand, but there is no way you can win. There is no easy way out. You don't want to step on any toes, and you don't want to be at fault, but you don't want to sacrifice your happiness. You cannot have all three.

I suggest you put your happiness before the anger of your parents.

There is no way to get out of this without people getting upset, but I urge you to muster up all your strength and courage, and put yourself FIRST. YOU are the most important person in your life, don't make yourself a martyr at the pressure of others, do not sacrifice your happiness.

Refuse to file the paperwork. Stop talking to them. He may file for divorce on his own accord. If he doesn't, you can get a lawyer and file for divorce yourself.

I'm sending you all my strength, you need it. Be tough.

There is NO way to end this without your parents getting upset. There is no way to end this without stepping on any toes. CIC isn't gonna solve your predicament for you. Sorry, but there is no easy way out. People are going to be upset, regardless. End it.

If you want to be happy, I urge you to take the initiative and deal with the "blame", and break up with your parents and your husband.

You deserve to be happy, even if your parents are mad at you because of it. If they care about you, they will want you to be happy, too. They might not realize that right now, but they will some day.

Muster up all your courage, your strength, tell them you are not filing for PR. TELL them that you're not, that you do not want to be in this marriage and there's nothing they can do about it. If it's easier for you, you could ignore them and stop talking to them completely. I would not let them harass me or bogart me into sponsoring someone I don't want to be with. They are in a different country from you! You're safe. I know it's not "IDEAL" but there is no "IDEAL" outcome for this situation.

Hang in there, okay? And do what is right. Take responsibility for your life, it's in your hands and yours alone. Trying to get CIC to break up with your spouse and your parents will only make things worse for you in the long run.

I know, your completely right. My parents do care about my happiness but in our society "family honor" comes before happiness and that cant be jeopardized no matter what otherwise it would lead to parents disowning thier kids even or honor killings that happen in some parts of the world. I am safe right now but i dont know for how long. Im sure he doesnt like me either,especially when he has the hint that i dont like him and he is just compromising as well cause of his parents. I cant stop talking to my parents completely or disassociate myself with them or hurt them by jeopordizing thier honor. They ask me "what are we going to tell people, for what reason did we end this marraige, if there was a valid legitimate reason to we would have but there isnt and "not liking eachother and having culture differences and communication barrier isnt a valid reason" Im in the worst situation and just stuck from all sides.

 

[Princess_123]

People who are telling the OP to just stand up to her parents and husband don't understand how trapped the OP must feel. It's like wondering why you see women stay in abusive relationships. There is strong psychology involved. Being from an asian background myself, I understand the OP's situation a bit... but I also know that Pakistan is much much more "traditional" than Korea (where my parents are from). When you are raised in that culture, it is not so easy to just "walk away".

What the OP needs is a support group. I know such groups exist in Canada with large South Asian populations. They help South Asian women who are trapped in "traditional" families with no place to turn to for help. That is what I recommend to the OP - don't file that application and find a support group. They are out there and they understand (many of the helpers are South Asian women who were trapped before). They know the best way to handle things.

yeah im completely trapped. Thats exactly how i feel, like theres no way out and i have pressure from all sides. It is making me stronger in a way but at the same time its very mentally/psychology draining in every way. Thanks for understanding and giving your advice.

 

[Princess_123]

Yes, but you told CIC that the ruksati was done, and have pictures to prove it!

Well I havent filed the application yet, but yes im supposed to be sending the pictures of the ruksati. But i left a day after the "ruksati" so i dont know how they will take that.

 

[Princess_123]

Well Princess you asked a question.

You got many answers (mostly members starting debating with each other). Which is beside the point.

It's your life, your money, your time, your situation. (Sit down and take a deep breath)

Life comes with many problems and obstacles. Decisions falls on the person living that life. (Which is you)

We are all strangers (who gave our opinion). Take it all in and make your decision. Make sure it's yours and not anyone else's.

People who Mind don't Matter & People who Matter don't Mind.

Good luck, hope YOU make the right decision and not the decision the world thinks is right.

Best regards.

Thankyou for your wise words and advice!

 

[Princess_123]

Has anyone heard from Princess_123, even via private message? She has been quiet for some time now.... hope all is well.

Hey im here! sorry I just had a hectic week thats why I was quiet for a while, thanks for checking up on me!

 

[Princess_123]

I agree. People are showing very little sympathy, calling her names, getting angry, and failing to understand her difficult situation.

In Canadian society we no longer have an honour associated with family. None. Family, and especially marriage are essenetially meaningless in Canadian society, vestigages of a bygone era where people made "commitements" to one another. How quaint.

As a society, we have transfered that honour and loyalty that used to belong with the family, to the state. The Nation is now the "family unit" that must be honoured. Cheat on your spouse all you want but Lord help you if you cheat on your taxes! Unquestioned loyality is demanded, and betrayal of that unit is dealt with very harasshly indeed. In ancient times, an adulteress (a betrayer of the family unit) would be executed. In modern times we find that barbaric, but traitors (betrayers of the nation unit) can be executed. (althought only 2 traitors have been executed in Canada, one after WW2).

But Pakistan is different and posters should take that into account. From reading her story it seems to me that the family and the husband are mainly concerned with preserving their honour, not so much preserving the marriage. If the marriage can be dissolved without anyone losing honour, then the family will likely be satisfied. So the OP is looking for a way to end the marriage without destroying the honour of herself and her family.

Thats very true! You made a good point, and yes i think they care more about their honour than the marriage working out or the happiness of the couple. Its not right at all but sadly thats the way it is.