Task: More and more people are relying on the internet as their major source of news and information. What advantages does the internet have for the average person? What disadvantages could it have now or in the future?
My essay:
Majority of people are using uses (btw, “majority” is not plural, so “are using” is wrong in any case) Internet as a convenient way to access different kinds of information such as including (it’s preferable to use “such as” if you’re going to name more than one example - “such as news and updates”.) news. Although this easy access way of receiving information makes the smooth and fast flow of information globally, however (1. No need to use any link if you have “although” at the beginning of your sentence, 2. Try to avoid using “however” as a link in the middle of a sentence. So if you want to use “however” you should do the following: “Such an easy access to information ensures its smooth and fast flow. However, there are certain drawbacks that should be considered as well.”), there are certainly drawbacks that should be considered as well.
Internet is the fastest way of receiving information and updates on almost everything and it is certainly one of its advantages. Since Internet is being accessible globally, online network is transferring information rapidly across the world (“Ever since the Internet has become accessible globally, information is transferred more rapidly across the world”, still you need another sentence to support your idea, you can ask yourself the question “so what?” and then answer to that question in the next sentence, e.g. “As a result, the society is aware of latest updates in shorter time and can therefore react to the changes much quicker.” You can also add an example here, like how people for example learnt about a recent accident and helped those in need, something like that. Moreover, by means of (due to, with the help of) Internet new sources of receiving information and news have been born. There is no need to only check news agencies and official authorities to get updated about any things, instead, by use of online social networking, every single person can act as a content provider, a media or even a source for news.
On the other hand, Internet as a rapid and convenient source of information has obvious drawbacks (this sentence is so controversial, it’s like you’re saying that due to its convenience internet has drawbacks. At least say “even though internet is convenient, it has some drawbacks”. But again like that you show your attitude/you opinion, while the task is to solely discuss both views, without giving an opinion) . Firstly, not everything people find on Internet should be assumed (grammar again, you don’t say “should did” or “should done”) to be correct and reliable. Receiving misinformation can have a significant harm on the society as well as individuals. For instance, when a certain person receives unprofessional medical advice through internet or once a rumor false spreads panic across the whole society. Secondly, when one can receives (grammar - when receives) any information immediately with just a quick look at a website, he/she will be (grammar - either “can” or just “”) reluctant to spend time on reading a book or an article on that matter. Thus, the next generation might be in an ocean of information with only 1 millimeter depth (I’m not sure about this phrase).
To sum up, while receiving information from Internet informs people around the world in the fastest way possible and even have revolutionized information transfer systems, people should watch out the misinformation traps and getting reluctant to reading professional text books.
Marosa raised a same question so i am writing a common response to both your posts here. Giving opposite view is definitely a plus point. However, you really need to have good command over english to convince reader with the both views, keeping in mind the constraint of distributing words. I hope you get my point there is time limit as well. How many words can you write in opposite section and in main body paragraphs. Opinion essays are about convincing the reader.. if you spend time on writing opposite view at the same time your main body paragraph lack reasoning, you basically lost the race.