IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.
- Thread starter H0peAndFa1th
- Start date
In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing.
What do you think are the main causes of crime?
How can we deal with the possible causes?
There is an increasing trend being observed in the number of criminal activities in many countries (In recent times, there has been a rise in criminal activities in various nations). This essay will first suggest that major cause behind the increase in the amount of crime is increasing aggressiveness and diluting patience in the human behaviour and then suggest that it can be dealt by government policies for encouraging the people to practice yoga on daily basis. (Few of the major reasons for this has been the increase in aggressiveness and diluting patience in the human behaviour).
The root cause behind the increase in criminal activity is found to be increasing (you are using the word 'increase' too much please find synonyms and integrate and accordingly e.g. 'spike', 'expanding', 'escalate', 'upsurge' etc.) aggressiveness and the need for instant gratification in human behaviour. On the one hand, increased aggressiveness(too much repetition) has led to many serious crimes such as fights and murders. For example one of the customers in a shopping store started to beat the accountant for mistakenly adding an extra item in the bill which could have been resolved by a simple talk. On the other hand, the diluting patience in human behaviour has made people conduct crimes such as thefts and fights. For example, one of the people driving his car could not bear the horn being blown by the taxi driver while at the traffic light signal behind and comes out to beat up the taxi driver and tries to break the car windows and headlights. A survey conducted in China suggests that crimes have increased by more than 20% in the areas where people are more aggressive and less patience. (too many examples in one single paragraph)
There are ways where such situations can be handled differently. A possible way is to bring awareness regarding the benefits of daily exercise especially yoga. The Ministry of Education can introduce policies for introducing yoga classes and centres in the country to encourage people to incorporate yoga as part of the routine life. A recent survey in India suggests that those who practice yoga on a daily basis are lean by the behaviour and hold a high level of patience compared to those who do not practice the discipline.
To conclude, aggressiveness and decreasing patience level cause humans to conduct a crime and it can be dealt with bringing new facilities to teach yoga to more people and introduce yoga as a part of daily life.
Final Comments:-
I like your ideas and arguments that you have put forward in the essay. You are clearly being careful of what you are saying, and making sure that you properly build and support every idea that you introduce, which is really a positive thing. A lot of people have issue in that sector but you don't. Now that being said, the main problem you are having is with your fluency, that is you are having a hard time finding the right words to express your ideas. And you are having trouble structuring your sentences. You are lacking in Grammar sometimes but mostly you are lacking in Vocabulary i.e. your Lexical Resource, you are not using synonyms and end up repeating the same word over and over again. Try to avoid that as much as possible. One example is where you keep using yoga whereas you could have easily used other words to express the same thing, e.g. 'subject', 'practice', 'discipline' etc.There is a lack in linking words! You hardly used words like Furthermore, Moreover, Therefore, Hence, as well as etc...
You can use my guide to help you:-
https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-i...reads/my-guide-to-ielts-essay-writing.618687/
Follow the link mentioned for linking words and also learn compound-complex sentences. Use the link given for vocabulary to enhance Lexical Resource. All the best.
Thank You for evaluation, yes I am struggling to find the words quickly (vocab issue), however, I can improve usage of linking words, well I will return with a better essay. Thanks Again.
@artificial.nocturne and @H0peAndFa1th could you guys please review this, I will be grateful if you can and i will also request to help me in getting desired score. I am lacking in writing and will appear 3rd time now. thank you.
Hi All,
Just wanted to check if there is anyone who took the test in Albania during 2018 and managed to score higher than 6.5 in writing? I am starting to think it is a scam...
Just wanted to check if there is anyone who took the test in Albania during 2018 and managed to score higher than 6.5 in writing? I am starting to think it is a scam...
@H0peAndFa1th @cansha @artificial.nocturne
(Rewritten)
Please evaluate my letter.
(Rewritten)
Writing task 1
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
There have been several complaints about the reception area where visitors to your company arrive. Your manager has asked you to suggest how the reception area could be improved.
Write a letter to your manager. In your letter
Describe the complaints that have been made
Say why the reception area is important
Suggest how the reception area could be improved
Write a least 150 words
You do not need to write any addressed.
Begin your letter as follows:
Dear ………….,
I am writing this letter to share with you my suggestions and solutions regarding the complaints which have been made about the reception of our Design Printing Office for the past couple of months.
I have got the information that the visitors to our office are continuously complaining about our reception. As per my view, the major complaints are about two main issues. One is, insufficient design samples we have for demonstration, most of the clients looking for colorful samples which could help them to choose their design, and the other issue is the improper response from the receptionist. Our present receptionist has been reported as unfit for our printing industry, who does not have adequate experience in printing designs industry.
For our paper design business, reception area is the significant place where clients can approach and choose their favorite paper design to get their visiting cards printed with it. To make clients comfortable, it is must to have eye catching design samples and good receptionist to welcome and help them.
I suggest that we should have our reception newly painted, and to employee a well experienced receptionist to greet and address their requirements. Also, there should be more booklets with various design samples which are best in the industry for demonstration.
Your faithfully,
Noor
(Rewritten)
Please evaluate my letter.
(Rewritten)
Writing task 1
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
There have been several complaints about the reception area where visitors to your company arrive. Your manager has asked you to suggest how the reception area could be improved.
Write a letter to your manager. In your letter
Describe the complaints that have been made
Say why the reception area is important
Suggest how the reception area could be improved
Write a least 150 words
You do not need to write any addressed.
Begin your letter as follows:
Dear ………….,
I am writing this letter to share with you my suggestions and solutions regarding the complaints which have been made about the reception of our Design Printing Office for the past couple of months.
I have got the information that the visitors to our office are continuously complaining about our reception. As per my view, the major complaints are about two main issues. One is, insufficient design samples we have for demonstration, most of the clients looking for colorful samples which could help them to choose their design, and the other issue is the improper response from the receptionist. Our present receptionist has been reported as unfit for our printing industry, who does not have adequate experience in printing designs industry.
For our paper design business, reception area is the significant place where clients can approach and choose their favorite paper design to get their visiting cards printed with it. To make clients comfortable, it is must to have eye catching design samples and good receptionist to welcome and help them.
I suggest that we should have our reception newly painted, and to employee a well experienced receptionist to greet and address their requirements. Also, there should be more booklets with various design samples which are best in the industry for demonstration.
Your faithfully,
Noor
Topic: Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child's development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion.
Essay Word Count: 254
A few people think (Some are of the view) that home schooling is beneficial for a child, however, others believe it is important/crucial to send children to school for better development. Indeed homeschooling can help children to learn more from family and relatives but formal education in schools also helps inculcating discipline in them.
Homeschooling is an efficient way of teaching. It gives a sense of flexibility and parents along with other family members can also teach children through example. Moreover, it helps in saving a lot of money which may be given to schools as monthly fee expenses. When I was in school, I remember one of my friends dropped out of school because his parents wanted to teach him at home. Teaching kids at home or outside school (this sentence is completely unnecessary) saves time which can be utilized in other co-curricular activities. (where is your example? - your last sentenced is an underdeveloped idea - please don't introduce too many ideas and not even fully develop them)
Despite having benefits of homeschooling, the advantages of proper schooling cannot be overlooked. The greatest advantage of admitting children in a school is the discipline they will have. Only waking up in the morning, dressing up in a uniform and trying to reach school on time has its impact in disciplining kids. For instance, I studied in a formal school during my childhood, it helped me in becoming a morning person (You need to start your examples properly with opening words like 'For example', 'To illustrate' etc. - this is a clear way of making the examiner understand you are about to give an example). Learning to discipline your life is a crucial part of schooling (this sentence sounds unnecessary)
The advantages of both homeschooling and teaching youngsters in a classroom setting is equally significant. Teaching children at home helps saving a lot of time(this is an underdeveloped idea and you did not even provide proper reasoning for this like how does it help one save time?? you need to elaborate in your body paragraphs, the problem is you introduced too many ideas in your argument), however, sending them to school helps them in learning to do things in a particular way (I don't understand what you are trying to say...)
Final Comments:-
Your essay has underdeveloped ideas. It is all over the place. You did not structure it well. You did not give the examples clearly or start them properly. Repetition is found here and there. There is a lack in usage of synonyms. Conclusion is not proper - you are lacking in Coherence and Cohesion - your ideas are not well connected. Try to write at least 280 words.
Refer to my guide for detailed learning:-
https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-i...reads/my-guide-to-ielts-essay-writing.618687/
@H0peAndFa1th @cansha @artificial.nocturne. Can anyone of you gentlemen evaluate this essay. Thanks for the good work you do.
Thank you so much for your time. I'll definitely keep in mind the points raised by you and will also go through the link. Please bear with me as I'll share more essays in future. Thank you
Hi everyone!
It's going to be my 4th attempt on IELTS in 2 weeks.
Last time I got R 9, L 8.5, S 8, W 6.5. I'm targeting writing band 7. Please kindly evaluate.
Thanks in advance!
Governments should spend more money on railways rather than roads.
Do you agree or disagree?
Some argue that it is more preferable to invest in railway systems rather than in new roads. I do not agree with this statement, due to the fact that not all areas are suitable to build railways in, as well as because roads enable travelers to choose between public and private means of transportation, which is not the case for trains.
To begin with, there are certain zones on our planet, where it will be more efficient to build roads, rather than railways. Some regions are too mountainous, which makes it highly expensive and sometimes almost impossible to build rails and stations. In other words, would governments and companies wish to develop the abovementioned means of transportation in rocky territories, they will be forced to build tunnels, bridges and additional platforms. No wonder central part of Italy, which is famous for its uneven landscapes, has a very limited number of railroads, especially compared to the northern part.
Secondly, it is worth mentioning that roads and highways provide with a much bigger freedom of choice and flexibility in terms of travel conditions. With a developed road network the population is able to choose whether to travel via public transportation or a private vehicle, would that be a car, or a motorcycle. It will therefore be up to the traveler to decide on the timing, the route and the companions of the trip. I observe it very often, how due to a low demand European railway companies reschedule departures and ask passengers to take a bus instead.
To conclude, the benefits of spending money on roads outweigh those of railways both because the former can be constructed on various types of landscapes and because it provides people with alternative ways to travel.
@cansha
It's going to be my 4th attempt on IELTS in 2 weeks.
Last time I got R 9, L 8.5, S 8, W 6.5. I'm targeting writing band 7. Please kindly evaluate.
Thanks in advance!
Governments should spend more money on railways rather than roads.
Do you agree or disagree?
Some argue that it is more preferable to invest in railway systems rather than in new roads. I do not agree with this statement, due to the fact that not all areas are suitable to build railways in, as well as because roads enable travelers to choose between public and private means of transportation, which is not the case for trains.
To begin with, there are certain zones on our planet, where it will be more efficient to build roads, rather than railways. Some regions are too mountainous, which makes it highly expensive and sometimes almost impossible to build rails and stations. In other words, would governments and companies wish to develop the abovementioned means of transportation in rocky territories, they will be forced to build tunnels, bridges and additional platforms. No wonder central part of Italy, which is famous for its uneven landscapes, has a very limited number of railroads, especially compared to the northern part.
Secondly, it is worth mentioning that roads and highways provide with a much bigger freedom of choice and flexibility in terms of travel conditions. With a developed road network the population is able to choose whether to travel via public transportation or a private vehicle, would that be a car, or a motorcycle. It will therefore be up to the traveler to decide on the timing, the route and the companions of the trip. I observe it very often, how due to a low demand European railway companies reschedule departures and ask passengers to take a bus instead.
To conclude, the benefits of spending money on roads outweigh those of railways both because the former can be constructed on various types of landscapes and because it provides people with alternative ways to travel.
@cansha
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Employer should give longer holidays to employee to encourage them to do their job well. Do you agree or disagree?
Proficiency and perfectionism attains higher level of organizational and personal growth and Some people opine that, long vacations entice them for perform their task upto the expectation. I certainly assert that vacation is a vital ingredient for keeping employees fresh and motivated at work however, would it be the only component to entice executives’ to perform better?
On the one hand, long vacations sponsored by employer not only provides a break from the work and let them rejuvenate or spend their leisure time with family but also elevate their thought process to generate innovative idea which can be applied at work. This will eventually lead an employee to reach to the professionally improved version of oneself . This whole exercise may sound theoretical but has truly significant results if we consider past researches. To illustrate, major business ideas often strike when you are away from work and relaxed.
On the other hand, there is a byproduct for long vacation available wherein employer can invest into specific skill and trade training or workshops which could make the team member perform the work better. This looks logical also for the employees’ perspective if they are equipped with adequate training for their day-to-day task, they would perform good job at work provided that employee must nurture the training in a useful manner. To exemplify, an designer would certainly perform faster if it know the latest methodology and industry practices.
All things considered, longer paid holidays does help the worker to concentrate better and perform optimally however other crucial efforts like training and workshop for worker can be equally benefited and helpful for employee to become more productive and efficient.
Please check and be brutal and honest - Aim for 7
Proficiency and perfectionism attains higher level of organizational and personal growth and Some people opine that, long vacations entice them for perform their task upto the expectation. I certainly assert that vacation is a vital ingredient for keeping employees fresh and motivated at work however, would it be the only component to entice executives’ to perform better?
On the one hand, long vacations sponsored by employer not only provides a break from the work and let them rejuvenate or spend their leisure time with family but also elevate their thought process to generate innovative idea which can be applied at work. This will eventually lead an employee to reach to the professionally improved version of oneself . This whole exercise may sound theoretical but has truly significant results if we consider past researches. To illustrate, major business ideas often strike when you are away from work and relaxed.
On the other hand, there is a byproduct for long vacation available wherein employer can invest into specific skill and trade training or workshops which could make the team member perform the work better. This looks logical also for the employees’ perspective if they are equipped with adequate training for their day-to-day task, they would perform good job at work provided that employee must nurture the training in a useful manner. To exemplify, an designer would certainly perform faster if it know the latest methodology and industry practices.
All things considered, longer paid holidays does help the worker to concentrate better and perform optimally however other crucial efforts like training and workshop for worker can be equally benefited and helpful for employee to become more productive and efficient.
Please check and be brutal and honest - Aim for 7
Another attempt to write my way:
Governments should spend more money on railways rather than roads.
Do you agree or disagree?
Mode of transportation is critical from the beginning of times for mankind. Some are of the view that government should invest more money on railway system over road transportation. Although, I certainly assert this notion however railway travel should not be neglected.
There are numerous reason why rail system should be appreciated by government. Firstly, train routes development is not only going to last long but also contribute to huge sum of income in terms of revenue to the nation. Secondly, wouldn’t building more rail routes not lead to more stations and staff to manage them? This way government can easily originates healthy number of job for local citizen. Lastly, using the railroad government can easily connect distant location, which are unpractical to reach by road or may be dangerous to drive through till the destination. To exemplify, province of Alaska where reaching by driving is next to impossible due to exorbitant snow and unpredictable climate.
On the other hand, developing motor ways has own upside and must not be overshadowed. Roads and highways could easily be utilized to establish connectivity between suburbs and neighboring cities which is vitally essential for local population for day-to-day work or shopping. Moreover, road travel is adequate for daily and small trips around the city for different purpose.
All things considered, owing to its benefit which come back to the government in the form of taxes and also generate more jobs for local people, it is crucial for the government to invest more on railways however, road transport system shouldn’t be neglected as these can be vital for short distance and for daily commuting purposes
@H0peAndFa1th @cansha @artificial.nocturne.
Gentlemen - See if this qualifies for 7band
Governments should spend more money on railways rather than roads.
Do you agree or disagree?
Mode of transportation is critical from the beginning of times for mankind. Some are of the view that government should invest more money on railway system over road transportation. Although, I certainly assert this notion however railway travel should not be neglected.
There are numerous reason why rail system should be appreciated by government. Firstly, train routes development is not only going to last long but also contribute to huge sum of income in terms of revenue to the nation. Secondly, wouldn’t building more rail routes not lead to more stations and staff to manage them? This way government can easily originates healthy number of job for local citizen. Lastly, using the railroad government can easily connect distant location, which are unpractical to reach by road or may be dangerous to drive through till the destination. To exemplify, province of Alaska where reaching by driving is next to impossible due to exorbitant snow and unpredictable climate.
On the other hand, developing motor ways has own upside and must not be overshadowed. Roads and highways could easily be utilized to establish connectivity between suburbs and neighboring cities which is vitally essential for local population for day-to-day work or shopping. Moreover, road travel is adequate for daily and small trips around the city for different purpose.
All things considered, owing to its benefit which come back to the government in the form of taxes and also generate more jobs for local people, it is crucial for the government to invest more on railways however, road transport system shouldn’t be neglected as these can be vital for short distance and for daily commuting purposes
@H0peAndFa1th @cansha @artificial.nocturne.
Gentlemen - See if this qualifies for 7band
@H0peAndFa1th @cansha @artificial.nocturne please check the follwing essay and also give me feedback
Thanks in advance
In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing.
What do you think are the main reasons of it?
How can we deal with the possible causes?
We have seen a colossal rise in the density of crimes and in recent years, it has become a moot issue. This essay will discuss the main factors that are responsible for inducing offences and will also put forward some solutions for this perennial problem.
Socio-economic factors are one of the cardinal causes in burgeoning the rate of evil deeds, which includes cultural and racial discrimination, inequality, lack of education, poor leadership and so on. Due to no access of schools and colleges especially in far flung areas, poor people follow the path of committing crimes. To epitomize, less education amenities lead to unemployment and thereby resulting in poor masses get started indulging in offences like trafficking , robbery, etcetera. Hence amount of bad happenings is ameliorating day by day.
Admittedly, there are several pragmatic measures to escape the offenders from their dorm life. Firstly, government should intend to apprize the populace regarding the detrimental effects of crimes by organising awareness camps in countryside and urban areas. Secondly, extra-mural classes by ministry of education ought to be given to teenagers in order to make them aware pertinent to self respect and value of society.
In conclusion, it is inferred that ever increasing crime rate has become a massive threat. Both government and individuals should proactively be involved in making prudent decisions to combat this issue by knowing its dire affects.
Thanks in advance
In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing.
What do you think are the main reasons of it?
How can we deal with the possible causes?
We have seen a colossal rise in the density of crimes and in recent years, it has become a moot issue. This essay will discuss the main factors that are responsible for inducing offences and will also put forward some solutions for this perennial problem.
Socio-economic factors are one of the cardinal causes in burgeoning the rate of evil deeds, which includes cultural and racial discrimination, inequality, lack of education, poor leadership and so on. Due to no access of schools and colleges especially in far flung areas, poor people follow the path of committing crimes. To epitomize, less education amenities lead to unemployment and thereby resulting in poor masses get started indulging in offences like trafficking , robbery, etcetera. Hence amount of bad happenings is ameliorating day by day.
Admittedly, there are several pragmatic measures to escape the offenders from their dorm life. Firstly, government should intend to apprize the populace regarding the detrimental effects of crimes by organising awareness camps in countryside and urban areas. Secondly, extra-mural classes by ministry of education ought to be given to teenagers in order to make them aware pertinent to self respect and value of society.
In conclusion, it is inferred that ever increasing crime rate has become a massive threat. Both government and individuals should proactively be involved in making prudent decisions to combat this issue by knowing its dire affects.
@H0peAndFa1th @artificial.nocturne @cansha Kindly evaluate my essay
Writing task 2
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task
Write about the following topic
In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping.
Is this a positive or a negative development?
Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In recent years, it is evident that numerous small scale shops are closed due to the arrival of super markets and shopping malls. People nowadays are shifting their focus from small scale cost price shops to trendy malls by which they feel themselves are advancing. This trend is in fact diminishing the business of local shops, also reducing the employment as in such big malls, machineries are deployed over manual service.
In most of the urban and rural areas we could see that more shopping malls like Walmarts are crowded by people than in the departmental stores. But a decade ago, there were many small scale outlets which are in fact the source of income for many poor merchants, and low end labours who works for daily wages in such shops. Due to the invasion of western trend of shopping, the roles of smaller shops are reduced drastically. This directly pose threat to the lives of shop keepers and merchants and to their future. For example, in Delhi city centre, there is a market road, where in various shops were running by selling raw vegetables and fruits in the platforms. After the implementation of Reliance super markets, such road shops are vanished and moved out of spots. Thus, this kind of shopping centres put the lives of thousands of shop keepers behind the question mark.
One more significant negative cause of super markets is, lessened employment. Since most of the super markets are deployed with automated tools, bots and robots to serve customers, so, employing humans has become no scope. For instance, for billing, packing, and serving purpose, programmed tools are in usage rather than manual effort. As a consequence, it minimising the chances of employing humans.
In conclusion, although customers welcome big shopping malls and shopping centres, it is clearly seen that the arrival of super markets have replaced the existing local shops and put the livelihood of small scale shopkeepers under risk.
Writing task 2
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task
Write about the following topic
In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping.
Is this a positive or a negative development?
Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In recent years, it is evident that numerous small scale shops are closed due to the arrival of super markets and shopping malls. People nowadays are shifting their focus from small scale cost price shops to trendy malls by which they feel themselves are advancing. This trend is in fact diminishing the business of local shops, also reducing the employment as in such big malls, machineries are deployed over manual service.
In most of the urban and rural areas we could see that more shopping malls like Walmarts are crowded by people than in the departmental stores. But a decade ago, there were many small scale outlets which are in fact the source of income for many poor merchants, and low end labours who works for daily wages in such shops. Due to the invasion of western trend of shopping, the roles of smaller shops are reduced drastically. This directly pose threat to the lives of shop keepers and merchants and to their future. For example, in Delhi city centre, there is a market road, where in various shops were running by selling raw vegetables and fruits in the platforms. After the implementation of Reliance super markets, such road shops are vanished and moved out of spots. Thus, this kind of shopping centres put the lives of thousands of shop keepers behind the question mark.
One more significant negative cause of super markets is, lessened employment. Since most of the super markets are deployed with automated tools, bots and robots to serve customers, so, employing humans has become no scope. For instance, for billing, packing, and serving purpose, programmed tools are in usage rather than manual effort. As a consequence, it minimising the chances of employing humans.
In conclusion, although customers welcome big shopping malls and shopping centres, it is clearly seen that the arrival of super markets have replaced the existing local shops and put the livelihood of small scale shopkeepers under risk.
