IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

[marosa]

Hi!

That is why I have chosen to write advantage disadvantage one.
This is because I am unsure about putting number of ideas in them. I know generally, we have to put one idea and then try to extend in a single BP.
But in this type, I thought to incorporate 2/3advantages and 2/3 disadvantages.

Now the confusion here

1. How many main points in one main advantage or disadvantage para? - you can mention 2 or 3 advantages/disadvantages, but 1) they need to be developed 2) they need to follow each other logically. For example, you can say that intentional university helps students in their future careers - in terms of a) higher quality of education received b) international environment; however, has disadvantages from the social perspective, firstly, because they are apart from the families, secondly bla bla bla. But each of this should be developed in 2-3 sentences. And at least one example in each BP.

2. I guess two are fine in each as each sub point will be extended further in two lines. - 2 to 3 sentences, yes.

3. In this type, can we put more emphasis of TA point by adding ideas and shortening explanations? Or just 2 ideas in each para with details are fine? - First of all, TA is 25% of your score in any case. Besides I don’t think task is considered to be achieved if your ideas are not supported.

Hi!
Hope I could answer to your questions.

 

[Sohaibkq]

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.

In today’s competitive professional world, a majority of employees often work overtime, leaving narrow time for fun activities. Although the challenging company goals often demand to work for extra hours, it leaves adverse affects on health and socialization of the company workforce. In my opinion, people should avoid working extra hours by adopting smart work techniques.

The greatest benefit of working additional hours from the employee’s perspective is an assurance that assigned tasks are completed under the time goal. These days the majority of multinational companies strive for their better position in the consumer market and hence emphasizing on their employees to work extra to achieve the targets before time. For instance, my fellow employee worked for an average of three hours a day in the last quarter to complete the new assignments of the recently initiated project. As a result, he was rewarded with employee of the quarter title and later got promotion to a senior level as well. These ultra-challenging situations are paradoxically the main advantage of working extra hours because they make you grow as a professional.

The main disadvantages of working surplus hours is that employees often face health and social issues. The reason behind less active socially and not at the optimum health is that they often spare less time from daily routine for leisure activities. For instance, a survey on worker’s health conducted by Daily Lifestyle magazine concluded that people who are employed are more obese compared to the students as they are not able to manage their time smartly mainly due to being overburdened by tasks. Similarly, spending more time at works leaves less time for family and friends and hence the social circle of life is being disturbed. These disadvantages oftentimes are mentally very hard to overcome for majority of the people at work.


To summarize, the tendency of working longer hours has been increased recently. While working after shift hours guarantees task completion and self satisfaction, it adversely impacts a person’s mental and physical health. Therefore, on balance, I support the view that employees should keep a strong balance between work and personal life.

 

[cansha]

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.

Your essay response should be in accordance to the question being asked. If you keep writing every essay the same way, you would lose points on task response. And task response is the most important thing if you want to get a 7+ score.

In today’s competitive professional world, a majority of employees often work overtime, leaving narrow time for fun activities. Wrong phrasing. You are probably directly translating your language to English.
Although the challenging company goals often demand to work for extra hours, it leaves adverse affects on health and socialization of the company workforce. In my opinion, people should avoid working extra hours by adopting smart work techniques. Read the question again. Does it ask for your opinion? The question is asking are there more advantages or disadvantages. Your wording should be in accordance to question. Please google and read advantages / disadvantages essays to see how to phrase those.

The greatest benefit of working additional hours from the employee’s perspective is an assurance that assigned tasks are completed under the time goal. These days the majority of multinational companies strive for their better position in the consumer market and hence emphasizing on their employees to work extra to achieve the targets before time.
For instance, my fellow employee worked for an average of three hours a day in the last quarter to complete the new assignments of the recently initiated project. You wanted to say something else. But it now reads the person worked only 3 hours a day which is working less and not more.
As a result, he was rewarded with employee of the quarter title and later got promotion to a senior level as well. These ultra-challenging situations are paradoxically the main advantage of working extra hours because they make you grow as a professional. I would say make your advantages clear in first two lines. Right now it is confusing. First line says people work extra to complete things in time. Next line says companies want them to work extra. And last line says if you work extra you get promoted. Yes everything is related but the "story" is confused.

The main disadvantages of working surplus hours is that employees often face health and social issues. The reason behind less active socially and not at the optimum health is that they often spare less time from daily routine for leisure activities. For instance, a survey on worker’s health conducted by Daily Lifestyle magazine concluded that people who are employed are more obese compared to the students as they are not able to manage their time smartly mainly due to being overburdened by tasks. Too long sentence and the example is just too lame and sounds made up. I know teachers say you can make up examples but I always say here that examples should sound believable. This is definitely not.
Similarly, spending more time at works leaves less time for family and friends and hence the social circle of life is being disturbed. These disadvantages oftentimes are mentally very hard to overcome for majority of the people at work.


To summarize, the tendency of working longer hours has been increased recently. While working after shift hours guarantees task completion and self satisfaction, No where in essay you have mentioned self satisfaction. Why a new point in conclusion?
it adversely impacts a person’s mental and physical health. Therefore, on balance, I support the view that employees should keep a strong balance between work and personal life. That's the problem of following same strategy for every essay. Did you answer the question whether there are more advantages or disadvantages? The question is not asking to support a view point.

Task response is the big challenge. There can be improvements in how BPs have been phrased and presented. But, that is secondary. Bigger issue is that essay doesn't answer what has been asked.

 

[Sohaibkq]

Your essay response should be in accordance to the question being asked. If you keep writing every essay the same way, you would lose points on task response. And task response is the most important thing if you want to get a 7+ score.

In today’s competitive professional world, a majority of employees often work overtime, leaving narrow time for fun activities. Wrong phrasing. You are probably directly translating your language to English.
Although the challenging company goals often demand to work for extra hours, it leaves adverse affects on health and socialization of the company workforce. In my opinion, people should avoid working extra hours by adopting smart work techniques. Read the question again. Does it ask for your opinion? The question is asking are there more advantages or disadvantages. Your wording should be in accordance to question. Please google and read advantages / disadvantages essays to see how to phrase those.

The greatest benefit of working additional hours from the employee’s perspective is an assurance that assigned tasks are completed under the time goal. These days the majority of multinational companies strive for their better position in the consumer market and hence emphasizing on their employees to work extra to achieve the targets before time.
For instance, my fellow employee worked for an average of three hours a day in the last quarter to complete the new assignments of the recently initiated project. You wanted to say something else. But it now reads the person worked only 3 hours a day which is working less and not more.
As a result, he was rewarded with employee of the quarter title and later got promotion to a senior level as well. These ultra-challenging situations are paradoxically the main advantage of working extra hours because they make you grow as a professional. I would say make your advantages clear in first two lines. Right now it is confusing. First line says people work extra to complete things in time. Next line says companies want them to work extra. And last line says if you work extra you get promoted. Yes everything is related but the "story" is confused.

The main disadvantages of working surplus hours is that employees often face health and social issues. The reason behind less active socially and not at the optimum health is that they often spare less time from daily routine for leisure activities. For instance, a survey on worker’s health conducted by Daily Lifestyle magazine concluded that people who are employed are more obese compared to the students as they are not able to manage their time smartly mainly due to being overburdened by tasks. Too long sentence and the example is just too lame and sounds made up. I know teachers say you can make up examples but I always say here that examples should sound believable. This is definitely not.
Similarly, spending more time at works leaves less time for family and friends and hence the social circle of life is being disturbed. These disadvantages oftentimes are mentally very hard to overcome for majority of the people at work.


To summarize, the tendency of working longer hours has been increased recently. While working after shift hours guarantees task completion and self satisfaction, No where in essay you have mentioned self satisfaction. Why a new point in conclusion?
it adversely impacts a person’s mental and physical health. Therefore, on balance, I support the view that employees should keep a strong balance between work and personal life. That's the problem of following same strategy for every essay. Did you answer the question whether there are more advantages or disadvantages? The question is not asking to support a view point.

Task response is the big challenge. There can be improvements in how BPs have been phrased and presented. But, that is secondary. Bigger issue is that essay doesn't answer what has been asked.

Such a great feedback. I appreciate you for taking your time out for that. I will try improving on these mistakes.

 

[CA GURPREET SINGH MANN]

Hi!
Hope I could answer to your questions.

Thanks Sir.
Extending and Supporting need a lot of practice. Hope I'll improve it soon.

 

[CA GURPREET SINGH MANN]

Thanks Sir.
Extending and Supporting need a lot of practice. Hope I'll improve them soon.

 

[Rehanyousaf]

Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money.
How might having a lot of money make people happy?
What other things in life can make people happy?



The pursuit of happiness is a never-ending process because it has a vague meaning which often varies from a person to person. For some people, having financial wealth is happiness since it fulfils all of their materialistic needs while others envy for other factors such as relationships and health.

Financial resources facilitate the luxurious lifestyle and give respect. To put in another way, by using money, all the materialistic desires can be satisfied. With the hefty bank account, people can drive an exorbitant car with all the comforts. They may afford to roam around to any place in the world without being bothering about other responsibilities. Likewise, all the factors mentioned before provides them with a good status in society. Resultantly, they get respect from others such as from community and society, and this gives them satisfaction.

However, a true relationship and good health are factors which cannot be bought by using finances. In this contemporary world, people often envious of others’ relationship. Perhaps a lot of people who possess wealth often struggle to find true friends and soulmates as others usually are intrested in their wealth. For these people, having a company of someone who truly loves them and being in a true relationship is contentment. Similarly, wealth can buy world-class healthcare treatments, but not health. Steve Jobs, for instance, despite being one of the wealthiest people of the world have struggled with health issues during his entire life. Therefore, for people with health problems, a negative test’s result brings all the happiness.

To conclude, happiness does not have a certain definition since it is subjective and varies in different circumstances. Some people feel contentment by living a life in which they can afford all the materialistic things while others find this in health and relationships.

 

[Sohaibkq]

You work for an international company, and would like to spend six months working in its head office in another country.
Write a letter to your manager.
In your letter:
explain why you want to work in the company’s head office for six months
say how your work could be done while you are away
ask for his/her help in arranging it

Dear Sir,
I am writing to seek your assistance regarding my interest in shifting to the company’s headquarter for around six months. While I am quite satisfied working over here in my home town, I feel my level of knowledge and leadership skills will enhance if I got the chance to work with the company’s top leadership in Canada.

I will make sure that the company’s goals will not be affected by my temporary relocation. I am in the process of training my junior regarding my assignments and so far he is learning quite well. I will remain in contact with him and together we will ensure that all of the reporting remains error-free.

I would like to request for your kind support in this matter as with your help I will be ensured that my case will be presented to the higher management effectively. Once I get approval from the head office, I will take care of further formalities on my own.

I hope the request I am putting forward will be taken considerably.

Yours faithfully,

Sohaib

 

[marosa]

Thanks Sir.
Extending and Supporting need a lot of practice. Hope I'll improve it soon.

You’re welcome, not quite a sir though)

 

[cansha]

You work for an international company, and would like to spend six months working in its head office in another country.
Write a letter to your manager.
In your letter:
explain why you want to work in the company’s head office for six months
say how your work could be done while you are away
ask for his/her help in arranging it

Okay the good thing is that your task response is good in this one and you have addressed all the questions asked. There are few issues with how some sentences are phrased and it may be because you are doing direct translations from native language. Also, some words can be eliminated to avoid verbosity and still retaining the meaning of sentence.

Dear Sir,
I am writing to seek your assistance regarding my interest in shifting to the company’s headquarter for around six months. Do not use "shifting to" again. Better phrase is "moving to" or "relocating to"
While I am quite satisfied working over here in my home town, I feel my level of knowledge and leadership skills will enhance if I got get the chance to work with the company’s top leadership in Canada.

I will make sure that the company’s goals will do not be get affected by my temporary relocation. I am in the process of training my junior regarding my assignments and so far he is learning quite well. I will remain in contact with him and together we will ensure that all of the reporting remains error-free.

I would like to request for your kind support in this matter as with your help I will be ensured that my case will be presented to and help to ensure my case is presented to the higher management effectively. Once I get approval from the head office, I will take care of further formalities on my own.

I hope the request I am putting forward will be taken considerably. I hope you will consider my request.

Yours faithfully,

Sohaib

 

[Sohaibkq]

Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money.
How might having a lot of money make people happy?
What other things in life can make people happy?



The pursuit of happiness is a never-ending process because it has a vague meaning which often varies from a person to person. For some people, having financial wealth is happiness since it fulfils all of their materialistic needs while others envy for other factors such as relationships and health.

Financial resources facilitate the luxurious lifestyle and give respect. To put in another way, by using money, all the materialistic desires can be satisfied. With the hefty bank account, people can drive an exorbitant car with all the comforts. They may afford to roam around to any place in the world without being bothering about other responsibilities. Likewise, all the factors mentioned before provides them with a good status in society. Resultantly, they get respect from others such as from community and society, and this gives them satisfaction.

However, a true relationship and good health are factors which cannot be bought by using finances. In this contemporary world, people often envious of others’ relationship. Perhaps a lot of people who possess wealth often struggle to find true friends and soulmates as others usually are intrested in their wealth. For these people, having a company of someone who truly loves them and being in a true relationship is contentment. Similarly, wealth can buy world-class healthcare treatments, but not health. Steve Jobs, for instance, despite being one of the wealthiest people of the world have struggled with health issues during his entire life. Therefore, for people with health problems, a negative test’s result brings all the happiness.

To conclude, happiness does not have a certain definition since it is subjective and varies in different circumstances. Some people feel contentment by living a life in which they can afford all the materialistic things while others find this in health and relationships.

@cansha Please review this as well. We both are preparing together, targeting 7 in writing.

 

[Rehanyousaf]

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.

In a recent phenomenon, an increasing trend of extended working hours has been observed. Although overtime accelerates the promotion opportunities, and equip a person with financial independence, I believe the disadvantages in the form of health and personal relations outweighs the positives it entails.

On the one hand, it could be argued that financial independence is the biggest upside of working after-shift-time. Since employers, by law, are bound to compensate working staff for their overtime, it enables people to earn an additional livelihood by working extended hours. With this additional income, they can spend more on getting the comforts of life which probably not be possible within office-hours income. Another plus point is the employees’ career progression. In spite of the fact that most corporates now follow standardised objective performance criteria, they still account for subjective factors from the employees. Not only does overtime increases employees productivity, but it also aids employees in subjective evaluation, therefore, paces-up career progression.

However, despite the benefits, in my opinion, the egregious consequences it has on relationships and physical health cannot be ignored. First, overtime hours are usually anti-social hours which have profound impacts on workers mental health. Despite earning a handsome amount, workers usually not able to keep-up their other family’s responsibilities. So, they struggle with the relationship, and often this issue leads to divorce. The most significant downside of this is a compromise on physical health as workers are left with no time after office to focus on their health. Followed by a hectic office time, they usually do not get themselves involved in physical activities due to fatigue; hence, their physical health gets compromised a lot which even increases their spending on hospital bills.

In conclusion, ultimately, while overtime enables employees to achieve their financial and career goals early, the ruinous impacts it has on their relationships, and physical and mental health are undeniable. Therefore, on balance, the disadvantages heavily outweigh the associated advantages.

 

[cansha]

Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money.
How might having a lot of money make people happy?
What other things in life can make people happy?

Overall I think this is a very well written essay as it address the question and hence task response is good. There are a few things that could be better but overall the essay is an easy read and flows nicely. So well done!

The pursuit of happiness is a never-ending process because it has a vague meaning which often varies from a person to person. For some people, having financial wealth is happiness since it fulfils all of their materialistic needs while others envy for other factors such as relationships and health. I understand the sentiment but you envy something, you don't envy for something. In this context you can use "others are envious of factors ..."

Financial resources facilitate the luxurious lifestyle and give respect. This sentence ends quite abruptly.
To put in another way, by using money, all the materialistic desires can be satisfied. And this sentence is basically repeat of sentence in introduction. So no value add.
With the hefty bank account, people can drive an exorbitant car with all the comforts. They may afford to roam around to any place in the world without being bothering about other responsibilities. Likewise, all the factors mentioned before provides them with a good status in society. Resultantly, they get respect from others such as from community and society, and this gives them satisfaction.

The theme of this BP is good but could be written better.

However, a true relationship and good health are factors which cannot be bought by using finances. In this contemporary world, people often envious of others’ relationship. Perhaps a lot of people who possess wealth often struggle to find true friends and soulmates as others usually are intrested in their wealth. For these people, having a company of someone who truly loves them and being in a true relationship is contentment. Similarly, wealth can buy world-class healthcare treatments, but not health. Steve Jobs, for instance, despite being one of the wealthiest people of the world have struggled with health issues during his entire life. Therefore, for people with health problems, a negative test’s result brings all the happiness.

This BP has been written really well. This should be your template for how to write a BP. Look at that example. Really well done! The example is relatable and not some bogus examples that we write like "in 2019 a study by Harvard found out money can not buy happiness". People please stop writing those lame examples.

To conclude, happiness does not have a certain definition since it is subjective and varies in different circumstances. Some people feel contentment by living a life in which they can afford all the materialistic things while others find this in health and relationships.

Good conclusion.

BP1 is the weakest link in this essay. But, I think this one probably would have got a 7+ score on exam.

 

[Rehanyousaf]

Overall I think this is a very well written essay as it address the question and hence task response is good. There are a few things that could be better but overall the essay is an easy read and flows nicely. So well done!

The pursuit of happiness is a never-ending process because it has a vague meaning which often varies from a person to person. For some people, having financial wealth is happiness since it fulfils all of their materialistic needs while others envy for other factors such as relationships and health. I understand the sentiment but you envy something, you don't envy for something. In this context you can use "others are envious of factors ..."

Financial resources facilitate the luxurious lifestyle and give respect. This sentence ends quite abruptly.
To put in another way, by using money, all the materialistic desires can be satisfied. And this sentence is basically repeat of sentence in introduction. So no value add.
With the hefty bank account, people can drive an exorbitant car with all the comforts. They may afford to roam around to any place in the world without being bothering about other responsibilities. Likewise, all the factors mentioned before provides them with a good status in society. Resultantly, they get respect from others such as from community and society, and this gives them satisfaction.

The theme of this BP is good but could be written better.

However, a true relationship and good health are factors which cannot be bought by using finances. In this contemporary world, people often envious of others’ relationship. Perhaps a lot of people who possess wealth often struggle to find true friends and soulmates as others usually are intrested in their wealth. For these people, having a company of someone who truly loves them and being in a true relationship is contentment. Similarly, wealth can buy world-class healthcare treatments, but not health. Steve Jobs, for instance, despite being one of the wealthiest people of the world have struggled with health issues during his entire life. Therefore, for people with health problems, a negative test’s result brings all the happiness.

This BP has been written really well. This should be your template for how to write a BP. Look at that example. Really well done! The example is relatable and not some bogus examples that we write like "in 2019 a study by Harvard found out money can not buy happiness". People please stop writing those lame examples.

To conclude, happiness does not have a certain definition since it is subjective and varies in different circumstances. Some people feel contentment by living a life in which they can afford all the materialistic things while others find this in health and relationships.

Good conclusion.

BP1 is the weakest link in this essay. But, I think this one probably would have got a 7+ score on exam.

Thanks a lot for taking out time and guiding me so well. I will certainly work on all the points mentioned above, and I hope in next writing the issues will be sorted out.

 

[Rehanyousaf]

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.

In a recent phenomenon, an increasing trend of extended working hours has been observed. Although overtime accelerates the promotion opportunities, and equip a person with financial independence, I believe the disadvantages in the form of health and personal relations outweighs the positives it entails.

On the one hand, it could be argued that financial independence is the biggest upside of working after-shift-time. Since employers, by law, are bound to compensate working staff for their overtime, it enables people to earn an additional livelihood by working extended hours. With this additional income, they can spend more on getting the comforts of life which probably not be possible within office-hours income. Another plus point is the employees’ career progression. In spite of the fact that most corporates now follow standardised objective performance criteria, they still account for subjective factors from the employees. Not only does overtime increases employees productivity, but it also aids employees in subjective evaluation, therefore, paces-up career progression.

However, despite the benefits, in my opinion, the egregious consequences it has on relationships and physical health cannot be ignored. First, overtime hours are usually anti-social hours which have profound impacts on workers mental health. Despite earning a handsome amount, workers usually not able to keep-up their other family’s responsibilities. So, they struggle with the relationship, and often this issue leads to divorce. The most significant downside of this is a compromise on physical health as workers are left with no time after office to focus on their health. Followed by a hectic office time, they usually do not get themselves involved in physical activities due to fatigue; hence, their physical health gets compromised a lot which even increases their spending on hospital bills.

In conclusion, ultimately, while overtime enables employees to achieve their financial and career goals early, the ruinous impacts it has on their relationships, and physical and mental health are undeniable. Therefore, on balance, the disadvantages heavily outweigh the associated advantages.

@cansha @CA GURPREET SINGH MANN

The bold ones are either article mistakes or spell mistakes.
What score, approximately, a one can get with these number of mistakes. I'm working on these areas, hope to overcome these issues soon, Thanks!