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Sponsoring husband from Morocco

Habibti

Hero Member
Apr 4, 2011
804
44
Vancouver, Canada
Category........
Visa Office......
Rabat, Morocco
Job Offer........
Pre-Assessed..
App. Filed.......
08-02-2011
File Transfer...
31-03-2011
Med's Done....
10-01-2011 / 06-09-2012
Interview........
12-09-2011 / Denied 4-11-2011
VISA ISSUED...
January 9, 2013
LANDED..........
January 18, 2013 in Montreal
dair2dv8103100 said:
Habibti.....................................................

There are many things I want to say right now...but I don't know if you are ready to hear it.
Go ahead. I am willing to hear anything life has to say to me, whether through situations, books, people, etc.

I must admit I just wrote the ugly stuff. Numerous times, very numerous times, my husband has been full of little attentions towards me, caring for me, pampering me, doing things to please me, admitting and apologizing things, etc. Many times he acted like a real loving husband. I cannot throw away my marriage and at the same time not standing and not accepting this kind of behavior. I know we are both very edgy regarding the report of the Minister's counsel, but it is NOT a reason to act out in a mean manner!
 

dair2dv8103100

Hero Member
Aug 6, 2010
992
19
Ontario
Category........
Visa Office......
Rabat
Job Offer........
Pre-Assessed..
App. Filed.......
19.05.11
AOR Received.
16.08.11
File Transfer...
26.07.11
Med's Done....
28.02.11/19.03.12
Interview........
06.03.12
Passport Req..
28.05.12
VISA ISSUED...
20.06.12
LANDED..........
Aug 1, 2012 :)
habibti,

Nobody can make any decision for you...yes marriage is a serious commitment but marriage also means respecting the other person.... Oh man I am biting my tongue but I will say this....

All these things happened in a span of 15 days....DAYS.... How do you think 15 YEARS is going to look like? 15 years of snide remarks, hitting things, pouring things on you, making fun of you, hurting you deliberately ..er accidently?? :-\

If this is bothering you after 15 days......Are you willing to live the rest of your life with someone like that? Because you have to assume he will not change!! I am not saying people CAN'T change I am only saying that most of us know most people do not change. So if you are ok living with this kind of behaviour around your son and probably towards your son and definitely towards yourself then thats fine....again...it's your decision, you are an adult. But I hope you think long and hard about if and when he is kind and loving if it is for his own benefit and once he has what he wants he is off on a tangent again or if you believe that he is sincere in his kindness and this really is all just "stressed out" behaviour.

I am not going to compare men because everyone is different. But I think as a woman coming from Western society you know that pouring pop on someone is abusive and degrading. Hitting...whether it leaves a mark or not or whether it is a person or not is not acceptable, there are much better ways to deal with anger and frustration. And his "lesson" is what exactly?? To make you afraid of the person you are having the most intimate relationship of your life with??

Ask yourself these questions.... Are you ok with your son witnessing those things done to/around you? Are you ok knowing that your son will think this is acceptable behaviour from a man towards a woman? Are you ok with your husband treating your son this way?

OK I have to stop... I am NOT judging you. I am merely trying to give you something to think about. But please, PLEASE think about the long term...not just the present moment with the appeal and such.

You have my support no matter what. Just please take care of yourself first....you are all your son has.
 

Habibti

Hero Member
Apr 4, 2011
804
44
Vancouver, Canada
Category........
Visa Office......
Rabat, Morocco
Job Offer........
Pre-Assessed..
App. Filed.......
08-02-2011
File Transfer...
31-03-2011
Med's Done....
10-01-2011 / 06-09-2012
Interview........
12-09-2011 / Denied 4-11-2011
VISA ISSUED...
January 9, 2013
LANDED..........
January 18, 2013 in Montreal
dair2dv8103100 said:
habibti,

Nobody can make any decision for you...yes marriage is a serious commitment but marriage also means respecting the other person.... Oh man I am biting my tongue but I will say this....

All these things happened in a span of 15 days....DAYS.... How do you think 15 YEARS is going to look like? 15 years of snide remarks, hitting things, pouring things on you, making fun of you, hurting you deliberately ..er accidently?? :-\

If this is bothering you after 15 days......Are you willing to live the rest of your life with someone like that? Because you have to assume he will not change!! I am not saying people CAN'T change I am only saying that most of us know most people do not change. So if you are ok living with this kind of behaviour around your son and probably towards your son and definitely towards yourself then thats fine....again...it's your decision, you are an adult. But I hope you think long and hard about if and when he is kind and loving if it is for his own benefit and once he has what he wants he is off on a tangent again or if you believe that he is sincere in his kindness and this really is all just "stressed out" behaviour.

I am not going to compare men because everyone is different. But I think as a woman coming from Western society you know that pouring pop on someone is abusive and degrading. Hitting...whether it leaves a mark or not or whether it is a person or not is not acceptable, there are much better ways to deal with anger and frustration. And his "lesson" is what exactly?? To make you afraid of the person you are having the most intimate relationship of your life with??

Ask yourself these questions.... Are you ok with your son witnessing those things done to/around you? Are you ok knowing that your son will think this is acceptable behaviour from a man towards a woman? Are you ok with your husband treating your son this way?

OK I have to stop... I am NOT judging you. I am merely trying to give you something to think about. But please, PLEASE think about the long term...not just the present moment with the appeal and such.

You have my support no matter what. Just please take care of yourself first....you are all your son has.
Yes, in the span of 15 days! But why it is happening now? and never before?

All I can say is that you hit the nail. I agree 100% with what you wrote. I continue thinking long and hard, really long and hard. My husband's behavior now... how can I say this? It is like nothing happened and he talks of little things or teasing me. I am a stone. So silent. Thanks for your words. It is something more to think about. I am grateful for your friendship and support.
 

Habibti

Hero Member
Apr 4, 2011
804
44
Vancouver, Canada
Category........
Visa Office......
Rabat, Morocco
Job Offer........
Pre-Assessed..
App. Filed.......
08-02-2011
File Transfer...
31-03-2011
Med's Done....
10-01-2011 / 06-09-2012
Interview........
12-09-2011 / Denied 4-11-2011
VISA ISSUED...
January 9, 2013
LANDED..........
January 18, 2013 in Montreal
WE WON! WE WON! I CANNOT BELIEVE IT! I WISH I COULD HAVE TOLD THE NEWS ON A HAPPIER DAY! WHAT A BEAUTIFUL WAY TO START RAMADAN! JUST BEFORE WE RECEIVED THE NEWS ON THE PHONE, MY HUSBAND RECONCILED WITH ME IN A MATURE WAY. TOGETHER WE HIT THE WALL OF MISUNDERSTANDINGS AND CULTURAL DIFFERENCES WITH LOTS OF DISCUSSIONS AND COMPROMISES. THEN, WE GOT THE CALL. CANNOT BELIEVE IT! IS MY NIGHTMARE REALLY OVER???
 

CharlieD10

VIP Member
Sep 5, 2010
5,849
185
124
Northern Ontario
Category........
Visa Office......
KGN
Job Offer........
Pre-Assessed..
App. Filed.......
15-02-2011
File Transfer...
09-05-2011
Med's Done....
17-01-2011, 08-03-2012
Interview........
Waived
Passport Req..
30-3-2012
VISA ISSUED...
13-04-2012
LANDED..........
06-06-2012
Habibti said:
WE WON! WE WON! I CANNOT BELIEVE IT! I WISH I COULD HAVE TOLD THE NEWS ON A HAPPIER DAY! WHAT A BEAUTIFUL WAY TO START RAMADAN! JUST BEFORE WE RECEIVED THE NEWS ON THE PHONE, MY HUSBAND RECONCILED WITH ME IN A MATURE WAY. TOGETHER WE HIT THE WALL OF MISUNDERSTANDINGS AND CULTURAL DIFFERENCES WITH LOTS OF DISCUSSIONS AND COMPROMISES. THEN, WE GOT THE CALL. CANNOT BELIEVE IT! IS MY NIGHTMARE REALLY OVER???
:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: YES!! Hooray!!!!!
 

hoping75

Hero Member
Nov 5, 2007
298
5
I agree completely with Dair, You need to face the reality now before it is too late. You should consider yourself lucky that you are seeing the real man that your Husband is before he get's to Canada and it is too late. You are not the only one that left it in the hands of the appeal judge to decide their fate, but were faced with horrifc realities when their husbands arrived in Canada, and they realized they made the worst mistake of their lives by not ending the relationship nand sponsorship when they had the chance.

I am really afraid for you because your story is so familiar to other horror stories that I have seen. The men cry for forgiveness, confess their love with all their apologies and arrive here are are extremely abusive physically and mentally. They push the woman to extremes so that they can be thrown out of the house by abusing the women and their children, even going to the extent of threats against their children if the women don't give them money. Once the woman throw the men out they have the excuse to go directly to the welfare office and the women arefaced with the repayment of the wefare that he collects. I ask you , are you prepared emotionally and financially for the consequences of what he can do to you once he is in Canada. Don't fool yourself into believing that you can have him out of your life or deported if he mistreats you, because once he is here, you are on your own. CIC will not help you to have him removed.

I agree that marriage is very serious, but you are not his wife with this kind of treatment, you are his victim. What if it was happening to someone you loved, would you tel hr to take a chance and see what happens. If he says he loves her, and is nice sometimes that that is enough,that she can't ask for everything like caring and respect. He is her husband, and she should be happy with the nice times, and ignore the humiliation and abuse.

I bit my tongue and tried to support a friend in this same circumstance and tried to support her when her husband did these same types of things to her, because I didn't want to make her feel bad, because she wanted to hold on to hope, but as you can guess she won the appeal, and arrived here and made her life miserable, including threatening her kids. He also professed his love for her, and cried for forgiveness. He said all the words a woman wanted to hear. He left her after receiving his PR card, but her misery didn't end there with him.

YOur Husband should be showing you all the love and respect that he can because he loves you, and also because of everything you have been going through. Can you really believe that this is what you call love? I promise you that it will only get worst, and the apologies from him are to try to stop you from ending the sponsorship. He is angry because he is frustrated at trying to pretend to be in love, and not having his freedom when you are there, but at the same time he realizes that he may be blowing his chance if he goes to far, so he brings out the I love you's and the tears.

I know I am being harsh right now, but It really hurts me to see great women being hurt and humiliated like this because they want to believe that the man they fell in love with is just going through a tough time, and it will get better, but what you are seeing is the reality of who he really is. After he gets here he wont even show you those few nice moments because he won't need to anymore, he will have what he wants.

If my Husband would have done just one of those thing to me while I was there, or disrespected me in any way, I would have walked to the airport if I had to. I love him, but I love myself even more. If you think is would be costly to leave there early, think about how costly it could be to the rest of your life if you stay.

Do you want a man that shows you love and respect? or do you want one that you Pray to God will not be a complete monster, and hope for the best.

This is your marriage, but this is also you and your son's life that you are taking a chance with. With the way your husband has been treating you, is he really worth the great risk? because that is what this is, a HUGE risk, that you cannot take back once he arrives in Canada.

I have nothing to gain by telling you this, except to try to help someone who I really believe needs serious help right now, before it is too late. I have never seen not even one marriage like this turn out with a happy ending , but I can't even count how many ended with the womens lives and her children's ending in hambles. The men that treat their wives with disrespect when they are ther, increase the abuse when they get here. It is not a location issue, it is a personality issue. He will sweep you off your feet, but drop you on your head, and laugh when you bleed. Love does not come from what country you are standing in, it is in your heart wherever you are.
If he loved you truthfully you would feel it from him in his actions, and you would not be going through this. You would be enjoying a man that is loving, and by your side , not abusing you and deserting you to be with his friends.
But as Dair said , only you can make the decision of what you want in your life, Love and respect, or fear and abuse. That is really the only decision you have to make. If you love him and trust him enough to put your life and your son's life, and your financial future in his hands , and you are willing to accept the abuse, humiliation, disrespect, and lies that you can be sure will follow him to Canada, I will pray for you, and wish you the best. But first I will pray that you will see the truth beyond your love for him, and your hope that he will be different when he gets here.

There are caring and loving men everywhere including Morocco, but a man that can even think about treating his wife like this is not one of them I promise you. Yes I PROMISE you.

God bless you
 

BettyPage

Star Member
Aug 26, 2008
76
4
hoping75, thanks for being so honest on this forum, most of us that say what happened to us are just brushed aside and criticized as being bitter, angry, stupid etc etc. I applaud you for telling it like it is and I know of many many stories that went just like this and ended very badly.

Habibti, On my last trip to Morocco I ignored similar issues that you talked about, not as severe but enough to be a red flag and some should have been a light bulb moment for me but I always accepted the crocodile tears and the feet kissing, yes actually happened, on his knees kissing my feet and begging forgiveness. An Oscar worthy performance indeed.

You still have control, once he is in Canada all control is gone. I honestly hope you do some soul searching and consider if this is the kind of marriage you want because you will be on the hook for 3 years and I am gonna be frank here. This man will not stay with you once he is in Canada.

I am telling you like it is, I am not trying to hurt your feelings. I don't want to see yet another person go though what I went through and that's why I posted.
 

hoping75

Hero Member
Nov 5, 2007
298
5
Thanks BettyPage,

Like you it breaks my heart to see good people hurt by others intentionally. There is no excuse for it. We all want to give and receive love, and unfortunately there are those who are professionals at preying on loving and trusting people .
I can understand you completely being bitter, you have every right to be, but I also know that is not the reason you try to warn others, you just don't want to see others suffer the way you did. I give you credit for coming forward and caring enough for others to put your own story out there because of your true concern for others in the same situation.

I applaud you for being strong and dealing with what you did, but still having a great heart.
You could just say, oh well , let others suffer the same way you did, but you don't do that, you actually try to help others.
Stay strong and again I give you a lot of credit .

I'm always wishing you the very best.
 

BettyPage

Star Member
Aug 26, 2008
76
4
Hoping75, I am not bitter or angry. I went through those emotions a long time ago but now I'm blissfully happy. I got rid of that mess out of my life.

I am in no way implying that Habibti's husband is scamming her to get a visa to Canada. I don't know him or her. I am basing my comments only on what she has written on here and based on that alone. I can tell that he is not someone who is going to adopt well to life in a new country and who is going to be a loving and devoted husband.

Typical to what I have seen with others, quick to anger, puts his needs first (and always will).
 

hoping75

Hero Member
Nov 5, 2007
298
5
BettyPage said:
Hoping75, I am not bitter or angry. I went through those emotions a long time ago but now I'm blissfully happy. I got rid of that mess out of my life.

I am in no way implying that Habibti's husband is scamming her to get a visa to Canada. I don't know him or her. I am basing my comments only on what she has written on here and based on that alone. I can tell that he is not someone who is going to adopt well to life in a new country and who is going to be a loving and devoted husband.

Typical to what I have seen with others, quick to anger, puts his needs first (and always will).
BettyPage, I'm so glad to hear that you are happy and everything is going well for you. I know you are too strong to retain feelings of bitterness.
I know you are just basing your comments on Habibiti's eperiences that she has shared here, I am doing the same. I don't know her or her Husband, but the actions speak louder than words, and those are not good signs in my opinion.

There are successful marriges I know, but there was always respect shown, be it in Morocco or after they arrive in Canada.

Peace and happiness in our lives is so important. If we can find love that of course is a blessing, but it should not be at the sacrifice of that peace and our wellbeing.

Wishing the best to everyone.
 

locolynn

Hero Member
May 19, 2008
412
16
Category........
Visa Office......
Rabat
Job Offer........
Pre-Assessed..
App. Filed.......
24-04-07
AOR Received.
08-06-07
Interview........
06-12-07/09-24-08/09-27-11
Habibti:

I know, now that you have won, nothing we say is going to change your mind. You've been through too much to throw it all away now.

But that is EXACTLY what you need to do for your and your family's health and well being. He is showing you who he is. BELIEVE him.

Good luck.

Lynn
 

vjamal

Star Member
May 17, 2010
148
3
124
montreal
Job Offer........
Pre-Assessed..
First and foremost CONGRATS CONGRATS CONGRATS.............

NOW for the the rest of the time habibti theres no more stree of immigration u have won so for the rest of the time he needs to be an angel....these actions are not tolerated and let me just point out that 800 dirhams for sunglasses girl thats way too much u can find some really good ones for 100-200dirhams ..........

Look habibti you paid your flight your paying the villa and etc....if u by accident put a little sand on sprite not important not necessary for him to flip out ......i know u won i know u wanna stay married but just really be careful and take the time to really thing 5x times about this relationship..

yes u r saying the good overpowers the bad but dont forget its not only u in this relationship ...u , ur husband , ur son .....and ur family ...lets say he does this in front of your mom ...my mom would flip out ......no respect......

this immigration process is stressful and tough but what about when he comes here to a foreign country has start from scatch then he going to start blaming u on the diffilculties of change and maybe start being abusive habibti please think about all this.....

you are there for only 2mths he is not supposed to go for coffee with friends this is supposed to be his last thing on his mind no matter he didnt see his friends for 2years .........you put in him in front of your son for 2mths dont forget..you are sacrificing yourself alot he needs to do the same.............


but even at that im soooooo happy for you at least with this crap you WON YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY...........................
 

Habibti

Hero Member
Apr 4, 2011
804
44
Vancouver, Canada
Category........
Visa Office......
Rabat, Morocco
Job Offer........
Pre-Assessed..
App. Filed.......
08-02-2011
File Transfer...
31-03-2011
Med's Done....
10-01-2011 / 06-09-2012
Interview........
12-09-2011 / Denied 4-11-2011
VISA ISSUED...
January 9, 2013
LANDED..........
January 18, 2013 in Montreal
It is 7:00 am here and I can barely keep my eyes open. I think we slept only 2 or 3 hours. I know what I told yesterday was not very pretty. I never had an incident before with my husband and what happened in the last two weeks were not right and I stood my ground. I told him to go to the beach without me yesterday, that we needed this time apart to reflect. Finally he stayed and we did things in different parts of the villa. Early evening he sat next to me on the patio for a long time and we did not talk.

Finally, I went in to work some more on my computer and he sat down next to me to apologize. I told him I could not stand this type of behavior in Canada, especially in front of my son. I told him that pouring some Sprite on my shoulder was irrespectful in our culture. He told me that I should put more efforts in things regarding the house. My mother has been telling me the same, so for me it was nothing new to hear. However, I told him that I did not notice the sand and my carelessness was not done on purpose but his behavior yes.

To make a long discussion short, he said that when he is real nervous and finds something not acceptable (in his book as he does not own the truth), he gets carried away for 2 or 3 minutes and after he is fine. That is why yesterday he poured some Sprite on me to be funny and break the tension. I told him it was not funny.

Having said that, that does not excuse him or other things, but we came to a certain understanding of our differences, of our perceptions, of our expectations, etc. We have come such a long way, we have fought for too long, we endured too much, I cannot (for now) just give up and be radical about our marriage. If he repeats this kind of behavior in Canada, I will deal with it. I am strong enough to face the music. Furthermore, it will be easier as I will be in known territory. Here in Morocco, I feel lost and isolated. At least, in Canada, I have my own resources and I am more free.

I must say I am not without worries. We are going to enter a new chapter of our life. What I have been telling him for years will sink in once he sees for himself. What I mean is that for two years, he told me about Morocco, his life and so many things. I could not grasp his reality and there are things I could not imagine. When I came here, all the pieces were put together and I had a great understanding of what he has told me for months and from there my understanding of him grew. It will be the same for him once he is in Canada.

It will be a huge adjustment for both of us... lots of stresses and conflicts. And I told him that if it is not done in a climate of encouragement, love, tolerance, understanding, then we will be doomed to failure. He understood.

I must stopped here as I feel so so tired. I crossed so many rivers. I still cannot believe that the Ministry's counsel consented. I was so sure we would lose.
 

dair2dv8103100

Hero Member
Aug 6, 2010
992
19
Ontario
Category........
Visa Office......
Rabat
Job Offer........
Pre-Assessed..
App. Filed.......
19.05.11
AOR Received.
16.08.11
File Transfer...
26.07.11
Med's Done....
28.02.11/19.03.12
Interview........
06.03.12
Passport Req..
28.05.12
VISA ISSUED...
20.06.12
LANDED..........
Aug 1, 2012 :)
Congratulations habibiti!!

I wish you the best for the future!
 

dair2dv8103100

Hero Member
Aug 6, 2010
992
19
Ontario
Category........
Visa Office......
Rabat
Job Offer........
Pre-Assessed..
App. Filed.......
19.05.11
AOR Received.
16.08.11
File Transfer...
26.07.11
Med's Done....
28.02.11/19.03.12
Interview........
06.03.12
Passport Req..
28.05.12
VISA ISSUED...
20.06.12
LANDED..........
Aug 1, 2012 :)
Well, the ticket is purchased and there is only 12 days left before my husband arrives :D Have my Mum at my house helping me paint this weekend and doing my best to find a place among my clothes for his...lol I think I need another dresser. ::)

Aug 1st we will finally start our life together. ;D 18 months since I have seen him face to face...I am sooo excited and nervous at the same time. I am really ready for us to finally be together....I know there will be many challenges ahead but I choose to make the best of it all since we only have one life to live. My church family is helping by looking into some employment opportunities so I am trying to figure out how best to create his resume. Oh, and I am trying to find out about OHIP...if anyone knows how soon we can apply or any other pertinant details for that could you please post here. My health benefits at work say he has to be on OHIP first before they can add him..... oh gosh so many details!!

He keeps telling me he wants to come NOW!! I keep saying I want you to come YESTERDAY!! lol :p