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IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

Hassan386

Newbie
Dec 5, 2019
4
0
@cansha
Please review my essay. your valuable feedback shall be highly appreciated.

People find it very difficult to speak in public or to give a presentation before an audience. How it is important to speak well in public? Some people say that public speaking should be taught at school. Do you agree or disagree?

Presenting your ideas in front of public are always a difficult task. It is often observed that many people find it difficult to give speech in gathering. It is essential to present your ideas in public gatherings, as it is not only increasing your interpersonal skills but also helps in improving your relations with others. It is often argued that debating in public should be taught at school level. I always second this thought. Participating in such activities improves the linguistic skills of the students.

To begin with, it is very important to communicate your believes and ideas in an efficient way. A positive response from the audience can help to develop confidence and self-esteem. Moreover, it also helps him to maintain good relations with friends and his colleagues at work. For example, a report published in local newspaper, The News, showed that local debaters of the community have more public relations than the local active politicians.

On the other hand, many people think that speaking in public should be part of school curriculum. Nowadays, standard school curriculum focused more on reading and writing. I believe that school should be taught speaking skills to its students as it will improve their linguistic skills. For instance, the survey conducted by the Local School Organization in Lahore, showed that the students who participate in debating competitions have more command on language than those who never participated.

To recapitulate, it is necessary to communicate well in front of the public, and if children acquire these skills during their studies, it will be beneficial for them in terms of their command on language as well as their relations with the general audience.
 

multani6767

Member
Mar 23, 2018
10
1
@cansha
Please help me in evaluating my task 2 writing.


Question:
It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?


Answer:
The given topic raises the controversial issue of whether the punishment is necessary for kids in shaping their future and keeping them on the right path. Indisputably, we have to admit that the lack of freedom will make them dull and less creative and punishment will stay in their mind as it subconsciously affects their behavior. I personally, agree with the opinion that punishments is for the betterment of children and should be allowed unless there is a beating involved. This essay will expatiate my viewpoints, in the upcoming stanza.
First of all, I would like to point out that punishment will help children to stay away from wrongdoings as early childhood experience will have lasting effects on a child's mind. For instance, the punishments given to kids in school will help them perform well in the classroom and make their school life free of issues. When the kids have grown up, so the lessons learned from a young age helps them to choose the right path.
Additionally, We must employ mild punishments for kids, which will have an adverse effect on his personality and on society as well as. For example, telling the kid to do his own laundry for the whole week or cleaning his room. This kind of punishment will make them realize their mistakes as well as build their characters. on the whole, society will gain benefits from people like these.
In conclusion, positives and negatives should be taught to kids at an early age. So it's parents' and teachers' duty to punish them in a way that will correct his behavior in society. Any kind of punishment given should be thoughtful to avoid any physical and mental injury to the kids.
 
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Tarun1306

Star Member
Oct 13, 2019
66
2
@cansha please rate my essay

people believe that team sports are very important for children to succeed in their career,others disagree ?Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many individuals believe that for children to perform well in their career, participation in team sports is a pre-requisite while others are of the view that mere involvement in team sports does not guarantee a successful career. I however strongly agree with the former viewpoint as skills developed by playing team sports are an added advantage, thereby making children stand apart from the crowd in their field of work.

Team sports are of utmost importance in shaping career of children as they inculcate in them certain qualities right from their early age. Firstly, team sports helps children to develop ability of working in a team with diverse set of people which is very vital for maintaining workspace environment .Secondly, team sports help children recognize their hidden leadership skills. These leadership skills become engine of career growth as employers round the globe are in search for people who can manage teams effectively. To illustrate this, a line manager handling a team of software engineers earns way more than the individual software engineers as he /she is effectively getting the work done from team.
On the contrary, certain sections of society have a view point that if a child is not having strong academic credentials then skills learnt by way of team sports will be of no use. Moreover, children aligning themselves more towards sports than studies end up nowhere in their career.

In conclusion, children involved in team sports perform exceedingly well in their career as compared to children who have either little or no interest in team sports.

Thanks in advance
 

aman_0009

Full Member
Dec 9, 2017
20
0
Dear @cansha
Please review my essay. your valuable feedback shall be highly appreciated.

The number of overweight people are increasing these days. Some people think this is due to modern lifestyle ? Do you agree or disagree.?


It is often argued that obesity is major concern in modern era. As, some people completely support this, while others disfavour it significantly. However, my views are in strong contrast with the given statement. I elucidate my stand in the subsequent paragraphs.

At the outset, the most conspicuous reason that reinforce my perception is effects of an advertisements. Since, the companies market their unhealthy food products in such a way that customer feels the urge to consume that non-nutritious eatable. As a result of consistent consumption, people welcome plethora of harmful diseases like diabetes and high cholesterol. Further substantial viewpoint is lack of physical exercises. Though, everything is getting converted into digital and electronic means, Individuals are becoming more lazy. Here, am empirical evidence reveals that young generation nowadays, prefer playing electronic games rather than outside games which require physical endurance. Hence, they become overweight and have weak immune system.

In addition to aforementioned ideas, another worthwhile standpoint is improper timing for eating food. To be specific, people have their breakfast at the time of lunch, lunch at the time of dinner and dinner at the time of sleep. Therefore, food do not get ample amount of time to get digested and often causes bloating and stomach disorders. Last but not least, over consumption of food also leads to weight gains. A recent report shared by renowned media groups states that 60% of people consume almost double of their daily calorie requirement. As a consequence, their body become fatty and flabby.

In conclusion, it is quite discernible from above mentioned explanation that my inclination towards endorsing this issue is justified because proper weight management and consuming nutritional food is mandatory for getting adequate body mass index.

286 Words
 

RK_K

Newbie
Aug 21, 2019
6
0
@cansha
Please review my essay and your valuable feedback will be appreciatable.

People find it very difficult to speak in public or to give a presentation before an audience. How it is important to speak well in public? Some people say that public speaking should be taught at school. Do you agree or disagree?

Some hesitate to speak or present PPT in front of the viewer, which is considered to be beneficial. Some people suggested that it would be great if classes related to how to speak publicly should be added to the school curriculum. Although, I disagree with the proposition as it is hard to build the quality and confidence by teaching.

The importance of speaking publicly is negligible because this will bring job opportunities for the person. Most of the jobs require the employer or employee who has the ability to present their ideas effectively without any shy. This will create a strong bond among the them and also benefit the organization on an economic basis. For example, considering the politician, who gain the confidence of their citizens by presenting their thought in front of them. Therefore, raises the chances of getting work easily.

However, from my perspective, it would be invasive if school started giving education related to how to speak publicly. Every child was born with different quality and forcing them to present themselves in front of the audience will be ineffective. Additionally, this will put mental pressure on them, as a result, they will perform badly at their academic part. For instance, considering Italy, where a number of students have left their school as they were forced to speak on the stage. Thus, it should be optional in school.

In conclusion, public speaking or presenting something on the stage is a laborious task for most of people. Whereas, a few people believe that it is of utmost importance and should be taught at school. In my opinion, it is the choice of the person whether they want to speak or not in front of the audience.
 

cansha

VIP Member
Aug 1, 2018
6,676
5,855
Dear @cansha
Please review my essay. your valuable feedback shall be highly appreciated.

The number of overweight people are increasing these days. Some people think this is due to modern lifestyle ? Do you agree or disagree.?
Few questions for you to ponder on.

It is often argued that obesity is major concern in modern era. As, some people completely support this, while others disfavour it significantly.
However, my views are in strong contrast with the given statement. I elucidate my stand in the subsequent paragraphs. Can these two sentences be written for any essay topic under the sun? Think about it. They are so generic that I can probably use in almost any essay topic. These "learned phrases" won't get you any points on actual IELTS test and hence this whole introduction is basically nothing.

Second your view is not very clear. Okay I'll run with it. Your view is in contrast with given statement. Which one. The number of overweight people is not increasing? Okay I know you meant it is not happening because of modern lifestyle?

What is modern lifestyle by the way?

At the outset, the most conspicuous reason that reinforce my perception is effects of an advertisements. Since, the companies market their unhealthy food products in such a way that customer feels the urge to consume that non-nutritious eatable. As a result of consistent consumption, people welcome plethora of harmful diseases like diabetes and high cholesterol. Further substantial viewpoint is lack of physical exercises.
Though, everything is getting converted into digital and electronic means, Individuals are becoming more lazy. Here, am empirical evidence reveals that young generation nowadays, prefer playing electronic games rather than outside games which require physical endurance.Okay so consuming everything in digital form and playing video games rather than outside games - Is that modern lifestyle or old lifestyle.
So basically you are saying obesity is caused by modern lifestyle but didn't you say you are against your view.
Do you see a problem here?
Hence, they become overweight and have weak immune system.

In addition to aforementioned ideas, another worthwhile standpoint is improper timing for eating food. To be specific, people have their breakfast at the time of lunch, lunch at the time of dinner and dinner at the time of sleep. Therefore, food do not get ample amount of time to get digested and often causes bloating and stomach disorders. Last but not least, over consumption of food also leads to weight gains. A recent report shared by renowned media groups states that 60% of people consume almost double of their daily calorie requirement. As a consequence, their body become fatty and flabby.

In conclusion, it is quite discernible from above mentioned explanation that my inclination towards endorsing this issue is justified because proper weight management and consuming nutritional food is mandatory for getting adequate body mass index.

You have a lot of colorful words, a clear attempt to dazzle with your vocabulary but that won't help unless your essay is clear in its view and logic and that is what is lacking here - Task response and C&C.

286 Words
 

Tarun1306

Star Member
Oct 13, 2019
66
2
@cansha please rate my essay as well..

@cansha please rate my essay

people believe that team sports are very important for children to succeed in their career,others disagree ?Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many individuals believe that for children to perform well in their career, participation in team sports is a pre-requisite while others are of the view that mere involvement in team sports does not guarantee a successful career. I however strongly agree with the former viewpoint as skills developed by playing team sports are an added advantage, thereby making children stand apart from the crowd in their field of work.

Team sports are of utmost importance in shaping career of children as they inculcate in them certain qualities right from their early age. Firstly, team sports helps children to develop ability of working in a team with diverse set of people which is very vital for maintaining workspace environment .Secondly, team sports help children recognize their hidden leadership skills. These leadership skills become engine of career growth as employers round the globe are in search for people who can manage teams effectively. To illustrate this, a line manager handling a team of software engineers earns way more than the individual software engineers as he /she is effectively getting the work done from team.

On the contrary, certain sections of society have a view point that if a child is not having strong academic credentials then skills learnt by way of team sports will be of no use. Moreover, children aligning themselves more towards sports than studies end up nowhere in their career.

In conclusion, children involved in team sports perform exceedingly well in their career as compared to children who have either little or no interest in team sports.

Thanks in advance[/QUOTE
 

velocityblood

Star Member
Jan 4, 2019
189
44
India
Category........
FSW
NOC Code......
2141
Hi @cansha @H0peAndFa1th after reading more than 100 essay correction from this thread, I have tried to write this essay. Please evaluate.

Topic: Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world.
Do you think this is positive or negative development?



A paradigm shift of similarity among many counties is observed because purchasing the same product has become easy in any part of globe. In my opinion people being able to shop the same things from anywhere in the world shows a positive development.

Beginning with the positives, the ease of access to a foreign made product makes people happy. This means that they are able to buy and use a specialty product that is not manufactured or produced locally. For example, Harley Davidson bike, until recent it was not manufactured in India and all the way imported from their factory in Austria and people used to feel pleasured by purchasing this bike. Further more, this phenomenon helps people financially as because of the export, demand of the product increases hence more product needs to be produced. Therefore, it gives a rise to employment opportunities. Also a positive upside of such a development is that immigrants from other countries are able to buy the products of their daily needs specially food items as the foods preferred in different countries varies largely.

On the other hand, it seems that this phenomenon may lead to lost opportunities of tourism for a few countries. For instance, Bhutan's capital, Thimphu is famous for articles made from bamboos where people from across the globe specially travel to buy these handmade articles. However, there are other alternatives to this, which may serve as better option for people to travel to Bhutan, not to mention the scenic beauty. Furthermore, if these products are made available to other counties it may aid to the country’s economy by providing business opportunities.

In conclusion, although there are certain drawbacks associated with the globalization of products, the benefit in the form of increased sources of employment and people deriving pleasure by purchasing the products outweighs them.
 
Last edited:

Gagan4790

Star Member
Nov 7, 2017
98
30
Ontario
Hi all
Work and life balance in Canada are a bit of hard nut to crack, but now I think I can spare some time for doing what I love, i.e, helping IELTS Students. So, I am here again. Here you go!
CORRECTIONS ARE IN CAPITAL.
Topic: Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world.
Do you think this is positive or negative development?


A paradigm shift of similarity among many counties is observed because purchasing the same product has become easy in any part of globe. In my opinion COMMA people being able to shop the same things from anywhere in the world shows a positive development.

Beginning with the positives, the ease of access to foreign-made productS make people happy. This means that they are able to buy and use a specialty product that is not manufactured or produced locally. For example, Harley Davidson bike, until recent/RECENTLY it was not manufactured in India and all the way imported from their factory in Austria and people used to feel pleasured/HAPPY by purchasing this bike. Furthermore, this phenomenon helps people financially because of the export, demand of the product increases hence more product needs to be produced. Therefore, it gives a rise to employment opportunities. Also, a positive upside of such a development is that immigrants from other countries are able to buy the products of their daily needs, specially food items as the foods preferred in different countries varies largely.

On the other hand, it seems that this phenomenon may lead to lost opportunities of tourism for a few countries. For instance, Bhutan's capital, Thimphu is famous for articles made from bamboos where people from across the globe specially travel to buy these handmade articles. However, there are other alternatives to this, which may serve as better option for people to travel to Bhutan, not to mention the scenic beauty. Furthermore, if these products are made available to other counties it may aid to the country’s economy by providing business opportunities.

In conclusion, although there are certain drawbacks associated with the globalization of products, the benefit in the form of increased sources of employment and people deriving pleasure by purchasing the products outweighs them.

CONCLUSION IS MORE TOWARDS ANSWERING THE QUESTION "DO ADVANTAGES OUTWEIGH DISADVANTAGES" RATHER THAN EXPLAINING "WHETEHR ITS A POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE DEVELOPMENT"
IF YOU FEEL ITS A POSITIVE DEVELOPMENT, ONLY MENTION THE POSITIVE ASPECTS IN THE ESSAY.
AVOID CREATING EXTRA LONG SENTENCES, BECAUSE IT CHANGES THE MEANING.
CHECK YOUR GRAMMAR IN GRAMMARLY AFTER WRITING THE ESSAY

All the best!!!
 

velocityblood

Star Member
Jan 4, 2019
189
44
India
Category........
FSW
NOC Code......
2141
Hi all
Work and life balance in Canada are a bit of hard nut to crack, but now I think I can spare some time for doing what I love, i.e, helping IELTS Students. So, I am here again. Here you go!
CORRECTIONS ARE IN CAPITAL.
Topic: Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world.
Do you think this is positive or negative development?


A paradigm shift of similarity among many counties is observed because purchasing the same product has become easy in any part of globe. In my opinion COMMA people being able to shop the same things from anywhere in the world shows a positive development.

Beginning with the positives, the ease of access to foreign-made productS make people happy. This means that they are able to buy and use a specialty product that is not manufactured or produced locally. For example, Harley Davidson bike, until recent/RECENTLY it was not manufactured in India and all the way imported from their factory in Austria and people used to feel pleasured/HAPPY by purchasing this bike. Furthermore, this phenomenon helps people financially because of the export, demand of the product increases hence more product needs to be produced. Therefore, it gives a rise to employment opportunities. Also, a positive upside of such a development is that immigrants from other countries are able to buy the products of their daily needs, specially food items as the foods preferred in different countries varies largely.

On the other hand, it seems that this phenomenon may lead to lost opportunities of tourism for a few countries. For instance, Bhutan's capital, Thimphu is famous for articles made from bamboos where people from across the globe specially travel to buy these handmade articles. However, there are other alternatives to this, which may serve as better option for people to travel to Bhutan, not to mention the scenic beauty. Furthermore, if these products are made available to other counties it may aid to the country’s economy by providing business opportunities.

In conclusion, although there are certain drawbacks associated with the globalization of products, the benefit in the form of increased sources of employment and people deriving pleasure by purchasing the products outweighs them.

CONCLUSION IS MORE TOWARDS ANSWERING THE QUESTION "DO ADVANTAGES OUTWEIGH DISADVANTAGES" RATHER THAN EXPLAINING "WHETEHR ITS A POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE DEVELOPMENT"
IF YOU FEEL ITS A POSITIVE DEVELOPMENT, ONLY MENTION THE POSITIVE ASPECTS IN THE ESSAY.
AVOID CREATING EXTRA LONG SENTENCES, BECAUSE IT CHANGES THE MEANING.
CHECK YOUR GRAMMAR IN GRAMMARLY AFTER WRITING THE ESSAY

All the best!!!
Thanks for review.
 
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sarrahpatrick

Newbie
Dec 9, 2018
5
0
Please evaluate this:

In some countries, young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?


Many countries inculcate in their younger generation to only focus on their studies. As a result, they get so involved in their education that there is no time for any extra curricular activities. There are several reasons for this culture that has evolved in many countries and in my opinion, there is a dire need to have our millennials involved in several other activities as well.

A fundamental reason for this is that from a very young age our children have ambitious future career goals. Therefore, all the while they are ensuring that they work hard enough to achieve these objectives. Many a times, they are under pressure to get good grades which will be a driving factor for their prosperous future. Resultantly, in many cases, the younger lot are left with no option but to study all the time to be able to meet their respective expectations. For example, in many developing countries students already have their career goals planned from quite a young age which keeps them occupied, so that they are able to achieve them.

A possible consequence of this is that they are always under a lot of pressure to perform good in their respective studies but also to deliver outstanding results. All this does not allow them to have spare time so that they can be involved in other activities. Moreover, anxiety and stress level in our younger generation is on the rising trend which can have severe consequences. In many developing countries, suicide rates have seen a rising trend because of pressure to get good grades and afterwards landing at a high paying job.

A solution-oriented approach needs to be in place so that our younger generation is more relaxed and have ample time for leisure activities. The education system can play an instrumental role in ensuring that involvement in extra curricular activities be made mandatory. This is essential since studying all the time makes life very dull and other recreational activities are good for both mental and physical well being on an individual. For instance, at school level students should pick an activity of their choice which can help by leaps and bounds.

In conclusion, too much pressure and stress regarding studying and having overly ambitious goals can result in negative consequences. Having said that, a focus on achieving good grades, along with nurturing their mental health is poised to make them overall beneficial for the society.
 

velocityblood

Star Member
Jan 4, 2019
189
44
India
Category........
FSW
NOC Code......
2141
@Gagan4790 @cansha @H0peAndFa1th please evaluate this essay.

Topic: Explain some of the ways in which humans are damaging the environment. What can governments do to address the problems? What can individual people do?


The fact that environmental deterioration is caused due to human activities is a matter of great concern. This essay will first briefly describe that out of many activities, which contribute to environmental damage one of the main cause is uses of private vehicle by individuals, then suggest that it should be dealt by conducting awareness campaigns, and promote usage of public transport among people.

The quality of air in many cities is degrading at an exponential rate, which is a result of various factors. One major factor behind this is increasing usage of self-owned vehicles among individuals mainly due to the comfort it offers; however, it is worth considering that the emission through these vehicles is making the air more polluted every passing day. This is evident in large cities, for instance, Mumbai, in recent years have seen an increase in the no of private vehicles and it’s impact is also visible in ever declining air quality index.

Nevertheless, there are some workable solutions for the aforementioned problems. One such solution at states' level could be to run the awareness campaign informing people about the air quality trends for last few years and explain how uses of public transport can contribute to maintain good air quality. At the same time at individual level, one should practice using shared transport and incorporate usage of biodegradable bags for routine shopping. For instance, I personally carry a cotton bag all the time while going to shop outside, thus avoiding asking plastic bags from vendor and reducing its uses.

In conclusion, growing popularity of private vehicle and usage of plastic bags appears to be most obvious reasons of this problem. However, it can be resolved through taking efforts at government and individual level as mentioned.
 
Last edited:

Cyfa

Hero Member
Nov 7, 2019
215
114
Hi guys I am coming here after long time and I understand your pain as I have been one of those who got 6.5 in writing as a surprise. Here is my journey
Attempt1: LRWS 8.5 9 6.5 7
Re valuation no change lost money and found that I was doing something wrong and found my mistakes

Attempt2: LRWS 9 9 7.5 7.5

Followed Chris from IELTS advantage and got essay correction service from Mike.

basic rule is we have to structure our essay and flow our thoughts. We only need two ideas for every type of essay. Do not over complicate with fancy words we don’t need 9 in writing
 

AB17

Star Member
Apr 4, 2019
180
98
Hi guys I am coming here after long time and I understand your pain as I have been one of those who got 6.5 in writing as a surprise. Here is my journey
Attempt1: LRWS 8.5 9 6.5 7
Re valuation no change lost money and found that I was doing something wrong and found my mistakes

Attempt2: LRWS 9 9 7.5 7.5

Followed Chris from IELTS advantage and got essay correction service from Mike.

basic rule is we have to structure our essay and flow our thoughts. We only need two ideas for every type of essay. Do not over complicate with fancy words we don’t need 9 in writing
Congrats Cyfa!! good advice.. no need for fancy words as long as we are writing a well structured essay!
 
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sourabha_in

Member
Jan 3, 2020
14
7
Hi all
Work and life balance in Canada are a bit of hard nut to crack, but now I think I can spare some time for doing what I love, i.e, helping IELTS Students. So, I am here again. Here you go!
CORRECTIONS ARE IN CAPITAL.
Topic: Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world.
Do you think this is positive or negative development?


A paradigm shift of similarity among many counties is observed because purchasing the same product has become easy in any part of globe. In my opinion COMMA people being able to shop the same things from anywhere in the world shows a positive development.

Beginning with the positives, the ease of access to foreign-made productS make people happy. This means that they are able to buy and use a specialty product that is not manufactured or produced locally. For example, Harley Davidson bike, until recent/RECENTLY it was not manufactured in India and all the way imported from their factory in Austria and people used to feel pleasured/HAPPY by purchasing this bike. Furthermore, this phenomenon helps people financially because of the export, demand of the product increases hence more product needs to be produced. Therefore, it gives a rise to employment opportunities. Also, a positive upside of such a development is that immigrants from other countries are able to buy the products of their daily needs, specially food items as the foods preferred in different countries varies largely.

On the other hand, it seems that this phenomenon may lead to lost opportunities of tourism for a few countries. For instance, Bhutan's capital, Thimphu is famous for articles made from bamboos where people from across the globe specially travel to buy these handmade articles. However, there are other alternatives to this, which may serve as better option for people to travel to Bhutan, not to mention the scenic beauty. Furthermore, if these products are made available to other counties it may aid to the country’s economy by providing business opportunities.

In conclusion, although there are certain drawbacks associated with the globalization of products, the benefit in the form of increased sources of employment and people deriving pleasure by purchasing the products outweighs them.

CONCLUSION IS MORE TOWARDS ANSWERING THE QUESTION "DO ADVANTAGES OUTWEIGH DISADVANTAGES" RATHER THAN EXPLAINING "WHETEHR ITS A POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE DEVELOPMENT"
IF YOU FEEL ITS A POSITIVE DEVELOPMENT, ONLY MENTION THE POSITIVE ASPECTS IN THE ESSAY.
AVOID CREATING EXTRA LONG SENTENCES, BECAUSE IT CHANGES THE MEANING.
CHECK YOUR GRAMMAR IN GRAMMARLY AFTER WRITING THE ESSAY

All the best!!!
Very useful comments!