I am kind of glad that I'm not the only one who feels like my rights are being trampled too. To Louisa and Trish, hell ya I cry. Often when I'm talking to him on skype. It's just soooooooooooooo frustrating.
I too have harboured thoughts of just going. Dropping everything and leaving for Egypt. He has homes there and a business and always tells me that Egypt would welcome me. Like some of you though, I have children in Canada and cannot leave them. So here I sit; between a rock and a hard place. Be a good mother or be a good wife. My husband is patient, he believes as I do that it would be unpardonable sin for us to put ourselves above the kids, but somedays, it's so hard.
We could have had a child by now and I'm not getting any younger. I really want to fulfill our family together and I'm becoming convinced that I will pass my child-bearing years before he's ever approved. I will not forgive myself if this should happen. I often joke with him that he should have just forbade me to leave Egypt the last time I was there. This would soothe my conscience at least, but not his.
Some nights when we talk on skype, he can't even speak he is so sad. His father just passed away in May and he is alone in Egypt as I am alone in Canada. He works, works and sleeps sometimes. Doesnt eat a lot and has lost weight so badly since we were last together. I feel like the worst wife in the universe. I often ask him if he ever regrets me. He could have married locally and been a father and husband and had companionship when he most needed it. He assures me he could never regret me because there is no woman like me in the world.
Elhamdulellah he says, this time apart has given us ample opportunity to learn more about each other and just how strong our love is.
I just want him. I feel helpless and it's not a feeling I enjoy. I am considering chucking the application and going to Egypt if I have no forward momentum to show by the new year. I cannot live without him you see, and it is plain that he is not living well without me. True love is hard to find, some of us never do find it. I love him like no man in my entire life and he makes me feel safe, comfortable and cherished.
Okay, so that there's some point to my self-pity party; our file was received May 19th, 2011 in Ottawa for processing. I had my sponsorship approval before that. Does ANYONE have any really REALISTIC idea of how much time we have left? Just knowing would help.
Thanks
and ma'salam
Dominique