Kingston,Jamaica

[icesfluffy]

im glad you guys are talkin about this cuz i have always worried about this and if he will adapt to being so far from what he know i have tryed talkin to him about it but he dose not get it and thinks canada is some magical place that takes all ur worries away and i dont want him to go in shock over it and god forbid run

 

[CharlieD10]

It is extremely important to discuss the emotional aspects of migrating with our spouses. In the hub-bub of moving, it's easy to forget that for some people it will come as a HUGE shock. If your spouse has never left Jamaica before, they are expecting things to be different, but different easier, and it will come as a shock to them that many things will actually be harder than they were here.

During our pre-marital counseling the minister emphasised that communication is an important part of any strong marital relationship. Talk to your spouse, tell them the realities of life in Canada. When the rose-coloured glasses come off and they have to step off cloud nine and get down to reality, perhaps it won't be a rude awakening! And be prepared to be very long-suffering as you put up with the roller-coaster of emotions they are experiencing. Remember, they are not doing or saying things to hurt you, they are most likely just very bewildered!

 

[bestisyettocome]

SQ you have brought up such an important topic.I' m sorry to hear about what you and hubby are going through. Its a challenge that you guys will overcome together.All will be sorted out shortly.
Like you said being prepared is extremely important. This is the reason why I Will be moving out of quebec a few months after he reaches here. My god can you imagine hubby living in quebec..that would be pure stress on our marriage. I personally have been here for 26 years and still get homesick. Traveling to Jamaica 3 times a year was the norm for me even before i met hubby so of course i am prepared for him to lash out a few times. I did exactly what CharlieD10 said when i first migrated..buying the food that reminded me of back home or simply just doing things that reminded me of jamaica helped me. I have accepted the fact that Canada is where i live and i love this country and i am happy to be a citizen but when i miss yard i am on the next flight out...
This is a topic that hubby and i always talk about as well. I want to make sure that he understands the changes that will come when he migrates. its not just for us to be prepared but them as well causes the changes will affect both and children if any.

I Can't wait for tommorow,i can just feel another update for someone.......who will it beeeeeeee?

Have a goodnight forum family

 

[icesfluffy]

i pray everyone gets a great update tomorrow we deserve it

 

[suki]

To me Canada is a magical place full of opportunities, and I know what I am asking my husband to do is not an easy thing...we have set short term and long term goals and we will have to work hard to make our dreams a reality.
My Husband is in his mid 30's, I think he has come to realize there has to be more to life than working like crazy and coming home with next to nothing...he may not be book smart but he has life skills that have brought him a long way, and I am so proud of his accomplishments thus far.
Hubby and I have discussed pretty much everything, he needs to aquire his independance, I will help him as much as I can, but he will be enrolled in school as soon as arrives, He will be driving as soon as he arrives and he will be working, lucky for me I work for a home builder and I have trades waiting for him to come.
We have discussed sending money home, how much? , how often? It is difficult to create a budget just yet, but we have discussed there will be a budget, so there are no surprises. Hubby and I are very much alike, and both easy going...But I know this transition will be difficult, I will not stress about is he happy or how can I fix his homesickness<-----is that a word? I can only be there for him and support and love him.
We have both put our lives on hold to take care of our families and now it's time for us to live a little and Love a lot!! =)

 

[lovehasnoboundaries]

Great conversation!!!...not sure why I'm still up at 3am I'm gonna be mashed tomorrrow morning. But just wanted to chime in on this and say that I too think it's a good idea to prepare spouses for the reality of Canada. I've had a few convos with hubby about that, but never discussed sending money back home (good point Suki!) or the potential emotional roller coaster (thanks SQ for being so honest!) These are all great starting points of discussion. My my my the transition is hard but I believe that the strength and love and bond that we built with spouses while we were apart from them will give us the strength to get through these obstacles as well!

@ Witty - how are you? Was thinking about you today and thought boyyyy, Witty must be BUSY!!!

 

[SmoothiesQueen]

No prob on the honesty!! I have seen a few people pretending its amazing...like they feel ashamed to admit its hard...or its not the cloud nine they expected. Alot of people don't know its going to be like this...and there has been people who ran back to the island..or gave up on their Carribbean spouse because they thought this meant their marriage had run sour. To know what to expect makes dealing with it easier vs the big shock!

Suki...sounds like you and hubby have a good balance so far and sounds like he has great support when he comes to Canada from his wife...thats awesome!
Bestisyettocome...that is love...being willing to move for him..and make a sacrifice so you two can have a better chance of finding a happy balance in the difficult struggle of adapting outside the island! Very nice!
icefluffy...I think if you prepare him as much as you can...and be ready to support him..you will be fine. My problem...I forgot some of the reality...and so I probably sugar coated it a bit for hubby because I lived on the island for years with him. You know when you leave home and feel homesick at times..you end up forgetting the bad parts and only remembering the good...so thats kinda how it was for me. I remembered the good..and forgot alot of the bad. So I did not prepare my husband as I should have and probably did hand him a set of rose colored glasses...and now reality is setting in. We will make it through this...LOL his biggest complaint and I quote " yo mi cyaaan find nuttin fi nyaam..."!! lol But seriously...prepare your hubby so even if they don't believe it...they've been warned..and then prepare to stand by them!! Its not easy..but for love..its worth it! For a good man...totally worth it!

Mrslswn...I understand the chicken back ting...we were lucky to have good income on the island..but we were very lucky and in the beginning times were VERY hard...its hard to work yourself to the bone for next to nothing..and when it comes to kids..as parents you owe them the best you can give...so if that means going abroad...what choice does a parent have but to jump at the oppurtunity. Jamaica is paradise despite the struggle...but paradise has its dark side...and a parent has to think about their kids and while their personal desire might be to stay in yaad...what about the kids. That is exactly why hubby and I made this choice..that and for him to be able to travel to!! What choice really did we have if we wanted to get all we could out of life and offer our kids the best. We couldn't be selfish!

 

[Jamgirl]

I just want to say how much I love this forum! Since joining a few days ago I have learnt so much including that some of my feelings are normal or at least are shared by so many of you...

I too also worry about my husband adapting.... one small difference for me is that I live in a city with a small Carribbean community. Hubby and I have talked about moving to Ontario in the future. Some of the positives would be job opportunity and the ability to socialize with more people that we have more in common with.

We too have plans for my husband to begin school within a short time of his arrival. We also have talked about our budget and ability for him to send money home, if at the very least phone credit so family can easily and affordably communicate with him. I have made a promise to him that, included in our monthly budget, will be a savings so that at the very minimum, he alone will be able to travel home once each year to see his family and friends if we cannot all go together... I feel that he has given up his home for us, and therefore that is the least I can promise back to him. I have tried to tell him how cold it is here.... that many evenings after work are spent at home. I have tried to explain that may be in Jamaica, you can survive without a job, even if it is a poor lifestyle but that here in Canada you cannot.... Everyone works, and they work hard. The extras that can be achieved here, that may not even be offered there, are great, but they too come at a price. I don't know how else to teach him until he is here.

I would love to live there, and that was our plan for awhile, until I realized that if I worked there and lived there, we may live comfortably, but there may not always be money to travel back to see my family and that it may be difficult for my older son (from a previous relationship) to live there.

My husband has said to me at one time that he wont have any friends here. I told him that it will come with time. I have many married friends that he will meet and be invited out with other husbands but that also through school and and eventually work he will make his own friends. I guess at this point, all I can do is try to reassure him and answer any questions he has. Once he is here, we can go from there. I am very nervous about it and even though I thought our biggest difficulty would be living together longer than a month, I will admit I never thought about the effects of homesickness.

 

[Admirable]

Congrats SassyOneil.....And another for KGN! Let's keep it up!!!!!

 

[CharlieD10]

Good morning! Well I see the conversation went on long past my bedtime, but it I think everyone agrees with me it was a good and necessary one! Thanks to SQ for kicking that off and getting the ball rolling, I think you opened some of us to think of things we hadn't considered before! That's one of the good things about a forum such as this one!

I'm going to be a bit presumptuous and speak for the applicants (since I am one of the few...wait...maybe the only one here right now?) and say that though we might not bring it up, a lot is going through our minds when it comes to migrating. Absolutely there is the anticipation of finally living full-time with our spouses and not having to wake up and say goodbye one of these mornings. But there's more..there's, will I be able to find work I can do, what about making friends, how much more education am I going to need to adapt and can I hack it after being out of school for 10/20 years, what about going back for visits and sending money and to whom, what if I don't like the city/town, just how cold is cold?! Things of that nature run through your head all the time.

I once jokingly asked my husband, do people in your town (small town in northern ON) even know what a black person looks like? He said, don't be silly honey, we'll be the fourth inter-racial couple in town. I thought, how marvelous, all of 3 other black people! Hahaha. You get my point though, it's the weird little things that can really throw you for a loop when you think about picking up your entire life, leaving behind everything and everyone you've ever known and starting over again, from scratch! That is why it is so important to make sure that your home is a haven for your spouse to come home to, that there are things in it that are familiar and keep them anchored until they are ready to immerse themselves into Canadian life.

Whew, OK, that was a lot for this morning! I hope everyone has a great day! KG, over to you, let's GO!! NNNNNEEEXXXTTTT!!!

 

[LifeSoonSortOut]

Happy Thursday Everyone!

Bwoy, I'm sorry for everyone that has to work today, staying up to all hours of the night... But, it was to discuss an important topic.
My husband is lucky because he's experienced Canada in all its splendor and disappointment. He's excited to come and is anxious to start our life together.

My thoughts on this topic is the following:
1.For those of you who believe, God, is the answer to all our questions. Lean on him as a couple when you are struggling and rejoice to him when things are going well.
2. Do not try to make your spouse a Canadian. He/she was born Jamaican and will forever be Jamaican. Jamaicans are proud of their country and should be! Canada unlike the US is not a melting pot.
3. Satisfy them by feeding them the food, learn how to cook ackee and saltfish, cowfoot, curry goat and rice. Take them to dances, concerts, domino tournaments, somewhere where other Jamaicans are.
4. Allow him to send money home for his/her mother/father/grandparents and children. These people were his livelihood and the reason he/she is the good person they are.
5. Have a candid discussion with your spouse about finances, children and the future. All discussions about these topics prior to him/her coming to Jamaica has been just that a discussion, now it has to be reality.
6. Lastly, and this is most important. Live somewhere where there are other Jamaicans. I've heard so many times about Jamaican men who have married women who live in small town Alberta, BC Interior, Northern Manitoba or Saskatchewan and have expected their men to embrace a town, a home, where there is no one else like him.

KG, we're looking for some updates today...

 

[sammystorm19]

Just called Westjet and the my tickets are bought and the 30 day countdown is on till I am back with the Mister in Jamaica.

Time to start working on the wedding plans - well what needs to be down down there anyways. Got my dress yesterday, cried when I put it on. Called the mister and told him I wanted to get married now!!! He said in time baby, the next few months will go by fast.

Happy Thursday everyone and lets hope someone gets some good news today!!!

 

[icesfluffy]

the one main thing babes wants to do is go back to school and i want him to go back i just dont have any clue where i would look about that he is 32 so if anyne can help we with that and get some info it would be great i live in burlington ontairo but will travel east to toronto for hes schooling

the funny thing is i can nyam but i cant cook he knows that tho and said he cant wait to cook for me but i have been secretly teachin my self so that i can give my king a good home cook meal lol (dont laugh tho ever since i was a kid my rice has always been a hit or miss cant cook it for the life of me lmao)


SO WHO GOT UPDATES TODAY?

 

[suki]

icesfluffy- get to know this website, this will be your new best friend, from free education- to subsidized gym facilities for families! there are a lot of programs avaiable, you should utilize as much as possible.
http://www.cic.gc.ca/english/

 

[suki]

Yay Sammy, me too girl....24 Day's but who's counting!! :-X

I just can't wait, what's even better out of those 24 days...15 of them are working days Thank Goodness!! I need a break! Can't wait to see my hunk of burning Love..lol ;D