IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

[Vyn]

Topic: Nowadays in many countries women have full time jobs. Therefore it is logical to share household tasks evenly between men and women. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

1st Trial Essay:
There is an intensive increase of women's employment across the globe. Women empowerment continuously strive and develop. Due to this, some has argued that household responsibility must be implemented and done by both partners. In my own opinion, I strongly agree and it should be dealt with fairly.

First and foremost, the global economy has been improving and striving. It has resulted for the companies to employ women. In previous years, women have no rights, furthermore, most have stayed at home and directed to complete household chores. With the recent changes, women are more empowered, and have the freedom to practice their knowledge and skills. In correlation to this, recent studies have shown that some are having a predicament in accomplishing responsibilities at home.

To further reiterate, we are in the millennial time, were all have equal rights to practice and showcase talents. Majority will agree that corporate responsibilities have no difference with household chores. Some have shared that there should be no gender inequalities in the company, similarly, at home. To explain further, it is more effective if both partners will team up in maintaining, and organising their living place. It does not only saves them energy, but also time.

To recapitulate, all over the world, there is a high percentage of women in full-time position. It is a positive and beneficial change in the world economy. With the promising development, it reflects the gender equality. Therefore, household chores should be and must be done in partnership -both men and women.

2nd trial Essay
Notes: women working- + increase finances, - less time, -less energy

Due to the increase of global economy, there is an increase of women in full-time job placements recently. People debated that household chores, should be done both by the partners. Personally, I strongly agree with this.

To expand my view, working women has limited time to balance responsibilities at home and at work. Some women resorted to stay in the office for extended hours to accomplish paper works. Most are leaving the workplace late at night. Due to this, household responsibilities are not met and done. Some women finds it challenging to balance work and life. With this reason, public has suggested men should help. Majority agrees that with the help of the partner, maintaining the house will no longer a burden for the women. She would have longer time to rest after a day of work.

To further reiterate, women needs assistance to perform household duties that requires physical strength. Based on studies and research, women's energy drastically declined after office time. It shows women has weaker strength compare to her partner. With this is mind, people agrees that men can help the women in performing heavy household work. Men could use their strength in pushing furnitures, or complete tedious work. Furthermore, most women agrees that sharing of household responsibilities improves relationship and understanding, as well as, it helps enhance cooperation and support in the family.

To encapsulate, women all over the world has rights to practice their profession. Balancing work-related and home-related responsibilities is challenging for women. In my view, men should have a positive mindset and extend assistance to women. I therefore conclude, household chores should be done by both -men and women.

 

[Milan Desai]

Suggestions are welcome at my writing too.
Please, can anyone check that out?

Nowadays in many countries women have full time jobs. Therefore it is logical to share household tasks evenly between men and women. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

In this modern era, the numbers of women working full-time is increasing at a great pace. It is widely believed that household chores should be distributed equally among male and female partners’. In my opinion, I strongly agreed that men should give their hand to women in household activities for reducing the burden on women and promote gender equality.

To being with, it is unfair to impose all household work on women as their role in present time has changed significantly. Since it become very difficult for single wage-earner to support family, the majority of females have sought a full-time job to supplement their household income. Consequently, If the work should be shared equally among partners’ than female should also enjoy their life and live happily with their families. For instance, the people of India work cooperatively and complete all household chores before bedtime so that they can spend quality time with each other.

Furthermore, splitting household duties evenly can successfully create a gender-equal environment for strong support and respect to each other. If parents share their daily responsibilities, they are able to can convey a storing message to their children that women and females are not synonym of household and by helping them we can show our love and support to our beloved family. For example, by helping his wife do the dishes, a husband can let her know how much he loves her.

To conclude, I strongly believe that by splitting household chores equally, it not only reduce the burden of female partners’ but also help gender equality. Hence, it is advisable for both gender to share domestic work.

 

[Vyn]

Points/State reasons: consumerism, peer factor, responsibility
Tooic:
Many people prefer to spend money and not save it. What are the reasons? Is this a positive or negative development?

Essay:
Majority of the population nowadays engage in excess spending, rather than, to save for rainy days. The reason behind it varies and will be explained below. Personally, this is a negative development that I wish for it not to prosper.

First and foremost, people tend to buy items due to consumerism. In the world we have now, there are innovative technology around us. People are now easily influence by social media, print magazines, and advertisement on the television. Due to this culture, majority purchases products impulsively. The end result of it, public, most likely have collections of unnecessary items at home and increased their expenditures.

Another reason to state is, people engage in over-spending due to peer's influence. Most people has the perception that in order to be like, one should follow what is trending. Young adults tend to purchase branded items to showcase to peers. This is their way of being accepted by the society. It is perception that branded equates to having more friends, which, is not a smart and effective approach.

Furthermore, people are unable to save money because of family responsibilities. In different countries, young adults support parents who are of old age. It is a way of rewarding their parents' hard work and love. Due to this, it is a challenge for young adults to have financial stability. Some parents are demanding to finance bad vices, resulting for the child to have insufficient money in case of emergencies.

To recapitulate, people are having a hard time to be financial free. Majority agree how difficult to save money. However, it is crucial for one person to save money for the future. People need to start to use their money wisely and plan to invest in order to have a more promising future.

 

[Milan Desai]

Topic:
some people think that giving money to teenagers is good while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Answer:

It is commonly believed that gifting money to adolescents is the best possible way while others have contradictory opinion on presenting hard cash to youth and thinks that they should be provided with gifts other than money. In my opinion, I completely disagreed with the statement that gifting money to teenagers is the most effective way to present them.

One the one side, one of the benefits of gifting money to juveniles is that they will have the capability to standing up on their own and having money in hand will be handy and it will become a support to lay a strong foundation of what they desire to achieve in their lives. Furthermore, Giving young children cash can help them learn about money as well spending it responsibly. Teaching children to manage and appreciate money can create good habit and can help teens to learn how to balance saving with spending.

On the other side, some sections of society advocate that banknotes should not be the most suitable gift to young-ones as they are prone to dangerous activities and it can become a way of spoiling them. Put simply, teenagers when they possess the money which is given free of charge will be attracted to disgraceful activities likes consumption of alcohol, drugs to name a few. Consequently, they should be given items such as books and tablets which will encourage them for a better future.

To conclude, it is considered by many that paper note is the best present for striplings while there are many people, like me, agree that there are various ways to give gift to teenagers rather than presenting them with hard cash. They should receive items other than money which helps them to build a better future and make them understand the importance of hard-earn money.

 

[yoloraw]

Kindly mark my writing @cansha @H0peAndFa1th and @yoloraw
Thanks in advance.

Question: some people believe that government should spend money on building train and subway lines to reduce traffic congestion. Other think that building more wider roads is the better way to reduce traffic congestion.

Traffic jams in many nations around the world is severe. It is commonly believed that the best way to minimize a traffic problems is by constructing more trainS and metro lines, while there are others who think that traffic congestion can be solved by developing better roadways. In my opinion, developing new infrastructures like(Don't use 'like' in essay 2, use such as, namely) train and metro is more beneficial to individuals than having wider highways. (Make this intro more stronger by highlighting BP1 and BP2 key points)

On (the) one hand, developing more infrastructure facilities likes(why likes?) train and subway systems help to cut down(are you really going to cut down?, this this informal) the bottlenecks(I don't understand what these bottlenecks are?) because it allows people to use these alternative means of transportation rather than using their own vehicles. If public transportation services are provided free of cost and their frequency is increased, few people will want to drive their personal vehicles. This will theoretically reduce the numbers of cars on roads and diminish traffic congestion. For instance, Delhi has opted for Metro services, as long-term solution to the issues of mounting traffic.

(In this BP1, please try to add positive side/benefits of constructing more subways/trains and explain how they will reduce congestion in order to make your opinion strong)

On the other hand, some scholars(who?) claim that increasing road space is one of the effective ways to reduce traffic congestion. Constructing wider roads can solve traffic problems because it allows traffic to move more easily. Building a new highway entirely adds capacity to road systems and thus improved road journey for commuters. For example, 8 out of 10 daily commuters preferred to travel by freeway than by trains or metro as it is a more time-saving and effective way of transportation.
(OK, but work on linking and transition between sentences, avoid repetition of same meanings)

In conclusion, traffic congestion has become a global issue around the world(this sentence is useless). It(Why it?) is my opinion that instead of increasing road space to diminish traffic jams, the government should try to build new infrastructure facilities likes metro and trains because it is more reliable and effective.

(see you added reliable and effective in the end, why you haven't explained these points in BP1?)


//English is good, work on extracting good points, and then explain according to the requirement. These mistakes above means 6.5

Note: I am not an examiner, please don't mind if something is false positive.

 

[Milan Desai]

(see you added reliable and effective in the end, why you haven't explained these points in BP1?)


//English is good, work on extracting good points, and then explain according to the requirement. These mistakes above means 6.5

Note: I am not an examiner, please don't mind if something is false positive.

Thanks a lot! Look to improve on the things which you've mentioned in the essay.

 

[Ajaydinakaran16]

Dear All,
I am giving my third attempt coming Saturday and would like to get my essay reviewed in this forum to improve my writing skills. Can you guys evaluate my essay @cansha @H0peAndFa1th and @yoloraw
Thanks in advance. It would be much appreciated.

Topic:
Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Answer:

It is quite debatable whether parents should indulge children in group activities or children should acquire knowledge of occupying themselves. It is believed by some that parents should motivate their kids to participate in more collaborative events in their spare time whereas others believe that children should develop their skills to make themselves busy on their own.

On the one hand, individuals claim that team building activities should be encouraged by parents as it is more beneficial. Firstly, Group activities could improve the kid's knowledge and communication. This would help them to learn new things that they are not aware of or improve their level of understanding on certain topics. Secondly, it would teach them various personality skills: Behaviour and Mannerism as children are interacting in person. This is quite necessary nowadays as kids are shabby. Hence, certain interacting with other kids at the same age group or different would help them in the longer run.

On the other hand, few believe that it is vital for adolescents to develop their skills to keep themselves occupied. To begin with, teenagers can become versatile if they learn themselves on their own rather than it is being thaught. This would also develop their Self-learning abilities which would significantly reduce the dependency with their parents. Another aspect is learning themselves will allow them to explore more areas that they are interested in spite of forcing them to do what they are not liking it. This would broaden their knowledge by trying out distinct skills. Therefore, it is pivotal for children to develop this habit of being occupied on their own.

To recapitulate, Collaboration and communication is the vital aspect of children in the longer run. So I strongly concur that children should be motivated by their parents to involve in more group activities as it would teach you in more behavioral and communication aspects. These basic principles would help adolescents become luminous in the future.

Total Words: 318

 

[raamishasadraza]

My exam is quite near so it will be a big favour to me if somebody marks this essay. i require a 7.

Question- Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Males and females are commonly known to differ with each other in terms of their strong and weak points. This essay will agree with the fact that it is right to exclude people based on their gender from certain professions. Firstly, this essay will discuss how males are not give the job of a wet nurse based on sexual differences and secondly, will discuss why females are not preferred in certain professions like becoming a soldier.

Males are never given the option to choose the occupation of a wet nurse. This is because this occupation entails the breastfeeding of newborn children by a female other than their mother but men do not possess the necessary sexual organs to perform this act. A newborn baby requires essential nutrients to survive the first phase of life and for that he requires to drink breast milk of his mother. If a mother has some health or personal problems she can employ a wet nurse to take care of her newborn baby. Men do not have this sexual organ hence they cannot take the place of females in this regard. For example, all the wet nurses in the world are women proving that men do not have a place in this profession.

Females are also barred from certain professions; they are not encouraged to become soldiers and join the army. This is because an army requires soldiers with the most strength and endurance to win wars. Women do not fit this scenario as males have always been physically stronger by a large margin. Hence women soldiers are quite less in quantity and they are rarely sent to the frontlines. For example, research shows that at present the U.S.A army has 95% male soldiers compared to only 5% female soldiers. Another study done on World War 1 showed that women soldiers had rarely been deployed to battle in that war.


In conclusion, both men and women tend to possess strengths and weaknesses that vary from each other. This essay agreed on the point that both the opposite sexes should be barred from doing certain jobs based on their gender. In my opinion, there are some jobs that males cannot perform such as the role of a wet nurse as they lack the necessary sexual organs and some jobs females cannot perform since they lack the required physical attributes

can you please check this for me and point out my mistakes. @cansha

 

[cansha]

@cansha , Attempt #2 on this thread

Topic: Nowadays in many countries women have full time jobs. Therefore it is logical to share household tasks evenly between men and women. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

Essay:
It is observed globally that women are taking up full time jobs and hence many believe it is right for men to contribute equally in household tasks. I strongly agree with this statement because it will help reduce physical stress on women and improve relationship between them. Well done with the introduction.. You have given the "glimpse" of reasoning behind your opinion and this makes your essay unique and sound less"learnt"


Many of activities at home require physical strength and sharing them reduces the load on one individual. Full time job takes its toll on women's health as they have to work equally hard at home after office hours.
According to survey, women are more prone to physical injuries especially in spine and knee. See the essay was going fine till now and your previous point was good that they are working hard at two places BUT this sentence kills your essay badly. Not only this is a "made-up" fact but it sounds sexist as well. And let's say this argument is true then logical thing to do would be give all household chores to men instead of dividing them. You should have just focused on stress and avoided a "made-up" survey.
Many of these injuries are owing to standing long hours while cooking or cleaning. It is always encouraging to have support from extra pair of hands and men can ease some pressure by taking up tasks which requires more physical exertion. Overall weak BP as the messaging is too haphazard now.


Another positive outcome of sharing workload is that it completes the job in hand faster, allowing men and women to spend quality time together. For example, I try to clean up kitchen while my wife does the dishes. This helps us wind up our post dinner cleaning task so we can sit together and share our experience from day. This has greatly helped our relationship. Moreover, men helping in household activities, exhibits care and affection towards their counterpart. This sounds better than previous BP but the organization of ideas could be better. May be take the last line and make it the second line and finish the BP with the example.


To conclude, I completely support the idea of men and women splitting up tasks at home as this will help in physical well-being of women and bring them emotionally closer to each other. Do a little more recap of your main points to make the conclusion a little stronger.

Overall, the introduction was good. If you had not lost your way in BP1 this could be a good essay which covers task response well and has good C&C. All the best!

 

[cansha]

Folks if you post essays back to back without really waiting for feedback or incorporating feedback then it is not going to help you. Essays have same common mistakes which have been discussed and pointed out many times on this thread. Please do spend sometime in reading few previous pages before you come and post an essay.

This post is a good starting point as well https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-90#post-7568485

 

[ar_uw]

Hi all, I am taking my exam in a couple weeks. Here is a quick attempt at a task 2 topic I picked while looking through this forum. Any feedback will be appreciated! I need a 7 band in GT writing, can any of the experts @cansha etc evaluate it and please let me know how far off I am

Question:
Some people believe that eventually all jobs will be done by artificially intelligent robots. What is your opinion?

Response (282 words):

Rapid emergence of technology has led to the automation and replacement of a wide number of manual jobs resulting in the disappearance of some professions that were popular in yesteryears. Despite the threat of artificial intelligence to vast professions, there are still some roles that are very difficult and uneconomical to automate.

Most repetitive jobs are being threatened by automation. These jobs in the past have been held by low skilled individuals as these have very little educational requirements. For example, truck driving is a gigantic industry in today’s world but now the development of autonomous vehicles will soon make this profession obsolete.

Jobs that involve handling dangerous materials or require very sensitive and accurate dexterity are also best left to the robots. These jobs are very common in the manufacturing industry, especially in chemical plants where workers are always at risk of exposure to corrosive and toxic chemicals.

Professions requiring a lot of manual dexterity with non-repetitive patterns are very difficult to replace with automation. Therefore, jobs such as plumbing, maintenance and pipe-fitting will always have a market as it isn’t economically beneficial to try to replace them.

On the other hand, replacement of jobs by robots gives birth to new jobs. Automation requires hiring highly skilled individuals, such as engineers and programmers, to develop these robots. This opens up new employment opportunities for society.

Overall, considering both sides, I believe that automation will lead to a shift in the type of populars professions in the world. It will close some jobs while opening up new opportunities, therefore not all jobs will be done by robots but a lot of jobs that are popular in society today may not be available anymore.

 

[cansha]

Dear All,
I am giving my third attempt coming Saturday and would like to get my essay reviewed in this forum to improve my writing skills. Can you guys evaluate my essay @cansha @H0peAndFa1th and @yoloraw
Thanks in advance. It would be much appreciated.

Topic:
Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Answer:

I apologize if this will sound harsh but I don't intend to give you a false hope. I read the essay and it seems like you have put all the effort in just showing your vocab or stylish way of writing sentences. But there is no substance and the essay doesn't have the main ingredient required for a 7+ score - Task response. Your test is very close but the good news is that if you really put in the effort and really "read" and immerse yourself you can fix the Task response in less than a week.

So now let's look at what are the issues?

It is quite debatable whether parents should indulge children in group activities or children should acquire knowledge of occupying themselves. It is believed by some that parents should motivate their kids to participate in more collaborative events in their spare time whereas others believe that children should develop their skills to make themselves busy on their own. The whole introduction is basically the same idea written twice. There is no reasoning for any of the views or glimpse of your opinion. I can see you waited till the conclusion paragraph to give your opinion and I can see why. But even with that the introduction is really weak.

On the one hand, individuals claim that team building activities should be encouraged by parents as it is they are more beneficial. Activities is plural. Grammar error. Even if I ignore that first line of the BP is weak. use it to setup your body paragraph.
Firstly, Group activities could improve the kid's knowledge and communication. Seriously? Which age group are you even talking about?
This would help them to learn new things that they are not aware of or improve their level of understanding on certain topics. What topics? And again what age group are you even talking about?
Secondly, it would teach them various personality skills: Behaviour and Mannerism as children are interacting in person. What sort of behavior and mannerism. See you are throwing a lot of words but not really explaining what and how of it.
This is quite necessary nowadays as kids are shabby. Seriously? Based on what fact? Or is it even a fact or just your opinion? And if it is your opinion what is the basis of your opinion. All your arguments are just hanging.
Hence, certain interacting with other kids at the same age group or different would help them in the longer run.

On the other hand, few believe that it is vital for adolescents to develop their skills to keep themselves occupied. To begin with, teenagers can become see here you qualify what age group but not in previous paragraph versatile if they learn themselves on their own rather than it is being thaught. badly written This would also develop their Self-learning abilities which would significantly reduce the dependency with on their parents. Another aspect is learning themselves will allow them to explore more areas that they are interested in spite of forcing them to do what they are not liking it. Poorly written.
This would broaden their knowledge by trying out distinct skills. Therefore, it is pivotal for children to develop this habit of being occupied on their own.

To recapitulate, Collaboration why is C capital? and communication is the vital aspect of children in the longer run. Why? Where did you establish this fact or gave reasoning for this.
So I strongly concur that children should be motivated by their parents to involve in more group activities as it would teach you You??? in more behavioral and communication aspects. These basic principles would help adolescents become luminous in the future.

Total Words: 318

There are quite a few grammatical errors in the essay which would cost you on exam day but we can ignore those for time being. The bigger issue is task response. Read a lot of essays.

 

[Milan Desai]

@cansha kindly evaluate my writing too.
Thanks in advance

Question: some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is commonly believed that guardians should motivate their kids to actively participate in team-building activities in their spare time, however, some people oppose this view by claiming that minor should find a way of occupying themselves on their own. In my opinion, organizing group building activities is more beneficial for children as they developed the skill of socializing and cooperation.

On the one hand, organized group activities help adolescent to socialize with other people in their intermediate vicinity by doing that they learn how to interact with people in their society. To illustrate this, one can organize a picnic among families which eventually give children enough time to get familiar with their peer. As a result, minor learn various group building activities such as time management, discipline, competing with siblings and coping up with pressure. Besides this, children learn right kind of attitude from being in a group and they can see situation from other’s perspectives.

On the other hand, junior should be independent in choosing activity in their free time. This give them confidence and freedom of thought. Children learn to take up challenges and responsibilities, however, there is a possibility that some kids take up a wrong route and ended up being in unavoidable circumstances. For example, If given the freedom of choice, the majority of young one in India prefer to spend their off time on the internet, by doing this, they will eventually, detach themselves from their immediate social circle. Children can be given freedom of thought but adult supervision is necessary that they do not take the wrong path.

To conclude, in my opinion, I think that organizing team building activities for young one in their leisure time is more favorable as it improves their socializing and cooperation skill than allowing them independently to chose on their own. Children are the future of the society their nurturing can not be ignored.

 

[Milan Desai]

Hey Folks,

I know I have not been able to review all essays in recent times. I did review a few today and plan to finish all others, hopefully, in coming weekend. The issue is that I see all the same mistakes which have been discussed many a times in the past. I understand that you all want a review of your own essay and it is probably time consuming or boring to read other essays but trust me that is the best way to learn and avoiding same mistakes again.

Anyways, I think I was repeating same things again and again in my reviews and hence I have decided to write a post on common mistakes I see in essays here and something you all should be careful about.

1. Introduction: What do I mean when I say weak introduction in my essay reviews? In IELTS introduction is probably one of the most important things and IELTS expects you to write your introduction in a certain way. And it is imperative to follow those unwritten rules for IELTS essays

1.1. Always write a paraphrase line for the topic

1.2. When can you write a generic line in introduction: Write a generic line in the introduction only when the topic line is too short. Sometimes in IELTS topic lines are short and just paraphrasing that line will result in a very short introduction para. In such cases you can open the essay with a generic line and then paraphrase the topic line.

1.3. DO NOT bring in new facts to paraphrase line: So, paraphrase line is just that. Paraphrase the topic line completely and do not bring in either new facts or your opinion in that line. Use the next line to do so.

1.4. DO NOT use the line “This essay will discuss … blah blah”: This line is literally #1 on this list here and should not be used in your essay. http://ieltsliz.com/ielts-writing-tips-sentences-to-avoid/

1.5. DO NOT say there are a number of reasons or there are various reasons …. And then just state 1 or 2 to back up your argument. This is true for opening of Body Paragraph 1 as well.

1.6. DO give a glimpse of your essay in introduction: If you wish to make your essay better / unique always give a glimpse of your essay in the introduction. Basically, if you agree to something give a reason why you think so. And then use the same points to expand in the body paragraphs and make sure to use the same order.

2. Body Paragraphs: Here are some of the common errors I see in body paragraphs which should be avoided

2.1. DO NOT use “…… and I agree”: Many times I see essays where first line of BP is “Some people say …..blah blah blah …(basically repeat of topic line) …., and I agree”. This is such an abrupt ending of the first line. And anyways do not repeat the topic lines again and again. Your opinion should be established in introduction and then come straight to your points in BPs.

2.2. DO NOT use “In other words ….”: This is a personal pet peeve of mine. My opinion you are harming your own essay by writing such a line. You are basically telling the examiner oh I gave an argument and then I will repeat the same argument “in other words”. There is no need to do such a thing. Avoid it!

2.3 DO NOT have one body paragraph longer than other: Well I'm not saying they need to have exact word count but when someone looks at an essay one body paragraph should not look considerably longer than the other. This shows either unbalanced arguments or bad paragraphing.

2.4 DO NOT use "This has profound social and economic impacts": I have lost count of the essays which claim that the topic under discussion has impacts on society and economy. Well, almost every topic can have that line. Just have a look around in this forum and you will see almost every 2nd or 3rd essay using this argument. This argument is stale. Be more original.

2.5 Structure for whether you agree with option A vs option B: This is a feedback I have given in almost every review of an essay where question is asking you whether you agree with Option A or Option B. I think a better structure is to write body paragraph for option you disagree with. So, let’s say you agree with Option A. Then write first paragraph about option A and why some people may like it. In the end of the that para write how option A lacks in some areas. Now in body paragraph 2 use those points and show how option B has almost all the advantages of option A but also covers the areas where option A lacks. This I think is a much safer structure to follow.

2.6 DO NOT use sentences like "There is no doubt ...", "It can not be denied that ....", "It is a well known fact that ....", "There is no secret that ...." and all such variations to make an argument. This is also one of my pet peeves. Remember IELTS is looking for your opinion. You may think something is well known but it may not be so. Also, in addition you need to build an argument and not assume something is a universal truth. If you don't agree Liz also has a variation of this on her list #8. http://ieltsliz.com/ielts-writing-tips-sentences-to-avoid/

3. Conclusion: Just like Introduction para IELTS has unwritten rules on how a conclusion must be written. IELTS expects you to revisit all the main points of your essay again in conclusion. The common mistakes to avoid are:

3.1. DO NOT write 1-line conclusion: This can be fixed easily. Please do not write 1-line conclusions. You really need to be a brilliant writer to pull it off. So, please just write at least 2-3 lines in conclusion.

3.2. DO NOT bring new facts / arguments in conclusion: You’re supposed to revisit facts / arguments you already discussed and write them in a different way.

3.3. DO NOT write same lines as introduction: Do not make conclusion another way of writing your introduction paragraph.

I will possibly add more to this post as I remember more common errors and point to this post in my reviews so I’m not repeating myself again and again.

Hope this post helps the current aspirants.

Thank a ton! This is really helpful for everybody! We should thank you for sparing time for us and making it easy to achieve the desired band by explaining everything in detail

 

[Milan Desai]

Another attempt to improve writing !
Suggestions are welcome!
Thanks in advance.

Question: Some people think that young people should follow older people’s examples while others think that it good for young people to challenge older people’s opinions and thoughts.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It commonly believed that young citizens should follow footpaths of grey people while approaching a life, however, many sections of society argue that the young one should stand against the old generation's opinion and views. In my opinion, I completely agree with the notion that teenagers should listen to advise and viewpoint of pensioners towards making life progress.

On the one hand, retirees are full of life experience as life has taught them the practicality of facing life. They are considered to be the best teacher in life. Not only one can learn from their real-life experiences but also put it into an effective life and achieve great success specifically during a troublesome time in the real world. For example, a recent study in India state that 65% of young adult prefer to take advice from one of the senior in family while planning for their retirement finance and healthcare. Furthermore, a youngster would be accepted in a society only if they opt for a suitable career option which elder people have already selected for ages.



On the other hand, there are valid reasons for opposing the view of older people as time has transformed completely and challenging old norms and conditions as a better choice. To put it into words, in the past, people believed that men and women should get married as a teenager, however, this is simply impractical and unacceptable for the modern couples. This is because most young citizen are either busy in pursuing their career or building up their career in their early days. Staring a family and having kids at a young age will hamper their potential ambition and become less competitive in society.

To conclude, I believe that both views have their merits, but in my view-point, youth should consult their elder while taking various life decisions as they have ample of life experience which can make their life easier however there are some choices that youngster should that independently without relying on elders.