IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

[cansha]

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
You took your family to a nearby restaurant. You were disappointed with the meal and wish to complain to the manager.
Write a letter to the manager of the restaurant. In your letter,
» explain why you were at the restaurant
» describe the problems
» write about the action you want the manager to take

Dear Manager,

I am writing this letter to complaint (Complain not complaint. Not sure if it was a typo error or genuine mistake) about my disappointing experience at your restaurant. I want to draw your attention towards the tasteless and overcooked food served at your restaurant.

So the intro is fine. BUT, my suggestion would be to make it a little more tight. So for example, if you were writing this in real life you wuld probably mention the date and time you visited the restaurant. I think that would have made this better.

Yesterday, I visited your restaurant on account of family dinner and we ordered a Mexican steak and a Peri-Peri grilled chicken. So good that you have addressed why you were at the restaurant as asked in the question. My suggestion would be to move this to intro as well. Just this line that I visited your restaurant for a family dinner ... This way intro addresses first part of the question and remaining paras address remaining questions. Flow will look a little better. Don't get me wrong this is not incorrect. Just my suggestion to consider.

When the meal arrived, I observed that it was overcooked and had some burnt marks on it. I asked from the waiter to change it but he refused to do so. Unwillingly, (missing comma) I took a few bites of meat but it was utterly tasteless. I could not believe that how such kind of below standard food could be served in such an expensive restaurant.

Good. Idea and message is clear.

I want you to take notice of the negative experience I had at your restaurant and make a full refund of the bill, that I paid. In case of your non-action, I might resort to social media to express my dissatisfaction (Good!). Looking forward to hear from you soon.

Your truly,
AMk

Overall, I think you are good at Task 1. My suggestion would be to try a few informal (like letters to friend) or semi-formal (letter to neighbor) kind of questions now.

I think you are set up to score a good score on task 1. Just be careful of avoidable grammar errors.

 

[cansha]

Dear Friends, this thread has become my go to resource for everything about WT2. I appreciate the time and the effort that key members are putting in to review and provide feedback on our essays.

My IELTS is in another 2 weeks and i'm in the last leg of my preparation. I cam across this topic on another forum and have attempted an essay for the same. However, the questioned is framed in a unique way and does not directly come across as advantage/disadvantage or opinion essay. I have taken a shot at this essay. Can you please review and comment on the following

1. What type of essay is this? ad/disad or opinion
2. Comment on structure and content of my response. Should i combine any of the below paragraphs?

Thanks for your time

Topic: Many young people regularly change their jobs over the years. What are the reasons for this? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

I think of this essays as a combination of advantages / disadvantages and opinion essay.

Among the new generation of workers switching jobs frequently has become an acceptable practice. Some of the key reasons for this phenomena include the desire to earn higher salary and achieve faster career growth. While frequent moment in jobs has several positives, there are also negative aspects that can harm the young workers in the long run.

I like the intro. I like how you have given a glimpse of reasons in second line.

So, I like the last line ... I would have probably written in my opinion .... But I think your approach is better of keeping the last line without traditional "in my opinion" phrase. Good!

BUT ... I think the last line still doesn't really answer the question whether advantages outweigh disadvantages. I think you are taking a stand Disadvantages > advanatges .... I would suggest to make that a little more clear. People in IELTS take a very school like approach to marking so don't be subtle. Make these responses clear as black and white.

Also, consider giving a flavor of advantages and disadvantages in the intro if possible.

Nowadays, youngsters are more mobile and have higher career aspirations. In order to achieve their dreams, young workers switch jobs quite frequently for reasons including better compensation, new responsibility, and broad experience. Several surveys by HR companies show that 70% to 80% of job switchers earn an average of 30% hike over their current compensation and move at least one level higher in their new jobs, thus helping them achieve their professional goals faster.

Very well done. Clear, concise and with example. Good!

Perhaps, the biggest incentive for people to switch jobs is to monetise their current knowledge by moving to a higher position in a new organisation, which invariably provides a higher remuneration. Also, people who have worked in multiple companies usually have a strong social network which they can leverage towards their professional growth.

So, if you read the first line of this para. There is nothing new. The point is already covered in para 2. I like the idea you introduced in line 2 of wider social network but unfortunately that has no support line.

Compared to previous para this one is weak. Just get rid of the monetization line and use the second line as the statement / argument line and give supporting line. And you will have another strong paragraph!

While frequent job change can provide better salary and job levels, it does cause harm to the an individual in the long run. Job hoppers are not considered as experts since they frequently switch companies without investing time to build expertise.
Yes will portray job switchers as generalists rather than subject matter experts. - You need to review this sentence.
Another key disadvantage is that frequent movers are not considered for senior leadership positions since they do not have a good understanding of organisation and people culture, which comes only through longevity in the company.

Hmmm .... Okay ... So clearly compared to previous two this paragraph is not at the same level. Ideas are good! But, think if you are taking a position in the beginning that disadvantages > advantages then why do you give two paragraphs for advantages and only one for disadvantages?
I think you know how to write a good essay paragraph. Your para two is testimony to that. Just read that and see how nicely you have presented the idea, given a support line and example.
And now in this para you bring in two ideas and don't give them the same treatment although you took a stand that disadvantages are more.

As global workforce becomes more younger and career ambitions grow, the advantages of earning more compensation by working in a better role with a larger social connect clearly outweigh the disadvantages of spending many years in few companies with a slim chance of moving to the top.

Uh .. oh ... see now when I read the conclusion I realized that you were saying advantages are more!!! Now, it may be just my fault. But that is why I said earlier that make your stand much more clear in the intro para.

Overall, I can see you know how to write a good essay. I still feel the disadvantages para could have been a little better although now I see why you have only one disadvantages para. But, I think if you have a good exam day you can score more than 7.

All the best!

 

[Aruntocanada]

thanks for deep analysis, truly a booster!

Will try most recent topics from here : http://ieltsliz.com/july-2018-ielts-essay-questions/ and will post sooner!

First comment .. Please practice on more recent topics asked in IELTS. The reason is this topic I have seen N number of times on various wesbsites. See I don't know if you have read an essay on this topic before but what happens is subconsciously you try to emulate the essay you have read.

Therefore, test yourself on more recent essay topics. Now let's look at the essay.



Don't take too many reds as anything bad. But those things could be a little better. I understand your idea. However, the first sentence is such a long sentence and has too many commas. I know people say write complex sentences and all but then review your sentence to make sure all parts of the sentence are in agreement. I have seen your previous essay. You can definitely write better than this. Not sure if this was lack of focus while writing this one.



Ideas are good. I see some silly mistakes. Makes me wonder if you wrote this with full focus.



See I don't know whether this is lack of focus, typo errors or genuine errors. But these are avoidable. So take care of them in future.

I marked a few words and gave better alternatives to them in the context. Something if you want to consider for future writing.



You definitely have all the ingredients of writing a good essay. As I said be more careful when writing. And also try a few more recent topics.
I don't want to rate this one. It feels like this one was written in haste or with lack of focus. I hope to see a better one next time!

 

[Moeedkh]

Ha ha this topic is funny! And actually a little tricky as well. Where did you even find this?


Good intro and vocab. Two errors in the last sentence. Facilitated is wrong word choice there. And, you have messed up the not only ... but also construct. Your homework to figure out how to fix it . Go a few pages back I had written a post on how to write not only ... but also.



Good! One thing I would say is if possible stay gender neutral in essays. There is nothing wrong with the way you have written it. It's my personal view point that formal essays need to be gender neutral unless the topic really demands it to be specific to a particular gender. I liked how you used one and home maker in later sentences. Even a male can be a home maker. But the first line specifically refers to only women. If possible, avoid those references.



Overall I like the idea flow in this one also. And I like that you have used two paras for two different ideas. You're now getting a hang of writing a good essay!

I don't quite like the last line. The relation of food processing machinery and last line is a difficult to see. May be it's just me. But read it again and see if you still think it is correct. Or may be someone else can chime in.



I think you missed a trick in the conclusion and it could have been better. You had such a nice point in first para that time saved could be spent in other activities and family. I think somehow a reference to that would have made conclusion better. What do you think?

Overall, your writing is improving. Ideas are flowing better. As I said in some previous reviews try a few recent topics and challenge yourself a little bit more.

Hi Cansha,

Thanks for the review. Below are few cents

1. You are right about being gender specific. I reluctantly mentioned about women as I was not able to think a better at that time. Later, 'home maker' occurred to me, but then it was too late to revise everything.
2.Bar B.Q spelling was a blunt mistake by me. I dint know its correct spelling till now
3. You are right about some unusual feeling in para 3. May be I should have put in some more linking words.
4. Certainly yes, some juice missed out in the conclusion;though I was having a gut feeling about it.
5. food has not only facilitated women but has also made a family happier -- I cant figure out whats wrong with facilitated. can you elaborate further. Also I cant find anything unusual about not only.
6. What about tenses and complex tenses ? have you found everything all correct ?
7. Why don you suggest me some challenging topics ?

One good thing about your review is that, whatever you have identified in your review was somehow felt by me while writing, but I failed to fix it may be due to time constraint and inability. It means we are thinking like same. I just need to focus more.

 

[Moeedkh]

So the intro is fine. BUT, my suggestion would be to make it a little more tight. So for example, if you were writing this in real life you wuld probably mention the date and time you visited the restaurant. I think that would have made this better.



Good. Idea and message is clear.



Overall, I think you are good at Task 1. My suggestion would be to try a few informal (like letters to friend) or semi-formal (letter to neighbor) kind of questions now.

I think you are set up to score a good score on task 1. Just be careful of avoidable grammar errors.

HI Cansha,

Below are some of my thoughts,

1. Let me try to move the purpose of visit to intro. I will do try it in the next letter practice.
2. is this sentence grammatically correct ? ( I could not believe that how such kind of below standard food could be served in such an expensive restaurant.)
3.I would be glad if you can suggest me some challenging informal topics

Rg,
AMK

 

[Moeedkh]

A friend who lives in a different city has invited you to his/her daughter's 8th birthday. However, you cannot accept the invitation due to some personal reasons.

Write a letter to the friend. In your letter

· thank him for the invitation

· mention why you cannot attend the birthday party

· offer to meet him some other day


Dear Wilson,


First of all, Thank you for inviting me and my family on the birthday of your daughter. We have been waiting for the event with great anticipation, but unfortunately we cannot attend the occasion due an unforeseen emergency.


My father was ill for quite some time in my home country and was getting admitted to the hospital on and off; However, his condition has further deteriorated recently and he has been permanently shifted to the hospital. I need to fly immediately to take care of him .I am afraid I will not be able to come back soon and may miss your event.


Nevertheless, we can have a family get together some other time. I am really sorry to miss the event.


Regards,

AMK

 

[Aruntocanada]

@

thanks for deep analysis, truly a booster!

Will try most recent topics from here : http://ieltsliz.com/july-2018-ielts-essay-questions/ and will post sooner!

Another from recent topics for your quick review : Thanks in advance :

Some people think it’s a good idea to wear a uniform at work. Do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer with relevant examples from knowledge or experience.


Dressing style does reflect one's persona and defines certain unspoken personality attributes. Over the last few years, few industries have adopted a unique dress code to stand out in the market and this phenomenal shift about dressing style is well dwelling with some. I certainly assert that every individual should carry their own preferred apparels at work rather following a monotonous dress code.

There are enormous reasons to accompany the notion about wearing clothes as per own choice. Firstly, employees can avoid boredom and break the regular outlook of his or her personality by using a variety of dresses. Alternatively stated, the worker feels unique and fresh when they carry different dress for the office which, eventually generates and flows undisturbed/ untouched ideas and lead to the productive work. To exemplify, people prefer to dress up good to get over low confidence or acquire a pleasant feeling.

Secondly, as a professional individual, everyone tends to make their own mark and create his or her own identity at the workplace by putting the hard efforts which would not be achieved if a flat uniform style followed. In other words, opting to the generic uniform will develop psychological thoughts of being part of the crowd and which is counter-productive to reach professional growth.

Lastly, there is one more personal benefit that people usually seek out the variety of dresses every other day, to achieve more eyeballs. Alternatively said, workers certainly seek more attention from fellow professionals which ignites the sense of the importance of work.


To conclude, picking up the dressing style and carry different attires is not only concerning for employers but also highly connected to employees outlook towards personal and professional growth at work.

 

[Moeedkh]

A friend who lives in a different city has invited you to his/her daughter's 8th birthday. However, you cannot accept the invitation due to some personal reasons.

Write a letter to the friend. In your letter

· thank him for the invitation

· mention why you cannot attend the birthday party

· offer to meet him some other day


Dear Wilson,


First of all, Thank you for inviting me and my family on the birthday of your daughter. We have been waiting for the event with great anticipation, but unfortunately we cannot attend the occasion due an unforeseen emergency.


My father was ill for quite some time in my home country and was getting admitted to the hospital on and off; However, his condition has further deteriorated recently and he has been permanently shifted to the hospital. I need to fly immediately to take care of him .I am afraid I will not be able to come back soon and may miss your event.


Nevertheless, we can have a family get together some other time. I am really sorry to miss the event.


Regards,

AMK

 

[cansha]

HI Cansha,

Below are some of my thoughts,

1. Let me try to move the purpose of visit to intro. I will do try it in the next letter practice.
2. is this sentence grammatically correct ? ( I could not believe that how such kind of below standard food could be served in such an expensive restaurant.)
3.I would be glad if you can suggest me some challenging informal topics

Rg,
AMK

2. Yes the sentence is correct.
3. I don't have any topics but I'm sure you will be able to see new topics on this forum or on ieltsliz website.

 

[cansha]

Hi Cansha,

Thanks for the review. Below are few cents

1. You are right about being gender specific. I reluctantly mentioned about women as I was not able to think a better at that time. Later, 'home maker' occurred to me, but then it was too late to revise everything.
2.Bar B.Q spelling was a blunt mistake by me. I dint know its correct spelling till now
3. You are right about some unusual feeling in para 3. May be I should have put in some more linking words.
4. Certainly yes, some juice missed out in the conclusion;though I was having a gut feeling about it.
5. food has not only facilitated women but has also made a family happier -- I cant figure out whats wrong with facilitated. can you elaborate further. Also I cant find anything unusual about not only.
6. What about tenses and complex tenses ? have you found everything all correct ?
7. Why don you suggest me some challenging topics ?

One good thing about your review is that, whatever you have identified in your review was somehow felt by me while writing, but I failed to fix it may be due to time constraint and inability. It means we are thinking like same. I just need to focus more.

1. There is never late to revise essay. On exam day you will write with a pencil and hence you can correct things if you want to.

5. Did you google the use of word facilitate. Basically, you don't facilitate people. You facilitate a task. So simple way of saying would be read made food has helped woman.


So your sentence is .. Read made food has not only facilitated women but has also made a family happier.

First point. There should not be another word between "but also". But has also is wrong. Plus you already have a has in the beginning.

The easiest way of checking a not only ... but also construct is basically read the sentence in two parts without not only ... but also . If it makes sense your structure is correct.

So your sentence will read like

Ready made food has helped women (correcting facilitated)
Ready made food has made a family happier. (Should be made the families happier)

So both sentence individually make sense ... so this is perfect. Now we combine them

Ready made food has not only helped women but also made the families happier. Makes sense?

For more reading on not only but also ... see my another post here https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-26#post-7223638

6. tenses and complex sentences are fine.

7. Again I don't have topics. People post recent topics on this forum so pick from there or use websites like ieltsliz.

 

[cansha]

@



Another from recent topics for your quick review : Thanks in advance :

Some people think it’s a good idea to wear a uniform at work. Do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer with relevant examples from knowledge or experience.

I'm reviewing this essay only for Grammar and English.

Dressing style does reflect one's persona and defines certain unspoken personality attributes.
Over the last few years, few industries have adopted a unique dress code to stand out in the market and this phenomenal shift about dressing style is well dwelling with some. May be this is correct. I can't say for sure if it is incorrect. It just felt a bit weird to read.
I certainly assert that every individual should carry wear their own preferred apparels at work rather than following a monotonous dress code.

There are enormous (Wrong word choice. Enormous refers to size. You wanted to refer to a number. The word you needed was numerous) reasons to accompany the notion about wearing clothes as per one's own choice.
Firstly, employees can avoid boredom and break the regular outlook of his or her personality by using a variety of dresses.
Alternatively stated, the worker feels unique and fresh when they carry different dress for the office which, eventually generates and flows If you read my previous reviews you will see that I'm not a big fan of "in other words" "alternatively speaking" "alternatively stated". It is my personal opinion that writing this diminishes your own argument. It gives a feeling that you are not adding anything new but repeating same thing "in other words". You can certainly disagree as there is nothing wrong in terms of language or Grammar.
undisturbed/ untouched ideas and lead to the productive work. To exemplify, people prefer to dress up good to get over low confidence or acquire a pleasant feeling.

Secondly, as a professional individual, everyone tends to make their own mark and create his or her own identity at the workplace by putting the hard efforts which would not be achieved if a flat uniform style was followed. In other words, opting to the a generic uniform will develop psychological thoughts of being part of the crowd and which is counter-productive to reach professional growth.

Lastly, there is one more personal benefit that for which people usually seek out the a variety of dresses every other day, to achieve more eyeballs. Alternatively said, workers certainly seek more attention from fellow professionals which ignites the sense of the importance of work.

Okay even if you disagree with me on my reasoning in para 2 there are just too many alternatively speaking and in other words. Why in every para?

To conclude, picking up the dressing style and carry different attires is not only concerning a concern for employers but also highly connected to employees outlook towards personal and professional growth at work.

 

[cansha]

A friend who lives in a different city has invited you to his/her daughter's 8th birthday. However, you cannot accept the invitation due to some personal reasons.

Write a letter to the friend. In your letter

· thank him for the invitation

· mention why you cannot attend the birthday party

· offer to meet him some other day

Dear Wilson,


First of all, (Avoid first of all) Thank (why is T capital?) you for inviting me and my family on the birthday of your daughter. We have been waiting for the event with great anticipation, but unfortunately we cannot attend the occasion due to an unforeseen emergency.

since this is an informal letter I think you can take first sentence to ask for his well being. Like Hope you are doing great!

My father was ill for quite some time in my home country and was getting admitted to the hospital on and off; However, his condition has further deteriorated recently and he has been permanently shifted admitted to the hospital. I need to fly immediately to take care of him .I am afraid I will not be able to come back soon and may miss your event.

Why not just say you have important business meeting in another city. This reason is intense!! Just kidding it is fine!

Nevertheless, we can have a family get together some other time. I am really sorry to miss the event.

This is informal letter so just write one like that you hope the party goes well etc. and may be rather than some other time say something like next Sunday or something. May be that will be considered a better task response because they say offer to meet some other day.


Regards,

AMK

Overall, I think you should be able to do well in Task 1 in exam and get a good score.

 

[Moeedkh]

Overall, I think you should be able to do well in Task 1 in exam and get a good score.

You are right.. I am not much comfortable in informal writing due to formal writing for most of my life. I am not get that feel to write better informal letters; though, I am working on it.

 

[Moeedkh]

All education (primary, secondary and further education) should be free to all people and paid and managed by the government.

Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Give reasons for your answer.


Many people argue that education is the primary catalyst in boosting the economy of a country. If any country has an educated populace, they can create value for the world and in return, they will bring prosperity to their country. I also believe that education has an far-reaching effect on our society and government should bear the burden of educating their countrymen, so that poor can get desired support to come out of poverty and they can contribute to the economy of the nation.


First of all, education has become so expensive in the world that many people cannot even imagine of receiving quality education. Rising poverty and continuous inflation has made it impossible for commoners to get the desired qualification. They are at a disadvantage and they cannot recover from it, even if they work hard. It is a form of discrimination that a poor person cannot get the academic credentials, which a rich person is receiving. For instance, if I boy is born in a rural area of India, his father cannot afford to enroll his son in a reputable university. Thus, his family will be further entangled into a virtuous cycle of poverty. Therefore, government should intervene to provide the necessary catalyst to improve the lives of derelicts.


Secondly, education is directly proportional to the economy and crime rate of any country. If a nation has majority of educated population, they can work towards increasing their income and as a consequence, their country will prosper. Similarly, a better economy impacts the crime rate as everybody will be able to earn their living comfortably. Therefore, if a government spends money on education of people, it can cut the budget of law enforcement. For instance, Scandinavian countries are a prime examples of this. There policing and military budgets are minimal, while their education system is superior than any country of the world.


Altogether, It will not be bad decision to invest in the education of people. Ultimately, it will improve the lives of millions as well as it will have a long lasting socio-economic impact. This expenditure should not be counted as an expense, but an investment in humans.

 

[Aruntocanada]

I'm reviewing this essay only for Grammar and English.








Okay even if you disagree with me on my reasoning in para 2 there are just too many alternatively speaking and in other words. Why in every para?

Thanks a lot for being transparent and showing my weak areas. Positively taken.

I thought that alternatively stated is part of the structure and we should not miss that. Hope we should not loosing score by avoiding "alternatively stated"


Correct me if I am wrong!