Dear friends,
Kindly rate the below essay. need all your valuable inputs.
@cansha @marosa @Vyn
As countries have developed there has been a trend towards smaller family sizes.
Why does this happen?
How does this affect society?
A wide known fact expresses while the countries are growing up, the size of the families is shrinking down, due to the current workplace, financial instability, and maintenance of the family.
Your first line should demonstrate paraphrasing and should convey the same meaning. You should avoid "A wide known fact" and similar expressions. Reasons should be given in the second line.
The trend of smaller families is mainly adopted nowadays instead of joint families as a result of development in countries. This is mainly due to ......., which is beneficial/detrimental to the society..
However, a reduction in family size has adverse effects on the
children’s future and the traditional values of society. : I have seen in the first paragraph that there are 5 topics you have introduced. Now lets see how you explain everything.
To begin with, the primary reason for the size reduction is the shift in people’s workplace, such as most of the metropolitan city people migrated from their homeland, where their parents are still living. Secondly, unlike the past, the current volatility on the job markets restricts their financial growth. Therefore, parents prefer not to have more children. Besides, modern parents intend to provide quality education and a well-established lifestyle to their offspring. So having a large size of family, may seize their intention, as the living costs may rise further. To illustrate, having children of eight for a couple was common and acceptable in the previous generation, but now, considering more than one child becomes extremely difficult.
current workplace, financial instability, and maintenance of the family. =
there are 3 different topics here you mentioned. You have written only the first one (written, not extended and developed), financial instability should be increase in living costs simply. (you have explained it in some detail and it is good, but putting with the first point - current workplace- there is no relevancy to this. If you have different opinions -choose first and then introduce, extend, explain and give example of that in one para. Here your one para means "modern......difficult only.
Do not ever mix ideas as there is high chance of move away from TA, Lexical and Cohesion. Keep it simple and explain one point.
Maintenance is a result I guess, not idea.
Consequently, as a result of tiny families, the cultural values and traditional rituals will not be transmitted to the future generation, since there are no elders associated with the current format of the modern family. Additionally, despite their knowledge in education, future children will have nil exposure to their social identity. Furthermore, youngsters might be misguided because of lacking parental guidance, such as elder's advice. For instance, kids at school nowadays are becoming introverted and reserved, since mostly they spend a lonely-time in their city-homes.
In short, in spite of the growth of the countries, people are encountering financial instability and shifting their homes to the larger cities to survive, which by default, breaking out the families to a small number. Subsequently, such a lifestyle, expose the kids to character detriment and insist the society lose the heritage values in the future.
