IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

[Sohaibkq]

You stayed at your friend’s house when you attended a conference in Australia. Unfortunately, you left a large envelope with some important documents in your room. Write a letter to your friend. In the letter:
thank your friend for the stay
describe where you left the envelope
ask him/her to return it to you by post

Dear Sohail,

I hope you are in good health. Allow me to thank you for making my trip to Australia memorable. I appreciate your extended support for my accommodation. Without your offer, I would have been in hot water. I absolutely enjoyed your company and your silly jokes on my obesity are still on my mind.

I’d like to inform you that I have left some critical documents in an envelope in the room where I was staying. You know my nature! I still forget a lot of things in my normal routine. As far as I remember, I left these documents on the table next to the main room door so I can pick them up while leaving. I, unfortunately, forgot to pick the file as I was in a hurry.

It will be so kind of you if you can send these documents to me via post. Actually, I need these documents for my upcoming presentation in the office next month. Since I have time, you can send it through normal international post. I don’t want to be formal with you but there is no need to spend extra $ on the postal service.

Hope to hear from you soon.


Yours sincerely,

Sohaib

@cansha @marosa

 

[av4aviator]

Dear all,
Kindly review the below essay and provide the feedback.
Thank you.

@cansha @marosa @AB17

When new towns are planned, it is important to build more public parks or sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

As far as the advancement of the country is a concern, emerging new cities become inevitable. While promoting urban development, the introduction of shopping markets can aid a person or family to obtain personal relaxation. However, for large collaboration of the society, parks, and playgrounds should be primarily considered.

On the one hand, As the town evolves, the work-life balance culture will urge people to dedicate time to their relaxation. Currently, modern shopping malls are equipped with various amenities with prime intention to entertain the people. Moreover, people who enter malls are not just limited to shopping but also able to enjoy other features, such as movie theaters, kids play zone and banking facilities. Therefore, for a few individuals, shopping facilities can help to enhance the stress-free mindset in their busy life.

On the other hand, to make the township inherently stronger, social collaboration is mandatory, which can be achieved by facilitating the people to meet each other. For instance, weekend family meeting at parks establishes a public relationship with other families. Likewise, the enactment of sports clubs in the cities will encourage people to participate in physical development and group involvement. In essence, frequent engagement of cooperative activities among society ensures personal enhancement, which collectively contributes to the growth of the city.

To conclude, even though spending time in shopping malls can bring more personal happiness to people, I would largely support that implementing parks and playing facilities will value people's leisure time because of their engagement in communal structure.

 

[cansha]

Dear all,
Kindly review the below essay and provide the feedback.
Thank you.

@cansha @marosa @AB17

When new towns are planned, it is important to build more public parks or sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

As far as the advancement of the country is a concern, emerging new cities become inevitable. No value add and off topic. Point 1.2 https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-90#post-7568485

While promoting urban development, the introduction of shopping markets can aid a person or family to obtain personal relaxation.
However, for large collaboration of the society, parks, and playgrounds should be primarily considered. You may want to revisit the word "Collaboration" in this context. May be you are doing a direct translation from your native language. But it doesn't make sense here. New York City has one of the largest parks within the city called Central park. Do people in New York City collaborate a lot?

And finally the introduction doesn't address the main question at hand. The questions is to what extend do you agree or disagree. Even after reading the full introduction I don't know answer to that.


On the one hand, As the town evolves, Which town? Revise concept of using the article "the". Also A in As can't be capitalized here.
the work-life balance culture will urge people to dedicate time to their relaxation.
Currently, modern shopping malls are equipped with various amenities with prime intention to entertain the people. Moreover, people who enter malls are not just limited to shopping but also able to enjoy other features, such as movie theaters, kids play zone and banking facilities. Therefore, for a few individuals, shopping facilities can help to enhance the stress-free mindset in their busy life.

On the other hand, to make the township Which township?
inherently stronger, social collaboration is mandatory, which can be achieved by facilitating the people to meet each other. For instance, weekend family meeting at parks establishes a public relationship with other families. This phrase makes no sense in the context you want to use it.
Likewise, the enactment of sports clubs You are probably doing literal translations from your language. These phrases do not make sense
in the cities will encourage people to participate in physical development and group involvement. In essence, frequent engagement of cooperative activities among society ensures personal enhancement, which collectively contributes to the growth of the city.

To conclude, even though spending time in shopping malls can bring more personal happiness to people, I would largely support that implementing parks and playing facilities will value people's leisure time because of their engagement in communal structure.

Only thing I can say is that you probably need to read a lot more essays. I'm also not able to understand whether the language of this essay is like this because you wanted to show off your vocab or because you are doing literal translations from your native language. But, I found it very cumbersome to read.

If I keep the language issues aside there are "structural" issues with the essay which need to be fixed as well

1. Introduction is weak. You should ideally try and answer the question asked in essay topic.
2. You need to revise how to write a "to what extent essay"
3. The essay doesn't really make it clear why social "collaboration" is more important than personal work life balance because you wanted to lean to that side. You have given benefits of both in two BPs but haven't made it apparent why one is better than the other.

 

[av4aviator]

As far as the advancement of the country is a concern, emerging new cities become inevitable. No value add and off topic. Point 1.2 https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-90#post-7568485

While promoting urban development, the introduction of shopping markets can aid a person or family to obtain personal relaxation.
However, for large collaboration of the society, parks, and playgrounds should be primarily considered. You may want to revisit the word "Collaboration" in this context. May be you are doing a direct translation from your native language. But it doesn't make sense here. New York City has one of the largest parks within the city called Central park. Do people in New York City collaborate a lot?

And finally the introduction doesn't address the main question at hand. The questions is to what extend do you agree or disagree. Even after reading the full introduction I don't know answer to that.


On the one hand, As the town evolves, Which town? Revise concept of using the article "the". Also A in As can't be capitalized here.
the work-life balance culture will urge people to dedicate time to their relaxation.
Currently, modern shopping malls are equipped with various amenities with prime intention to entertain the people. Moreover, people who enter malls are not just limited to shopping but also able to enjoy other features, such as movie theaters, kids play zone and banking facilities. Therefore, for a few individuals, shopping facilities can help to enhance the stress-free mindset in their busy life.

On the other hand, to make the township Which township?
inherently stronger, social collaboration is mandatory, which can be achieved by facilitating the people to meet each other. For instance, weekend family meeting at parks establishes a public relationship with other families. This phrase makes no sense in the context you want to use it.
Likewise, the enactment of sports clubs You are probably doing literal translations from your language. These phrases do not make sense
in the cities will encourage people to participate in physical development and group involvement. In essence, frequent engagement of cooperative activities among society ensures personal enhancement, which collectively contributes to the growth of the city.

To conclude, even though spending time in shopping malls can bring more personal happiness to people, I would largely support that implementing parks and playing facilities will value people's leisure time because of their engagement in communal structure.

Only thing I can say is that you probably need to read a lot more essays. I'm also not able to understand whether the language of this essay is like this because you wanted to show off your vocab or because you are doing literal translations from your native language. But, I found it very cumbersome to read.

If I keep the language issues aside there are "structural" issues with the essay which need to be fixed as well

1. Introduction is weak. You should ideally try and answer the question asked in essay topic.
2. You need to revise how to write a "to what extent essay"
3. The essay doesn't really make it clear why social "collaboration" is more important than personal work life balance because you wanted to lean to that side. You have given benefits of both in two BPs but haven't made it apparent why one is better than the other.

@ Cansha
Thanks for your huge inputs.
i will work on it.
However, I have few questions related to this comments
1. To extent type questions, do we need to directly tell in the introduction.? thought conclusion was enough.
2." collaboration" what i meant was social bonding. may be it wasn't conveyed properly.
3. "public relationship" may be "relationship" is just enough??
4 "the enactment of sports clubs" is not the right word of choice, I agree.
5. while I understand that the BP1 and BP2 are balanced. to make my stand clear, do I need to add little negative sides of shopping facilities in Bp1.?

Thanks

 

[cansha]

@ Cansha
Thanks for your huge inputs.
i will work on it.
However, I have few questions related to this comments

1. To extent type questions, do we need to directly tell in the introduction.? thought conclusion was enough.
Yes. In almost all questions in IELTS it makes sense to "answer" the question and give glimpse of what you want to say. The only essay topic where you could delay your opinion is "Discuss both sides and then give your opinion" type. Although, personally I would give my opinion within intro even in that essay type.

2." collaboration" what i meant was social bonding. may be it wasn't conveyed properly.
Yes, I understood the intent but the context is wrong. Collaboration means people are working together to acheive a goal like on a project. You just meant social interactions.

3. "public relationship" may be "relationship" is just enough??
Yes. Even if you wanted to use a qualifier before relationship "personal" relationship made more sense in that context than public relationship. You wanted to say people would know each other at a personal level.

4 "the enactment of sports clubs" is not the right word of choice, I agree.


5. while I understand that the BP1 and BP2 are balanced. to make my stand clear, do I need to add little negative sides of shopping facilities in Bp1.?
It's not necessary to include negative sides per se. One doesn't need to be bad for other to look good. But, you still need to tell the reader why you think other approach is better.




Thanks

 

[av4aviator]

1. To extent type questions, do we need to directly tell in the introduction.? thought conclusion was enough.
Yes. In almost all questions in IELTS it makes sense to "answer" the question and give glimpse of what you want to say. The only essay topic where you could delay your opinion is "Discuss both sides and then give your opinion" type. Although, personally I would give my opinion within intro even in that essay type.

2." collaboration" what i meant was social bonding. may be it wasn't conveyed properly.
Yes, I understood the intent but the context is wrong. Collaboration means people are working together to acheive a goal like on a project. You just meant social interactions.

3. "public relationship" may be "relationship" is just enough??
Yes. Even if you wanted to use a qualifier before relationship "personal" relationship made more sense in that context than public relationship. You wanted to say people would know each other at a personal level.

4 "the enactment of sports clubs" is not the right word of choice, I agree.


5. while I understand that the BP1 and BP2 are balanced. to make my stand clear, do I need to add little negative sides of shopping facilities in Bp1.?
It's not necessary to include negative sides per se. One doesn't need to be bad for other to look good. But, you still need to tell the reader why you think other approach is better.




Thanks

Sure. I will take these into account.
@cansha

 

[reesastark]

hello guys, I tried the following topic and I appreciate if you give me your comments.
@marosa
@cansha

I would be thrilled if you can give me a score band so i know where I am standing right now

Some say that the most important thing about being rich is that one has the opportunity to help others.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?



It has been propounded by some that people with a high amount of wealth ought to grab the opportunity of helping others with low incomes. I completely agree with this argument since a constant money donation will induce the sense self-satisfaction among rich individuals and prevent economic instability which can completely risk their future revenues.

One of the main reason that urges rich people to get involved in charitable activities is the sense of fulfillment. In fact, human beings have genuinely a tendency towards good deeds, since as social creatures, they have learnt that helping others is a key to their survival. As a result, aiding the unfortunate members of the society with donating money will bring joy and compliment to donors themselves. Moreover, the generosity of wealthy people has always been applauded by the society, thus their personal image will be improved. Therefore, rich people can utilize it as a way for their personal branding. For instance, in recent years Facebook owner tried to suppress all the critics and improve the image of his company, with foundation of a charity and donating a massive amount of money to it.

Another merits of charitable activities for wealthy people, especially business owners, is securing stability of the economy as a key factor of their future incomes. As a matter of fact, a profitable business will be guaranteed partially as its work-forces are satisfied with the quality of their lives. Therefore, when wealthy owners of corporate world allocate a portion of their revenue to overcome poverty and aid public services, they implicitly are investing in the future of their business. It is worth mentioning, if the gap between different parts of society will not be covered in this way, a possible turmoil is not unlikely and it was the case in Europe in early nineteenth century when poor workers rally against their miserable situation which led to several revolutions at that time.

To conclude, I believe that wealthy people must recognize the essentiality of donating of money since, not only they will satisfaction and received compliment from the society, but also it will secure the future of their wealth implicitly.

 

[Sohaibkq]

How much band would i loose if i made a mistake of not capitalising "I" pronoun in sentences during my letter?

@marosa @cansha

 

[cansha]

How much band would i loose if i made a mistake of not capitalising "I" pronoun in sentences during my letter?

@marosa @cansha

No clue. I'm not an official IELTS examiner so don't know.

But my educated guess is they don't score based on these factors. They will look at overall grammar and may overlook such error if they happen once in a while. So, for example if you didn't capitalize I once in the whole letter they may overlook but if you are using 5 times and each time it is not capitalized they will definitely conclude you don't know that grammar rule.

Again, that is pure speculation on my part. The only thing I would say is that you are focusing on too many granular details. Ofcourse, these details matter but only after you have nailed the content part of the writing.

 

[eazimizadeh]

Hey guys!
I'd be appreciated if you review and score this essay;

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people.
Why might this be the case?
Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

In some regions of the globe, individuals try to possess their home where they live in, instead of simply renting a house. There are several reasons why these people have chosen this way of life, including more respect by others, sustainability in their own home, and considering it as an investment. I believe that this choice is absolutely constructive for themselves and their society as well.

Due to several possible explanation, being a house owner might be advantageous for a considerable number of people. Firstly, if a family owns its home, they are more respected and welcome by their neighbours, since they have been able to befriend and make connections among one another. For instance, families who have lived in a neighbourhood for a long duration can partake in each other’s parties or cooperative in running a ceremony, during which they can deepen their relationship. Secondly, possession of a household provide people with more sustainable situation in their lives, because they would not be worried about one of the natural basics of human beings. Finally, purchasing a property is an investment, which can certainly situate the proprietors in a more financially stable position.

In my opinion, if people select to buy a house for themselves can have completely positive effects for them and their community. One main reason for this claim is that buying a property requires financial resources, which motivates individuals to spend their money in a more economical manner. Therefore, people can save their money and invest in something meaningful. Another reason why purchasing a home can be favorable is that it could enhance economic situation in the community. In fact, if the demand for households increases, new construction projects should be commenced and the real estate market will lead to an economic growth. As a result, all members of the society, including house possessors will benefit from the demand for real estates.

In conclusion, respect, sustainability and financial stability can be considered as motives for people to make efforts to possess their home. Also, in my view, I opine that it could shape a positive situation for the house holders in terms of money saving and investing it in a property, as well as a perfect drive for the economy of the society.

 

[annelilly2819]

Ok, after reading your comments, I can suggest one thing (it may or may not applies to everyone)

Reading, Writing and/or listening skill, all boils down to only one thing i.e., Vocabulary.

Better the vocabulary better you get in each skill. Vocabulary building is not a overnight job, it needs practice and time to assimilate properly in your mind. I would suggest start doing it atleast 1 year prior to your exams. Take your own time, prepare well and then go for it. This exam also doesn't cost less.

Building vocabulary can be done by yourself or with some help. if you choose to DIY, then take some help of apps out there, which slowly but intuitively help you build your vocabulary. I am listing them few below:
1. IELTS Exam Preparation: Vocabulary Flashcards (By Mangoosh): This app has comprehensive list of 600 words and its respective flashcards. You can decide to learn 10 words through this flashcard per day and practice it througout. Slowly but eventually you would master most of its words. (link: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.magoosh.ielts.flashcards.vocabulary)
2. IELTS Vocabulary: This app has categorized words based on its usage like health, work, family etc. You can pick one category per week and out of that 10 words per day. Practice throughout the week and switch to next category. In round robin fashion keep switching the categories. In this process, you learn many such words which are used across the categories and you get good hold of it (link: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.praveenj.ielts&hl=en_IN)
3. IELTS English Live Wallpaper: This app as one interesting way to building your vocabulary. What it does is, on every screen unlock of your phone, it displays one word with its definition on your phone's wallpaper. It has comprehensive list of 4000 words which are frequent in IELTS exams. So to build your vocabulary you just have to use your phone normally and the phone mugs you up with words and definition (https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.savaratkar.IELTSEnglishLiveWallpaper&hl=en_IN)


Hope this post helps.

 

[Ida_M]

@cansha
@marosa
please kindly review my first essay. I have been reading some of the pages in this thread and your advice is clearly golden! Thanking you in advance.
Also welcome to those who are willing to review my essay and give feedback. Any feedback would be very appreciated!

Some people think that because some children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy difficult, they ought to be optional instead of compulsory. To what extent do you agree?


It is often argued by many children that mathematics and philosophy are not easy to follow. Hence the difficulty of these two subjects, some people think that both are better to be an option instead of mandatory. In my opinion, I disagree that mathematics and philosophy are considered as a secondary subject since they are extremely useful skills to survive in life.

The main reason that mathematics is required to be taught to children because this is an essential skill to be able to get a better life. Every single act of our daily activities involves numbers, price, and equation. To fulfil the need for groceries at the market, for example, we have to able to use our math skill and logic in order to get the best price. Mathematics would also be a very significant requirement for ones who are willing to advance their life in regard to their career options. Promising jobs such as accountant, engineering, and pilot definitely require someone with a high level of math skills.

Furthermore, linked to the first, to get such a high-end job and advanced life, not only required an academic skill like math, but also a good understanding of soft skill. This can be obtained by mastering in Philosophy class which will teach them critical thinking, manner, and wisdom. Critical thinking is important as it teaches students to become an open-minded person and strive to never stop learning. Manner and wisdom are also vital because they will justify someone’s behaviour and their role in society.

In conclusion, mathematics and philosophy are both equally crucial skills and it is a must to be learnt by students. Both subjects will be beneficial if these are given since the very beginning of their academic journey.

 

[eazimizadeh]

Hi again folks!
Please review and score the following essay:

Some people believe that the whole family (grandparents, uncles, aunts) bringing up children is better rather than only parents. What is your opinion?

Raising children by all members of a family is argued to be more beneficial, instead of only parents to be involved in this process. I completely agree with this argument and propound that the parents limitations such as having not enough time or experience force them to request assistance from their own kin, and it is a proper chance for juniors to connect with their family members.

There are several reasons why parents should not left alone in the times they are bringing up their own kid. First of all, parents, especially mothers, are busier today than they used to be several decades ago, and they may both be employees with a huge amount of responsibilities at their workplace. As a result, they are required to be supported by other relatives such as their siblings. Secondly, if babies only rely on their parents until their teenage times, they will face some levels of difficulties in becoming an independent person, thus being attached to as many family members as possible would be advantageous, both for the parents and the adolescents.

In my opinion, I believe that blood relatives must help new parents with the development of their children. In fact, senior members of a family like grandmothers have been experienced in bringing up youngsters; therefore, they can aid new fathers and mothers with their needs in these hard times. For instance, babies are exposed to several illnesses and an elder person can avoid some of them or can assist in the healing process. Moreover, when juveniles interact with their relatives, they are blessed with the opportunity to interact with more people, including uncles, aunts, or even cousins. Consequently, they can improve their interpersonal relationships and become more sociable individuals in their adulthood.

To conclude, I opine that today parents cannot bring their children up by themselves properly, and that the whole family should partake in this process and provide the parents and the kids with several benefits.

 

[eazimizadeh]

And also please review and score this letter:

A large company in your area has decided to spend a certain amount of money, either to sponsor a local children’s sports team for two years, or to pay for two open-air concerts. It has asked for feedback from the general public.
Write a letter to the company.
In your letter,

• describe the benefits of sponsoring the sports team;
• summarise the benefits of paying for the concerts;
• say how you think the company should spend the money.

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to you regarding the public opinion that your company has requested about whether to sponsor a children’s sports team or to pay for concerts.

If you plan to support the Blue Angels soccer team financially for two years, it would relieve them from many monetary limitations they have been dealing with recently. Since my son is a member of this team, I am informed that Blue Angles cannot afford purchasing spare clothes for its players, as well as having problems in booking a stadium for trainings.

Otherwise, paying for two open-air concerts could be a great idea, due to the fact that people in our community can gather together and experience and enjoyable time with each other. Also, in this way, you can implicitly assist local businesses like taxis, cafes, and supermarkets, because people refer to them more while they want to attend these concerts.

Overall, I suggest you to fund your budget in both uses, by sponsoring the soccer team for one year and paying for one concert. If you do this, you are involved in two non-profit activities, and it can be more advantageous for your image. Moreover, a greater number of people in the society would benefit from your decision.

On behalf of all people in this area, I would like to thank you for your charitable actions.

Yours Faithfully,
Ethan Asimov

 

[eazimizadeh]

And also please review and score this letter:

A large company in your area has decided to spend a certain amount of money, either to sponsor a local children’s sports team for two years, or to pay for two open-air concerts. It has asked for feedback from the general public.
Write a letter to the company.
In your letter,

• describe the benefits of sponsoring the sports team;
• summarise the benefits of paying for the concerts;
• say how you think the company should spend the money.

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to you regarding the public opinion that your company has requested about whether to sponsor a children’s sports team or to pay for concerts.

If you plan to support the Blue Angels soccer team financially for two years, it would relieve them from many monetary limitations they have been dealing with recently. Since my son is a member of this team, I am informed that Blue Angles cannot afford purchasing spare clothes for its players, as well as having problems in booking a stadium for trainings.

Otherwise, paying for two open-air concerts could be a great idea, due to the fact that people in our community can gather together and experience and enjoyable time with each other. Also, in this way, you can implicitly assist local businesses like taxis, cafes, and supermarkets, because people refer to them more while they want to attend these concerts.

Overall, I suggest you to fund your budget in both uses, by sponsoring the soccer team for one year and paying for one concert. If you do this, you are involved in two non-profit activities, and it can be more advantageous for your image. Moreover, a greater number of people in the society would benefit from your decision.

On behalf of all people in this area, I would like to thank you for your charitable actions.

Yours Faithfully,
Ethan Asimov

@cansha @marosa