Sponsored husband not ready to work OR pay child support

[scylla]

No, we don't have anyone who can help.

We don't have any relatives here in Canada. I will be 70 years when my son is 30 years. So if I die at 70, I didn't want my son to live like an orphan. I am glad he has a sibling who he can count on, when he is in trouble. for example, if he is in a situation like the one that I am in right now (I sincerely pray that he will not have to face things like this. But life can be pretty difficult sometimes).
I immigrated to Canada under federal skilled worker category about 10 years ago. I did not know anyone in Canada, when I landed here. Within the first 24 hours after landing, I started my initial paperwork like SIN number, bank accounts, IDs, healthcard, library account etc. Immediately after the initial formalities, I printed out 25 resumes from the public library and distributed my resumes in the nearby shopping mall on DAY 7. I got only one call from the 25 resumes. That was an interview call. I started working my first job on DAY 10 after landing and I initially got 20 hours per week. While keeping that job, I continued looking for additional jobs, and I got a second job with another 20 hours in the second month after landing. I then understood that the money from 40 hours of work was not enough for savings ( I was doing minimum wage jobs). So while keeping the two jobs, I looked for a third job to work at nights and I found one in the third month. I worked three part-time jobs for a total of about 65 hours per week during my first year. (At one point, I took a fourth job, but could not continue after two weeks since I could not reach the employer on time, because of the schedule requirements of the other three jobs that I was already having. So I gave up the 4th job, after two weeks of trial) Because I was juggling three jobs at the same time, and I was taking all the hours that my employers would give me, sometimes I worked 36 hours at a stretch without sleep, and was travelling by bus from one job to another without going home. I had a toothpaste and brush in my bag at that time, since I won't have time to go home during those 36 hours. I bought an old-car 2.5 months after landing. I bought my condo after two years from my landing date (of course, on mortgage). This is how immigrants start their life. I don't understand/believe/ I cannot imagine what my husband is doing, compared to what I was doing 10 years ago.

Working from home or taking kids to work, doesn't solve the big issue at my home. We need additional money. Please read my other comments explaining our financial situation.

I'm not sure what further advice you're looking for here. Your situation is really challenging however no one can force your husband to work. Certainly the Canadian government will not.

You are financially responsible for your husband for another year and a half since your sponsored him. There is no way for you to get out of this obligation. Specifically this means that if your husband takes any social assistance, you will need to pay it back.

The rest of your questions and issues are family law issues and not immigration issues. Please look into speaking with an attorney or at a minimum find an online forum dealing with family law issues.

 

[jcurtsy]

Yes, the reason for my original post was to understand our financial liability to each other as far the law is concerned. You all have clearly explained me the situation that I'm in, and I got the advice that I was looking for.
Thankyou all for your time spent on this, especially @Kaibigan, @scylla,@Naturgrl, @Ponga
I shall be indebted to you all.

I'm not sure what further advice you're looking for here. Your situation is really challenging however no one can force your husband to work. Certainly the Canadian government will not.

You are financially responsible for your husband for another year and a half since your sponsored him. There is no way for you to get out of this obligation. Specifically this means that if your husband takes any social assistance, you will need to pay it back.

The rest of your questions and issues are family law issues and not immigration issues. Please look into speaking with an attorney or at a minimum find an online forum dealing with family law issues.

 

[scylla]

Yes, the reason for my original post was to understand our financial liability to each other as far the law is concerned. You all have clearly explained me the situation that I'm in, and I got the advice that I was looking for.
Thankyou all for your time spent on this, especially @Kaibigan, @scylla,@Naturgrl, @Ponga
I shall be indebted to you all.

Good luck!!

 

[Copingwithlife]

So sorry to hear of your situation @jcurtsy. I have no immigration/legal advice. Just wanted to say first of all that I'm so sad for you reading this. What a difficult situation. As a mom of two small kids myself, I know just how challenging life with 2 kids 2 and under is, even without the additional stress you have.

Second, and forgive me for being perhaps impertinent in asking - has your husband been screened for depression by a doctor? The lack of motivation you've described reminds me a lot of a couple of close family members who have had depression. If he doesn't have a family physician, presumably your kids do and concerns about depression in their dad and asking for resources on getting him screened is absolutely something their doctor should be willing to help you with. (And should have resources/info for you on how to try to get him screened even if he doesn't want to talk about it.)

Best wishes, and I hope things improve for you one way or another.

Could be….

Or could just be lazy …and milkin the situation for as much as he can

I lean towards the latter

 

[moscatojuices]

Why don't you divorce him, throw him out of the house and threaten to cut off access to your kids? Nothing else seems to be working.

Also I feel awful about this situation, but this is Canada and I strongly believe you would have free resources here especially as a woman going through what is, in my opinion, a financially/mentally abusive relationship. Have you reached out to women's groups/domestic violence to ask about what help they can provide?

I'm also wondering if there is any way to get his PR cancelled. This doesn't seem like a genuine relationship. Rather, he just used you for PR and now is happy to sit on his probably very large ass and do nothing. I've been there before - your husband is EXACTLY like my ex-wife, but I luckily didn't have kids and was able to cancel her visa before it was granted back in the UK.

 

[scylla]

Why don't you divorce him, throw him out of the house and threaten to cut off access to your kids? Nothing else seems to be working.

Also I feel awful about this situation, but this is Canada and I strongly believe you would have free resources here especially as a woman going through what is, in my opinion, a financially/mentally abusive relationship. Have you reached out to women's groups/domestic violence to ask about what help they can provide?

I'm also wondering if there is any way to get his PR cancelled. This doesn't seem like a genuine relationship. Rather, he just used you for PR and now is happy to sit on his probably very large ass and do nothing. I've been there before - your husband is EXACTLY like my ex-wife, but I luckily didn't have kids and was able to cancel her visa before it was granted back in the UK.

OP is concerned about throwing him out since she's financially responsible for him for another 1.5 years. If the goes on welfare / social assistance, she will need to pay that money back.

IMO trying to get his PR canceled is a complete lost cause. They have been together in Canada for 1.5 years, have two kids, etc. It's going to be extremey difficult to make the argument that this is a marriage of convenience. IRCC only actions cases where it's quite obvious that it's a MOC situation (e.g. spouse lands in Canada and then immediately leaves the sponsor, etc.). If there's any grey area, they aren't going to pursue. They'll look at this as simply a situation where the relationship hasn't worked out. And the fact that he's laze or doesn't want to work doesn't make this a MOC. OP can file a report but in my opinion IRCC won't even look at this.

 

[Xilikon]

I was married to a woman from South Korea and in July 2018, I began the process of sponsoring her for permanent residency in Canada. However, as we lived together, I found her to be lazy and stubborn. I lost patience and called the Immigration, Refugees and Citizenship Canada (IRCC) to withdraw my sponsorship application in September 2018, which was successfully done. But, her Open Work Permit (OWP) had already been processed and sent the day before I withdrew my sponsorship. I then expelled her from my home and she returned to South Korea. In January 2019, she came back to Canada on a visitor visa and OWP, and I expelled her again. The Canada Border Services Agency (CBSA) confirmed that I was within my rights to do so as she was not a permanent resident or a holder of PR status. Despite my efforts, she remains in Canada and I am still paying her alimony. Obtaining PR status for her would not have made a difference in this situation and expelling her through IRCC or CBSA was not successful. The only way to resolve this is through family law. I am currently working with a family lawyer to resolve this issue, but it is costly and time-consuming. Nevertheless, I am not overly concerned about the outcome.

The outcome of this situation is uncertain, but there is a chance that he may receive welfare or be motivated to find a job on his own. It is up to you and your family lawyer to determine the best course of action.

 

[moscatojuices]

I was married to a woman from South Korea and in July 2018, I began the process of sponsoring her for permanent residency in Canada. However, as we lived together, I found her to be lazy and stubborn. I lost patience and called the Immigration, Refugees and Citizenship Canada (IRCC) to withdraw my sponsorship application in September 2018, which was successfully done. But, her Open Work Permit (OWP) had already been processed and sent the day before I withdrew my sponsorship. I then expelled her from my home and she returned to South Korea. In January 2019, she came back to Canada on a visitor visa and OWP, and I expelled her again. The Canada Border Services Agency (CBSA) confirmed that I was within my rights to do so as she was not a permanent resident or a holder of PR status. Despite my efforts, she remains in Canada and I am still paying her alimony. Obtaining PR status for her would not have made a difference in this situation and expelling her through IRCC or CBSA was not successful. The only way to resolve this is through family law. I am currently working with a family lawyer to resolve this issue, but it is costly and time-consuming. Nevertheless, I am not overly concerned about the outcome.

The outcome of this situation is uncertain, but there is a chance that he may receive welfare or be motivated to find a job on his own. It is up to you and your family lawyer to determine the best course of action.

The only lesson from these sagas is to, quite frankly, never marry someone from overseas. The risk is just too high - and why? Canada has so many amazing, beautiful and kind women who don't want to be coddled by men.

It especially aggravates me how in the OP's case the husband got the greatest and one of the most unattainable gifts in the world, Canadian PR, without even lifting a finger. I'm glad you manage to cancel her PR status but unluckily she just got that OWP.

I'm curious, how did you end up paying alimony? I didn't pay any alimony because I held my ex-wife's gold hostage and forced her to sign a "no claims" agreement. I actually should have just kept her gold because she would have had to pay through her teeth to recover it from me, and then I could just claim it was stolen but meh. Would have helped me recover the $60k or so I spent on the wedding while she did nothing.

 

[Xilikon]

The only lesson from these sagas is to, quite frankly, never marry someone from overseas. The risk is just too high - and why? Canada has so many amazing, beautiful and kind women who don't want to be coddled by men.

It especially aggravates me how in the OP's case the husband got the greatest and one of the most unattainable gifts in the world, Canadian PR, without even lifting a finger. I'm glad you manage to cancel her PR status but unluckily she just got that OWP.

I'm curious, how did you end up paying alimony? I didn't pay any alimony because I held my ex-wife's gold hostage and forced her to sign a "no claims" agreement. I actually should have just kept her gold because she would have had to pay through her teeth to recover it from me, and then I could just claim it was stolen but meh. Would have helped me recover the $60k or so I spent on the wedding while she did nothing.

I am not sure how my former wife was able to receive alimony payments, as there were numerous mistakes made by my first family lawyer and the family court judge (who granted her alimony for a short period while she settled in Canada, without considering that she was not a permanent resident). My current lawyer is working to rectify these mistakes, and the fact that I have paid alimony for close to 4 years will likely work in my favor, particularly since our marriage was short.

However, I do not believe that one should avoid marrying someone from overseas. I am currently happily married to a wonderful woman and our marriage has lasted much longer than my previous one. In my case, my mistakes with my former wife were due to cultural differences and her mental health, as she was raised in a dysfunctional family. Every situation is unique, and there is always a degree of uncertainty in any relationship, whether with someone from Canada or from overseas.

 

[moscatojuices]

I am not sure how my former wife was able to receive alimony payments, as there were numerous mistakes made by my first family lawyer and the family court judge (who granted her alimony for a short period while she settled in Canada, without considering that she was not a permanent resident). My current lawyer is working to rectify these mistakes, and the fact that I have paid alimony for close to 4 years will likely work in my favor, particularly since our marriage was short.

However, I do not believe that one should avoid marrying someone from overseas. I am currently happily married to a wonderful woman and our marriage has lasted much longer than my previous one. In my case, my mistakes with my former wife were due to cultural differences and her mental health, as she was raised in a dysfunctional family. Every situation is unique, and there is always a degree of uncertainty in any relationship, whether with someone from Canada or from overseas.

Why did you pay alimony in the first place if the wedding was short, or even get a lawyer? All you had to do was make her do all the hard work - she would need to undergo the laborious and expensive process of engaging in family law (if she had the money/patience to do so) and then likely give up. Did you have kids or something? If so I understand. If not, then I'd be concerned.

Going to outright disagree with you about overseas wives/husbands. It's what happens when things go wrong that worries me, and I would never ever do it. And especially considering the ridiculously high quality of women available in Canada.

 

[Xilikon]

Why did you pay alimony in the first place if the wedding was short, or even get a lawyer? All you had to do was make her do all the hard work - she would need to undergo the laborious and expensive process of engaging in family law (if she had the money/patience to do so) and then likely give up. Did you have kids or something? If so I understand. If not, then I'd be concerned.

Going to outright disagree with you about overseas wives/husbands. It's what happens when things go wrong that worries me, and I would never ever do it. And especially considering the ridiculously high quality of women available in Canada.

My mistake was to initiate the divorce process so I can give her a divorce certificate for her to get welfare in SK. What I didn't expect is that she got a lawyer from legal aid so she got a free lawyer that fucked me over. I agree it should be her who will have to do everything but then I won't be divorced.

Anyway, I don't want to hijack this thread as it's not mine, I just merely shared my own experience.

 

[moscatojuices]

My mistake was to initiate the divorce process so I can give her a divorce certificate for her to get welfare in SK. What I didn't expect is that she got a lawyer from legal aid so she got a free lawyer that fucked me over. I agree it should be her who will have to do everything but then I won't be divorced.

Anyway, I don't want to hijack this thread as it's not mine, I just merely shared my own experience.

No this is important - everyone needs to know about the "devil in the detail" moments like this. I don't think you've quite grasped family law.

The divorce and financial settlement are sort of two different, but also related things. Related in the sense that a financial settlement can only be pursued once a divorce action is triggered. But they are certainly not linked - a divorce can be granted without any settlement whatsoever in Canada. Once you initiate or obtain a divorce, the other party needs to file motions for financial settlement in 12 months of the divorce taking effect. That's where they need to work hard to come after you.

So basically you can totally get your divorce, and then leave it up to your partner for them to chase you for money. You can also exhaust them through aggressive tactics like evasion of service (it's not recommend, but it's legal) and accounting trickery like ensuring you put all your money in your parents' accounts as a gift - again it's unethical, but not illegal. You would need to pre-mediate that before anything occurs though. And in cases where you get horrible partners who are clearly after you for PR or money, you need to make them suffer and make them tired so that it becomes too hard for them.

After 12 months lapse, it becomes extremely difficult for them to come after you and by that time they've lost their motivation.

God damn I should be a divorce lawyer for the rich....

 

[Xilikon]

Maybe I should specify that she didn't get a dime from my estate. The only thing she got is temporary alimony but that's the shittiest point at the same time.

 

[moscatojuices]

Maybe I should specify that she didn't get a dime from my estate. The only thing she got is temporary alimony but that's the shittiest point at the same time.

No worries we all make mistakes. If your next relationship goes south, remember what I told you. Pre-meditate your financial exit.

 

[moscatojuices]

1) Not sure I can wholly subscribe to your "never marry someone from overseas" edict. That's drawing a bit of a long bow. Such marriages fall into an infinite variety of fact patterns. The only general statement I can see as worth making would be along the lines of "proceed with caution and without haste".

Also, I do not know if there is any evidence of a higher incidence of failure of "overseas" marriages as compared to "made in Canada" marriages. Is there? Further, I do not know, should either type of marriage break down, whether the cost of extricating oneself from the marriage much greater in the case of overseas marriages. Yes, some added cost was incurred up front - trips overseas, paying for PR application, etc., but none of that is really significant.

2) I note, too, that you are speaking from the male perspective when you say "Canada has so many amazing, beautiful and kind women who don't want to be coddled by men." Recall that this thread was started by a woman who sponsored a husband. I have seen many like that on this forum. Is there a corollary rule that applies, such as "Canada has so many amazing, beautiful and kind men who don't want to be coddled by women"?

3) For many years, I have read all the judgments that emanate from the British Columbia courts every week, and Supreme Court of Canada cases that originated in BC. A goodly number (almost a scary number) are family law cases. I would observe that I have seen very few in which an overseas marriage has formed a part of the factual matrix. That is why I have questioned whether, overall, marriages of such origin fare worse than made-at-home marriages. However, I recognize, that my empirical observations do not present a complete picture. I see only those cases in which there was a trial, or at least some kind of an interlocutory hearing that resulted in written reasons for judgment. The great majority of divorce cases, and family law cases in general, do not end up in court, so I can say nothing about who the players were in those cases, or their histories.

So, moscatojuices, do not say you are wrong, but maybe a bit overbroad and dogmatic in your approach. But then, you might have to hand much more detailed knowledge of the subject than I. I am drawing upon my own, somewhat limited, observations.

Thank you for your response. Let's break this point by point - I have added "1, 2 & 3" to your original post to make it easier as I will respond to them in corresponding fashion.

1) Sure, there isn't evidence on paper or via research perhaps. But let me give you some assurance, once you undergo living through/divorcing from a bad relationship with an overseas spouse as I have, believe me all the evidence will magically appear. Suddenly you will hear tales from your friends, colleagues, relatives and strangers in that ethnic community about overseas marriages imploding and how the damage of that splinters across 2 or more continents.

In particular with Indian marriages, I would encourage you to read up about law 498A and how Indian women can use that to terrorize male husbands and their families if the marriage was solemnized in India. I'll leave it and that, and I would encourage the OP to see if she can use this unique legal weapon to her advantage in this case - as much as despite its existence.

2) I generalize but I would say so. I feel that Canadians are far more genuine, independent and hard working in their relationships than most of the peers I have seen from around the world. All my Canadian friends (mostly anglo & interracial) all seem very happy. They are very committed and chill. I found that relationships in US, UK and Australia are extremely toxic because women seem to want to capitalize or aggravate every conversation they have with men into an issue to do with social justice, BML, #metoo etc. On the other hand, many men are just dropkicks who don't want to do anything with their lives and stay at home to play games. And yes I have lived in this places, Canada is just very different. Again, all a generalization.

3) ) That's because, simply put, divorces in non-Anglo marriages carry a taboo. Have you ever heard of an ethic person, especially from Asia, talk about how they're "happily divorced" or "choose to be single"? It is extraordinarily rare - I am the only East Indian-origin person I know, quite frankly in the world, who is totally cool with being unmarried and childless in his 30s, and prefers to go travel instead of raise a family. The whole reason you observe "very few" overseas marriages make up the matrix is because most of these people don't would rather stay in a bad relationship than bare the utter shame of divorce and being stared down from members of their ethnic community.

How do I know this? I was engaged to such a person - she was a Canadian of Indian origin who one day turned around and told me I wasn't rich/educated enough to marry her (she wanted a doctor). So she found one in America and he turns out he faked his degree and made all the doctor stuff; he actually worked in the family restaurant. By the time she found out they already had children, and she refused to get divorced.

I'm definitely dogmatic and I take that as a compliment. At least it makes for interesting reading!