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IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

marosa

Hero Member
Oct 9, 2018
249
122
Armenia
NOC Code......
1111
Hi @marosa thanks for your feedback, kindly let me know why should I need to provide my opinion here? As question statement, Should governments make decisions about people’s lifestyle. or should people make their own decisions? I believe asking for general discussion not the specific opinion of writer? No? please clarify

thanks
Well, if someone approaches me in the street and says hey, should government control our lifestyle? I will assume they’re asking for my opinion on this matter, even though they did not say “provide your opinion”.

Also, if IELTS wants you to discuss both views, they will by all means include that instruction in the question.

So in your case such a question would look something like “Some people think governments should make decisions about people’s lifestyle. Others think people should make their own decisions. Discuss both views”. Here you don’t need to give your opinion. Another type of question would be “Some people think governments should make decisions about people’s lifestyle. Others think people should make their own decisions. Discuss both views and give your opinion.” In this case you must discuss both views and you must give your opinion. If the question doesn’t tell you to discuss both views, you dont have to. You can (and should) only talk about one side.


https://ieltsliz.com/ielts-writing-task-2-should-i-give-my-opinion/
 

marosa

Hero Member
Oct 9, 2018
249
122
Armenia
NOC Code......
1111
Hello guys, I hope everyone here is safe and healthy,
Marosa, I tried to practice your tips and here you can see another task 2 response, could you please give me your feedback.
Thanks a lot ;-)

In many places, new homes are needed, but the only space available for building them is in the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new home there.

While it is thought that rural parts of should be considered for contracting new houses due to limited space in the cities, other emphasize these landscapes should be protected. I personally believe that construction should be allowed in suburbs, however certain legislation should be taken account, to protect the harmony of the areas likewise.

A crucial part of cities development is implementing an efficient distribution of the population. While proper space for building houses are scarce inside the cities these days, migrating construction site to rural areas is inevitable. More on that, due to limited resources such as, drinking water, medical units and educational facilities in cities, the countryside is s suitable option for growing population settlement. It is worth citing that, the process could be beneficial for original residents of the countryside, since new inhabitants are new sources of income, thus the whole economy of the area will be improved implicitly.

Notwithstanding, preserving original structure and resources of urban areas is foundation of a sustainable development. Thus, if the whole process of building houses impose detrimental effects on natural and architectural properties of the rural areas, it drawbacks will definitely outweigh its merits. Therefore, careful regulation should be implemented to guarantee minimum damages through the construction process.

As stated herein-above, even though lack of enough space have forced human being to relocate to urban areas for constructing new houses, official should intervene with an appropriate rules in order to preserve the original properties of these area. Hence, the process will be beneficial for both original residents and new-comers of the countryside.
Hi dear, your question is not complete, you’re missing the instruction. Depending on the question you can have completely different essays. Do they ask for your opinion? Do they ask about advantages outweighing disadvantages? Do they ask you to discuss both views? Do they ask to what extent do you agree? ...
 
May 3, 2017
199
42
Hi dear, your question is not complete, you’re missing the instruction. Depending on the question you can have completely different essays. Do they ask for your opinion? Do they ask about advantages outweighing disadvantages? Do they ask you to discuss both views? Do they ask to what extent do you agree? ...
Have you explained some concepts of letters in your previous comments?
Especially the first para and ending lines. (Not salutations)
 

reesastark

Full Member
Mar 21, 2020
22
2
Hi dear, your question is not complete, you’re missing the instruction. Depending on the question you can have completely different essays. Do they ask for your opinion? Do they ask about advantages outweighing disadvantages? Do they ask you to discuss both views? Do they ask to what extent do you agree? ...
I am sorry I missed the question.

In many places, new homes are needed, but the only space available for building them is in the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new home there.

What is your opinion about this?




While it is thought that rural parts of should be considered for constructing new houses, due to limited space in the cities, others emphasize that these landscapes should remain protected. I personally believe that construction should be allowed in suburbs, however, certain legislation should be taken into account, to protect the harmony of the areas likewise.

A crucial part of cities development is implementing an efficient distribution of population. While proper space for building houses are scarce inside the cities these days, migration of construction sites to rural areas is inevitable. More on that, due to limited resources such as, drinking water, medical units and educational facilities in cities, the countryside is s suitable option for growing population settlement. It is worth citing that, the process could be beneficial for original residents of the countryside, since new habitats are new sources of income, thus the whole economy of the area will be improved implicitly.

Notwithstanding, preserving original structure and resources of urban areas is foundation of a sustainable development. Thus, if the whole process of building houses imposes detrimental effects on natural and architectural properties of the rural areas, it drawbacks will definitely outweigh its merits. Therefore, careful regulation should be implemented to guarantee minimum damages through the construction process.

As stated herein-above, even though lack of enough space has forced human beings to relocate to urban areas for constructing new houses, official ought to intervene with an appropriate rules, in order to preserve the original properties of these area. Hence, the process will be beneficial for both original residents and new inhabitants of the countryside.
 

marosa

Hero Member
Oct 9, 2018
249
122
Armenia
NOC Code......
1111
Hello guys, I hope everyone here is safe and healthy,
Marosa, I tried to practice your tips and here you can see another task 2 response, could you please give me your feedback.
Thanks a lot ;-)

In many places, new homes are needed, but the only space available for building them is in the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new home there.

While it is thought by some that rural parts of should be considered for contracting building new houses due to limited space in the cities, others emphasize these landscapes should be protected. I personally believe that construction should be allowed in the suburbs or "on the outskirts", just for your vocab, however certain legislation should be taken into account, no comma to protect the harmony of the areas likewise. is "to take into account" what you meant or "certain measures/actions should be taken"?

A crucial part of cities urban? development is implementing an efficient distribution of the population. While proper space for building houses are scarce inside the cities these days, migrating construction site to rural areas is inevitable. This sentence does not support the previous one. Your main idea here is population should be distributed evenly (Sentence 1). Then instead of supporting that idea and explaining why, you jump to another idea that there is simply no space in the cities for more buildings. Equal distribution, however, would mean that even though there is still space in the cities, it should not be developed further, but instead the countryside should. Could I explain my thoughts? More on that, due to limited resources such as, put the comma before “such as” drinking water, medical units and educational facilities in cities, the countryside is s a suitable option for growing population settlement. It is worth citing that, no comma the process could be beneficial for original residents of the countryside as well, since new inhabitants are new sources of income, thus the whole economy of the area will be improved implicitly. Think of an example here.

I think you should indicate in the first sentence that you’re going to discuss the economic aspect of the question. Your BP 1 will look something like this:


Sentence 1: main idea - A crucial part of economic development locally is the implementation of an efficient distribution of the population among cities and rural areas. Sentence 2: why? - "Due to limited resources...." + an example maybe. Sentence 3: so? - as a result, resources will be distributed more efficiently and will mitigate the potential risk of resource depletion. Sentence 3: why else? - "the process could be beneficial for original residents of the countryside" + an example if you didn't bring any after Sentence 2.

P.S. If you can write long enough about one of these two points (resource management and local economy development) you can leave only that one. No need to talk about every idea you have in your mind in one essay. Or you may want to have 2 separate BPs and not talk about regulations at all.



Notwithstanding why don't you like a simple "however"? :), preserving original structure and resources of urban areas is a foundation of a sustainable development. Thus, if the whole process of building houses impose detrimental effects on natural and architectural properties of the rural areas, it drawbacks will definitely outweigh its merits. Therefore, careful regulation should be implemented to guarantee minimum damages through the construction process. This BP is not well developed either. Sentence 1: main idea - construction will damage the rural areas’ environment. Sentence 2: why? - pollution due to construction. Or pollution due to overpopulation. Or... Sentence 3: so? - shall a government opt for building more homes outside cities, they will need to implement appropriate regulations. Sentence 4: example.

As stated herein-above, “in conclusion” or “to conclude”, I’ll share a link in the end even though lack of enough space have has forced human being people - yes, it is ok to use that words a few times in one essay :) Please google the difference between "people", "person(s)", "humans"/"human beings", 'individuals" to relocate to urban areas for constructing new houses, officials should - "ought to" is too strong, "should' is ok intervene with an appropriate rules in order to preserve the original properties resources is not the same as properties, I guess properties is more about real estate, though I might be wrong, please google this of these areas. Hence, the process will be beneficial for both both for the original residents and for the new-comers of the countryside.

Hi!

Please see the video here: https://ieltsliz.com/is-a-conclusion-important-in-ielts-writing-task-2/

Also, read Cansha’s post on do’s and dont’s here: https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-90#post-7568485
 
May 3, 2017
199
42
Write a letter to friend who lives in different city and:

  1. Tell him about your recent job offer
  2. Tell him about the arrangements for dinner that you planned for celebration
  3. Tell him about his accommodation plans
Dear Joey,

How are you? I've something new to share with you.

Well, since I was bored with my current job as a data entry operator, I had applied for the position of a data analyst at Hindustan Unilever Limited last week. When I was checking my e-mails today morning, I found out the offer letter for the said post and the salary is also more than expected. Isn't it great?

So, I decided to throw a party for my close friends to celebrate this achievement. We'll have a great dinner at the Ramada hotel and for that, I have already booked five places. Everyone will gather at my place next Saturday, April 19th, and from that, we'll go to the venue on my car.

Also, you need not to worry about your accommodation for that night. One of my friends has a guest house near my house and we all will stay there for the night. You also can have a separate room there to sleep if you want.

This celebration will not be the same without you. So, I'll be waiting for you.

See you soon,
Kevin
 

will_w

Newbie
Mar 6, 2020
4
0
Hello guys, it will be nice if anyone of your can kindly mark or making suggestions for my part 2. I am going to take GT and aiming at 7.5
word count: 261

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Some people believe online reading materials should only be used for a child to learn to read, whereas others believe only printed material should be used. Discuss both side and give your opinion.

There is an ongoing debate on whether people should choose digital or hard-copy studying materials to the children in our society. Although there are some benefits of using printed materials, I believe that digital reading materials is more suitable to teenagers today.

I do understand the benefits that printed materials can bring to people’s children and one of them is such materials may improve children’s health. In other words, long hours of focusing on computer screen instead of paper may reduce one’s ability of concentration and can raise health issues. For example, the digital gaming advertisement that pop up on the webpage while students are studying may distract their attention and they may end up with spending hours on playing video game if their parents are not nearby and this may causing eye diseases or unhealthy posture that may damage their body at their later stage of life.

However, I do agree with others who believe that only digital material shall be used due to its convenience. The use of digital book may increase the flexibility of one’s timetable and hence may improve the amount of time that can be used by children to explore their interest and extracurricular activities. One clear example is students who are reading on remote devices now may read at any locations whenever they are free and the time and efforts that they saved from daily packing and carrying heavy books now can help them on things like volunteering, internship, or preparation for university.

In conclusion, I believe only digital books should be used for our children.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
May 3, 2017
199
42
Children today are too dependent on computers and electronic entertainment. It would be better for them to be outside playing sports and taking part in more traditional pastimes than spending all day indoors. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Children ought to spend more of their time doing outdoor sports and conventional leisure activities rather than spending it on electronic gadgets the whole day while at home. I agree with this statement because children become healthy, better at communication skills and improve relationships when they engage themselves in such outdoor activities.

Foremost, adolescents become physically and mentally healthy when they play cricket, football or go fishing. This is because abundant energy is required to perform these activities and naturally more oxygen is supplied to their brains when they practice them. It makes their bones and muscles healthier and intellectual ability better. However, they become obese when they play playstations and video games all day long inside their homes as these pursuits do not involve the movement of body parts.

In addition, children improve their communication and interpersonal skills when they spend more of their time in stadiums or parks because these sports are mostly performed in a team. They learn decision-making, leadership, empathy, negotiation and conflict resolution while enjoying squad games, which is difficult to learn while staying indoors. These traits help them when they enter into their job or business later in their life. Employers look for those candidates for their senior positions whose hobbies include more sports as they are better at leading a team.

Moreover, more outdoor activities mean more and better relationships. When children visit different places for physical recreation outdoors, they meet lots of new people. These people become friends because they share common interests. When activities like camping, hide and seek, and fruit collection are done with parents and siblings, they pay more attention to each other since they do not have any household work to do with them at that time. This helps in improving their psychological needs to love and to be loved.

In conclusion, I think spending more time indoors can affect children's health, interpersonal skills, and relationships. Nevertheless, this can be avoided if they leave their laptops and mobiles and spend more time outdoors doing traditional excursions.
 

hardeep bal

Hero Member
May 5, 2014
815
46
punjab india
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New Delhi
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Can someone please evaluate my essay below, thanks

Although more and more people read news on the internet, newspapers will remain the most important source of news.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Whereas the majority of people find newspapers are the most appropriate medium of news, it is not always true, especially in the contemporary world, where technology has increased dramatically. I entirely agree that paper media will not remain an effective method as the internet, generally, because of its fast speed and cost.

First, one reason is the speed of the internet, which is extremely fast. This is beneficial in certain situations, a recent outbreak of the COVID-19 in China, for instance, was immediately circulated in countries, thus, some preparatory measures were taken by them. This immediate spread and a vast network among the countries is prohibitively useful, which allows readers to aware of the recent happenings around the world. Clearly, a person feels more interconnected with other parts even though he is miles away from them.

Second, the cost of printing newspapers will ultimately decline its popularity in the future. As the print media requires a strong supply chain network and an infrastructure for printing newspapers, which adds it to the cost of each unit by the manufacturer. As a result, a consumer has to pay some price to purchase news, which is not a case on the internet. Publishing news on web just requires a computer and a fast network connection, which is readily available these days and cheap. Overall, the trend of buying newspapers will decline as a multitude of apps on the internet provides free news for viewers.

In conclusion, newspapers seem like an ordinary method of news due to their speed and the cost of manufacturing while, I wholeheartedly agree, the internet will gain popularity among readers in the coming years.
 

marosa

Hero Member
Oct 9, 2018
249
122
Armenia
NOC Code......
1111
Write a letter to friend who lives in different city and:

  1. Tell him about your recent job offer
  2. Tell him about the arrangements for dinner that you planned for celebration
  3. Tell him about his accommodation plans
Dear Joey,

How are you? I've I have or I’ve got, but I have is more proper something new to share with you.

If the letter is to a friend you can start it with “I hope this letter finds you well” or “It has been a while since our last talk” or “It has been a year since we last met at ...” or something like that. If it’s a formal letter you can simply start with “I am writing to you with regards to ...”

Well, you can put “as you may know I was bored...., so I applied...” since I was bored with my current job as a data entry operator, I had When you put “had” here it means you applied before you were bored. applied for the position of a data analyst at Hindustan Unilever Limited last week. When I was checking my e-mails today morning, I found out the offer letter for the said post mentioned vacancy or position , and the salary is also more than expected. Isn't it great?

So, I decided to throw a party for my close friends to celebrate this achievement. We'll have a great dinner at the Ramada hotel and for that, I have already booked five places a table for five. Everyone will gather at my place next Saturday, April 19th, and from that, from where we'll go to the venue on my car.

Also, you need not to worry about your accommodation for that night. One of my friends has a guest house near my house and we all will stay there for the night. You also can have a separate room there to sleep if you want. What’s this sentence for?

This celebration will not be the same without you. So, I'll be waiting for you.

See you soon,
Kevin
Hi!

See my comments above and the link here: https://ieltsliz.com/ielts-letter-writing-essential-tips/


Task 1 is about showing grammar and vocabulary, so even though it’s 1/3 of your score, be attentive to be accurate and to show a wide range of grammar and vocab.
 

marosa

Hero Member
Oct 9, 2018
249
122
Armenia
NOC Code......
1111
Hello guys, it will be nice if anyone of your can kindly mark or making suggestions for my part 2. I am going to take GT and aiming at 7.5
word count: 261

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Some people believe online reading materials should only be used for a child to learn to read, whereas others believe only printed material should be used. Discuss both side and give your opinion. This question is not accurate, I suppose when it says “online materials should only be used for a child...” they mean “only online materials should be used...”

There is an ongoing debate on whether people should choose digital or hard-copy studying materials to the for children in our society. Although there are some benefits of using printed materials, I believe that digital reading materials is more suitable to teenagers the question is not quite about teenagers, to me the question more asks about children, who maybe have just started learning to read. Even if you argue that teenagers are also kids, ok, but they are just a small segment of the “children” category today.

I do understand this is not a safe start at all the benefits that printed materials can bring to people’s of course people’s, whose else? children and one of them is such materials may improve children’s health To “improve” means that as children read their health gets better, how?. - “On the one hand, printed materials are somewhat (Somewhat, because you don’t actually support this idea) beneficial due to causing less harm to children’s health” In other words, long hours of focusing on the computer screen instead of paper may reduce one’s ability of concentration and can raise health issues such as... . For example, the digital gaming advertisement that pop up on the webpage while students are studying may distract their attention and they may end up with spending hours on playing video game if their parents are not nearby and this may causing eye diseases or unhealthy posture that may damage their body at their later stage of life. This sentence is not really an example of the previous one. You talk about two issues simultaneously - sight problems because of staring at the screen and how easy it is to get distracted with something else but reading. You should separate those ideas.

However, I do agree with others those who believe that only digital materials shall be used due to its convenience. The use of digital books may increase the flexibility of one’s timetable schedule? and hence may improve “improve” to get something better the amount of time that can be used by children to explore their interests and extracurricular activities does “to explore extracurricular activities” make sense?.

maybe instead of this wordy sentence you could say “reading digital books may enable children to save time for extracurricular activities and other interests”.

One clear example is students who are reading on remote devices now may read at any locations whenever they are free and the time and efforts that they saved from daily packing and carrying heavy books now can help them on things like volunteering, internship, or preparation for university. Sorry, but that’s not a clear example at all. Books are also portable, you can read books at any location, too. So, how does this save time? Really, how many hours a day do you spend on “packing and carrying books”? You need to work on supporting you ideas, the examiner not only evaluates how well you know grammar and vocabulary, but also how logical and well structured your ideas are. Your ideas and examples need to be logical and realistic.

In conclusion, I believe only digital books should be used for our children.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Hi!

I’ve put some comments above + a few general comments below)))

1. There’s a difference between “may”, “might”, “can”, “shall”, “should”. I suggest you to google that so that you can use the proper word in the sentence. I guess you haven’t read any of the previous reviews, so again, when you talk about the idea you support, use “can”, “may” “probably will”, “is likely to” etc. When talking about the idea you don’t support use “might”.

2. Try to avoid “in other words”.

3. It’s safer to start BP 1 with “on the one hand” and BP 2 with “on the other hand” or “however”.

4. Give a crystal clear opinion in the intro and conclusion. No need to repeat your opinion in the BP’s.

5. You need to work on your intro and especially conclusion.

I don’t know how many more times this link has to be shared: https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-90#post-7568485

Please read this and also read other reviewed essays, that will help you get the logic of this exam.

6. Also think about your opinion here. Maybe in real life you believe that ebooks are better, but if you cannot support that idea strongly enough, why not to write that you think hard books are better for kids? It’s like with your essay you’re telling the examiner it would be more logical if I had the opposite opinion, but I don’t.))))

What I mean is you brought 2 positive sides of traditional books and almost none of ebooks. So if your arguments are in favor of hard books, why not to agree with that side?
 

marosa

Hero Member
Oct 9, 2018
249
122
Armenia
NOC Code......
1111
Children today are too dependent on computers and electronic entertainment. It would be better for them to be outside playing sports and taking part in more traditional pastimes than spending all day indoors. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Children ought to spend more of their time doing outdoor sports and conventional leisure activities rather than spending it on electronic gadgets the whole day while at home. I agree with this statement because children become healthy, better at communication skills and improve relationships when they engage themselves in such outdoor activities.

Foremost, adolescents become physically and mentally healthy when they play cricket, football or go fishing. This is because abundant energy is required to perform these activities and naturally more oxygen is supplied to their brains when they practice them. It makes their bones and muscles healthier and intellectual ability better. However we use “however” when we want to oppose to the previous idea, however :) in your case you don't contradict to whatever you’ve said before, so maybe you can use “on the contrary” or “in contrast” instead, they become obese when they play playstations and video games all day long inside their homes as these pursuits do not involve the movement of body parts. This sentence sounds artificial to me, like you have put so much effort just to somehow glue random words together. Your thoughts should flow naturally if you target high scores. I’m almost sure you know what I mean and you had the same feeling when writing this.)))

In addition, children improve their communication and interpersonal skills when they spend more of their time in stadiums or parks because these sports are mostly performed in a team in teams. They learn decision-making, leadership, empathy, negotiation and conflict resolution while enjoying squad games, which is difficult to learn while staying indoors. These traits help them when they enter into their job or business later in their life. Employers look for those candidates for their senior positions whose hobbies include more sports as they are better at leading a team. Or “It is therefore no wonder that when looking for candidates on senior positions, most employers opt for those, whose hobbies include...”

Moreover, more outdoor activities mean more more relationships? A wider network maybe? remember you’re targeting 7+))) and better relationships. When children visit different places for physical recreation outdoors, they meet lots a lot of new people, who share common interests. These people become friends because they share common interests. When activities like camping, hide and seek, and fruit collection are done with parents and siblings, they pay more attention to each other since they do not have any household work to do with them at that time. Not sure about this sentence. This helps in improving to satisfy their children’s psychological needs to love and to be loved.

In conclusion, I think spending more time indoors can affect children's health, interpersonal skills, and relationships. Nevertheless, this can be avoided if they leave their laptops and mobiles and spend more time outdoors doing traditional excursions excursion is not the same as outdoor games and sports, careful with giving new ideas in the conclusion, that can make you lose points.
Well done, keep practicing.

As for the structure, my only concern is that your 2nd and 3rd BPs are almost about the same, so why not to combine those? Or maybe you had to develop BP3 better, dunno. Btw how long did it take you to write this one?
 

marosa

Hero Member
Oct 9, 2018
249
122
Armenia
NOC Code......
1111
Can someone please evaluate my essay below, thanks

Although more and more people read news on the internet, newspapers will remain the most important source of news.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Whereas the majority of people find newspapers are the most appropriate medium of news, it is not always true, especially in the contemporary world, where technology has increased do you mean it has developed? Or has become more popular? Maybe if you want to use “dramatically” you can say that technology usage has increased dramatically dramatically. I entirely agree that paper media will not remain an effective method the question says “important”, like a key source of news as the internet, generally, because of its the high fast speed and low costs of online media.

First of all, one reason is the speed of the internet, which is extremely fast. Here you should have your first main idea. Your main idea in this case is that internet is fast, which does not give much information to the reader. Instead, you should say that due to its high speed internet enables to spread news much faster than newspapers. Now that will be a key idea, around which your body paragraph will be built. This is beneficial in certain critical situations, such as the a recent outbreak of the COVID-19 in China, for instance, when the news was immediately circulated worldwide in countries, thus, . As a result the rest of the countries were able to take some preparatory measures were taken by them. This immediate spread and a vast network among the countries is prohibitively don’t use words you’re not sure of useful, which and allows readers to be aware of the recent happenings around the world. Clearly, a person feels more interconnected with other parts even though he is miles away from them.

Secondly, the cost of printing newspapers will ultimately decline its popularity in the future. As the printed media requires a strong supply chain network and an infrastructure for printing newspapers, which adds it to the cost of each unit by the manufacturer. This sentence seems to be incomplete, you start it with an “as”, but I don’t see the logical result of that “as”. If you start with “as”, you should end with a thought that answers to the question “so?”. E.g. “as it’s too expansive to print media, (so?) companies will eventually switch to cheaper ways to publish news” As a result, a consumer has to pay some price to purchase news, which is not a case on the internet. Publishing news on web just requires a computer and a fast network connection, which is readily available these days and cheap. Overall, the trend of buying newspapers will decline as a multitude of apps on the internet provides free news for viewers.

In conclusion, newspapers seem like an ordinary method of news due to their speed and the cost of manufacturing while, I wholeheartedly agree, the internet will gain popularity among readers in the coming years.
Hi!

I can suggest you to try to write an essay without using “which” at all.)) It seems like a habit, you use “which” so often and almost always where you shouldn’t.))

It’s not a band 7 essay yet, but 7 is more than feasible if you keep practicing.
 
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May 3, 2017
199
42
Well done, keep practicing.

As for the structure, my only concern is that your 2nd and 3rd BPs are almost about the same, so why not to combine those? Or maybe you had to develop BP3 better, dunno. Btw how long did it take you to write this one?
I am trying to be perfect on TA so I am spending a lot of time planning and writing essays that are on point. Currently, I am taking 40-45 only for writing an essay. I know this is a lot of time, but with time I'll learn to be precise in shorter time.

I hope you have seen improvements in my essays. (Still a long way to go I think)

Actually while writing, I found out that there are 3 distinctive ideas, so I incorporated all. After seeing reviews, I came to know that BP2 and BP3 can be mixed.
Yes its true.

“I hope this letter finds you well” or “It has been a while since our last talk” or “It has been a year since we last met at ...” or something like that. If it’s a formal letter you can simply start with “I am writing to you with regards to ...” --- Actually In missed these phrases because I heard from someone that these phrases are counted in memorized words while calculating the number of words. I am trying to be simple and straightforward. I agree that these can be written, but are they fine?


Thank you very much brother. Your corrections mean a lot to me.
 
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marosa

Hero Member
Oct 9, 2018
249
122
Armenia
NOC Code......
1111
“I hope this letter finds you well” or “It has been a while since our last talk” or “It has been a year since we last met at ...” or something like that. If it’s a formal letter you can simply start with “I am writing to you with regards to ...” --- Actually In missed these phrases because I heard from someone that these phrases are counted in memorized words while calculating the number of words. I am trying to be simple and straightforward. I agree that these can be written, but are they fine?


Thank you very much brother. Your corrections mean a lot to me.
I don’t know for 100%, but my understanding is that it’s ok to use those particular phrases, because even if it’s not an exam you would still use those. So it doesn’t look artificial when you have it in your letter, even if it’s used frequently. And I personally really like the phrase “I am writing to you with regards to...” because you right away give the examiner an understanding of what your letter is going to be about, so it’s easier for the examiner to follow your letter, therefore there’s a better chance to get a higher score for cohesion and coherence.

This is NOT the same as when they use the same sentences almost any essay in Task 2, like saying how technology has changed our lives in recent years, when the question is not about technology changing lives at all)))

It’s more like saying everyone uses “on the other hand”, so I should avoid it. Well no, everyone uses it, because it’s the right thing to do. :)

And since you’ve raised that question: https://ieltsliz.com/ielts-writing-tips-sentences-to-avoid/
 
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