Sponsoring husband from Morocco

[hassanstiger]

Dear confused I am very sorry for what your husband did to you.the same thing happened to me several years ago with my first moroccan husband so i can totally empathize with you.but do not give up hope as I have been with my 2nd husband also moroccan for almost 7 years and he is an absolute treasure.i will pray for you.

 

[vik_56in]

I can understand the shock ,pain and suffering that you have gone through after what has happened to you.Take consolation that you are not living with this beast and monster.You have gone through so much in life just to get him here and now he has ditched you .He is not worthy of you.Atleast now you should be happy that you have seen his true colours.Iam myself in disbelief after reading this story that there are beast people who will play with the lives of genuine people just to get to Canada

 

[INEEDU]

waiting is so difficult. But PATIENCE is the true key. Our first sponsorship application was denied.
It took us 4 years, 8 trips from Canada to Morocco. 2 lost jobs for me as the sponsor - in this development......
......... and about $20 000 debt to succeed.

I am sad that there is no continued communication about the adjustment after the husband/wife
have arrived. The struggles and hard times, the good and the bad................. ! We all need to
hear about that too, especially all the new ones who really have to realize this difficult process should
be made aware of what is to expect.

To all good wishes and success in your life with a loved husband/wife from Morocco.

INEEDU

 

[dair2dv8103100]

Agreed...

It would be nice to hear from people more after their spouses have arrived....although my struggle right now is the waiting.

I am so completely tired of having to rush home just to sit on a computer. Don't get me wrong I love my husband to death, but to have to interrupt my days all the time and to have to sit looking at a pixelated picture of my love is starting to become torture. It was 15 months between trips the last time....please God let the next trip be to bring him home.

To Confused and Lonely....I am so very sorry to hear this news. this is exactly the kind of story that breaks my heart and makes people so suspicious of anyone from another country. When I told my husband this he was angry. It is very embarrasing to him to know a fellow Moroccan did this. Praying for blessings to abound around you in this difficult time.

 

[rjessome]

Agreed...

It would be nice to hear from people more after their spouses have arrived

What would you like to know? My husband has been here for over a year and a half now. I haven't killed him yet but there have been times.... Yeah, real marriages have good, bad and downright ugly parts.

 

[dair2dv8103100]

What would you like to know? My husband has been here for over a year and a half now. I haven't killed him yet but there have been times.... Yeah, real marriages have good, bad and downright ugly parts.

Things like ... how did he adjust or is he still adjusting?... what did you find to be the biggest struggles when he arrived?...was he able to find work quickly?... has the different culture been a shock to him?... what would you recommend preparing for the most before he arrives?... are there things that surprised you as being issues that you did not think would be?

I know some of these questions vary for different people with different skill sets but would be nice to know so I can prepare myself and him as much as possible.

Thanks =)

 

[boblu]

Things like ... how did he adjust or is he still adjusting?... what did you find to be the biggest struggles when he arrived?...was he able to find work quickly?... has the different culture been a shock to him?... what would you recommend preparing for the most before he arrives?... are there things that surprised you as being issues that you did not think would be?

I know some of these questions vary for different people with different skill sets but would be nice to know so I can prepare myself and him as much as possible.

Thanks =)

these are very good question for all of us who have sponsored someone from non-visa country, who can not visit and understand the life they will have in Canada and what difficulty they have dealing with this

thanks for asking

 

[rjessome]

It was a HUGE culture shock when he moved here. I had spent a significant time in Morocco both visiting and working so I knew just how different our societies were and definitely anticipated that. But it was overwhelming for him for awhile. What helped was that I took him very quickly to a local mosque. He made friends quickly with people from various countries, including Morocco, and that helped to give him perspective about Canada that didn't come from me. I also have Moroccan friends in various parts of the city so I quickly introduced him to them as well.

Working in Canada is also much different in Morocco. The expectations are different, they way people communicate is different, even the length of time people take for a lunch break is very different! It didn't take him long to find a job, only about 3 weeks, but it was an adjustment for him fitting in to Canadian work culture. Also, he was surprised at how much our lives in Canada revolve around work. Most of us live quieter lives here. We work, go home, eat, relax for a few hours and then go to bed. We have quieter social lives than in Morocco where friends may drop in on a work night and stay for hours. This is a regular thing in Morocco but definitely not the norm in my life in Canada. Socializing is left for the weekends if there is enough energy left after the household chores are done! I think it's rude if my phone rings after 10 pm on a weeknight! I go to bed early and wake up early. I'm on a schedule. Hubby had difficulty adjusting from "Moroccan time". In Morocco, if someone tells you they will meet you at 1 pm they may show up at 2 pm or not at all. Nobody really takes offence to that. In Canada, that's rude and a big NO NO. He learned that pretty quickly. He also had to learn how to say NO and realize that people won't take offence to it. It was so frustrating to have him skirt around an issue because he didn't want to just say no. That was a hard lesson and one that will still come up now and then.

A big struggle for us was the division of household work. He never washed his own clothes or a dish in Morocco. It's woman's work. It didn't mean that he didn't love or respect me, just didn't realize there was an expectation that he do his share around the house. I let him in on that news pretty quickly and still get frustrated that I have to ASK him to pick up after himself. Had to find some creative ways of making him "get" that but it continues to be a bit of a struggle. He now knows how to do various things and does a pretty good job but just doesn't "think" to do it.

The biggest and most difficult issue for us is jealousy. Moroccan men have a very different way of viewing how their wives should behave, especially in public. This is partially a personality trait of my husband but my Moroccan friends have also told me it is quite common. Hugging my friends, especially my male friends, was/is a big issue for my husband. He sees it as a sign of disrespect and I think he's crazy. This is one thing that REALLY causes us problems and where I've compromised as much as I'm gonna. He's trying to finid a way to make it ok for him but he really struggles with it.

Food is also an issue but one that we solved. He will only eat halal meat so we had to find a good halal shop that sold quality meat. It took a couple of tries but we found a few that we quite like.

Religion became a bigger issue for us as well. Actually, this was never an issue for us in Morocco but it did become one here. I am not a Muslim and will never be one. I have great respect for his practice and certainly support him that way. I'm friends with many people from his mosque and the Imam and I get along great. I've even done some volunteer work for them. But for some reason, hubby decided that he should start preaching to me. That got old quick. We solved it after both the Imam and I talked to him about having respect for the beliefs of others and leaving them to choose their own paths. "There is no compulsion in religion." It helped that I have read the Koran and can discuss religion with him. And also helps that the Imam likes and respects me. We just had to find our way around it and it only took a couple of months and didn't really create big problems. My husband is quite gentle and reasonable about most things.

There are certainly other good and bad things we deal with daily. It's normal for all married couples. But the culture difference and varying expecations do continue to offer up some problems now and then. But for the most part, I would say it took about a year for it all to calm down.

 

[Habibti]

It was a HUGE culture shock when he moved here. I had spent a significant time in Morocco both visiting and working so I knew just how different our societies were and definitely anticipated that. But it was overwhelming for him for awhile. What helped was that I took him very quickly to a local mosque. He made friends quickly with people from various countries, including Morocco, and that helped to give him perspective about Canada that didn't come from me. I also have Moroccan friends in various parts of the city so I quickly introduced him to them as well.

Working in Canada is also much different in Morocco. The expectations are different, they way people communicate is different, even the length of time people take for a lunch break is very different! It didn't take him long to find a job, only about 3 weeks, but it was an adjustment for him fitting in to Canadian work culture. Also, he was surprised at how much our lives in Canada revolve around work. Most of us live quieter lives here. We work, go home, eat, relax for a few hours and then go to bed. We have quieter social lives than in Morocco where friends may drop in on a work night and stay for hours. This is a regular thing in Morocco but definitely not the norm in my life in Canada. Socializing is left for the weekends if there is enough energy left after the household chores are done! I think it's rude if my phone rings after 10 pm on a weeknight! I go to bed early and wake up early. I'm on a schedule. Hubby had difficulty adjusting from "Moroccan time". In Morocco, if someone tells you they will meet you at 1 pm they may show up at 2 pm or not at all. Nobody really takes offence to that. In Canada, that's rude and a big NO NO. He learned that pretty quickly. He also had to learn how to say NO and realize that people won't take offence to it. It was so frustrating to have him skirt around an issue because he didn't want to just say no. That was a hard lesson and one that will still come up now and then.

A big struggle for us was the division of household work. He never washed his own clothes or a dish in Morocco. It's woman's work. It didn't mean that he didn't love or respect me, just didn't realize there was an expectation that he do his share around the house. I let him in on that news pretty quickly and still get frustrated that I have to ASK him to pick up after himself. Had to find some creative ways of making him "get" that but it continues to be a bit of a struggle. He now knows how to do various things and does a pretty good job but just doesn't "think" to do it.

The biggest and most difficult issue for us is jealousy. Moroccan men have a very different way of viewing how their wives should behave, especially in public. This is partially a personality trait of my husband but my Moroccan friends have also told me it is quite common. Hugging my friends, especially my male friends, was/is a big issue for my husband. He sees it as a sign of disrespect and I think he's crazy. This is one thing that REALLY causes us problems and where I've compromised as much as I'm gonna. He's trying to finid a way to make it ok for him but he really struggles with it.

Food is also an issue but one that we solved. He will only eat halal meat so we had to find a good halal shop that sold quality meat. It took a couple of tries but we found a few that we quite like.

Religion became a bigger issue for us as well. Actually, this was never an issue for us in Morocco but it did become one here. I am not a Muslim and will never be one. I have great respect for his practice and certainly support him that way. I'm friends with many people from his mosque and the Imam and I get along great. I've even done some volunteer work for them. But for some reason, hubby decided that he should start preaching to me. That got old quick. We solved it after both the Imam and I talked to him about having respect for the beliefs of others and leaving them to choose their own paths. "There is no compulsion in religion." It helped that I have read the Koran and can discuss religion with him. And also helps that the Imam likes and respects me. We just had to find our way around it and it only took a couple of months and didn't really create big problems. My husband is quite gentle and reasonable about most things.

There are certainly other good and bad things we deal with daily. It's normal for all married couples. But the culture difference and varying expecations do continue to offer up some problems now and then. But for the most part, I would say it took about a year for it all to calm down.

That is so true what you said! I am worried about the processing of our application and I am also worried about once my husband will be in Canada. Life is so different here! I work 3 part-time jobs, I have a son, a dog and a house to look after! On weekends, I just want to be left alone! No people or no outings! In Morocco, it seems people have all the time in the world. They spend their time visiting each other, sharing meals and going to the mosque. I start my day at 5:30 am and I just want to crash in my bed around 10:00 pm. In Morocco, they eat a big meal late at night. I could never do that. They constantly eat and drink tea. Here I am too busy to cook or even eat! lol

My husband spends lots of times in the mosque or in cafes. There is no mosque around my place. Only forest, lake and bears lol He will have to take the bus to go to a mosque. It might take him more than one hour to get to one.

Also people in Morocco are very family oriented. My husband is VERY attached to his family and I am afraid he will miss them terribly.

Also my husband gets easily shocked to see women half dressed or barely dressed. The morals here are low compared to Morocco and he could have a hard time to adjust.

 

[rjessome]

Also people in Morocco are very family oriented. My husband is VERY attached to his family and I am afraid he will miss them terribly.

Also my husband gets easily shocked to see women half dressed or barely dressed. The morals here are low compared to Morocco and he could have a hard time to adjust.

Not being around family everyday was a big issue for my husband as well, until he went back for a visit and realized that they all thought was was RICH because he lives in Canada. Reverse culture shock! The expectations on him to pay for everything and bring ridiculously expensive gifts to every person he has ever met gave him a real eye-opener when he went back. People were angry with him if he didn't bring them a gift!!! Some friends gave him a list of things they wanted him to bring from Canada, all brand name items that costs a fortune. It was ridiculous but good for him to see that. But of course he misses his parents and brother and sisters all the time. But he also had to learn how to grow up and stand on his own two feet. Living with family until you are married or even after you are married is the norm in Morocco. Because he lived with his family all of his life he didn't learn to do things to make him independent and able to take care of himself. ALL of our Moroccan friends agree that this is a harsh reality when they come to Canada but one they feel really good about once they see that they really CAN do it on their own. It gives a person self-confidence that they didn't know they were lacking.

I think the "half dressed or barely dressed" reaction might depend on where they are from. My husband might not like ME to dress in revealing clothes but he's used to seeing it. I saw lots of shorts and tank tops in Marrakech and bikini's on the beaches of Agadir and Essouaria. Yeah, hubby thought for about 5 seconds that he might have a say in how I dressed but I quickly put that idea out of his head. We dealt with that in Morocco though, not Canada.

 

[dair2dv8103100]

Thank you for sharing your experience RJessome. Helps to give me some ideas to talk with him about.

Thankfully religion and dress are not an issue. I have the added bonus that he is quite often alone in the family home while his mother stays with his sister, so he washes his clothes and pays bills and cooks for himself. I think the hardest thing is going to be missing his family and friends. The hanging out bit too. He loves to go to the cafe in the morning for coffee and chat with his friends. And in the evenings he goes to visit friends and play petangue.

I have attempted to talk with him about it but he seems to think that all will be right in the world so long as he is with me. He wants to work 2 jobs and just save as much as possible to pay me back for all the financial sacrifices I have made. I have tried to explain that FINDING 2 jobs will be tough so don't get your hopes up. He also has not driven much there so I am a little afraid of his wanting a car right away....LOL

If he is jealous he hides it very well. I have never really noticed any jealousy issues although I have in other men from North Africa in general. The one thing that annoys me ... he knows EVERYTHING : it could be something he has never heard of and he will say...yes my love I know allll about it....HAHAHA

You know...after all this writing and thinking...maybe it is ME who is going to have a harder time adjusting...LOL...I have lived just with my daughter for 10 years and alone before that for 10. I am not used to anyone being around to think about. I don't cook if my daughter is not around. I am jealous of his being good looking and of other women here. I am the one that is late normally and I love to stay up late.... holy smokes ??? ...what am I getting myself into??!! LMAO

Gonna be interesting to say the least... :

 

[BettyPage]

My Moroccan husband came to Canada in the summer of 2009. After 5 months I left him because he became someone I didn't recongnize or want in my life. I personally know 3 couples that are still together and doing well... but unfotunately I know a whole lot more that are no longer together.

I hope everyone finds what they are looking for in their mate from Morocco. I found a beautiful culture and beautiful people but unfortunately I ended up with a husband that had issues beyond my ability to help him. I stongly believe that we are supposed to learn something from bad experiences and I have learned many lessons. I wouldn't wish my journey on anyone but I have come out a better and stronger person because of it.

I sincerely wish all that are still in the process a happy ending.

 

[dair2dv8103100]

My Moroccan husband came to Canada in the summer of 2009. After 5 months I left him because he became someone I didn't recongnize or want in my life. I personally know 3 couples that are still together and doing well... but unfotunately I know a whole lot more that are no longer together.

I hope everyone finds what they are looking for in their mate from Morocco. I found a beautiful culture and beautiful people but unfortunately I ended up with a husband that had issues beyond my ability to help him. I stongly believe that we are supposed to learn something from bad experiences and I have learned many lessons. I wouldn't wish my journey on anyone but I have come out a better and stronger person because of it.

I sincerely wish all that are still in the process a happy ending.

I am sorry to hear this experience. Can I ask you what changed so significantly? PM if you want.

I am curious to hear both experiences ... good and bad. There is definitely things to be learned from both.

I am not expecting this to be a cake walk by any means but I would like the opportunity to discuss things with him that maybe we have not thought about yet.

 

[INEEDU]

I wish to hear more about your experience-please
techgirl @ hotmail.de
Please respond BettyPage

 

[BettyPage]

dair2,
I posted to show that relationships fall apart for various reasons, it's not always the immigration scam story that people on forums talk about. What changed so significantly? I didn't know him well enough, once he was in Canada he was more relaxed and let his true self come through, which was someone I wasn't interested in being with.

I look at it as a learning experience.