Serious situation

[JHWife2011]

I'm really stuck and I'm sooo unsure what to do.

Sorry if this is long but bear with me.

background:
My husband came to Canada August 2011 (workers visa) to work on a farm
We met September 2011
Married November 2011
His visa expired December 2011
We filed inland sponsorship March 2013
October 2013 my husband was arrested for an outstanding warranty due to his being out of status and going AWOL from the farm he was assigned to work at
We got AIP November 2013
February 2014 CBSA issued a removal order, we hired a lawyer and he was permitted to stay till the process of the application was complete on H&C grounds
He also received OWP February 2014
We've paid all fees, medicals are completed, finger prints etc everything is done. We are waiting on a security clearance from RCMP and found out in August that RCMP escalated his security clearance to CSIS.

Thats the overview of our marriage in paper work terms. Besides the immigration ordeal we have also dealt with family issues, and infertility etc. The last year and a half my husband and I have drifted apart. We aren't the same anymore, more so him. He got colder, meaner, less interested just overall disengaged, he blames me of course, but I figured we were under so much pressure that it was taking its toll on us. I had my suspicions about his being unfaithful, but could never really prove it. So, after 4 years of trying to get pregnant and multiple surgeries and procedures I finally fell pregnant in July 2015. The pregnancy ended in a miscarriage unfortunately. But during the process of trying to get pregnant and finding out I was pregnant to discovering I'd lose the baby and the process of losing the baby as well, my husband was not there for me at all. So I just shut down and a few weeks after the miscarriage I asked for some space, I needed a break. After much arguing and fighting he admitted he was unfaithful with 2 different women, again he blamed me for his indiscretions. This all came out in August. I've really lost all feelings that a wife should have towards her husband. He angers me, on top of this he isn't working, he has all legal right to work, he just isn't and I'm left taking care of everything financially and its hard. I feel like I'm being used and its very frustrating.

I've thought numerous times that I need to be strong and do what I know is necessary and pull out of being a sponsor as I know this marriage is no longer healthy for me. However, I can't get over the guilt, I feel like I'd be a horrible person to do that to him. But at the same time, he is doing it to himself.

I don't know, I just feel lost and I really haven't much people around me that understand the entire complex situation I'm in.

 

[sashali78]

I'm really stuck and I'm sooo unsure what to do.

Sorry if this is long but bear with me.

background:
My husband came to Canada August 2011 (workers visa) to work on a farm
We met September 2011
Married November 2011
His visa expired December 2011
We filed inland sponsorship March 2013
October 2013 my husband was arrested for an outstanding warranty due to his being out of status and going AWOL from the farm he was assigned to work at
We got AIP November 2013
February 2014 CBSA issued a removal order, we hired a lawyer and he was permitted to stay till the process of the application was complete on H&C grounds
He also received OWP February 2014
We've paid all fees, medicals are completed, finger prints etc everything is done. We are waiting on a security clearance from RCMP and found out in August that RCMP escalated his security clearance to CSIS.

Thats the overview of our marriage in paper work terms. Besides the immigration ordeal we have also dealt with family issues, and infertility etc. The last year and a half my husband and I have drifted apart. We aren't the same anymore, more so him. He got colder, meaner, less interested just overall disengaged, he blames me of course, but I figured we were under so much pressure that it was taking its toll on us. I had my suspicions about his being unfaithful, but could never really prove it. So, after 4 years of trying to get pregnant and multiple surgeries and procedures I finally fell pregnant in July 2015. The pregnancy ended in a miscarriage unfortunately. But during the process of trying to get pregnant and finding out I was pregnant to discovering I'd lose the baby and the process of losing the baby as well, my husband was not there for me at all. So I just shut down and a few weeks after the miscarriage I asked for some space, I needed a break. After much arguing and fighting he admitted he was unfaithful with 2 different women, again he blamed me for his indiscretions. This all came out in August. I've really lost all feelings that a wife should have towards her husband. He angers me, on top of this he isn't working, he has all legal right to work, he just isn't and I'm left taking care of everything financially and its hard. I feel like I'm being used and its very frustrating.

I've thought numerous times that I need to be strong and do what I know is necessary and pull out of being a sponsor as I know this marriage is no longer healthy for me. However, I can't get over the guilt, I feel like I'd be a horrible person to do that to him. But at the same time, he is doing it to himself.

I don't know, I just feel lost and I really haven't much people around me that understand the entire complex situation I'm in.

I am sorry to hear about your situation. From immigration perspective, you can withdraw your sponsorship application and that is probably what you should do IF you have decided that your relationship is over. From what you say though, it looks to me you are not yet decisive on this point so perhaps before you do so you should try to reach an equilibrium with yourself. There are many family/relationship support forums who might be helpful to you in your present situation...also perhaps a meeting with psychologist might be helpful to try to define what you feel and what you should do. I hope this helps even if for a bit.

 

[scylla]

I'm sorry you're going through this.

Infidelity would be a deal-breaker for me. Blaming me for that infidelity would be even a bigger deal-breaker (it wasn't your fault - it was HIS choise). If it's already happened twice - it's going to happen again. And you'll get blamed again next time.

All relationships have ups and down. You've gone through some - there will be more. If this is his way of coping, get out now. He's not a good person.

You should feel zero guilt. You have financially supported him, he cheated on you - what's there for you to feel guilty about? You ARE being used and you owe him NOTHING. Withdraw your application now before you get stuck supporting this loser for three years. You are worth far more than this. Get out.

 

[canuck_in_uk]

Infidelity would be a deal-breaker for me. Blaming me for that infidelity would be even a bigger deal-breaker (it wasn't your fault - it was HIS choise). If it's already happened twice - it's going to happen again. And you'll get blamed again next time.

All relationships have ups and down. You've gone through some - there will be more. If this is his way of coping, get out now. He's not a good person.

You should feel zero guilt. You have financially supported him, he cheated on you - what's there for you to feel guilty about? You ARE being used and you owe him NOTHING. Withdraw your application now before you get stuck supporting this loser for three years. You are worth far more than this. Get out.

Agreed. You need to put yourself first and do what is best for YOU and your future.

 

[JHWife2011]

If I withdraw the paper work will CIC tell him it was because of my withdrawl as to why he would be ask to leave the country?

 

[Ponga]

What a blessing this is for you! You can now cancel the PR sponsorship before it's too late.


Hey...perhaps one of the tramps that he was cheating on you with would like to sponsor him, someday. In the mean time, he'd better hide in a cave because CBSA WILL come looking for him as soon as you cancel the sponsorship.

Take back your control; see this unfortunate chapter in your life as a mistake and rise above it!

 

[scylla]

If I withdraw the paper work will CIC tell him it was because of my withdrawl as to why he would be ask to leave the country?

He will be notified the application has been withdrawn. So yes, he will know that you withdrew your sponsorship of the application. There is unfortunately no way to "hide" this fact.

 

[canadianwoman]

You are being used. If you are afraid of what might happen when he finds out you have cancelled his PR application, try to get him out of the house first.
I would go to a lawyer with this. You have to deal with the separation and divorce, and also the immigration issues.

 

[MrsHBKelly]

I just want to say I am so sorry to hear you are going through all of this. Infertility and miscarriage are SO difficult to deal with, and the person who should understand more than anyone what you have gone through and how emotionally taxed you are is your husband. To add insult to injury and cheat, and rub it in your face and blame you is beyond cruel.

The fact is, you sound like a really good person. You are focused on the consequences of your choices and how they will impact another person, even if he is a garbage bag of a human being.

Please take this opportunity to do what is best for YOU. Give yourself a pass for whatever misfortune befalls him down the line. He has made some really terrible and shortsighted decisions in his day, and it's time for him to stand on his own two feet and clean up his own messes.

You were giving him a gift, here in Canada. He spit in your face and you owe him nothing, quite frankly. Save yourself. Find a good man to have a family with who will SUPPORT you in the way you deserve. Nothing is more rewarding and physically taxing and emotionally overwhelming than growing a person inside yourself, and having someone who holds your hand and rubs your back and shares your dreams for the future and pulls their weight supporting you financially should be your most basic requirements in a partner.

Go find real love, darlin... ditch this dude, and don't look back.

<3 <3 <3 <3

 

[Jamesliam15]

Think of yourself - no one deserves to be treated like that! You deserve better - all of the above is the best advice

 

[CANzanillo]

I'm sorry you're going through this.

Infidelity would be a deal-breaker for me. Blaming me for that infidelity would be even a bigger deal-breaker (it wasn't your fault - it was HIS choise). If it's already happened twice - it's going to happen again. And you'll get blamed again next time.

All relationships have ups and down. You've gone through some - there will be more. If this is his way of coping, get out now. He's not a good person.

You should feel zero guilt. You have financially supported him, he cheated on you - what's there for you to feel guilty about? You ARE being used and you owe him NOTHING. Withdraw your application now before you get stuck supporting this loser for three years. You are worth far more than this. Get out.

Just want to add my voice of agreement to all these comments! I am sorry for your situation. Be strong, move forward to a better future!

 

[needhimback]

If I withdraw the paper work will CIC tell him it was because of my withdrawl as to why he would be ask to leave the country?

At this point who cares what he think - run while you can ( I wish I had that opportunity 16 years ago when I sponsored my first husband, who used me to get to Canada, I tried to revoke his status when he landed and realized he's a big joke and this is a fraud !!!!....I called .immigration at that time who laughed in my face and said this to me :quote on quote " Madame you are the 15th call for today and there's nothing we can do now about your husband landed and you should have stop PR while your file was processes" .... I felt like the earth opened up and I caved in!!! - I MOVED ON !!!!! - bad investment

16 years later I found love again with a man who respects me and treats me like royality. We have been together for four years of fun fun fun - that's the life you need my friend

And I pray to god this looser didnt go on welfare from 2001 - 2011 or am screwed !! (I did check with Social services and my name seems to be clear- crossing fingers, you don't want to be feeling this way in case you have to sponsor again)

He's not worth it and it will get worst.

Alot of people on here gave you some good advise - it's only up to you to make your decision.(it's your life)

Am just a PM away

 

[AsWeWait]

I agree with all the posters above me. Going through all that alone, without support and then finding out that he was unfaithful is just not right. I agree that you are being used, so as hard as it will be, withdraw the application and leave him in the dust.
Look forward and there will be brighter things in store for you

 

[mariahvais]

now imagine yourself with a baby in the same situation with the same man, cheating, lying, not working.. do you really need a man like that?
do yourself a favour and be strong, happiness is just around the corner

 

[Hasan9999]

I'm really stuck and I'm sooo unsure what to do.

Sorry if this is long but bear with me.

background:
My husband came to Canada August 2011 (workers visa) to work on a farm
We met September 2011
Married November 2011
His visa expired December 2011
We filed inland sponsorship March 2013
October 2013 my husband was arrested for an outstanding warranty due to his being out of status and going AWOL from the farm he was assigned to work at
We got AIP November 2013
February 2014 CBSA issued a removal order, we hired a lawyer and he was permitted to stay till the process of the application was complete on H&C grounds
He also received OWP February 2014
We've paid all fees, medicals are completed, finger prints etc everything is done. We are waiting on a security clearance from RCMP and found out in August that RCMP escalated his security clearance to CSIS.

Thats the overview of our marriage in paper work terms. Besides the immigration ordeal we have also dealt with family issues, and infertility etc. The last year and a half my husband and I have drifted apart. We aren't the same anymore, more so him. He got colder, meaner, less interested just overall disengaged, he blames me of course, but I figured we were under so much pressure that it was taking its toll on us. I had my suspicions about his being unfaithful, but could never really prove it. So, after 4 years of trying to get pregnant and multiple surgeries and procedures I finally fell pregnant in July 2015. The pregnancy ended in a miscarriage unfortunately. But during the process of trying to get pregnant and finding out I was pregnant to discovering I'd lose the baby and the process of losing the baby as well, my husband was not there for me at all. So I just shut down and a few weeks after the miscarriage I asked for some space, I needed a break. After much arguing and fighting he admitted he was unfaithful with 2 different women, again he blamed me for his indiscretions. This all came out in August. I've really lost all feelings that a wife should have towards her husband. He angers me, on top of this he isn't working, he has all legal right to work, he just isn't and I'm left taking care of everything financially and its hard. I feel like I'm being used and its very frustrating.

I've thought numerous times that I need to be strong and do what I know is necessary and pull out of being a sponsor as I know this marriage is no longer healthy for me. However, I can't get over the guilt, I feel like I'd be a horrible person to do that to him. But at the same time, he is doing it to himself.

I don't know, I just feel lost and I really haven't much people around me that understand the entire complex situation I'm in.

I don't know what to say as it a crucial decision for you. You should discuss the matter very seriously and see what he thinks going forward. Give yourself 2/3 months gestation period to analyse everything more intensively and then decide whether you will continue with him. Mental peace of mind is everything in the long run. All the best.