Love or Opportunity? Coffee Social

[blueboom]

I thought I would share what's going on with my life :-X
My hubby wants me to move in with him in Canada in the next two or three months. I am terrified to leave my life here. I love my husband and I want to be there with him but I feel like somebody is trying to make me hatch before time. He told me we are not going to wait for that email from cic and that a husband and a wife need to live together.
For those whose spouses had to move in with you or if you have moved before the process was completed...how hard has it been.
We are already anticipating a tight budget because I won't be able to work and my hubby will have to keep two places..mine place is good until July. :-X

July!! If you aren't ready for it, I don't think your husband should force you. It takes a lot of mental preparation to leave everything you know behind and start over. Maybe the economics will convince him otherwise.

 

[amikety]

I thought I would share what's going on with my life :-X
My hubby wants me to move in with him in Canada in the next two or three months. I am terrified to leave my life here. I love my husband and I want to be there with him but I feel like somebody is trying to make me hatch before time. He told me we are not going to wait for that email from cic and that a husband and a wife need to live together.
For those whose spouses had to move in with you or if you have moved before the process was completed...how hard has it been.
We are already anticipating a tight budget because I won't be able to work and my hubby will have to keep two places..mine place is good until July. :-X

Well, as you know I am the American spouse living in Canada waiting for my PR visa.

It's been really tough. I would say only recently have we finally come to terms with a single income, having to put off dreams like buying a house and being able to visit family. Being home all the time has driven me bonkers - thank goodness I finally started school. (It's online, a USA school). There's a few personal factors too, like my husband having to adjust to not spending his money on whatever gadget tickles his fancy.

On the flip side, when I look back at what I left behind, I don't miss much. Just about the only thing/people I really have an urge to see again are my former co-workers/job - but as time goes by and I hear about how we got a new boss (and how he's fired half of my friends!) and things change, the more glad I am I don't have to deal with it. I'm here, I'm settled, and it's going well. I already know my way around the city when the time comes for job interviews - not to mention what I should expect as far as benefits and hours. (37.5 work week. Mwa ha ha ha!)

I will say one other thing - because this was the biggest area of adjustment and also became the biggest point of contention. My husband had a really hard dealing with being a single income. Some of it was because he could no longer afford his toys and some of it was because his ex-wife never worked. It took him almost a year to finally talk to me about how frustrated he was. In the meantime, I got the resentment and snippy attitude. It got pretty bad - but we got it worked out after a bit. As I hear all the time, the first year is the hardest because you have to adjust to living with one another. Things have been pretty smooth since then, despite the fact we have even less money now because my savings are gone!

That being said, if you're under lease until July, at least stay to finish that out. If you look at it that way, it'll give you five months to prepare to move.

 

[Halfmoon]

No. The chances are high, however, because he's an Indian citizen. At the current pace, London likely won't open our application by the time his visa expires.

Gotcha. Well we are hoping for the best for you and hubbie. Try to not stress too much.

 

[lunas]

July!! If you aren't ready for it, I don't think your husband should force you. It takes a lot of mental preparation to leave everything you know behind and start over. Maybe the economics will convince him otherwise.

I think I can meet him somewhere in the middle. As you say it takes mental preparation.
I'll go there in March again. Ill let this thought brew in his head. By the time I go visit I'm hoping to be better prepared.

 

[lunas]

Well, as you know I am the American spouse living in Canada waiting for my PR visa.

It's been really tough. I would say only recently have we finally come to terms with a single income, having to put off dreams like buying a house and being able to visit family. Being home all the time has driven me bonkers - thank goodness I finally started school. (It's online, a USA school). There's a few personal factors too, like my husband having to adjust to not spending his money on whatever gadget tickles his fancy.

On the flip side, when I look back at what I left behind, I don't miss much. Just about the only thing/people I really have an urge to see again are my former co-workers/job - but as time goes by and I hear about how we got a new boss (and how he's fired half of my friends!) and things change, the more glad I am I don't have to deal with it. I'm here, I'm settled, and it's going well. I already know my way around the city when the time comes for job interviews - not to mention what I should expect as far as benefits and hours. (37.5 work week. Mwa ha ha ha!)

I will say one other thing - because this was the biggest area of adjustment and also became the biggest point of contention. My husband had a really hard dealing with being a single income. Some of it was because he could no longer afford his toys and some of it was because his ex-wife never worked. It took him almost a year to finally talk to me about how frustrated he was. In the meantime, I got the resentment and snippy attitude. It got pretty bad - but we got it worked out after a bit. As I hear all the time, the first year is the hardest because you have to adjust to living with one another. Things have been pretty smooth since then, despite the fact we have even less money now because my savings are gone!

That being said, if you're under lease until July, at least stay to finish that out. If you look at it that way, it'll give you five months to prepare to move.

Thank you for sharing sir! I really appreciate it. I was thinking that I can at least get on leave of absence at work and keep him and I happy for a month. Then come back and work some more. Lots and lots to think about!

 

[amikety]

Thank you for sharing sir! I really appreciate it. I was thinking that I can at least get on leave of absence at work and keep him and I happy for a month. Then come back and work some more. Lots and lots to think about!

Based on my experiences, I would request him to:

- make out a budget and share it with you
- determine how much spending power you have over his money while you're unable to work
- see what his expectations are on household chores, cooking, and yardwork/snowwork while he is the sole provider

 

[lunas]

Based on my experiences, I would request him to:

- make out a budget and share it with you
- determine how much spending power you have over his money while you're unable to work
- see what his expectations are on household chores, cooking, and yardwork/snowwork while he is the sole provider

Excellent!!! I'll do that. I knew you guys could help. It's difficult to think when my mind is so clouded.

:-*

 

[parker24]

Lunas,

Tony has been here since May 2011. (my timeline is we got married Sept 2011, Applied March 2012, he landed Jan 2013) so I can say without a doubt, I've been there, done that, got a postcard

While yes, it's difficult, just make sure you have a good hobby. Be it reading, knitting, playing call of duty, etc, because you will need something to take up some time. Tony is a gamer, we played so many games I can't even tell you the names of half of them. Tony did miss his family, but he was very happy here. He made some friends and talked to them, he became close to my family and my cousin. Had he had waited until Jan 2013, I have a feeling he and my cousin would not have been very close (And my cousin very much needed a positive male role model since his father is worthless for that). So maybe coming here sooner will help you get more relationships and bring you closer to being Canadian!

In any case, the hobby thing, is a must!!!

I can teach you to knit!

 

[amikety]

Excellent!!! I'll do that. I knew you guys could help. It's difficult to think when my mind is so clouded.

:-*

My husband totally pressured me to move to Canada quickly after we met in person. By about six months, he had decided I was the woman he wanted to marry and he was ready to settle down. It was like a switch went off. Some guys are like that. They make up their mind and boom - done. (Not blue booms unfortunately )

In my case, I was ready to get away from where I was too. I was ready to move on, especially after the car accident. It was a good choice for me in the end, although I don't think my brother will ever speak to me again for leaving.... but whatever. We hadn't spoken in years anyway!

 

[lunas]

Lunas,

Tony has been here since May 2011. (my timeline is we got married Sept 2011, Applied March 2012, he landed Jan 2013) so I can say without a doubt, I've been there, done that, got a postcard

While yes, it's difficult, just make sure you have a good hobby. Be it reading, knitting, playing call of duty, etc, because you will need something to take up some time. Tony is a gamer, we played so many games I can't even tell you the names of half of them. Tony did miss his family, but he was very happy here. He made some friends and talked to them, he became close to my family and my cousin. Had he had waited until Jan 2013, I have a feeling he and my cousin would not have been very close (And my cousin very much needed a positive male role model since his father is worthless for that). So maybe coming here sooner will help you get more relationships and bring you closer to being Canadian!

In any case, the hobby thing, is a must!!!

I can teach you to knit!

surprisingly I can knit heheh with needles. It'd be nice to remember the old times when I used to make me sweaters
I think the first step is to sell some of my stuff. I don't have any family here but I think I can use a friends mailing address and they could stop by my place once in a while.
There are definitely pros and cons! I ll make a list and weigh them down

 

[lunas]

My husband totally pressured me to move to Canada quickly after we met in person. By about six months, he had decided I was the woman he wanted to marry and he was ready to settle down. It was like a switch went off. Some guys are like that. They make up their mind and boom - done. (Not blue booms unfortunately )

In my case, I was ready to get away from where I was too. I was ready to move on, especially after the car accident. It was a good choice for me in the end, although I don't think my brother will ever speak to me again for leaving.... but whatever. We hadn't spoken in years anyway!

I have asked him to try to convince his landlord to get a kitty. I wish I could say Mr Amikety did!

 

[amikety]

I have asked him to try to convince his landlord to get a kitty. I wish I could say Mr Amikety did!

I say visit in March. If the visit comes to an end and you're dreading going back- you might be ready to start packing. I visited May 2011 and I hated going home so bad! June I gave notice at work. July I "visited" Canada again for good.

 

[Nevaeha]

The countdown to my trip begins... And the pre-trip routine. Ladies (and probably tuyen) you know what I'm talking about!!

I refer to this time as 'vacation foreplay'...and yes, it includes WAXING!

 

[lunas]

I say visit in March. If the visit comes to an end and you're dreading going back- you might be ready to start packing. I visited May 2011 and I hated going home so bad! June I gave notice at work. July I "visited" Canada again for good.

I'm proposing this plan tonight

 

[amikety]

I'm proposing this plan tonight

Great

When you're ready to go, you'll know it. You'll be itching for it! But definitely discuss those 3 points I brought up and anything you or someone suggests that you feel is needed!

My hubby is TORTURING me. He texts me from work and says "I have an email for you!" So I rush to check my email. Oh, it's got to be CIC!

Nope... it's about his stupid duty return and replacement parts for his truck.

Tonight, I shall travel to the store to buy some rat poison. I know he's loooooving this.