IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

[Milan Desai]

Here are the common problems I have observed in recent essays:
1. Wrong word usage. Question is about adults, essay talking about youth. In one instance, first body paragraph even mentions above the adulthood. That would be elderly people. Another one, intro mentions under graduates, first body paragraph mentions post graduates.
2. Writing lengthy essays. One was almost touching 400. In test scenario you have only 40 minutes for task 2. Be little realistic.
3. Memorized sentences are complete NO-NO. I actually was erasing all such sentences from one recent essay and the final output had much better sound to it and would have got 7 in test.
4. Grammatical mistakes. Evaluators here can’t help in that section, kindly improve on personal basis.
5. High-end English. One recent essay had so many difficult words it was border-line distraction to read. IELTS expect high school level english not PhD level. Keep it simple.

Sharing my personal agony... Without following any of the formats available online, i scored 7 in first attempt. Believe me, I did no solid preparation just random reading online and gave the test in haste. And in subsequent attempts, scored 6.5. I thought my 7 was a fluke and started looking at online formats. Probably, they ruined me.

can you give your final verdict?

essay : adults do less exercise these days, some people say that showing events like Olympic and world cup on television encourage adults to exercise while others say that there are other ways to encourage adults to exercise.
Discuss both view and give your opinion.

Answer:

It is irrefutable to say that many grown ups are less active in physical activities in recent times. Many individuals believe that by telecasting major international sporting events such as the World Cup and Olympic would motivate them towards sports, however others had the opinion that there are many other alternative ways to persuade them towards exercise. The following paragraphs would shed light on both the approaches before making final note on my perspective with an apt example.

To embark with the first notion, there are myriad things to be shared in its favours. The primary one is that national athletes have a high fan following in the millions and many younger ones idealise their athlete. Thus, showing them performing live at an international level for a country would motives many youngsters towards games and physical exercise. As a result, more and more youthful will indulge in pastime as it gives them an opportunity to represent their nation on the world stage. To illustrate this, after The Olympic Games in China, sport club membership has seen an upsurge of 50% with the majority of members are above adulthood.

Shifting towards the second school of thought, many people believe that government plays a pivotal role in encouraging majors towards sport by offering them free training facilities and financial aid. Therefore, adults would be attracted towards physical activities, as result they can see games as an alternative career. Furthermore, the majority of adults spend major time in office work and commuting to work. As a result, leaves them with no times for exercise and physical activities. Consequently, organizing recreation events on a regular basis by companies provide opportunities for adults to participate in fun and games activities which can increase their fitness massively rather than watching games on television. For example, In India many IT firms organize marathon competitions annually to promote athletics in their employees.

To recapitulate, in the contemporary era youthful is less active in recreation, many sections of society believe that by showing sporting events on TV would encourage them to exercise, I would like to infer that there are many other ways to engage people towards physical activities likes free training facilities and organizing games events at work places which are more suitable in the long term.

 

[AB17]

can you give your final verdict?

essay : adults do less exercise these days, some people say that showing events like Olympic and world cup on television encourage adults to exercise while others say that there are other ways to encourage adults to exercise.
Discuss both view and give your opinion.

Answer:

It is irrefutable to say that many grown ups are less active in physical activities in recent times. Many individuals believe that by telecasting major international sporting events such as the World Cup and Olympic would motivate them towards sports, however others had the opinion that there are many other alternative ways to persuade them towards exercise. The following paragraphs would shed light on both the approaches before making final note on my perspective with an apt example.

To embark with the first notion, there are myriad things to be shared in its favours. The primary one is that national athletes have a high fan following in the millions and many younger ones idealise their athlete. Thus, showing them performing live at an international level for a country would motives many youngsters towards games and physical exercise. As a result, more and more youthful will indulge in pastime as it gives them an opportunity to represent their nation on the world stage. To illustrate this, after The Olympic Games in China, sport club membership has seen an upsurge of 50% with the majority of members are above adulthood.

Shifting towards the second school of thought, many people believe that government plays a pivotal role in encouraging majors towards sport by offering them free training facilities and financial aid. Therefore, adults would be attracted towards physical activities, as result they can see games as an alternative career. Furthermore, the majority of adults spend major time in office work and commuting to work. As a result, leaves them with no times for exercise and physical activities. Consequently, organizing recreation events on a regular basis by companies provide opportunities for adults to participate in fun and games activities which can increase their fitness massively rather than watching games on television. For example, In India many IT firms organize marathon competitions annually to promote athletics in their employees.

To recapitulate, in the contemporary era youthful is less active in recreation, many sections of society believe that by showing sporting events on TV would encourage them to exercise, I would like to infer that there are many other ways to engage people towards physical activities likes free training facilities and organizing games events at work places which are more suitable in the long term.

Yes I read your essay.. it had mistakes that i have mentioned in my previous post. More than verdict, work on things I suggested.

 

[Vyn]

Question:
Some people say that now we can see films on our phones or tablets there is no need to go to the cinema. Others say that to be fully enjoyed, films need to be seen in a cinema. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Answer:
Technology continuously evolved as the years goes by. Majority of the people now opt to watch movies using their smartphones instead of watching it in a movie house. On the other part of the population, some have stated that it is more exciting to see movies in cinema for its widescreen and superb audio system. I will discuss first what are the advantages and drawbacks of these views and will make my statement.

First and foremost, we are in the millennial generation, where everything upgraded, innovative gadgets are easy to purchase like smartphones. Higher percentage of the population owns a high-tech phone. With this development, people find it more convenient to watch online because it saves them time and effort. Moreover, they have privacy and personal space, which are uncommon in a public cinema. It is a given fact that in public cinema, it is crowded and a vast variety of people from different background will be in one place. At times, people would be loud, and would forget proper etiquette while in a movie house.

On another note, there are advantages of watching movie in a cinema. One of it is the quality of the audio system. Some people prefer it to have a good audio system when watching a movie as it add up in enjoying it. Another point to state is the wide screen in the cinema. Watching movies in big screen can enhance the visual effects in the movie. The viewers will feel bedazzled of the various scenery in the movie. In comparison to watching movies using smartphones the experience will be different since smartphones have smaller screen. Some do enjoy having a wider screen to watch a movie.

In my own opinion, I think it depends on what the viewer prefer and what is his personality. Watching movie using phones or going to a movie house both will result for the viewer to entertain himself and mark the movie when finished, neither was it outstanding movie or not.

 

[Milan Desai]

Question:
Some people say that now we can see films on our phones or tablets there is no need to go to the cinema. Others say that to be fully enjoyed, films need to be seen in a cinema. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is irrefutable to say that, technological advancement in entertainment field has change our lives completely. Majority of people have opted to watch movie on their smart phone rather than going to the cinema hall however, some sections of society still believe that it is exciting to watch movie on wild screen cinema hall. The following paragraphs would shed light on both approaches before making final note on my perspective with an apt example.

To being with, the first and foremost reason of enjoying movie on electronic gadgets is that it save lots of time. Majority of people are busy in their work life and commuting to their work stations thus, it is very difficult for them to take time out of their busy schedule and go to cinema. Hence it is more convenient to watch it online on their smart phone as it save time and efforts. For example, a recent survey in India state that 90% youngsters prefer to watch movie on their cellphone rather than going to multiplex.

On the other hand, some part of society advocates the later part as it is more reliable and best way to enjoy audio-visual effects of movies. Thus, it can enhance the joy of watching films on wider screen to experience of 3D effects which cannot be possible on small screen of mobile phones. As a result, audience will feel thrill while at the various scenery and sound effects of films. To illustrate this, the ticket sales of 3D-4D movies in multiplex have increase in last few years as compared to earlier years in India.

All in all, I opine that it is totally viewers choice to watch movie on cellphone or electronic gizmos to save time and effort or to enhance the experience of the special effects on wide-screen and fill the thrill and have lifelong memories.

 

[blueshark]

Can somebody share structure they followed to get band 7 or more in writing? I have given test twice got 6.5 I was following Liz premium videos. Now, I started following E2english youtube videos. I have also seen band 7, 7.5, 8 and 9 sample essays available on IDP, BC and IELTS official websites, they also seem different. I am confused about the structure to follow. I just want assurance from a person who followed some structure and was successful in achieving 7.

Follow Liz only . Her paid video's were a blessing to me. I got 7 twice in writing following her structure and style of writing. Before that I gave IELTS for 5 times and used to get 6.5 in writing.

 

[yoloraw]

#All are welcome to comment: BTW I never got evaluation

Some people believe that young people bring more profits to a company. Others say that older people actually bring more profits. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Although some people think that youngsters bring more benefits to an enterprise, others consider older people bring more profits. In my opinion, elderly staff bring higher sales of the company with their vast experience and mature thought process.

On the one hand, some people claim that young employees bring more profits to a company. Apparently, after completing their education, young people often tries to learn various skills in order to excel well in the industry. Therefore, they work hard towards accomplishment of the tasks assigned with full efficiency as to gather more diverse experiences. This optimal behavior leads to more profit to a company. In addition, youngsters have a fresh mindset which means they can be motivated in varied fields such as, marketing, finance or sales. For instance, an individual who just entered in a large enterprise doesn’t know what to do. Their mentors can direct them in any direction to extract maximum output from him.

On the other hand, some people consider older people actually bring more benefits and I agree. One obvious reason for this is that older people have number of years of experience, therefore, are proficient in handing complex situations with ease. For instance, sudden downfall in sales can be boosted with decisions taken by senior staff, who had done well in the similar situation in the past. Another evident reason is that people who are older, have more mature thinking which is indispensable towards gaining profits. In other words, maximum older people have families, and large social groups, therefore, they have more varied thinking and are more capable of understanding diverse people’s psychology. Ultimately, in large organizations they can handle thousands of people with ease and, therefore, increases overall sales of the company.

To reiterate, while people may vary in their opinions, I believe that older people can immensely boost the profit and growth of the company with their experience and mature thinking.

 

[yoloraw]

You would like to attend a training course. Write a letter to your company manager. In your letter, you should say:
 why you would like to attend this course?
 why it would be beneficial for you and the company?
 suggest how to arrange time for it.



Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing this letter to inform and seek your permission regarding an upcoming training course in Institute of Business studies, Lahore. This mini-course is co-related with my current job, and is expected to assist in my goals further.

Let me explain in detail. A group of managers from leading manufacturing firms will be participating in this training program. Their aim is to assist young people in excelling their skills for advanced managerial roles. As my current job involves managerial work, this course is going to be beneficial for polishing (informal word choice) improving my skills further. I am hopeful after a week of training; I will be able to perform my job duties in a more commanding way, which will eventually benefit our company.

Would you kindly allow me to join the training course, starting Monday, 24th October? For that, I will have to leave office an hour earlier than shift time. I will make sure no important tasks remain pending.

Thank you for your consideration.

Yours Faithfully, (never use capital F)
Sohaib Qureshi

 

[s.sharma07]

Follow Liz only . Her paid video's were a blessing to me. I got 7 twice in writing following her structure and style of writing. Before that I gave IELTS for 5 times and used to get 6.5 in writing.

I am also sailing in the same boat. Totally confused with different writing styles and formats and whom to follow, wrote 4 times, each time stuck at 6.5 in writing.

Can you please share liz advanced lessons link on my ID.? It will be a great help. Thanks

Saki4ever@gmail.com

 

[AB17]

#All are welcome to comment: BTW I never got evaluation

Some people believe that young people bring more profits to a company. Others say that older people actually bring more profits. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Although some people think that youngsters bring more benefits to an enterprise, others consider older people bring more profits. In my opinion, elderly staff bring higher sales of the company with their vast experience and mature thought process.

On the one hand, some people claim that young employees bring more profits to a company. Apparently, after completing their education, young people often tries to learn various skills in order to excel well in the industry( in order to increase the likelihood to get employment and to do well on their first jobs). Therefore, they work hard towards accomplishment of the tasks assigned with full efficiency as to gather more diverse experiences(appreciation and recognition in the firm). This optimal behavior leads to more profit to a company. In addition, youngsters have a fresh mindset which means they can be motivated in varied fields such as, marketing, finance or sales. For instance, an individual who just entered in a large enterprise doesn’t know what to do. Their mentors can direct them in any direction to extract maximum output from him. (Mentors - Senior people guiding young employees.. stands against the whole point of this paragraph)

On the other hand, some people consider older people actually bring more benefits and I agree. One obvious reason for this is that older people have number of years of experience, therefore, are proficient in handing complex situations with ease. For instance, sudden downfall in sales can be boosted with decisions taken by senior staff, who had done well in the similar situation in the past. Another evident reason is that people who are older, have more mature thinking which is indispensable towards gaining profits. In other words, maximum older people have families, and large social groups, therefore, they have more varied thinking and are more capable of understanding diverse people’s psychology. (perfect paragraph but next sentence messes up) Ultimately, in large organizations they can handle thousands of people with ease and, therefore, increases overall sales of the company. - (Managing people that increases sales.. missing proper reasoning)

To reiterate, In conclusion, while people may vary in their opinions,(filler in my opinion, not needed) I believe that older people can immensely boost the profit and growth of the company with their experience and mature thinking.

Bold and Underlined part give an impression of repetition and lacking vocabulary.

A personal suggestion.. instead of youngsters you can use young adults when talking in context of working age. Youngsters in general is synonym of teenagers and they are expected to be studying not working.

 

[Vyn]

@AB17 kindly mark my work..and what band score do you think it will get. Thank you

Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology.

Discuss both these views, and give your opinion.


Majority of the people agree that university students should have the freedom to select what course to study. However, some disagree with it and have said that students should study courses that have higher chance to be successful in their future endeavors. I will discuss these two points separately and make a statement at the end.


Firstly, selecting a course based on interest has significant contribution to the success of the students. It adds on for the students to feel highly motivated to learn more about the course actively without any compulsory or pressure from families. Studies have shown that intrinsic motivation is one of the key components for a person to learn difficult concepts and theories. If students freely decide for the course they wanted to complete, they feel more confident with themselves and it increases self discipline too. In the end, it would result in higher chance for academic excellence. In my own experience, I have chosen the course of what I am passionate to do, and it made me feel accomplished and successful. Having this experience, I agree with some that students should study whatever they like.


On another note, students who study courses due to social or family pressure most likely fail. The motivating factors to take a course in science or technology were limited. Some students only have taken course simply because of the extrinsic rewards like higher pay, easy job placement, but not intrinsically rewarding. Some studies have shown, that there was an increase in percentage of students who changes courses in the middle of the course term due to the difficulty of the course, or for some students felt it was not meant for them. Impulsively deciding to simply study a course that is in-demand, is more likely or not, increases the probability of the students to fail than to achieve greater outcome. Presently, students are becoming more practical and wanting to have a better future, hence; there is an increase of people to select course by social demand.


To recapitulate, people could choose a course that they are highly interested in, and/or simply select courses that have high financial return. In my point of view, I think it is crucial to be in a field where you are passionate with rather than follow what trending in the job market.

 

[Vyn]

Kindly evaluate my work..thank you

Question:

In Many Cities today, most people live in large apartment blocks, does this kind of accommodation has more advantages or disadvantages?


Answer:

Lately, it is becoming a trend to live in a more spacious and fully-furnished apartments. People has high preference to have a better accommodation nowadays. There are pros and cons of living in a large apartment.


To start with, living comfortable and safe is something all professionals wanted to have as a reward after a stressful day at work. Most young adults have a desire to have a peaceful environment and cosy place to relax since work and life balance is a challenge at the current generation. It is advantageous to have a relaxing ambiance at home like a large apartment blocks offers. At times, people have limited time and funds to go for a trip to properly rejuvenate themselves. Most commonly, they looked forward to reach home. Some finds it comfortable to have bigger space for the air and light to come in. It adds on in recharging their emotional state.


However, there are drawbacks in having spacious apartment. Larger accommodation also means bigger place to clean, and organise. Professionals are busy people, maintaining cleanliness, at times, is a common problem they usually encounter. Moreover, some people agree that staying alone in a spacious space increases the chance for the person to feel alone and withdrawn. It will result for the person to have imbalance emotional state.


With these reasons, I believe a safer place to go home to is what is important. Safe and peaceful environment are more crucial factors to consider to, and not by the size of the place.

 

[Milan Desai]

@AB17 can you check my writing and give me some tips
Thanks in advance.


Question: some people believe that young people bring more benefits to an enterprise. Other consider consider old people bring more benefits. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

Many section of society thinks that youngster bring more gain to an organization, however, other people believe that golden agers have an advantage in achieving high financial benefits for the firm. The following paragraphs would shed light on both visions before making final note with my personal perspective with suitable examples.

To being with, young ones are full of energy and ready to unleash themselves in corporate world after completing their higher education. They always want to learn new skills and want to upgrade themselves in order to do well in their initial job. Hence, they work hard towards accomplishment of achieving targets on time as to gather more acknowledgment and recognization in firm. To illustrate this, a recent survey in India state that 80% of young generation prefer to work overtime as compared to rest of the employees in IT Industry. Beside this, young adult can work for longer hours to complete task therefore it can bring ultimate success for the workplace.

On the other hand, elder people have richer and deep knowledge of industry and have vast experience in decision making due to this they are more accurate in making quick decisions in short period of time. Consequently, senior people in organization can give valuable inputs in complex situation which can be very beneficial for companies in long term. For instance, 85% startups in India are successfully running only because of person with an average age of 50 working for them. Furthermore, they have larger financial resources and more social network for support in their idea.

To sum up, I strongly opine that older employees can turn age into their advantages for company due to better social contacts, greater decision making techniques and vast knowledge of an industry.

 

[Milan Desai]

Question : More and more people are opting for ready-made food instead of freshly cooked food. Does this development have more advantages over disadvantages.

In this contemporary era, many individuals prefer to have junk food instead of fresh cooked food. this phenomenon is providing multifarious benefit to mankind, however sometimes a couple of problems emerge due to the same. The following paragraphs would cast light on pros and cons of having readymade food.

To begin with the bright side, ready made food provide economical benefits to people. Most of the junk foods are fast serve and therefore helping people to save time during their lunch break as most of the items are pre cooked. They are easily available in markets as compared to fresh food product. For instances, 90% youngster choose junk food as compared to fresh cookee meal because they are fast served and made quickly.

Additionally, junk food is easy and simple to carry and can be eaten at your preferred location. Most of people are busy in their work and they find it very difficult to manage cooking on a daily basis as a result they prefer to have ready made food.

On the other hand, there are nasty consequence as well. Firstly, eating junk food can increase weight and it can cause obesity. Many junk food containers bad fats, preservatives and additives which are very deterimenral for the health of people who are suffering from diabetic and undesirable heart problems. To exemplify this, 80% of school children in USA are found obese due to consumption of Coca Cola and chocolates in their daily intake.

To sum up, I personally believe that eating junk food can be advantages if it consumed in right proportion, however, they should also be careful that it does not lead to disastrous conditions with health.

 

[Cyfa]

@cansha @H0peAndFa1th I have been silently reading this entire thread since yesterday after my EOR results didnt turn out to be as expected.
My first attempt score is LRWS 8.5 9 6.5 7. I see this is very common score and after going through all pages in this forum i understand that 6.5 is very common but 7 is tough. I also have followed @H0peAndFa1th journey and few others who benefited form your suggestions and feedback. i know you guys have long left this group but i need your help or for that matter anyone on this forum to please review my essay and give me feedback.

Topic: Some people believe people should follow common manners for dinning and greeting when visiting foreign countries. Do you agree with this view.

Essay:
There are contrasting views while discussing whether people should follow general rules when in foreign countries. I agree that public should follow local traditions and guidelines while in other countries because it not only helps surrounding people and themselves feel comfortable but also facilitates better collaboration.

Following general norms in public places gives local people confidence about the situation and individuals and makes them feel at ease. People in different parts of world are culturally diverse and hence have difference in way they behave. Tourists not following the general way of life in visiting nations, creates unnecessary tensions. For example, in restaurant in western countries it is norm to use spoon and fork while dinning. People from countries like India using bare hands to eat food, attracts attention and makes people around uncomfortable. They also sometimes end up judging or reacting which make visitors feel out of place.

People following local traditions makes natives feel more inclusive and helps in working together. It makes public believe that person visiting respects their values and beliefs. This helps in increasing mutual understanding and interraction. It is frequently observed during foreign visits from national leaders that counterparts greet each other in their respective traditional way. For example, during president Donald Trump's last visit to India, handshake followed by hug during greeting session was very well received by Indians. This was because hugging a welcome visitor is considered as tradition in India and they felt that president was respecting it.

In conclusion, I believe that by adhering to local guidelines and traditions helps in creating soothing environment for both natives and visitors moreover it helps create mutual respects eventually in better cooperation.

 

[Vyn]

Topic: Some people believe people should follow common manners for dinning and greeting when visiting foreign countries. Do you agree with this view.

Essay:
It is becoming a global issue nowadays about the character of tourist. Majority of the people stated that tourist should adhere to government laws and norms in each foreign countries they plan to visit. In my own perspective, I am agreeable that tourists should respect the cultural diversity across the globe.

To further reiterate, different countries have different religious beliefs and culture. Locals preserved there heritage and worked hard to keep it intact. As a visitor, citizens of the foreign country expected cultural respect from the tourist. Specifically, tourist to display proper demeanour and positive attitude when dinning in a restaurant or visiting a heritage site. A good example to share is the custom in Japan. Japanese bends their head as a way of saying thank you.

Moreover, it adds on to the experience of visiting a new country if tourist would learn about the local language. Learning the basic words prior of landing in a foreign country would ease and reduce language barrier between the tourist and the locals. It not only shows the local you are respecting the local customs, but it also reflects your interest and passion to learn more about the country.

To recapitulate, I think it is a rule of the law to be respectful to each other. It is indeed important not only to learn local customs, but also to apply it.