Just feel like venting

[SuiGeneris]

My life is on hold too. I'm the sponsor though, visiting my husband at his parents' house in the U.S. while our application processes. Sometimes I lie in bed staring into nothing all day long crying while he works (there was a lot of that on my 21st birthday...) I'm bored out of my mind, stuck in this small room. He works full-time and then he's exhausted when he comes home and plays video games. That's FINE, I would normally have no problem with it, but this stress has been taking a toll on me and causing me to have a problem with it when otherwise I wouldn't think twice. I have no responsibilities except cleaning, I have nothing to do, and I'm extremely depressed because of it, this crap has been seeping into our relationship and causing us to fight, and we never fight. Not like this. So you're not alone. I'm not alone. We have to remember that this is temporary, and we need to be positive, not negative. The positive is, at least we're together. That's what we chose. I much rather be together depressed than be apart depressed.

 

[iiiEllie]

My life is on hold too. I'm the sponsor though, visiting my husband at his parents' house in the U.S. while our application processes. Sometimes I lie in bed staring into nothing all day long crying while he works. I'm bored out of my mind, stuck in this small room. He works full-time and then he's exhausted when he comes home and plays video games. That's FINE, I would normally have no problem with it, but this stress has been taking a toll on me and causing me to have a problem with it when otherwise I wouldn't think twice. I have no responsibilities except cleaning, I have nothing to do, and I'm extremely depressed because of it, this crap has been seeping into our relationship and causing us to fight, and we never fight. Not like this. So you're not alone. I'm not alone. We have to remember that this is temporary, and we need to be positive, not negative. The positive is, at least we're together. That's what we chose. I much rather be together depressed than be apart depressed.

Oh I know this feeling. I'm also visiting my husband at his parents in the US, at least we have an entire finished basement to spend our time in, I sympathize with you completely. But we're going back to Canada after we get our SA. I miss home way too much, left my dog, and a house with all of it's bills that I'm paying for while I'm in the US. My husband is working full time, and I am able to continue working via VPN with my work. But do I EVER miss feeling like an adult, I LOVE my in-laws, but not having a house to clean, groceries to buy, and meals to cook is making me go insane. Tack on that we're flying back so I can't buy anything while I'm here for the house, and I am going insane. Haha. It's been a long three months.

We are indeed lucky that we have the means to be together through this process, as crazy inducing as it can be.

 

[SuiGeneris]

This is free time for those of us in limbo. We can do anything we want. We can take up a new hobby. Learn new skills, discover new interests. We can volunteer. Learn an instrument, get into sports, cooking, sewing, pottery, writing, reading, photography, gardening, whatever. Catch up on your favorite TV series. It's endless. There is a hidden opportunity in this free time.

 

[SuiGeneris]

Oh I know this feeling. I'm also visiting my husband at his parents in the US, at least we have an entire finished basement to spend our time in, I sympathize with you completely. But we're going back to Canada after we get our SA. I miss home way too much, left my dog, and a house with all of it's bills that I'm paying for while I'm in the US. My husband is working full time, and I am able to continue working via VPN with my work. But do I EVER miss feeling like an adult, I LOVE my in-laws, but not having a house to clean, groceries to buy, and meals to cook is making me go insane. Tack on that we're flying back so I can't buy anything while I'm here for the house, and I am going insane. Haha. It's been a long three months.

We are indeed lucky that we have the means to be together through this process, as crazy inducing as it can be.

Our room is a small 10 by 10, I get extremely frustrated because there's no space for me to even unpack my stuff. I keep all my clothes and belongings in my suitcases. And the room is always looking like a pigsty because there's literally nowhere to put our stuff away in. And I'm claustrophobic so being in here all day and night makes me want to break through my own skin at times. So you feel good about that basement. Hehe, and I'll feel good too because someone somewhere always has it worse. We have similar plans! Well I've been here since June, our app was received two days ago and we intend to go to Canada together after SA.

And I feel like that too, I can't buy what I want for our place because of the border and we're trying to cross low-key and avoid attracting suspicion (I drove here and we're driving back - I'm from GTA and he's from Pittsburgh).

But you know what, I feel better knowing I'm not alone.

 

[kangamoose]

Our room is a small 10 by 10, I get extremely frustrated because there's no space for me to even unpack my stuff. I keep all my clothes and belongings in my suitcases. And the room is always looking like a pigsty because there's literally nowhere to put our stuff away in. And I'm claustrophobic so being in here all day and night makes me want to break through my own skin at times. So you feel good about that basement. Hehe, and I'll feel good too because someone somewhere always has it worse. We have similar plans! Well I've been here since June, our app was received two days ago and we intend to go to Canada together after SA.

And I feel like that too, I can't buy what I want for our place because of the border and we're trying to cross low-key and avoid attracting suspicion (I drove here and we're driving back - I'm from GTA and he's from Pittsburgh).

But you know what, I feel better knowing I'm not alone.

I can understand where you guys are coming from, our situation is a bit different but we are still living with his parents here in Canada for the time being. We can't really unpack our stuff and as much as I love and appreciate everything (and I do SO MUCH his family are AMAZING!) I just miss my own space and feel guilty as hell admitting that :

 

[km9203]

This is free time for those of us in limbo. We can do anything we want. We can take up a new hobby. Learn new skills, discover new interests. We can volunteer. Learn an instrument, get into sports, cooking, sewing, pottery, writing, reading, photography, gardening, whatever. Catch up on your favorite TV series. It's endless. There is a hidden opportunity in this free time.

This.

The first few months I sat about feeling sorry for myself being in 'limbo' but now I am going out and doing stuff. There are so many people who would love to have this time off to do whatever they want. I realise once I start working I will probably never have an opportunity like this again until retirement.

I have started doing pilates 3-4 times a week. And I am going to take up flower arranging classes. I have also started reading more. I used to read all of the time but during school that stopped but now I have all of the time in the world.
I also did an online course (through UK) for digital marketing. My common-law partner is willing to pay for any hobby, he wants me to be happy and doing activities.

 

[o6ocpaka]

This.

The first few months I sat about feeling sorry for myself being in 'limbo' but now I am going out and doing stuff. There are so many people who would love to have this time off to do whatever they want. I realise once I start working I will probably never have an opportunity like this again until retirement.

I have started doing pilates 3-4 times a week. And I am going to take up flower arranging classes. I have also started reading more. I used to read all of the time but during school that stopped but now I have all of the time in the world.
I also did an online course (through UK) for digital marketing. My common-law partner is willing to pay for any hobby, he wants me to be happy and doing activities.

I just drink wine with my wife and watch horror movies, this is more supportive than flower arranging classes for us while waiting for CIC to do their thing, to each his own I guess...

 

[iiiEllie]

I just drink wine with my wife and watch horror movies, this is more supportive than flower arranging classes for us while waiting for CIC to do their thing, to each his own I guess...

My husband and I go back to Canada the middle of this month. I have an 80 mile list of house maintenance for him.

 

[o6ocpaka]

My husband and I go back to Canada the middle of this month. I have an 80 mile list of house maintenance for him.

haha, make sure interlock driveway and sauna is on the list

 

[km9203]

I just drink wine with my wife and watch horror movies, this is more supportive than flower arranging classes for us while waiting for CIC to do their thing, to each his own I guess...

My common law partner works full time during the week so I do those classes during the day to stay busy, meet people and not get cabin fever...

 

[gooh]

I understand that cabin fever can set in and cause numerous issues with boredom, but I honestly couldn't fathom being depressed as long as I could be with my partner. Good luck to everyone.

 

[SenoritaBella]

If it helps, we applied Jan 2014 and nothing has been done to this day. Our visa office is Dakar. Current processing time is 21 months (was 23 months when we applied).

We are also apart and my husband can't get a visitor visa. So I have been travelling once a year which is not cheap. Fortunately, my boss understands and lets me take my vacation(4 weeks) in one go. I know a lady with 2 kids who did not see her husband for almost 4 yrs. He finally arrived in August and saw his son in person for the first time since his birth.

Being in limbo is difficult; add being apart and you are really stuck. I would much prefer my husband was here waiting. He could be getting his certifications, volunteering, building networks, etc that would be helpful when he can work. That said, I keep reminding myself it is only temporary. Tough times don't last. I also rely a lot on my faith and support from friends and family. Hang in there everyone, it will be over soon.

 

[SuiGeneris]

I understand that cabin fever can set in and cause numerous issues with boredom, but I honestly couldn't fathom being depressed as long as I could be with my partner. Good luck to everyone.

Sometimes it's hard to feel empathy for situations you've never had the misfortune of being in. I've struggled with depression all my life, and as a result I've shown to be more prone to falling into self-destructive patterns. I hate it, don't accept it, and I'm hellbent on fixing myself. But depression is my disposition because I've been depressed for as long as I can remember.

Depression is a real, ongoing, debilitating circumstance for some people, and a daily struggle for me. It's not just a light matter of having a crabby day. People who don't have depression might shrug it off as a non-issue, like my entire family does, but that is ignorance.

 

[SuiGeneris]

I just drink wine with my wife and watch horror movies, this is more supportive than flower arranging classes for us while waiting for CIC to do their thing, to each his own I guess...

It's like you made no effort to conceive the message. No one said to take flower arranging classes.

 

[SuiGeneris]

This.

The first few months I sat about feeling sorry for myself being in 'limbo' but now I am going out and doing stuff. There are so many people who would love to have this time off to do whatever they want. I realise once I start working I will probably never have an opportunity like this again until retirement.

I have started doing pilates 3-4 times a week. And I am going to take up flower arranging classes. I have also started reading more. I used to read all of the time but during school that stopped but now I have all of the time in the world.
I also did an online course (through UK) for digital marketing. My common-law partner is willing to pay for any hobby, he wants me to be happy and doing activities.

I love this! This is so cool and inspiring. For four months I moped around feeling sorry for myself but today I'm officially done. I'm here for two more months and I'm gonna make it count.

Thank you for this wonderful dose of positivity!