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IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

AB17

Star Member
Apr 4, 2019
180
98
1. Sir, I always try to write 2 main paras to support my opinion. However, I think I must add opposite view also and contradict it to show my argumentative skills also along with supporting skills. Is writing 2 main BP's and support them or write 2 main and one opposite view is good for opinion essays?
2. I will try to add simpler examples that goes with flow and do not sound absurd that you may have felt.
3. I'll try to work on synonyms but I think due to exam pressures these errors may happen. I thinking practicing more is a key here.
Thanks so much!
Dont Sir me. :eek: Marosa raised a same question so i am writing a common response to both your posts here. Giving opposite view is definitely a plus point. However, you really need to have good command over english to convince reader with the both views, keeping in mind the constraint of distributing words. I hope you get my point there is time limit as well. How many words can you write in opposite section and in main body paragraphs. Opinion essays are about convincing the reader.. if you spend time on writing opposite view at the same time your main body paragraph lack reasoning, you basically lost the race.

As an average writer myself, I really avoid writing both sides unless its a discussion essay.


Tbh I don't see any problem with having the BP1. In general, many tutors say it is ok to give both sides, even if it's an opinion essay. So, even if they ask is smth good or bad in you opinion?, you can still say that even though there's smth bad about this, good prevails, so your opinion is that it's good. Maybe more research should be done on this question? Because it seems ok to me.

And for "to what extent do you agree" question that's the safest thing to do. That's when you say you MAINLY agree and then go with both sides.
 
May 3, 2017
199
42
Hi!

Please see in red.

Oh and please somebody correct me if I'm wrong.))))
1. despite some demerits: Main reason of including this was I want to present a clear opinion in a short sentence of the side that I agree with. I must have added it somewhere else but I always want a clear opinion with 2 Main supporting points - Isn't it correct?
2. admittedly : Sounds great! I used foremost with that point that I does not agree with. I AM WRONG HERE I GUESS.
3. However , Missed from rechecking.
4. as compared to : YES seems more academic
5. I guess I have more problem in exact paraphrasing where I try but end up repeating words.


Thanks
 
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AB17

Star Member
Apr 4, 2019
180
98
Honestly the first paragraph is not an opposite view per se. Question is fashionable clothes are increasing and whether its a good development or not.

Ideally, opposite view to your "good development" argument will be its a negative development for A.B.C reason. Whereas, your first paragraph gives justification of how fashionable clothing has become affordable due to competition .
 
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May 3, 2017
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I'll be greatful if someone can review this essay and provide feedback
Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result.

Why do many working people not get enough exercise?

What can be done about this problem?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


An increasing number of employees are not giving importance to fitness, (without comma is fine - I think)in their daily schedule, therefore, leading to health issues. This problem is primarily because of time constraint and lack of awareness among them; However (h should not be capitalised), it can be resolved if employers as well as government takes governments or the government and whether takes or take initiatives with regards to health.

A fundamental reason due to which working people do not get to exercise is their hectic lifestyle. What is more, the long working hours leave them with no energy to even eat let alone take care of fitness. Furthermore, over the weekends, they cater to the needs of the family, leaving them with no scope to participate in fitness related activities. Thus, fitness is never a part of their daily routines.

To curtail this problem, employers need to step-up and conduct events or awareness drives related to fitness, such as marathons. Additionally, the participants ought to be appreciated and incentivized which will encourage them to imbibe exercise as a habit. By the same token, government ( GOVERNMENTS) needs to launch nationwide health campaign and help organize community level gatherings which inculcate knowledge on long-term health benefits of working out. A brilliant example of this is the international yoga day campaign launched by the government of India which emphasizes the importance of yoga and the role it plays in improving physical growth.

As lack of time and knowledge on importance of health, to sum up,(i guess it should be at the beginning to clearly tell the reader this is conclusion) are the reasons for working population not practicing healthy routines, it is only with the synergized initiatives of employers and government, towards fitness, that this problem can be mitigated.

1. Send main para can be divided into 2 bps - one individuals point of view and secondly government - because of cohesion may be
2. I am seeing that there are some sentences that are quite long - you should try to reduce the number of words in them, especially ONE LONG SUPPORTING PARA. any mistake whether comma, cases, tense - will count as a sentence with error
3. in many sentences you'e used WHICH - try to show variety using THAT, WHICH, SINCE, BECAUSE (AVAILABLE), WHO
4. I am unsure about WHAT IS MORE, - Isn't it informal?
5. governments synonyms
 

marosa

Hero Member
Oct 9, 2018
249
122
Armenia
NOC Code......
1111
1. despite some demerits: Main reason of including this was I want to present a clear opinion in a short sentence of the side that I agree with. I must have added it somewhere else but I always want a clear opinion with 2 Main supporting points - Isn't it correct?
2. admittedly : Sounds great! I used foremost with that point that I does not agree with. I AM WRONG HERE I GUESS.
3. However , Missed from rechecking.
4. as compared to : YES seems more academic
5. I guess I have more problem in exact paraphrasing where I try but end up repeating words.


Thanks
It’s ok to say “Despite some demerits like high prices, I believe that popularization of fashionable clothing is a positive development both in terms of self-confidence and job market improvement” in the intro.

However I agree with AB17 that you should have a stronger main idea in BP1. Look, you’re saying it’s too costly, ok, but that’s not an issue on its own, right? So what’s the real problem there? That those, who don’t have enough money may become sort of outsiders in the society as compared to the growing number of people who do wear fashionable clothes. So the issue is more of a social context. And then you can say ok, but still such clothing has got cheaper During the past few years, so that shouldn’t be a big deal any longer. And then you can state that even moreover this trend has a positive impact on the society, as it solves the problem of jobless people. :)
 

marosa

Hero Member
Oct 9, 2018
249
122
Armenia
NOC Code......
1111
Dont Sir me. :eek: Marosa raised a same question so i am writing a common response to both your posts here. Giving opposite view is definitely a plus point. However, you really need to have good command over english to convince reader with the both views, keeping in mind the constraint of distributing words. I hope you get my point there is time limit as well. How many words can you write in opposite section and in main body paragraphs. Opinion essays are about convincing the reader.. if you spend time on writing opposite view at the same time your main body paragraph lack reasoning, you basically lost the race.

As an average writer myself, I really avoid writing both sides unless its a discussion essay.
Agreed. But if you’re taking CD IELTS you have more time, so 3 BPs is pretty manageable. I wrote 450 words in 30 mins + had time to check, paraphrase, restructure the essay afterwards. Not promoting to write that much though as it might be dangerous, I could’ve gone off topic easily))
 
May 3, 2017
199
42
It’s ok to say “Despite some demerits like high prices, I believe that popularization of fashionable clothing is a positive development both in terms of self-confidence and job market improvement” in the intro.

However I agree with AB17 that you should have a stronger main idea in BP1. Look, you’re saying it’s too costly, ok, but that’s not an issue on its own, right? So what’s the real problem there? That those, who don’t have enough money may become sort of outsiders in the society as compared to the growing number of people who do wear fashionable clothes. So the issue is more of a social context. And then you can say ok, but still such clothing has got cheaper During the past few years, so that shouldn’t be a big deal any longer. And then you can state that even moreover this trend has a positive impact on the society, as it solves the problem of jobless people. :)
When we contradict opposite view that means we are supporting our point.

Here I support POSITIVE DEVELOPMENT

COSTLY (NEGATIVE) - CONTRADICTED BECAUSE NO LONGER NOWADAYS (POSITIVE). I am in support of my point THROUGHOUT ESSAY (as it is required in Band descriptors) but I have mentioned opponents view also - a little bit.

Thank you very much!
 
May 3, 2017
199
42
Agreed. But if you’re taking CD IELTS you have more time, so 3 BPs is pretty manageable. I wrote 450 words in 30 mins + had time to check, paraphrase, restructure the essay afterwards. Not promoting to write that much though as it might be dangerous, I could’ve gone off topic easily))
Last one gave CD only. I am planning to give next before 31 only. I must refine writing in a few days.
 

AB17

Star Member
Apr 4, 2019
180
98
Agreed. But if you’re taking CD IELTS you have more time, so 3 BPs is pretty manageable. I wrote 450 words in 30 mins + had time to check, paraphrase, restructure the essay afterwards. Not promoting to write that much though as it might be dangerous, I could’ve gone off topic easily))
Yes its manageable but it also has to be logical enough to sit in context with the main argument. Its not easy task for all of us and is ideally for the ones who have capability of writing Band 8 or 9 level essay.

For people who want to achieve level 7 should write only one side strong enough to convince reader.
 
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marosa

Hero Member
Oct 9, 2018
249
122
Armenia
NOC Code......
1111
When we contradict opposite view that means we are supporting our point.

Here I support POSITIVE DEVELOPMENT

COSTLY (NEGATIVE) - CONTRADICTED BECAUSE NO LONGER NOWADAYS (POSITIVE). I am in support of my point THROUGHOUT ESSAY (as it is required in Band descriptors) but I have mentioned opponents view also - a little bit.

Thank you very much!
You still have to have a relevant main idea in BP1, even if that’s not the idea you support. So, your point is “there is a tiny demerit from fashionable clothing becoming more popular”. Whats that demerit? That because it’s getting more popular the few people who can’t afford it might not be accepted by the rest of the community.

When you simply say the demerit is that fashionable clothing is expensive, it’s like answering to the question “what’s the demerit of fashionable clothing”. Which is not the question of your essay. You know what I’m saying? To turn your argument into the answer to this particular question you need to say that fashionable clothing is expensive, so if more people wear it the remaining members of the society MIGHT become isolated. Now you can argue with me that you don’t support that point of view, ok, that’s why:

1. you use “MIGHT” and not “most probably will” - that’s how you express your attitude towards the situation, without saying “I don’t really agree to what I’ve just described, as there’s a tiny chance for that situation to take place”.
2. at the end of BP1 you’re claiming that even though believed by some, you opine that this point is not valid, due to high competition.
 
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marosa

Hero Member
Oct 9, 2018
249
122
Armenia
NOC Code......
1111
Yes its manageable but it also has to be logical enough to sit in context with the main argument. Its not easy task for all of us and is ideally for the ones who have capability of writing Band 8 or 9 level essay.

For people who want to achieve level 7 should write only one side strong enough to convince reader.
Agreed :)
 

marosa

Hero Member
Oct 9, 2018
249
122
Armenia
NOC Code......
1111
Last one gave CD only. I am planning to give next before 31 only. I must refine writing in a few days.
Read the question/task really carefully, take time to really-really understand what you’re asked (in the question they give you a clear instruction on what they expect from your essay), take time to plan what your main ideas are going to be and WHY. If you have a main idea, but you don’t know how to support it, leave it, don’t even start writing about it. Or for example if you’re a financial analyst and it’s easier for you to talk about the economic aspect of the question, but you personally believe that psychological aspect is more important in reality- you should definitely go for the economic aspect. The examiner doesn’t care about your personal opinion (unless you go too extreme or unethical, for example say that it’s awesome to kill animals), the examiner wants to know: how well you can understand and answer to the task, how well you can develop/structure your ideas, how wide your vocabulary range is and how well you deal with grammar.

You should plan your essay for about 5 mins and only then start writing. Don’t think you’re wasting time by doing so, in fact you save time, as in the future you know exactly what you’ll write.
 
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May 3, 2017
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Read the question/task really carefully, take time to really-really understand what you’re asked (in the question they give you a clear instruction on what they expect from your essay), take time to plan what your main ideas are going to be and WHY. If you have a main idea, but you don’t know how to support it, leave it, don’t even start writing about it. Or for example if you’re a financial analyst and it’s easier for you to talk about the economic aspect of the question, but you personally believe that psychological aspect is more important in reality- you should definitely go for the economic aspect. The examiner doesn’t care about your personal opinion (unless you go too extreme or unethical, for example say that it’s awesome to kill animals), the examiner wants to know: how well you can understand and answer to the task, how well you can develop/structure your ideas, how wide your vocabulary range is and how well you deal with grammar.

You should plan your essay for about 5 mins and only then start writing. Don’t think you’re wasting time by doing so, in fact you save time, as in the future you know exactly what you’ll write.
Absolutely Right
 

reesastark

Full Member
Mar 21, 2020
22
2
Hi everybody, I just have joined this great community and I am blessed. I was searching to find a useful source of information for immigration and I am happy that i finally succeed :)

I am working on my writing skills and at the beginning I want to know what is my level and my current score band.
I can not afford paying for English class and I am a self learner mother of a 2 years old cutie pie ;-)
here is my sample essay, I would be truly appreciated if any one knowledgeable can give information on its band as well as any suggestion for improvement.
Thanks you folks

Task: More and more people are relying on the internet as their major source of news and information. What advantages does the internet have for the average person? What disadvantages could it have now or in the future?

My essay:

Majority of people are using Internet as a convenient way to access different kinds of information such as news. Although this easy access way of receiving information makes the smooth and fast flow of information globally, however, there are certainly drawbacks that should be considered as well.

Internet is the fastest way of receiving information and updates on almost everything and it is certainly one of its advantages. Since Internet is being accessible globally, online network is transferring information rapidly across the world. Moreover, by means of Internet new source of receiving information and news have been born. There is no need to only check news agencies and official authorities to get updated about any things, instead, by use of online social networking, every single person can act as a content provider, a media or even a source for news.

On the other hand, Internet as a rapid and convenient source of information has obvious drawbacks. Firstly, not everything people find on Internet should assumed to be correct and reliable. Receiving misinformation can have significant harm on society as well as individuals. For instance, when a certain person receives unprofessional medical advice through internet or once a rumor false spread panic across the whole society. Secondly, when one can receive any information immediately with just a quick look at a website, he/she will be reluctant to spend time on reading a book or an article on that matter. Thus the next generation might be in an ocean of information with only 1 millimeter depth.

To sum up, while receiving information from Internet informs people around the world in the fastest way possible and even have revolutionized information transfer systems, people should watch out the misinformation traps and getting reluctant to reading professional text books.
 
Last edited:

marosa

Hero Member
Oct 9, 2018
249
122
Armenia
NOC Code......
1111
Hi!
Please see in red.

Overall, you first need to improve your grammar and vocabulary. I wonder how much time you have and what score you target. :)

Task: More and more people are relying on the internet as their major source of news and information. What advantages does the internet have for the average person? What disadvantages could it have now or in the future?

My essay:

Majority of people are using uses (btw, “majority” is not plural, so “are using” is wrong in any case) Internet as a convenient way to access different kinds of information such as including (it’s preferable to use “such as” if you’re going to name more than one example - “such as news and updates”.) news. Although this easy access way of receiving information makes the smooth and fast flow of information globally, however (1. No need to use any link if you have “although” at the beginning of your sentence, 2. Try to avoid using “however” as a link in the middle of a sentence. So if you want to use “however” you should do the following: “Such an easy access to information ensures its smooth and fast flow. However, there are certain drawbacks that should be considered as well.”), there are certainly drawbacks that should be considered as well.

Internet is the fastest way of receiving information and updates on almost everything and it is certainly one of its advantages. Since Internet is being accessible globally, online network is transferring information rapidly across the world (“Ever since the Internet has become accessible globally, information is transferred more rapidly across the world”, still you need another sentence to support your idea, you can ask yourself the question “so what?” and then answer to that question in the next sentence, e.g. “As a result, the society is aware of latest updates in shorter time and can therefore react to the changes much quicker.” You can also add an example here, like how people for example learnt about a recent accident and helped those in need, something like that. Moreover, by means of (due to, with the help of) Internet new sources of receiving information and news have been born. There is no need to only check news agencies and official authorities to get updated about any things, instead, by use of online social networking, every single person can act as a content provider, a media or even a source for news.

On the other hand, Internet as a rapid and convenient source of information has obvious drawbacks (this sentence is so controversial, it’s like you’re saying that due to its convenience internet has drawbacks. At least say “even though internet is convenient, it has some drawbacks”. But again like that you show your attitude/you opinion, while the task is to solely discuss both views, without giving an opinion) . Firstly, not everything people find on Internet should be assumed (grammar again, you don’t say “should did” or “should done”) to be correct and reliable. Receiving misinformation can have a significant harm on the society as well as individuals. For instance, when a certain person receives unprofessional medical advice through internet or once a rumor false spreads panic across the whole society. Secondly, when one can receives (grammar - when receives) any information immediately with just a quick look at a website, he/she will be (grammar - either “can” or just “”) reluctant to spend time on reading a book or an article on that matter. Thus, the next generation might be in an ocean of information with only 1 millimeter depth (I’m not sure about this phrase).

To sum up, while receiving information from Internet informs people around the world in the fastest way possible and even have revolutionized information transfer systems, people should watch out the misinformation traps and getting reluctant to reading professional text books.