Ignoring everything else, this review (or rather questions to you) will focus on task response evaluation criteria.
These days, many household tasks and chores, The question is not limited to household chores. It says "Many jobs". Actually there is a similar essay topic which specifically mentions household chores. Are you trying to use content of one essay topic in another? Does it help you address the question here? Does it really paraphrases the statement?
which were conventionally done manually, are increasingly performed by electronic devices. Does machine = electronic device?
While convenience and times it saves are two key benefits of this trend, a sedentary lifestyle and higher cost are the main disadvantages of this.
One of the preponderant benefits of this shift from manuals to machines is the convenience it brings to life. There are manuals of machine. Review your sentence again.
This is because these sophisticated devices can do many of the household chores at a click of a button. For example, washing machines can automatically wash and dry the clothes, without any manual efforts, which traditionally required a great deal of time and energy. Another major advantage of this approach is that these machines can a lot of valuable time which is spent on other quality activities such as with family or exercising. These machines are so efficient that it can do the hour-long task in just minutes. To illustrate, conventionally house cleaning required plenty of effort and time, but, now, this can be done by robot vacuum cleaners at a preset time without human intervention. Does the robo cleaner in your example actually vacuum the house in minutes? Or does it take same time but no manual intervention which you also say. So does your previous argument / statement get any support from your example?
Turning to the disadvantages, a sedentary lifestyle is one of the major drawbacks of this phenomenon. Owing to the over-reliance on machines, people only do a negligible amount of physical activities, which makes their life sedentary, which consequently may result in health-related problems such as obesity and indolency. Another disadvantage of this tendency is the higher cost of these machines as they are often costly and require periodical repairs. This means that despite higher earnings, people are left with very little money to meet their other personal needs such as food and children's education and they have to compromise other useful areas. Do you really think someone who has that robo vaccum cleaner is compromising on food or school fee? Really?
To conclude, a certain number of conventional manual jobs are these days carried out by electronic gadgets such as washing machines and mixers. The comfort and conservation of quality time are the major merits of this approach while higher expenses to upkeep these devices and a less physically active routine are the prominent disadvantages.
Ideas are there but still they don't achieve task response and C&C. And you dig that hole for yourself because you limited the topic to only household chores. If you hadn't done that you could have explored other facets in the disadvantages section.
