Hello people. I found this thread by accident and I feel its a blessing for me.
I have an ielts exam on 8th. Thrice before I have attained only 6.5 in writing.
I really want to improve this time
I will be so thankful to anyone who will access my essay and guide me
Some people say that in all levels of education from primary to universities, too much time is spent on learning facts and not enough on learning practical skills.
Do you agree or disagree??
Let's understand question first,
in all levels of education from primary to universities
too much time is spent on learning facts and not enough on learning practical skills
Do I agree or disagree??
so main keywords are :
study, school, university,
too much time wasted/spent on learning fact,
less time spent on practical skills that are useful in one's life
Education is often considered as a pre-requisite to success.[okay, buy I would say not okay, it does no fully relate back to topic, its a general statement, avoid it. ]
The education system emphasises more on theoretical training rather than on vocational training.
[there is difference between vocational and practical training, it is not the same, so wrong use of words, but still fine]
I agree with this the notion as that acquiring technical skills should be priortised over academic training because it is vital for comprehensive development of students.
but still good introduction, no major mistakes.
Firstly, equipping students with practical training should be imperative because co-operating and co-ordinating with different local employers will not only expose them to a realistic environment, it will also enhance their cognitive capability.
[english is fine, logic is little odd, directly jumped to coordinating with local employers, cognitive ? little off topic]
For example, students with hands-on experience in computer programming may outperform those with just factual knowledge about the subject.
[again english is good, but example failed to relate with the topic, or previous statement]
Traditional sources of education such as books and exams are vital for cerebral growth of students, but by spending time acquiring technical knowledge will make them highly skilled and innovative.
[again again english is good, but content is out of context]
by english I mean, sentence structure, grammar, vocab etc
by content I mean, what are you saying to address the topic
It affects, TA and C&C
Secondly, our education framework needs to inculcate tertiary training [wrong word use ] and practical courses in the system.
Instead of pursuing academic success, time should be spent on gaining career oriented training because it is a bona fiḍe requirement to survive in the competetive world.
For instance, vocational training courses are incorporated in many levels of education which are preparing youngsters for the corporate world.
Although,conceptual study helps students with basic knowledge, it is the technical knowledge which gives them an edge.
see your english is good, but you failed to address the topic, just slightly, which is required for a 7 band essay, its clear why you are getting 6.5 bands.
In conclusion, it is evident that vocational training [wrong word use ] enhances the learning and adapting capabilities of students and also prepares them for future endeavours.
Thus I believe that instead of focusing on traditional methods [wrong word use ], vocational education [wrong word use ] should be encouraged.
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there are subtle differences between practical knowledge and vocational training, you have changed the topic, which is a sin.
just because you have to use the synonyms, you changed the topic to something else.
keep using the topic words like
learning facts and learning practical skills
