Dont wish to sponser spouse from pakistan: in big trouble : HELP !

[chakrab]

You have every right to end this. But ending it means making some very difficult decisions and doing things that will upset your family.

Again, you have every right to end this.

it's not about right. she just doesn't want to be blamed for all the mess that has been created.

 

[screech339]

No one can tell you what your chances are or how long it will take. All of that really depends on the immigration officer who reviews your file. I'm just saying that you shouldn't assume the application will be refused due to minimal evidence.

As scylla mentioned, you do run the risk of CiC approving the application with minimal evidence. Once that happens, you are then on the hook for 3 years. But at the same time, the husband would get conditional 51 PR. So you could then call CIC of the marriage breakdown and his PR status would get revoked and he would have to return to India. Do you really want to deal with this? Now you have a husband you don't like living with you and have to deal with him when he finds out his PR is being revoked. How would he react to this with him in Canada with you? Would not be a pretty scene to see.

Honestly though, if you really dislike him and don't want to confront the problem in person, don't do the PR sponsorship and tell him that you are divorcing him.

 

[user828]

Why is everyone so rough on her - she is basically asking for help and it's not easy being in a strange predicament like this. It's really not easy to shrug parents off like that ( especially when it's a woman )

Have some empathy people

 

[chakrab]

As for the "NO" right to end the PR sponsorship is complete bull. You have every right as a sponsor to cancel the PR application at any stage of the PR process even right up to day before husband land. But that would be cutting it too close for comfort time to cancel. But point being is that you have every right to cancel the process at any stage of the process. Just a phone call away.

as i see it, there won't be a need for ending the PR process. i doubt she will file for one in this situation and even if she does, the file will be incomplete. the applicant isn't interested in gathering all the required supporting documentation.

another thread where our opinion simply doesn't matter because there is no real problem to solve.

 

[screech339]

Why is everyone so rough on her - she is basically asking for help and it's not easy being in a strange predicament like this. It's really not easy to shrug parents off like that ( especially when it's a woman )

Have some empathy people

I sympathize with her and her predicament she is under. But she needs to know what she is getting herself into. The more informed she is the better she can make her decision without her emotions clouding the long term consequences of proceeding with the application. With minimal evidence CIC could possibly accept the application in full and proceeding with it (unlikely chance but possible).

Screech339

 

[steerpike]

Why is everyone so rough on her - she is basically asking for help and it's not easy being in a strange predicament like this. It's really not easy to shrug parents off like that ( especially when it's a a woman )

Have some empathy people

I agree. People are showing very little sympathy, calling her names, getting angry, and failing to understand her difficult situation.

In Canadian society we no longer have an honour associated with family. None. Family, and especially marriage are essenetially meaningless in Canadian society, vestigages of a bygone era where people made "commitements" to one another. How quaint.

As a society, we have transfered that honour and loyalty that used to belong with the family, to the state. The Nation is now the "family unit" that must be honoured. Cheat on your spouse all you want but Lord help you if you cheat on your taxes! Unquestioned loyality is demanded, and betrayal of that unit is dealt with very harasshly indeed. In ancient times, an adulteress (a betrayer of the family unit) would be executed. In modern times we find that barbaric, but traitors (betrayers of the nation unit) can be executed. (althought only 2 traitors have been executed in Canada, one after WW2).

But Pakistan is different and posters should take that into account. From reading her story it seems to me that the family and the husband are mainly concerned with preserving their honour, not so much preserving the marriage. If the marriage can be dissolved without anyone losing honour, then the family will likely be satisfied. So the OP is looking for a way to end the marriage without destroying the honour of herself and her family.

 

[chakrab]

I agree. People are showing very little sympathy, calling her names, getting angry, and failing to understand her difficult situation.

In Canadian society we no longer have an honour associated with family. None. Family, and especially marriage are essenetially meaningless in Canadian society, vestigages of a bygone era where people made "commitements" to one another. How quaint.

As a society, we have transfered that honour and loyalty that used to belong with the family, to the state. The Nation is now the "family unit" that must be honoured. Cheat on your spouse all you want but Lord help you if you cheat on your taxes! Unquestioned loyality is demanded, and betrayal of that unit is dealt with very harasshly indeed. In ancient times, an adulteress (a betrayer of the family unit) would be executed. In modern times we find that barbaric, but traitors (betrayers of the nation unit) can be executed. (althought only 2 traitors have been executed in Canada, one after WW2).

But Pakistan is different and posters should take that into account. From reading her story it seems to me that the family and the husband are mainly concerned with preserving their honour, not so much preserving the marriage. If the marriage can be dissolved without anyone losing honour, then the family will likely be satisfied. So the OP is looking for a way to end the marriage without destroying the honour of herself and her family.

I think people have empathy towards her, but they don't understand why she needs to pull CIC into this mess. With the processing time increasing every day, such cases will only make it worse. i dont think the husband was aware of her feelings towards the marriage. so i have empathy for the husband who is in a mess for no fault of his own. let's not just feel sad for her because she is a woman. if she had told the husband about it, the marriage wouldn't have taken place and no honour been smeared. there's a difference between honouring parents and shying away from responsibility. how can one still claim to honour the parents if the person is using every tactic to do exactly opposite of what they want and try to hide it from them.

 

[Becki567]

In Canadian society we no longer have an honour associated with family. None. Family, and especially marriage are essenetially meaningless in Canadian society, vestigages of a bygone era where people made "commitements" to one another. How quaint.

Lying to her family and planning to deceive them is honoring them? .....Uh huh

 

[Obronibini]

Lying to her family and planning to deceive them is honoring them? .....Uh huh

culture indeed!

 

[canuck_in_uk]

Family, and especially marriage are essenetially meaningless in Canadian society, vestigages of a bygone era where people made "commitements" to one another. How quaint.

Wow. Your family must suck for you to have such an opinion. My big Canadian family is the furthest thing from "meaningless" in my life; they are the most important part. My dad's parents were together for over 60 years before they died, my mom's parents are still going strong after 60 years, my parents have been married for 35 years and all of my aunts and uncles for 20+ or 30+ years, so I definitely don't see marriage as meaningless either.

I guess there are some Canadians who don't see family and marriage as important, just as there are such people in every country, but that is far from the norm for Canada.

 

[Rainbow.Rainbow]

Dear Sister Princess,

My suggestion is that do not make your life difficult. Accept him as is what he is-accept him as a full package. Once both of you will be closed you can change him according to your likings. We should learn how to groom our dear ones and your spouse is the most dearest person in your life so pay attention to him and tell him that you want him to be "like" that.

Your life will be more miserable once you will be a divorced girl even without rukhsati. I give you my rule of life " I do not believe in taking right decisions. I take decisions, and make them right-inshaALLAH". So you or your older ones took the decision and now you have to make it right.

May Allah subhanwatala help you to reach to the right decision and make your life easy-ameen.

 

[user828]

Unfortunately, your post has invited all sorts of negative comments towards Pakistan from people who just need the chance to malign its name and vent out their hidden prejudice. Yes, there are all sorts of issues and problems in Pakistan, yes there are people who would marry for PR sake only but is it just Pakistan??? All of you badmouthing Pakistan and Pakistanis should first look at your own countries, everyone knows which countries are notorious for fake marriages, which countries export the mafia groups to Canada.... but only pakistanis are made to suffer because we do not enjoy the special and historical political relations with Canada, because we do not have a strong lobby.

As for your situation sister, I can understand your point but it is not the right forum nor the right way to end a marriage. Whatever you do, do not file the application if you are not genuinely interested in continuing the relationship, as other people pointed out, try to talk to your family and convince them

Mafia like Godfather!

 

[JMOBhatti]

Thankyou for being so honest and giving your opinion. I can tell you that your absolutely right about everything except that I like another person. You have misjudged be about that but that's okay. I don't like any other person.


Accept my cordial apology for that.

Your advice for talking to my parents in that way I have already tried many times and they did not agree. They told me I'm in this and now I have to stay in it whether I like it or not and compromise.

I know some one in Montreal who passed through this situation. Let me talk to her and if she approves, I can mail you her details. May be it helps for you.

I do believe in the sunnah of the Holy Prophet (s.a.w) and I am extremely upset and ashamed that this is the way a nikkah is being handled. I never imagined that when I thought of a nikkah or marriage. but unfortunately my circumstances just became that way that left me no choice but to come to this.

Allah never burden a soul beyond that it can bear.


I completely agree with you and understand that not only will this effect me, my spouse and our families but it will effect every other pakistan who goes through the immigration process and I'm not happy about that. I would never want to harm others, and ruin things for others. But I'm honestly so helpless, I have no idea what else I can do...

Don't worry about any one. Think for your self standing after the whole scenario. Though your action may impact the stats for others but marginally. One of my Quebecois friend says: "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not in fact surrounded by axxholes" ........sorry for the language!

I believe this application getting denied like other applications get denied, maybe even without talking about any fraudulent marraige or stating my situation in a letter, by just sending a weak application the way mine is without good proof will save a lot from happening afterwards. Because after it'll be too late, and will harm everyone ten times more where as if it's denied now and comes to end, it's not too late to recover from it. I do believe in the sunnah of the Prophet and I will definitely turn to istikara like you have suggested if it comes down to it. Thankyou for your advice, I really appreciate it!

You are welcome. May Allah SWT help you.

 

[commonlawsponsor]

I think it is good that everyone is being honest, direct and telling her all the implications of her decision. But calling her dumb, is quite frankly dumb on your part. It is easy saying you know the right the thing to do, but much harder to try and emphasize with her.

I have good Canadian-Pakistani friends, from very liberal families. They were allowed to date whom they wanted but when they wanted to get married their parents met and didn't approve of their partner's families and told them they couldn't marry them. So they ended these relationships. When I told my partner about this, he was outraged, "Why wouldn't they tell their parents they don't care what they think, they are going to marry who they want and their parents can accept it or not." But a lot of the time it boils down to obeying their parents or being disowned from the family. I would never face that and it is hard for me to understand that is what life is like for them but I try to understand.

(I'm not saying I agree with her course of action but I'm trying to empathize with her)

My suggestion is that do not make your life difficult. Accept him as is what he is-accept him as a full package. Once both of you will be closed you can change him according to your likings. We should learn how to groom our dear ones and your spouse is the most dearest person in your life so pay attention to him and tell him that you want him to be "like" that.

I have always been told to accept people as they are, but that you shouldn't try to change to them. And I think that is the general consensus in modern Western society. Is the advice you gave her your personal advice or is it a more common attitude in your culture?

 

[azarme09]

What a disgusting reply.
People like you are the reason I don't like my Pakistani nationality. Your thinking is stuck in the 6th century. I'm divorced too & it did NOT make my life miserable. In fact, I'm very happy now than ever before. Please keep this godbot preachy stuff to yourself. She should not have to sacrifice her happiness because she signed a piece of paper, that too out of pressure & coercion.

Dear Sister Princess,

My suggestion is that do not make your life difficult. Accept him as is what he is-accept him as a full package. Once both of you will be closed you can change him according to your likings. We should learn how to groom our dear ones and your spouse is the most dearest person in your life so pay attention to him and tell him that you want him to be "like" that.

Your life will be more miserable once you will be a divorced girl even without rukhsati. I give you my rule of life " I do not believe in taking right decisions. I take decisions, and make them right-inshaALLAH". So you or your older ones took the decision and now you have to make it right.

May Allah subhanwatala help you to reach to the right decision and make your life easy-ameen.