IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

[Rehanyousaf]

@

Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money.
How might having a lot of money make people happy?
What other things in life can make people happy?



The pursuit of happiness is a never-ending process because it has a vague meaning which often varies from a person to person. For some people, having financial wealth is happiness since it fulfils all of their materialistic needs while others envy for other factors such as relationships and health.

Financial resources facilitate the luxurious lifestyle and give respect. To put in another way, by using money, all the materialistic desires can be satisfied. With the hefty bank account, people can drive an exorbitant car with all the comforts. They may afford to roam around to any place in the world without being bothering about other responsibilities. Likewise, all the factors mentioned before provides them with a good status in society. Resultantly, they get respect from others such as from community and society, and this gives them satisfaction.

However, a true relationship and good health are factors which cannot be bought by using finances. In this contemporary world, people often envious of others’ relationship. Perhaps a lot of people who possess wealth often struggle to find true friends and soulmates as others usually are intrested in their wealth. For these people, having a company of someone who truly loves them and being in a true relationship is contentment. Similarly, wealth can buy world-class healthcare treatments, but not health. Steve Jobs, for instance, despite being one of the wealthiest people of the world have struggled with health issues during his entire life. Therefore, for people with health problems, a negative test’s result brings all the happiness.

To conclude, happiness does not have a certain definition since it is subjective and varies in different circumstances. Some people feel contentment by living a life in which they can afford all the materialistic things while others find this in health and relationships.

@cansha @CA GURPREET SINGH MANN

Sorry, I know, I am asking more. Actually, to score well in grammar I am trying to use different sentence structures. However, so far, I am not able to use conditionals in my essays. If I had to use 3rd conditionals in essays, how can I use it.

can you please take any of sentence from this essay and convert that into in 3rd conditional?

This will be really helpful, Thanks in advance.

 

[CA GURPREET SINGH MANN]

Grammar scores are based on GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY.

RANGE
1. because, and, as, despite, since
2. Gerunds: having financial
3. sentences: facilitate -simple present, being bothering (should be being bothered)-continuous, have struggled (present perfect)
4. compound vs complex and active vs passive is okay

ACCURACY. I guess range is alright, but you can improve in accuracy. Check articles and spelling errors properly.

factors which cannot = that is to be used
others’ relationship- relationships
put in another : it in
are intrested = interested

you must at least aim for more than 50 percent error-free sentences.

In case of third conditional: Steve Jobs would not have become a contented person if he had thought that money instead of health is the supreme motivator of being happy. (Maybe I am wrong) This is a difficult one I guess.

 

[CA GURPREET SINGH MANN]

Recently, abortion increases rapidly and becomes a controversial topic. Some people suppose that abortion should be legal while others are against it.


Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


It is argued by many a man that owing to the increase in premature termination of a fetus, abortion ought to be legalized; however, others think that it should be treated as an illegal activity. I consider that abortion in all cases should be banned except when the embryo's life is in danger or it is harmful to the mother.

On the one hand, parents have the right to decide whether they want to keep a baby or abort it. This is because they have to take care of their baby's financial and emotional needs, which is difficult for some. For example, the mother or father of a baby has to spend money on his diapers, medicines, and food. However, most parents misuse this right and they only give birth if the child in a womb is a boy. Also, there are some circumstances in which it is life-threatening for a mother to give birth to a baby. This might be due to her weak body structure or she is suffering from any disease that can also pass on to the toddler. It is a wise decision in such circumstances to give parents the right to get their baby aborted.

On the other hand, sex-ratio will worsen if abortions become a legal activity. Most parents want a baby boy as they consider this gender financially and emotionally stronger than the opposite sex. This is the main reason why the number of females per thousand males is quite less in Dubai, Afghanistan, Iran, and Iraq. Adverse effects of the sex-ratio will increase the ailments like child marriage and rape because of the high demand of girls, which will create a huge demand for the protection of girls. Prohibiting abortions will create more or less equal numbers of both the sexes in society.

In conclusion, all abortions other than the cases in which life of a mother or a child is in danger should become a criminal activity. This can certainly address issues that emerge due to less number of girls in the society.

 

[Sohaibkq]

You recently organised an all-day meeting for your company, which took place in a local hotel. In their feedback, participants at the meeting said that they liked the hotel, but they were unhappy about the food that was served for lunch.
Write a letter to the manager of the hotel.
In your letter:
say what the participants liked about the hotel
explain why they were unhappy about the food
suggest what the manager should do to improve the food in future

Dear Sir,

I am writing to share feedback from meeting participants which took place in Hotel Crown Palace on 1st May 2020. While the guests appreciated a few things including spacious environment and central air-conditioning system, they were quite annoyed on the quality of food served for the lunch.
Let me explain in detail. After hectic and continuous presentations from various departments, the members were expecting to have a quality time at lunch. Unfortunately, it was not the case as according to them, the majority of the food items were undercooked. Additionally, a few participants also complained that there was a stinking smell coming from the chicken curry dish. Finally, the cold drinks they were served were not as cold as it should be.

I would like to suggest that for future events, you should directly inspect the quality of food items before presenting them to the guests. I hope you will realize how critical customer feedback is for the reputation of the hotel.
I hope the complaints I put forward will be taken considerably.

Yours faithfully,

Sohaib Qureshi

 

[CA GURPREET SINGH MANN]

You recently organised an all-day meeting for your company, which took place in a local hotel. In their feedback, participants at the meeting said that they liked the hotel, but they were unhappy about the food that was served for lunch.
Write a letter to the manager of the hotel.
In your letter:
say what the participants liked about the hotel
explain why they were unhappy about the food
suggest what the manager should do to improve the food in future

Dear Sir,

I am writing to share feedback from meeting participants which took place in Hotel Crown Palace on 1st May 2020. While the guests appreciated a few things including spacious environment and central air-conditioning system, they were quite annoyed on the quality of food served for the lunch.
Let me explain in detail. After hectic and continuous presentations from various departments, the members were expecting to have a quality time at lunch. Unfortunately, it was not the case as according to them, the majority of the food items were undercooked. Additionally, a few participants also complained that there was a stinking smell coming from the chicken curry dish. Finally, the cold drinks they were served were not as cold as it should be.

I would like to suggest that for future events, you should directly inspect the quality of food items before presenting them to the guests. I hope you will realize how critical customer feedback is for the reputation of the hotel.
I hope the complaints I put forward will be taken considerably.

Yours faithfully,

Sohaib Qureshi

Dear Sir or Madam,

My name is Kevin Green and I have been working as a sales manager at M/s Multimedia Incorporations here in Jalandhar. I am writing to provide you the feedback related to the services we received while organizing a seminar at your hotel on 1st May.

Admittedly, the location of the hotel was too convenient as it is in the heart of the city. Moreover, ample parking and the ambiance inside the hotel added to the comfort of our employees. They were quite happy with these facilities because none of them can expect more than that what you had offered.

That being said, there were some problems with the lunch that was served by you. The food was not hot and it was looking that it was not freshly made. Moreover, as most of the dishes were over spicy, we were left with only only one or two options to eat. Those who tried those spicy dishes complained to me of uneasiness later that day.

So, I request you to implement strict internal controls related to the serving of food. It includes preparing and tasting food once just before offering to the customers. This will help you to retain customers for a longer period by providing them the best experience.

I hope you will consider my recommendations to improve customer satisfaction. Also consider giving us a discount when we visit you the next time.

Yours faithfully,

Kevin Green

 

[marosa]

Dear Sir or Madam,

By way of introduction, My name is Kevin Green and I have been working* as a sales manager at M/s Multimedia Incorporations here in Jalandhar. I am writing to provide this part is a waste of time, it’s like if you’re writing to provide info then just do so if you want to give an insight on what your letter is going to be about, I personally prefer to simply give the topic. “I am writing to you with regards to a recent event held at your hotel.” you the feedback related to the services we received while organizing a seminar at your hotel on 1st May.

Admittedly, the location of the hotel was too convenient as it is in the heart of the city. Moreover, ample parking and the ambiance inside the hotel added to the comfort of our employees. They were quite happy with these facilities because none of them can could - if you start your sentence with the past tense you shouldn’t jump to present expect more than that what you had offered*.

That being said, there were some problems with the lunch that was served by you. The food was not hot and it was looking* that it was not freshly made simply say it didn’t look fresh. Moreover, as most of the dishes were over spicy check this one, we were left with only only one or two very few options to eat. Those who tried those spicy dishes complained to me of uneasiness later that day.

So, I request you to implement strict internal controls related to the serving of food is it about how they served the food or the poor quality?. It includes preparing and tasting food once just before offering to the customers. This will help you to retain customers for a longer period by providing them the best experience.

I hope you will consider my recommendations to improve customer satisfaction. Also consider giving us a discount when we visit you the next time.

Yours faithfully,

Kevin Green


*
1) I have been doing - means a recent and CONTINUOUS (not yet completed) action. E.g. I have been working on this project for the past few weeks. Meaning that you are still working on that project. If you say “I have worked on this project recently” it would most probably mean you’re done with it by now. However, working at a company is not quite an action, so you would rather say ”I have worked at a company”, if you still work there AND you want to indicate the period like “I have worked at your company for five years” or “I have worked here since Dec 2014”. In your case you can simply say “I work as a sales manager at...” or “I am a sales manager at...”.

2) When using “had done” you should have an action/situation that took place in the past and an action that had taken place even before that. I like this example:

“When he got to the airport, the plane took off.” (The plane took off after he arrived at the airport.)

“When he got to the airport, the plane had taken off.” (The plane took off before he arrived at the airport.).
3) Was doing- a continuous action. Was looking- means was looking at something/someone for a period of time. “I was looking at the sea while the ship was approaching.” VS “the food looked delicious”, “he looked sad” etc.


I’m not a linguist, so maybe you should look for resources to improve grammar.

Hi!

please see above.

 

[marosa]

You recently organised an all-day meeting for your company, which took place in a local hotel. In their feedback, participants at the meeting said that they liked the hotel, but they were unhappy about the food that was served for lunch.
Write a letter to the manager of the hotel.
In your letter:
say what the participants liked about the hotel
explain why they were unhappy about the food
suggest what the manager should do to improve the food in future

Dear Sir/Madam,

Start with introducing yourself.
I am writing to share feedback this part is a waste of time, it’s like if you’re writing to provide info then just do so if you want to give an insight on what your letter is going to be about, I personally prefer to simply give the topic. “I am writing to you with regards to a recent event held at your hotel.” from meeting participants which took place sounds like the participants took place - “to share the feedback from the participants of the meeting that took place...” in Hotel Crown Palace on 1st May 2020 the 1st of May 2020, May the 1st 2020.

New paragraph While the guests appreciated a few things including spacious environment and central air-conditioning system, they were quite annoyed on with the quality of the food served for the lunch.
Let me explain in detail. After hectic and continuous presentations from various departments, the members were expecting to have a quality time at lunch. You made me wonder what a hectic presentation is Unfortunately, it was not the case as according to them, the majority of the food items be simpler - most of the food was were undercooked. Additionally, a few participants also complained that there was a stinking smell coming from the chicken curry dish. Finally, the cold drinks they were served were not as cold as it should be they should be, but better say “as agreed”.

I would like to suggest that for future events, you should directly inspect the quality of food items before presenting them to the guests. This is not a band 7 sentence at all, “(As) for the future events, I would suggest you to directly inspect the quality of food before serving it to the guests” I hope you will realize how critical customer feedback is for the reputation of the hotel.I also hope the complaints I have put forward will be taken into account considerably.

Yours faithfully,

Sohaib Qureshi

Hi!

If you target band 7+ practice task 1 more.

 

[marosa]

Recently, abortion increases rapidly and becomes a controversial topic. Some people suppose that abortion should be legal while others are against it.


Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


It is argued by many a man that owing to the increase in premature termination of a fetus, abortion ought to be legalized; however, others think that it should be treated as an illegal activity. I consider that while it is parents’ responsibility to take care of the future baby abortion in all cases should mainly be banned, except for the cases when the embryo's life is in danger or when it is harmful to the mother.

On the one hand, some may argue that parents have the right to decide whether they want to keep a baby or abort it. This is because they have to take care of their baby's financial and emotional needs, which is difficult for some. For example, the mother or father of a baby has to spend money on his diapers, medicines, and food. However, most parents misuse this right and they only give birth if the child in a womb is a boy. Also, there are some circumstances in which it is life-threatening for a mother to give birth to a baby. This might be due to her weak body structure or she is suffering from any disease that can also pass on to the toddler. It is a wise decision in such circumstances to give parents the right to get their baby aborted. You have two ideas in BP1 + you haven’t structured your essay properly. - on the one hand it’s parents responsibility to take care of the baby, therefore they have the right to decide if they can afford it or no; on the other hand they misuse that right, which leads to social issues. Maybe here you’d want to have the 3rd paragraph for your opinion “that to avoid both health and financial issues in the family and a social crisis there should be case by case studies prior to allowing abortion. Then bring an example of a country that does that.

On the other hand, sex-ratio will can worsen in some regions if abortions become a legal activity. It is the case for some cultures that Most why not to use “the overwhelming majority of“? parents want a baby boy as they consider this gender financially and emotionally stronger than the opposite sex. This is the main reason why the number of females per thousand males is quite less low? in Dubai, Afghanistan, Iran, and Iraq. Adverse effects of the sex-ratio will increase the ailments like child marriage and rape because of the high demand of girls, which will create a huge demand for the protection of girls. Huh? Prohibiting abortions will create more or less equal numbers of both the sexes in society. Therefore,....

In conclusion, all abortions other than the cases in which life of a mother or a child is in danger should become be considered as a criminal activity. This can certainly address issues that emerge due to less number of girls in the society what you say is only a case for few countries, you shouldn’t present it as a global situation or you should explain why it’s applicable to all countries/cultures.

See my comments above.

 

[CA GURPREET SINGH MANN]

See my comments above.

Thank you. I have checked your comments.

Having a bit balanced view is quite difficult in a discussion essay.

 

[cansha]

Thank you. I have checked your comments.

Having a bit balanced view is quite difficult in a discussion essay.

Planning an essay is more important than writing the essay. Spend more time in thinking about the essay and how you would write it. Initially, it would mean that you will take a lot of time to write essays. So, don't worry about time limit for first few essays and try to learn organizing your thoughts before you start writing.

 

[Rehanyousaf]

In some countries, criminal trials are shown to the public on television. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

The crime ratio in the world is on rising. Most of the countries are doing offenders’ trial on media to overcome this phenomenon still they are not able to overcome crimes problems. Despite media trials are equipped with many advantages, I believe disadvantages it entails are far more than advantages.

On the one hand, it could be argued that the benefits of criminals’ media trials are multifold. The first compelling advantage is that it manifest the power of security agencies and state writ. No matter how carefully the crimes have been plotted, security agencies still hold the power and resources to catch the criminals. Another upside of these trials is that people can learn life lessons from them. By broadcasting the stories and the background of criminals, public can get themselves aware of the factors that enforce wrongdoers to jump in crime world. Many offenders, for instance, with solid educational background just get in crimes as their social circle was not good or probably they were misused by their friends.

However, despite these advantages, in my opinion, these trials could have egregious consequences on offenders’ and their families. Firstly, If these trials are being on-aired, naïve family members might get *harassed* by societies. Despite the fact that *committing* crime is an individual act, society often does not discriminate family member from criminals. The most significant drawback is that the crime ratio will increase. Not only do criminals’ families not acceptable by communities, the criminals, even after their punishment, might not be accepted socially. When they are isolated after the confinement period, these criminals perhaps not become the civilised members of society as they do not have any other stream to earn a livelihood. For example, many researches on the serial offenders show that the criminal became a serial criminal when they were not socially accepted.

To conclude, whereas open trials on media can save potential wrongdoers from committing crimes and promote the power of the state and security agencies, the downsides these trials have on offenders’ lives and their families could increase the crime ratio. Therefore, on balance, the disadvantages of trials on media overweigh the advantages it entails.

@cansha @CA GURPREET SINGH MANN @marosa

 

[canadadream2828]

Recently, abortion increases rapidly and becomes a controversial topic. Some people suppose that abortion should be legal while others are against it.


Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


It is argued by many a man that owing to the increase in premature termination of a fetus, abortion ought to be legalized; however, others think that it should be treated as an illegal activity. I consider that abortion in all cases should be banned except when the embryo's life is in danger or it is harmful to the mother.

On the one hand, parents have the right to decide whether they want to keep a baby or abort it. This is because they have to take care of their baby's financial and emotional needs, which is difficult for some. For example, the mother or father of a baby has to spend money on his diapers, medicines, and food. However, most parents misuse this right and they only give birth if the child in a womb is a boy. Also, there are some circumstances in which it is life-threatening for a mother to give birth to a baby. This might be due to her weak body structure or she is suffering from any disease that can also pass on to the toddler. It is a wise decision in such circumstances to give parents the right to get their baby aborted.

On the other hand, sex-ratio will worsen if abortions become a legal activity. Most parents want a baby boy as they consider this gender financially and emotionally stronger than the opposite sex. This is the main reason why the number of females per thousand males is quite less in Dubai, Afghanistan, Iran, and Iraq. Adverse effects of the sex-ratio will increase the ailments like child marriage and rape because of the high demand of girls, which will create a huge demand for the protection of girls. Prohibiting abortions will create more or less equal numbers of both the sexes in society.

In conclusion, all abortions other than the cases in which life of a mother or a child is in danger should become a criminal activity. This can certainly address issues that emerge due to less number of girls in the society.

Grade 6

 

[CA GURPREET SINGH MANN]

Grade 6

Please report the problems also so that users can learn from your viewpoints. It will also help us to increase our score. Thanks in advance.

 

[av4aviator]

An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and health care costs.

Why do you think so many children are overweight?

What could be done to solve this problem?

At present, alarming increase in health, issues are inevitable due to multiple causes; obesity is one of the vital cause, a significant ramp up in overweight of children can trigger their health issues in future, which subsequently resulting in surplus spending over their fitness. Further, this essay will evidence the causes of fatness, and then elaborates the preventive measures.

Primarily, the existing culture is obsessed with technological advancements, which is nothing but speedy life, thus restricting the continuation of traditional foods, and thereby promoting the Fast-food way of life. “1 out of every 3 Americans are identified as obese at the age of 8 due to excessive consumption of Junk food,” Mentioned in article published by the University of Pennsylvania. In addition, although the modern educational systems are targeted to develop their brain, they failed to concentrate on children physical strength, to illustrate that, more than half of the old-fashioned games and sports are currently extinct. Despite many causes, these duos have surplus impact on growing sprouts.

Secondly, even though rising obesity of kids are dangerous, this can be limited by imposing few implications like, nourishing feed, Sports at schools.etc. Law passed by Swedish Government provided high authority to their Food and health department, in order to ensure the healthy and organic foods are deployed around the nation. Likewise, emerging the physical education hours in educational institutes can ensure the Fitness of the children, further more encourage them to adopt throughout the life. More importantly, parents shall avoid purchase of Junk foods, and unworthy eatables.

To conclude, an amble evidenced that the children at present are potent to become fatter, due to current life-cycle, which involved in fast foods, home based entertainments, thus resulting them to avoid focusing their physics, however, by employing some self-disciplines on food and exercise and few authority regulations on Eatables can enrich children and Let stay fit.


It took 50 mins for me to finish.

 

[Rehanyousaf]

With the advancement in industrialisation, businesses are getting more and more globalised. In a recent phenomenon, an increasing trend of placement of workers in other countries has been observed. Although working abroad equip with advantages such as increase international exposure of family members and avoiding home sickness issues, the associated disadvantages are that it often gets difficult for families to assimilate in different cultures and at times expensive for the worker.

The advantages of taking the family to business trips are multifold. Most importantly, the problem of homesickness can be avoided when a person has a company of closed family members such as partner and children. When workers move to another country, they seldom have friends or relatives over there, which they must need after working hours. Moreover, the most significant advantage it has for family members that they get international exposure, which broadens their horizon. Visiting different countries, admittedly, provides an opportunity to interact with other countries’ residents. Children make friends from other nationalities, hang out with them and get themselves familiarise with others’ customs and traditions.

However, despite these advantages, the downsides of foreign business placements’ on families and workers cannot be ignored. It could be really hard for the workers to get financial benefits from these trips if they have the company of their families. Since accommodation allowance normally does not cover the family expense, the worker might have to pay from his salary, which could make a living abroad really expensive; hence, low savings. Another downside of this could be on the family members. In spite of the fact that foreign living increases family’s exposure, it is not possible for every member to get assimilate in culture every time. If a person had not got himself adjusted in a country, it would create issues for other members.

In conclusion, whereas the advantages like avoiding homesickness and increased exposure are significant, the disadvantages of low financial backups and failure to accustomed cannot be neglected.


@cansha @CA GURPREET SINGH MANN @marosa