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IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

cansha

VIP Member
Aug 1, 2018
6,676
5,855
@cansha trying to borrow your precious time :)

Fewer schools are requiring children to learn and improve their handwriting skills. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of this trend?

Handwriting skills are one of the oldest skills among people. Some schools want their children to inculcate and develop their handwriting skills. In my opinion, these skills are immensely advantageous in the long run, though there are few disadvantages it might bring for school-goers.

Despite the disadvantages below, I believe there are multiple benefits of learning and improving writing skills. One good reason of establishing good handwriting is the level of patience students acquire from this talent. This is because perfectly writing using hands is time-consuming, and that indirectly contributes into development of patience in children. Another positive outcome of this is that children become more hardworking. The main reason behind this is that, at schools, children write diverse range of long assignments with hand, and this increases their overall efficiency towards task accomplishment on time. Recent research published in 2019 reveled that 90 percent children who write their notes with hands are smart and intelligent in studies.

Nevertheless, there are few downsides of focusing more on learn and improve writing with hands. One negative aspect of this trend by some schools is that this might deviate the main focus of students from studies. This is because there are many other important subjects such as Science and Technology, these require more attention than handwriting style. Second disadvantage of giving importance to handwriting is that this can create unnecessary burden on students. At schools, majority of the students are already overbooked with their current curriculum, if they are forced to improve another skill which may not be that important for them in future, can increase their anxiety and stress.

In conclusion, although there are some negative outcomes of learning and improving handwriting skills, I personally believe that there are more advantages that are indispensable for children's schooling; therefore, in my view, benefits of handwriting clearly outweigh any disadvantage it might bring.
Here is summary of your essay

BP1: Advantages of focusing on handwriting
- Increases patience
- Makes children hardworking

BP2: Disadvantages
- Deviates from main focus of studies
- Unnecessary burden on students
- May increase anxiety and stress

Not sure based on above two paragraphs it is clear that focusing on handwriting has more advantages as you conclude. Think about it!
 
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Saleemasif3088

Star Member
Mar 2, 2020
74
35
Hi, I'm new here and I would highly appreciate if someone could review my essay

Task : Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school.Do the advantages overweigh the disadvatages ?

It is thought by certain specialists that it is more beneficial for the younger population commencing their foreign language fostering during elementary education as opposed to the high school period. I believe that learning another language at an early stage of education would certainly aid pupils to foster a language quicker and provide them the confidence to use the language communicatively, but there will also be some drawbacks.

Admittedly, there are some basic benefits of children learning a foreign language at primary school compared to secondary school. Firstly, it would mean faster fostering of another language which, on the long run, would help children become fluent in that language. The process of globalization emphasizes the high importance of such training at an early age. Secondly, it has been proved that children gain self-confidence about second language usage if they start learning it between ages 7- 12 . This would additionally increase their communication competence without major hesitations when they find themselves in a situation to use the language.

Nevertheless, despite the above advantages, I believe children face minor issues from acquiring a new language in early education. One problem is when a second language is being learned by elementary students, it needlessly creates miscomprehension of complex language structures. In other words, each language has its own grammatical complexity which is often dealt with difficulty by children, while teenagers grasp these structures faster. Another negative aspect is that elementary students have a limited vocabulary and it could result in a lack of high-level words usage while communicating. Having sufficient word range is necessary for successful communication in any language so if this interferes with their language performance, it can be a problem.

In conclusion, while elementary students might have issues of understanding complicated structures and communicating on the second language due to their limitations in terms of vocabulary, the mentioned advantages greatly outweigh them.
Band 6.5 for many reasons.
 

marosa

Hero Member
Oct 9, 2018
249
122
Armenia
NOC Code......
1111
@cansha @H0peAndFa1th

Dears, hope you're doing well. It's my 5th attempt next week, could you please evaluate my essay? Thanks))))


Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organizations.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.


Along with the economic development during the past few decades, the job market has developed accordingly and is now offering greater employment opportunities than ever before. This phenomenon has led to a wider freedom of choice for employees, when it comes to selecting which company to work for. While some argue that it is more beneficial to permanently work for the same employer throughout the whole career, I believe that professionals would benefit more from occasionally switching their workplaces, since this way it is possible to develop unique soft skills.

Admittedly, remaining at a particular firm during the whole career may be advantageous in terms of not having to waste time and energy on adapting to ever-changing work environment. As long as a person has integrated to the corporate culture of the hiring organisation, they no longer need to worry about any stressful situations with regards to how to deal with the environment or how to set up interpersonal connections with colleagues. Therefore shall a new graduate decide to concentrate on a continuous enhancement of technical knowledge and skills, they might not wish to change the employer.

On the other hand, changing the employing company from time to time can enable people to develop essential non-technical skills, such as stress management and emotional intelligence. Every time we change jobs, we are forced to leave our so-called comfort zones and to enter an unfamiliar space, where we need to get acquainted with new people, culture, values and ethical norms. This means that to become a complete member of a new organisation it is required to educate oneself on how to be more open-minded, flexible, team-oriented and stress-resistant. Possession of such skills is a great competitive advantage, when it comes to deciding who to promote to managerial positions. It is no wonder that according to Armnews, 80% of most successful top managers worldwide are those, who have worked for at least 3 employers during their careers.

To conclude, despite the fact that being loyal to the same employer during the whole working life may result in such an advantage, as being able to focus on one’s technical skills, I opine that it is more desirable to work for different companies.
 

sandeepkumar9788

Full Member
Feb 25, 2020
20
7
@cansha @H0peAndFa1th

I'm taking IELTS for the 7th time this Sunday. I was stuck at writing - 6/6.5 on my previous attempts. Please check the essay below and provide your valuable feedback. I'm writing this essay after incorporating the suggestions you gave to others in the forum.

In many places, new homes are needed, but the only spaces available for building them is the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there.

what is your opinion about this ?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.


In many countries, there is an increasing need for houses which can only be built in villages owing to space constraint in cities. However, many fear that this move may cause damage to countryside. In my opinion, constructing new homes in countryside is beneficial for all, as it reduces space constraint in cities and helps in creating jobs in villages.

On the one hand, some fear that villages may suffer from pollution and rampant deforestation as a result of seamless construction activities. Consequently, these places might loose the beauty of their natural landscapes. In addition, it is believed that farmers may loose their land, due to illegal encroachments, which may eventually lead to loss of livelihood for them.However, this situation may not arise if it is ensured that these homes are built ethically.

On the other hand, constructing living spaces in the countryside is the need of the hour ,which I concur with ,as it offers an alternative solution to the problem of lack of space to build new homes in cities. Thus, the nightmare of resource shortage, in cities, can be avoided. Furthermore, setting up ethical practices to build homes with minimal carbon footprints as well as offering jobs to the families of those farmers, who sold their lands in order to help build houses ,is immensely beneficial for these village communities. A good example is - building homes ,for a slum called Dharavi has demonstrated that constructing homes in countryside with consent of the village community is favorable for all stakeholders and it did help to ease space constraint in Mumbai city.

In conclusion, although people may vary in opinions, I think that it is a advantageous for all people involved to build dwellings in villages than to construct them in cities.
 
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cansha

VIP Member
Aug 1, 2018
6,676
5,855
@cansha @H0peAndFa1th

I'm taking IELTS for the 7th time this Sunday. I was stuck at writing - 6/6.5 on my previous attempts. Please check the essay below and provide your valuable feedback. I'm writing this essay after incorporating the suggestions you gave to others in the forum.

In many places, new homes are needed, but the only spaces available for building them is the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there.

what is your opinion about this ?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.


In many countries, there is an increasing need for houses which can only be built in villages owing to space constraint in cities. However, many fear that this move may cause damage to countryside. In my opinion, constructing new homes in countryside is beneficial for all, as it reduces space constraint in cities and helps in creating jobs in villages.

On the one hand, some fear that villages may suffer from pollution and rampant deforestation as a result of seamless construction activities. Consequently, these places might loose the beauty of their natural landscapes. In addition, it is believed that farmers may loose their land, due to illegal encroachments, which may eventually lead to loss of livelihood for them.However, this situation may not arise if it is ensured that these homes are built ethically.

On the other hand, constructing living spaces in the countryside is the need of the hour ,which I concur with ,as it offers an alternative solution to the problem of lack of space to build new homes in cities. Thus, the nightmare of resource shortage, in cities, can be avoided. Furthermore, setting up ethical practices to build homes with minimal carbon footprints as well as offering jobs to the families of those farmers, who sold their lands in order to help build houses ,is immensely beneficial for these village communities. A good example is - building homes ,for a slum called Dharavi has demonstrated that constructing homes in countryside with consent of the village community is favorable for all stakeholders and it did help to ease space constraint in Mumbai city.

In conclusion, although people may vary in opinions, I think that it is a advantageous for all people involved to build dwellings in villages than to construct them in cities.
To be honest this essay is quite good. The language and ideas are clear and the flow is good as well.

A few points to consider

1. Your BP1 is lesser length compared to BP2. Try to keep them almost equal length. It is a minor point but it does help in essay look more balanced.

2. The weakest point in the essay is its conclusion. One liner conclusions are dangerous. Point 3.1 https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-90#post-7568485

Overall in my opinion this essay is closer to 7+ score. If you can just make sure your conclusion is stronger I don't see any reason why you should not get a 7 on exam.
 

Sohaibkq

Star Member
Nov 24, 2018
125
9
Please review:


Employers should give longer holidays to employees to help them do their job more efficiently. To what extent do you agree or disagree?



In today’s competitive professional world, managing employee leaves is becoming a challenging task for most organisations. There is an opinion that staff should be allowed longer vacations for more effective on job performance. I agree with this notion as doing so will refuel an employee physically and mentally and will also improve his loyalty towards the company.

To begin with, taking a scheduled long break from work is indeed crucial for regrouping and refuelling an employee. While I concede that a company may face short-term objectives deficit situation, it can be managed easily with efficient leaves scheduling. It is even advisable by the company’s HR policy to consume the leaves before the year ends. By availing long work leaves, an employee will find adequate spare time to spend with family and friends, resulting in better mental and physical health.

Furthermore, rewarding a worker with work break benefits increases his loyalty towards the company. It is a general phenomenon that professional world relies on output from both staff members and management. The encouragement an employee gets from benefits like paid holidays leaves the barrier of ownership on him, and he then bounces backs even harder for individual and company’s goals. As a result, the overall productivity increases as tasks are either finished on time or before time.

To conclude, although longer work breaks create a challenging situation for employers, it can be overcome by effective work-leave management as planned breaks are mandatory for an employee’s personal and professional growth in the long run.
 

Vyn

Star Member
Aug 15, 2019
146
26
Dear Cansha kindly evaluate..thank you in advance.

Topic
Some people believe that if people are allowed to work after the age of 60, it would cause problems for younger people. Do you agree or disagree?

Answer

Many people believe that it is fine to allow workers to continue with the employment even if they are above 60 years of age, but others have contradicting views about it. Some say it will definitely have an effect on the career of the younger generation. In my opinion, I think it is more beneficial if seniors are given opportunities to expand their skills and knowledge regardless of their age.

To expand with my opinion, I believe health is the most important factor to consider in deciding whether an employee can continue to work or not. There are cases that an employee cannot function well at work due to medical concerns -regardless of what age group the employee does belong. Anyone can fall sick, especially one that is not an advocate of healthy lifestyle. Furthermore, senior level employees have earned years of hard work and experience that are valuable to the company and economy. It is a good platform for the younger generation to learn from them how to be resilient and have constructive and wise decisions in the work environment. The extended years of service given to seniors also means an increase in tax payments resulting in having more funds for community development, which is crucial to formulate more job opportunities.

Moreover, the extension will also reduce the population of older people with neurological and psychological medical conditions. There were studies that a busy mind helps prevent memory loss. It is said that older generations who still perform daily activities have developed a much healthier disposition in life. Some are happier and have a positive mindset in all areas. Allowing older people to continue working, as long as they are strong and healthy, benefits the younger generation too. The elderly can help develop empathy, resiliency, perseverance, and loyalty to younger generations. These sets of skills are fundamental for the success of a company and society, unfortunately, these skills are not that easy to learn and acquire by simply reading books.

To recapitulate, the majority have agreed that allowing people to work even after the age of 60 would negatively affect the career of those in the younger group. In my view, this is not the case, there are more positive effects that would benefit both of the age group.
 
Last edited:

Sohaibkq

Star Member
Nov 24, 2018
125
9
Please review:

Many people think that too much attention and resources are given to the protection of wild animals and birds.

Do you agree or disagree?

In recent times, many people have started objecting on excessive attention and resources being devoted for the protection of wildlife. I disagree with them by a great extent and instead believe that there is still a need for allocating further resources to control extinction issues and the benefits it brings alongside.

To begin with, every species of wildlife has their own unique role in our ecosystem and hence their protection becomes mandatory. While I concede that there are many chronic issues for humans to focus on, saving wildlife from annihilation cannot be ignored by any means. The wild animals and birds are an asset to our planet, but unfortunately in the recent times they are becoming an endangered species due to overhunting and invasion of humans in their habitat. Taking an example of some bats species, they play an important role in controlling the insect population. Hence spending resources to save their current and future generations will not go in vain.

Furthermore, wild creatures provide monetary benefits for economies and also aid in the field of health. For reservation and protection, wild animals are often moved to gated enclosures which are opened for the public to view. This gains plenty of public attention, and as a result it generates ample income. Along with this, wild animals are often used as experimental grounds for testing various anti-illness medicines which in otherwise becomes impossible to test and bring any favourable outcome.

To conclude, although there are alternate areas which require excessive attention, the protection and wildlife cannot be ignored as it is an obligation on the current generation of human beings to save them from extinction for their future.
 

sandeepkumar9788

Full Member
Feb 25, 2020
20
7
@cansha Kindly review this essay. Please let me know the ways in which I can improve to make it worth 8/8.5.

In some areas of the US, a ‘curfrew’ is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult.

What is your opinion about this?

Given reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.


In certain areas of US, adolescents are curtailed from venturing outdoors, during specific hours of night, unless they are along with an adult. In my view, this stringent rule not only helps to reduce road accidents but also curbs drug trafficking cases in the society.

Preventing teenagers from driving during specific time period of night, to start with, helps to dramatically reduce road mishaps caused by drunken driving as they are the ones who, mostly, overlook road safety rules. Also, this shall push adults to supervise their wards and help them drive responsibly. In addition, this move helps in minimizing the number of teenage drivers who have no experience in driving whatsoever. Therefore, this results in safer roads without having to invest more in increasing traffic police force.

Keeping adolescents away from streets unless otherwise supervised, will thwart the serious problem of drug trafficking which can, consequently, help reduce the substance abuse cases in the community. Until the distribution network of drugs, in which teenagers often play a major role, is disintegrated, it is impossible to address the drug menace. An example of this is the lock down imposed by Ohio state police in order to restrict teenagers during the night hours which eventually brought down the illegal drug related crimes by 40% over a span of a year.

To sum up, restricting teenagers to their homes in certain period during night is an effective way to keep the crime rate low and roads safe.
 

sandeepkumar9788

Full Member
Feb 25, 2020
20
7
@cansha Kindly review this essay. Please let me know the ways in which I can improve to make it worth 8/8.5.

In some areas of the US, a ‘curfrew’ is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult.

What is your opinion about this?

Given reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.


In certain areas of US, adolescents are curtailed from venturing outdoors, during specific hours of night, unless they are along with an adult. In my view, this stringent rule not only helps to reduce road accidents but also curbs drug trafficking cases in the society.

Preventing teenagers from driving during specific time period of night, to start with, helps to dramatically reduce road mishaps caused by drunken driving as they are the ones who, mostly, overlook road safety rules. Also, this shall push adults to supervise their wards and help them drive responsibly. In addition, this move helps in minimizing the number of teenage drivers who have no experience in driving whatsoever. Therefore, this results in safer roads without having to invest more in increasing traffic police force.

Keeping adolescents away from streets unless otherwise supervised, will thwart the serious problem of drug trafficking which can, consequently, help reduce the substance abuse cases in the community. Until the distribution network of drugs, in which teenagers often play a major role, is disintegrated, it is impossible to address the drug menace. An example of this is the lock down imposed by Ohio state police in order to restrict teenagers during the night hours which eventually brought down the illegal drug related crimes by 40% over a span of a year.

To sum up, restricting teenagers to their homes in certain period during night is an effective way to keep the crime rate low and roads safe.
@cansha @H0peAndFa1th Kindly provide your feedback. I have the exam in a couple of days.
 

sandeepkumar9788

Full Member
Feb 25, 2020
20
7
@cansha @H0peAndFa1th

Please review this essay too and highlight the areas of improvement

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result.

Why do many working people not get enough exercise?

What can be done about this problem?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


An increasing number of employees are not giving importance to fitness, in their daily schedule, therefore, leading to health issues. This problem is primarily because of time constraint and lack of awareness among them; However, it can be resolved if employers as well as government takes initiatives with regards to health.

A fundamental reason due to which working people do not get to exercise is their hectic lifestyle. What is more, the long working hours leave them with no energy to even eat let alone take care of fitness. Furthermore, over the weekends, they cater to the needs of the family leaving them with no scope to participate in fitness related activities. Thus, fitness is never a part of their daily routines.

To curtail this problem, employers need to step-up and conduct events or awareness drives related to fitness, such as marathons. Additionally, the participants ought to be appreciated and incentivized which will encourage them to imbibe exercise as a habit. By the same token, government needs to launch nationwide health campaign and help organize community level gatherings which inculcate knowledge on long-term health benefits of working out. A brilliant example of this is the international yoga day campaign launched by government of India which emphasizes the importance of yoga and the role it plays in improving physical growth.

As lack of time and knowledge on importance of health, to sum up, are the reasons for working population not practicing healthy routines, it is only with the synergized initiatives of employers and government, towards fitness, that this problem can be mitigated.
 

Arry2019

Full Member
Jun 8, 2019
31
17
Can someone please review this essay that I just wrote? Please help me, thanks.

Influence of human beings on the world's ecosystem is leading to the extinction of species and loss of bio-diversity.

What are the primary causes of loss of bio-diversity?

What solutions can you suggest?


Despite the fact that human beings are wise, their activities are taking a toll on the world’s biodiversity, leading to massive extinction of priceless species. This essay will examine the primary causes of such activities and possible scientific solutions to will be described.

Out of the several causes, over utilisation of natural resources and artificial pollution are found to play a crucial role in destructing the ecosystem. Human beings are exploiting nature for their own needs without imagining the repercussions. For instance, deforestation in many parts of the world has led to ever-increasing global temperature and thereby, is causing an imbalance in the ecosystem. Moreover, the exponential increase in pollution levels is having a detrimental impact on all species including humans. For example, large industries, factories and vehicles are producing harmful effluents and are emitting deadly gases into the atmosphere providing a way for new diseases. Thus, it can be seen that excessive usage of resources and uncontrolled pollution levels are the main causes of the loss of biodiversity.

Some of the possible solutions for these primary causes are the creation and maintenance of protected areas and, implementation of regulations on pollution levels. Sectioning areas of land into different zones and protecting them is found to be very effective in preventing overuse of natural resources. Furthermore, despite mere regulations, additional laws and restrictions should be implemented to curtail excessive pollution. Not only law enforcement agencies, but also communities should come forward and hold hands together, to protect our biodiversity.

To recapitulate, people’s activities can cause several damages to the environment. However, through proper education and stringent measures, we can hopefully bring down the rate of extinction of species and thereby preserve our ecosystem.
 

marosa

Hero Member
Oct 9, 2018
249
122
Armenia
NOC Code......
1111
Dears!

After struggling for about 1.5 years (took 4 exams and every time it was something like R8.5-9, L8.5-9, S7.5-8, W6.5) I finally got scores I didn't even hope for - R9, L9, W8, S7.5. This gave me CLB 10, which I'd never even targeted.

So here I just wanted to share what exactly I did differently this time.

  • First of all, this was my very first time doing Computer-delivered test and this gave me a few advantages (does not mean it will work for everyone):
1. I did not have to worry about my handwriting, which let's say is not the clearest one.
2. I type much faster and much more accurate than I write, so I had time to check my essay in the end.
3. It took me less time to check and correct mistakes afterwards.
4. I was able to restructure my essay after I finished. I mean, first I wrote my ideas in the order they came to my mind, but after reading my essay I was able to move my sentences back and forth.


  • Secondly, I decided to do 3 BP's instead of 2.

My question was something like "Nowadays many use machine translators instead of professionals. Do advantages outweigh disadvantages?"

So my essay had the following structure (the wording was obviously different from what I'll write below):
----------------------------------------------------------
Intro
1.
I simply paraphrased the 1st sentence of the question. 2. I said that despite the advantage of saving time (this would be the main idea of BP1), in my opinion the disadvantages like poor quality (BP2) and potential job market crisis (BP3) outweigh it.

BP 1
3.
Admittedly, it saves time to use automated translating tools like Google Translate, iTranslate...... 4. Complex texts that would take days or even weeks to translate before can now be translated within seconds. 5. Therefore, no wonder currently many business and individuals opt for this method.

BP 2
6.
On the other hand, online translators don't give the quality a professional translator or interpreter would give. 7. Machine may not be able to understand the complex idea a human brain has generated and therefore will not give a precise translation. 8. In most cases one can clearly differentiate a translation done my a machine from that performed by a human.

BP 3
9.
Another point to consider is that many professionals can be left without jobs. 10. Ever since globalization many business had to deal with foreign partners and the demand for translators increased. 11. So shall businesses decide to switch to automated translators, thousands of people will be left without jobs all over the world. 12. There are already examples of many professions that were replaced by robot powered solutions.

Conclusion

To conclude, and paraphrased sentence 2.
----------------------------------------------------------

I might be missing some sentences here, but the overall structure was like that.



  • Also, I did not bring statistical or other direct l examples from reports, articles etc., as many tutors suggest.
I did not use the link "for example" too often either. Maybe just once. The idea here is that if your example is clear and accurate enough, there is no need to say "for example" or "to illustrate", since it is clear for the reader that you have brought an example there.

  • As for the word-count: as I've already said, I type much much faster than I write (guess like most), so I managed to write 250 words for task 1 and 450 words for task 2. This DOES NOT MEAN the more you write, the higher you get. Because when your letter/essay is too long, there is more chance you'll start writing off topic at a certain point, which will even have a negative impact on your score. So you should be really careful with this. However if you are able to exclusively address the question you are asked throughout the whole text, I assume the more you write, the wider vocabulary and grammar range you will be able to show to the examiner. Which may indeed result in a higher score. :)

  • You do not need to paraphrase everything all the time. You do not need to write complicated (not to confuse with "complex") long sentences*. But still, you need to show a wide range of vocabulary and grammar, just like a native speaker would.

*If you are reading your own sentence and by the time you've got to the end you already forgot what you started with or what your sentence was about - restructure it, e.g. break it into smaller sentences, eliminate some words, add proper links etc. :)

Oh and @cansha @H0peAndFa1th Guys, thank you so much for your time and patience!!!
 

cansha

VIP Member
Aug 1, 2018
6,676
5,855
Dears!

After struggling for about 1.5 years (took 4 exams and every time it was something like R8.5-9, L8.5-9, S7.5-8, W6.5) I finally got scores I didn't even hope for - R9, L9, W8, S7.5. This gave me CLB 10, which I'd never even targeted.

So here I just wanted to share what exactly I did differently this time.

  • First of all, this was my very first time doing Computer-delivered test and this gave me a few advantages (does not mean it will work for everyone):
1. I did not have to worry about my handwriting, which let's say is not the clearest one.
2. I type much faster and much more accurate than I write, so I had time to check my essay in the end.
3. It took me less time to check and correct mistakes afterwards.
4. I was able to restructure my essay after I finished. I mean, first I wrote my ideas in the order they came to my mind, but after reading my essay I was able to move my sentences back and forth.


  • Secondly, I decided to do 3 BP's instead of 2.

My question was something like "Nowadays many use machine translators instead of professionals. Do advantages outweigh disadvantages?"

So my essay had the following structure (the wording was obviously different from what I'll write below):
----------------------------------------------------------
Intro
1.
I simply paraphrased the 1st sentence of the question. 2. I said that despite the advantage of saving time (this would be the main idea of BP1), in my opinion the disadvantages like poor quality (BP2) and potential job market crisis (BP3) outweigh it.

BP 1
3.
Admittedly, it saves time to use automated translating tools like Google Translate, iTranslate...... 4. Complex texts that would take days or even weeks to translate before can now be translated within seconds. 5. Therefore, no wonder currently many business and individuals opt for this method.

BP 2
6.
On the other hand, online translators don't give the quality a professional translator or interpreter would give. 7. Machine may not be able to understand the complex idea a human brain has generated and therefore will not give a precise translation. 8. In most cases one can clearly differentiate a translation done my a machine from that performed by a human.

BP 3
9.
Another point to consider is that many professionals can be left without jobs. 10. Ever since globalization many business had to deal with foreign partners and the demand for translators increased. 11. So shall businesses decide to switch to automated translators, thousands of people will be left without jobs all over the world. 12. There are already examples of many professions that were replaced by robot powered solutions.

Conclusion

To conclude, and paraphrased sentence 2.
----------------------------------------------------------

I might be missing some sentences here, but the overall structure was like that.



  • Also, I did not bring statistical or other direct l examples from reports, articles etc., as many tutors suggest.
I did not use the link "for example" too often either. Maybe just once. The idea here is that if your example is clear and accurate enough, there is no need to say "for example" or "to illustrate", since it is clear for the reader that you have brought an example there.

  • As for the word-count: as I've already said, I type much much faster than I write (guess like most), so I managed to write 250 words for task 1 and 450 words for task 2. This DOES NOT MEAN the more you write, the higher you get. Because when your letter/essay is too long, there is more chance you'll start writing off topic at a certain point, which will even have a negative impact on your score. So you should be really careful with this. However if you are able to exclusively address the question you are asked throughout the whole text, I assume the more you write, the wider vocabulary and grammar range you will be able to show to the examiner. Which may indeed result in a higher score. :)

  • You do not need to paraphrase everything all the time. You do not need to write complicated (not to confuse with "complex") long sentences*. But still, you need to show a wide range of vocabulary and grammar, just like a native speaker would.

*If you are reading your own sentence and by the time you've got to the end you already forgot what you started with or what your sentence was about - restructure it, e.g. break it into smaller sentences, eliminate some words, add proper links etc. :)

Oh and @cansha @H0peAndFa1th Guys, thank you so much for your time and patience!!!
Wow .. Congrats!! Great score and wonderful story. Wish you all the best for next steps.
 
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