IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

[saurabh2004]

Dear Friends, I tried attempting for Task - I (General Training). Can someone review the same, I would be highly obliged.

Situation:

After being involved in a bad accident, you were cared for by a person that you do not know. Write a kind letter to express your thanks.

Letter:
Dear Sir,

I am writing to thank you for your help when I met with an accident last week.

On 25th of March, while going to the office, someone banged my car badly. The impact of the hit was so much that my forehead hit against the car steering and I became unconscious. As you were passing by, immediately came forward to help me. You called the ambulance and also informed my family members. Moreover, you accompanied me to the hospital and arranged for all medicines as prescribed by the doctor. You stayed at the hospital till the time my parents reached.

I am not finding enough words to express my feelings for the help you provided to me. Along, with the letter, I am sending you a small gift. Moreover, my parents also want to meet you and thank you for your assistance. Kindly provide your convenient time.

Look forward to hearing from you soon.

Yours truly,

Saurabh

 

[Ranbir_Dhillon]

Hello Friends,

Kindly check my essay and help me to improve my weak areas in discussion essay.


Some people say that private health care is better for people. Others say that healthcare should run by the government.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is argued by some people that privately-managed hospitals are effective for people, while others counter-argued this statement and claim that healthcare ought to be managed by government. In my opinion, former standpoint is more reasonable in terms of never-ending and qualitative services offered by independent healthcare centers.

To begin with, one section of society claims that government hospitals are better because of their cost-less and accessible services. In other words, government hospitals offer their services either at low cost or totally free, thereby helping economically-challenged people to have the benefit of services ranging from regular checkups to major operations. Moreover, government hospitals can be easily found in remote areas, where even public conveyance is not available, resultantly helping those individuals, who are unable to come to metropolitans in order to gain benefits of free healthcare facility. For example, in India, 47 percent people who are below the poverty line are accessing free medical facilities provided by government hospitals.

On the contrary, others, including me, contend that private hospitals are exceptional as opposed to civil hospitals. To put it in perspective, private health institutions offer not only 24 hour services, but also hire best brains from the medical field in order to perform meticulous tasks, which can be highly beneficial to patients in such serious situations as extreme accidents or brain surgeries. Singapore is a prime example here, where 35 percent more lives are saved by private health-cares as compared to government hospitals, only because of their exigency services and world-class staff.

To conclude, even though some feel that government hospitals offer free facilities and easy access to individuals, it seems to me that private health cares are always superior because of their quick facilities and superlative workforce.

Word Count : 288

Thanks in advance.

 

[Moeedkh]

Overall good intro!



Good!



Good!



Nice!



Good essay. Your point of view is clear and flows nicely. Conclusion is also good. Overall, you're moving towards a 7+ band. On a good exam day you can hope to get 8 also.

Hi Cansha,

I think now I've got over the flow issue that you always identified, but these occasional mistakes are still dangerous for me. I think they are the biggest bottleneck in getting me the required score. I think I should work on them now

Rg,
Moeed

 

[Akhil Soni]

Hi friends,
Kindly analyze this essay and help me improve on my shortcomings. Thank you.


TASK 2 : PARAGRAPH
Nowadays more and more people want to get things done instantly (services, information, task) . Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Today, increasing number of people wish that accomplishment of any task or service should be swift. The prime reasons for this eagerness can be attributed to hectic work schedules and impatient attitudes of the people. In my opinion, although expecting prompt actions is not undesirable always, in certain situations it can have serious repercussion.

The most common problem which people encounter today is shortage of time. People owing to busy work schedules find it difficult to manage all the tasks in hand with equal efficiency and quality. As a result, people are in haste to get the things done with a blink of an eye. For instance, often times people when availing services at a restaurant misbehave with the waiter due to delay in honoring of their order. Moreover, although technology has somewhat provided solutions to manage the time efficiently, it has deteriorated an essential quality of patience in people. Impatient behavior further adds on to the habit of expecting the things to happen instantaneously.


The above two harsh realities that is making people impatient and intolerant is not a welcome phenomena. To begin with, people are succumbing to impatience by losing temper at petty things and getting engaged in frequent quarrels. Road rage is an unfortunate example of people reacting in a violent manner because of getting late for an important task such as going to office . In the same way, in an attempt to get things done with in short span of time, rise in road traffic accidents have been observed. Thus, the change in attitudes of people to have results instantly is a negative development.

In conclusion, while expecting brisk services and prompt action have become a normal trend today because of paucity of adequate time and patience, it is largely a negative development owing to reasons mentioned above.

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Hello Friends,
Kindly check my essay and help me to improve my weak areas in discussion essay.

Some people say that private health care is better for people. Others say that healthcare should run by the government.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is argued by some people that privately-managed hospitals are effective for people, while others counter-argued this statement and claim that healthcare ought to be managed by government. In my opinion, former standpoint is more reasonable in terms of never-ending and qualitative services offered by independent healthcare centers.

ahhhh, well said, in a twisted and sophisticated manner, my examiner scolded me for that, always, and made me write things in simple way, but old habits die hard.

To begin with, one section of society claims that government hospitals are better because of their cost-less and accessible services. In other words, government hospitals offer their services either at low cost or totally free, thereby helping economically-challenged people to have the benefit of services ranging from regular checkups to major operations. Moreover, government hospitals can be easily found in remote areas, where even public conveyance is not available, resultantly helping those individuals, who are unable to come to metropolitans in order to gain benefits of free healthcare facility. For example, in India, 47 percent people who are below the poverty line are accessing free medical facilities provided by government hospitals.

On the contrary, others, including me, contend that private hospitals are exceptional as opposed to civil hospitals. To put it in perspective, private health institutions offer not only 24 hour services, but also hire best brains from the medical field in order to perform meticulous tasks, which can be highly beneficial to patients in such serious situations as extreme accidents or brain surgeries. Singapore is a prime example here, where 35 percent more lives are saved by private health-cares as compared to government hospitals, only because of their exigency services and world-class staff.

To conclude, even though some feel that government hospitals offer free facilities and easy access to individuals, it seems to me that private health cares are always superior because of their quick facilities and superlative workforce.

Word Count : 288

Thanks in advance.

Do I know the vocab you used here, YES I do, Can I use them in an real essay, NO I can't.

everything is crisp, clear, easy flow, no confusion, mess,no words with low or no value, sentence are of high quality, examples are clear (relevant), no digressing, no vague language, C&C is good, perfect use of rare words, topic related vocab is there... and so on, two sentence intro and single sentence conclusion are my favorite.

just one suggestion, If you are writing this on computer then stop it, and start writing on paper under 30 minutes, you can continue on computer only and only if you are going to take a computer based test.

now my question is where are you from mate ? you should review other people's work.

and there's no reason for me to believe that this essay stands for less than 8.5 bands in any case, however, I don't trust actual marking, any external examiner can rate it around 8-8.5, you can go for paid evaluation services if you have any doubt.

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Hi friends,
Kindly analyze this essay and help me improve on my shortcomings. Thank you.


TASK 2 : PARAGRAPH
Nowadays more and more people want to get things done instantly (services, information, task) . Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

this question made me remember AIB video, premature evacuation [here]

Today, increasing number of people wish that accomplishment of any task or service should be swift. The prime reasons for this eagerness can be attributed to hectic work schedules and impatient attitudes of the people. In my opinion, although expecting prompt actions is not undesirable always, in certain situations it can have serious repercussion.

"swift" its little lighter word, you should use some strong word which can convey the "instant gratification"

well written intro, you could have joined first two sentences.

The most common problem which people encounter today is shortage of time. People owing to busy work schedules find it difficult to manage all the tasks in hand with equal efficiency and quality. As a result, people are in haste to get the things done with a blink of an eye. For instance, often times people when availing services at a restaurant misbehave with the waiter due to delay in honoring of their order. Moreover, although technology has somewhat provided solutions to manage the time efficiently, it has deteriorated an essential quality of patience in people. Impatient behavior further adds on to the habit of expecting the things to happen instantaneously.

everything is all right, means for 7+ band.

The above two harsh realities that is making people impatient and intolerant is not a welcome phenomena. To begin with, people are succumbing to impatience by losing temper at petty things and getting engaged in frequent quarrels. Road rage is an unfortunate example of people reacting in a violent manner because of getting late for an important task such as going to office . In the same way, in an attempt to get things done with in short span of time, rise in road traffic accidents have been observed. Thus, the change in attitudes of people to have results instantly is a negative development.

crisp clear concise.

In conclusion, while expecting brisk services and prompt action have become a normal trend today because of paucity of adequate time and patience, it is largely a negative development owing to reasons mentioned above.

"a blink of an eye." nice idiomatic language, try to include some more.


I feel this is touching 8 bands, but as usual, you have to settle for 7.5 maximum, and on bad day, a meager 7 bands for such an excellent essay.

vocab, rare words, examples --- all is good.

one suggestion, write on paper with your hand if your test is normal,
keep writing on computer if it's computer based test.

Good luck....

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Just made this pdf for IELTS candidates, its noting new but good to have it all together.

http://www.ge.tt/25nKiur2

original credits to : We are the People who just want to milk you......

how to use it: Just open it every day and read it all, over and over, until you master the hocus-pocus and vague bullshit they have offered.

 

[cansha]

Dear Friends, I tried attempting for Task - I (General Training). Can someone review the same, I would be highly obliged.

Situation:

After being involved in a bad accident, you were cared for by a person that you do not know. Write a kind letter to express your thanks.

Letter:
Dear Sir,

I am writing to thank you for your help when I had met with an accident last week.

Consider adding one more line. It looks a little empty.

On 25th of March, while going to the office, someone banged my car badly. The impact of the hit was so much that my forehead hit against the car steering and I became unconscious. As you were passing by, immediately came forward to help me. You called the ambulance and also informed my family members. Moreover, you accompanied me to the hospital and arranged for all medicines as prescribed by the doctor. You stayed at the hospital till the time my parents reached.

Good

I am not finding enough words to express my feelings for the help you provided to me. Along, with the letter, I am sending you a small gift. Moreover, my parents also want to meet you and thank you for your assistance. Kindly provide your convenient time.

Look forward to hearing from you soon.

Yours truly,

Saurabh

Good.

I think task 1 is not going to be an issue for you at all.

 

[cansha]

I see most of the essays being posted here are much better than the ones we used to see before. I think people have got a hang of structuring and flow of ideas.
My suggestion to anyone who feels confident now of structure and basics of essay writing is following.

1. Try and learn a few more sentence and paragraph structure by reading more essays. Don't just read essays make a note of the things you like in a notebook and read it once everyday. Do this till it becomes engraved in your subconscious and you are able to use it in your own essays.

2. Build a vocabulary bank. Create a bank of 100 words which you have read for the first time and liked or words which you had known but rarely used in your writing. Again, read these words 10 at a time with their usage in a sentence once a day till they become second nature in your writing or memory.

3. Take a break from writing full essays and just list down ideas and try organizing them.

4. If you are doing 3, still write the introduction paragraph in full. Intro para is one of the most critical pieces in your essay writing. It is like the proverbial first impression. If it is good chances of your high scores will increase.

5. If you are doing 4. Focus on learning writing introduction para in new ways.

6. Do 1-5 only if you feel confident that you have nailed the basics of essay writing.

All the best!

 

[Akhil Soni]

this question made me remember AIB video, premature evacuation [here]



"swift" its little lighter word, you should use some strong word which can convey the "instant gratification"

well written intro, you could have joined first two sentences.



everything is all right, means for 7+ band.


crisp clear concise.



"a blink of an eye." nice idiomatic language, try to include some more.


I feel this is touching 8 bands, but as usual, you have to settle for 7.5 maximum, and on bad day, a meager 7 bands for such an excellent essay.

vocab, rare words, examples --- all is good.

one suggestion, write on paper with your hand if your test is normal,
keep writing on computer if it's computer based test.

Good luck....

Thanks Hopeandfaith for your analysis. I am still taking around 3 5 minutes to do the task. Will try to get it done with in 30mins. Thank you.

 

[Ranbir_Dhillon]

ahhhh, well said, in a twisted and sophisticated manner, my examiner scolded me for that, always, and made me write things in simple way, but old habits die hard.

Do I know the vocab you used here, YES I do, Can I use them in an real essay, NO I can't.

everything is crisp, clear, easy flow, no confusion, mess,no words with low or no value, sentence are of high quality, examples are clear (relevant), no digressing, no vague language, C&C is good, perfect use of rare words, topic related vocab is there... and so on, two sentence intro and single sentence conclusion are my favorite.

just one suggestion, If you are writing this on computer then stop it, and start writing on paper under 30 minutes, you can continue on computer only and only if you are going to take a computer based test.

now my question is where are you from mate ? you should review other people's work.

and there's no reason for me to believe that this essay stands for less than 8.5 bands in any case, however, I don't trust actual marking, any external examiner can rate it around 8-8.5, you can go for paid evaluation services if you have any doubt.

First of all, thank you so much hopeandfaith for your precious time. God bless you.

I write on real answer sheet which I've downloaded from official IELTS website and after that I type on computer. Time management is not a major problem for me as I've given IELTS 5 times
and my plan is always like

• 8-10 minutes for planning
• 20-25 minutes writing
• 5-8 minutes proofreading (in which I correct my grammar, punctuation, over wording and all that jazz.)

I'm from Punjab, Ropar to be exact. My name is Agam (Agamjot Singh) btw. This is my friend's account who got PR 4 months ago and gave his old account to me for any kind of help regarding immigration to Canada. So now I'm using this website which seems to be highly beneficial to me till now, only because of mentors like you..

Unfortunately, I'm getting 6.5 in writing for the last 4 attempts. My other modules are good enough for immigration. My requirement is CLB 9 and L 8.5, R 9 , W 6.5, S 7 are my average scores. I applied for revaluation as well, but all went to drain.

Now I'm preparing again to hit bull's eye

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

I see most of the essays being posted here are much better than the ones we used to see before. I think people have got a hang of structuring and flow of ideas.
My suggestion to anyone who feels confident now of structure and basics of essay writing is following.

1. Try and learn a few more sentence and paragraph structure by reading more essays. Don't just read essays make a note of the things you like in a notebook and read it once everyday. Do this till it becomes engraved in your subconscious and you are able to use it in your own essays.

2. Build a vocabulary bank. Create a bank of 100 words which you have read for the first time and liked or words which you had known but rarely used in your writing. Again, read these words 10 at a time with their usage in a sentence once a day till they become second nature in your writing or memory.

3. Take a break from writing full essays and just list down ideas and try organizing them.

4. If you are doing 3, still write the introduction paragraph in full. Intro para is one of the most critical pieces in your essay writing. It is like the proverbial first impression. If it is good chances of your high scores will increase.

5. If you are doing 4. Focus on learning writing introduction para in new ways.

6. Do 1-5 only if you feel confident that you have nailed the basics of essay writing.

All the best!

I second that, I am sure we will be able to save some money for the fortunate few, and will dent their turnovers at minuscule level.

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

First of all, thank you so much hopeandfaith for your precious time. God bless you.

I write on real answer sheet which I've downloaded from official IELTS website and after that I type on computer. Time management is not a major problem for me as I've given IELTS 5 times
and my plan is always like

• 8-10 minutes for planning
• 20-25 minutes writing
• 5-8 minutes proofreading (in which I correct my grammar, punctuation, over wording and all that jazz.)

I'm from Punjab, Ropar to be exact. My name is Agam (Agamjot Singh) btw. This is my friend's account who got PR 4 months ago and gave his old account to me for any kind of help regarding immigration to Canada. So now I'm using this website which seems to be highly beneficial to me till now, only because of mentors like you..

Unfortunately, I'm getting 6.5 in writing for the last 4 attempts. My other modules are good enough for immigration. My requirement is CLB 9 and L 8.5, R 9 , W 6.5, S 7 are my average scores. I applied for revaluation as well, but all went to drain.

Now I'm preparing again to hit bull's eye

Good to know about you, are you following this thread from the first post ? if not, then please take a look and other threads in this section, where we usually talk about how IELTS is a scam and a flawed test.

read Remark Success thread, and others, follow everything carefully.


What happened to the 5th test ?

your LRS, scores are almost same as mine. So I can assume there are others who are scoring the same and getting 6.5 in writing constantly. well I know few more personally.

Just check the PDF I made last night, will deduct more and will try to produce a mathematical formula to get the essays right, from the hocus-pocus and vague shit they are providing.
pdf:
http://www.ge.tt/25nKiur2

 

[Ranbir_Dhillon]

I see most of the essays being posted here are much better than the ones we used to see before. I think people have got a hang of structuring and flow of ideas.
My suggestion to anyone who feels confident now of structure and basics of essay writing is following.

1. Try and learn a few more sentence and paragraph structure by reading more essays. Don't just read essays make a note of the things you like in a notebook and read it once everyday. Do this till it becomes engraved in your subconscious and you are able to use it in your own essays.

2. Build a vocabulary bank. Create a bank of 100 words which you have read for the first time and liked or words which you had known but rarely used in your writing. Again, read these words 10 at a time with their usage in a sentence once a day till they become second nature in your writing or memory.

3. Take a break from writing full essays and just list down ideas and try organizing them.

4. If you are doing 3, still write the introduction paragraph in full. Intro para is one of the most critical pieces in your essay writing. It is like the proverbial first impression. If it is good chances of your high scores will increase.

5. If you are doing 4. Focus on learning writing introduction para in new ways.

6. Do 1-5 only if you feel confident that you have nailed the basics of essay writing.

All the best!

Hello cansha,

With regards to your 3rd point, I'm totally agree with this. In addition, when I try to attempt essays, I write my ideas in simple bullet points at first and then try to make it grammatically complex yet simple sentence.
For example :
Suppose essay topic is about private health-cares are better. Firstly, I only write ideas like why they are better.
reasons : (1) quick service (2) better staff (3) advanced machines
Now Writing process starts:
Private health cares are better because they offer quick service and have better staff. ( simple )

Complex (according to me ): Private health cares are better not only for their quick service, but also for world class staff.

And I follow this process in every essay and in letters as well. (but only in practice sessions)

Correct me If I'm wrong somewhere and suggest more tips. Thanks

 

[Ranbir_Dhillon]

Good to know about you, are you following this thread from the first post ? if not, then please take a look and other threads in this section, where we usually talk about how IELTS is a scam and a flawed test.

read Remark Success thread, and others, follow everything carefully.


What happened to the 5th test ?

your LRS, scores are almost same as mine. So I can assume there are others who are scoring the same and getting 6.5 in writing constantly. well I know few more personally.

Just check the PDF I made last night, will deduct more and will try to produce a mathematical formula to get the essays right, from the hocus-pocus and vague shit they are providing.
pdf:
http://www.ge.tt/25nKiur2

Yes, I'm totally aware and agree that IELTS is scam.. they intentionally gives you lower marks because now it became a business rather than a test that tests your language abilities.If this is not the case, why they ask you to fill your country of destination Because they know how much bands are required for specific country.

Once I filled personal reason for taking IELTS and they gave me 7.5 in writing....
LOL. I don't know the exact reason but I think I didn't tell them my destination or what, but seems clear what I've said earlier.

Trust me I wrote every single essay as same as my 7.5 bands marked essay, equally organised, relevant and so on... But as you know Rabb Rakha hun ta IELTS da.