IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

[velocityblood]

@H0peAndFa1th @artificial.nocturne @cansha
Guys, please check the evaluation done by writing9.com website for essay evaluation I have found that it is somewhere near to perfect evaluation. I did evaluate the two essay above about crime, one written by @Noor_100 and one done by me. It shows the bands as 4.5 and 6.5 respectively for both the essays.

 

[velocityblood]

@H0peAndFa1th @cansha @artificial.nocturne please check the follwing essay and also give me feedback
Thanks in advance
In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing.
What do you think are the main reasons of it?
How can we deal with the possible causes?

We have seen a colossal rise in the density of crimes and in recent years, it has become a moot issue. This essay will discuss the main factors that are responsible for inducing offences and will also put forward some solutions for this perennial problem.

Socio-economic factors are one of the cardinal causes in burgeoning the rate of evil deeds, which includes cultural and racial discrimination, inequality, lack of education, poor leadership and so on. Due to no access of schools and colleges especially in far flung areas, poor people follow the path of committing crimes. To epitomize, less education amenities lead to unemployment and thereby resulting in poor masses get started indulging in offences like trafficking , robbery, etcetera. Hence amount of bad happenings is ameliorating day by day.

Admittedly, there are several pragmatic measures to escape the offenders from their dorm life. Firstly, government should intend to apprize the populace regarding the detrimental effects of crimes by organising awareness camps in countryside and urban areas. Secondly, extra-mural classes by ministry of education ought to be given to teenagers in order to make them aware pertinent to self respect and value of society.

In conclusion, it is inferred that ever increasing crime rate has become a massive threat. Both government and individuals should proactively be involved in making prudent decisions to combat this issue by knowing its dire affects.

Evaluation at writing9.com suggestes below result for your essay.

5 linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8 mistakes, meeting the goal of 2
Band: 4.5

Stats
paragraphs: 4
sentences: 11
words: 230


Coherence and Cohesion
Band: 7

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
One main idea per paragraph
Include an introduction and conclusion
Support main points with an explanation and then an example
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Vary your linking phrases using synonyms

Lexical resource
Band: 6

Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes

Gramatical Range
Band: 5.5

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
Check your writing for errors

Task Achievement BETA
Band: 4

Answer all parts of the question
Present relevant ideas
Fully explain these ideas
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Rest
Words Count

 

[Aruntocanada]

Employer should give longer holidays to employee to encourage them to do their job well. Do you agree or disagree?


Proficiency and perfectionism attains higher level of organizational and personal growth and Some people opine that, long vacations entice them for perform their task upto the expectation. I certainly assert that vacation is a vital ingredient for keeping employees fresh and motivated at work however, would it be the only component to entice executives’ to perform better?


On the one hand, long vacations sponsored by employer not only provides a break from the work and let them rejuvenate or spend their leisure time with family but also elevate their thought process to generate innovative idea which can be applied at work. This will eventually lead an employee to reach to the professionally improved version of oneself . This whole exercise may sound theoretical but has truly significant results if we consider past researches. To illustrate, major business ideas often strike when you are away from work and relaxed.


On the other hand, there is a byproduct for long vacation available wherein employer can invest into specific skill and trade training or workshops which could make the team member perform the work better. This looks logical also for the employees’ perspective if they are equipped with adequate training for their day-to-day task, they would perform good job at work provided that employee must nurture the training in a useful manner. To exemplify, an designer would certainly perform faster if it know the latest methodology and industry practices.


All things considered, longer paid holidays does help the worker to concentrate better and perform optimally however other crucial efforts like training and workshop for worker can be equally benefited and helpful for employee to become more productive and efficient.


Please check and be brutal and honest - Aim for 7

@H0peAndFa1th @artificial.nocturne @cansha:

I can see little bit improvement in my writing since last time when I score 6.5 in writing. If you could check and point out if any of the ingredients are still mission in order to get 7, I will further work on them as planning to write on 11 May.

I review is much needed and yes it is not limited for the people tagged above, anyone who feels like giving feedback for my improvement - most welcome.

Thanks in advance

 

[Raman Boparai]

Evaluation at writing9.com suggestes below result for your essay.

5 linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8 mistakes, meeting the goal of 2
Band: 4.5

Stats
paragraphs: 4
sentences: 11
words: 230


Coherence and Cohesion
Band: 7

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
One main idea per paragraph
Include an introduction and conclusion
Support main points with an explanation and then an example
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Vary your linking phrases using synonyms

Lexical resource
Band: 6

Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes

Gramatical Range
Band: 5.5

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
Check your writing for errors

Task Achievement BETA
Band: 4

Answer all parts of the question
Present relevant ideas
Fully explain these ideas
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Rest
Words Count

Thanks alot

 

[oluseyi1]

May 11th IELTS candidates let's meet here

join this group if u r writing may 11th

 

[marosa]

Dear all, please kindly comment (version 2)


Governments should spend more money on railways rather than roads.
Do you agree or disagree?


Some people argue that it will be more beneficial if governmental institutions invest more in railway systems instead of roads. I do not agree with this statement, since roads are more cost efficient and provide people with higher flexibility.

To begin with, it is more expensive build railroads than highways when covering the same distance. Would a government decide to initiate with a railway construction, they will have to face additional costs including, building respective platforms, hiring support staff and constantly maintaining the rails. Instead, the authorities can invest in roads and use the savings in other projects, including healthcare, education or science. A recent study conducted by the students of Yerevan State University, faculty of Economics has shown that construction and maintenance of roads is 30% cheaper than that of railways.

Besides that, roads and highways provide with a much wider freedom of choice and flexibility in terms of travel conditions. In other words, with a developed road network the population is able to choose whether to travel via public transportation or a private vehicle. Those people, who possess their own means of transportation will benefit more from newly built roads than from railways, and the remaining will still be able to get to the planned destination by bus or carpooling services. It will therefore be up to the traveler to decide on the timing, the cost and the route of the trip. No wonder, a research by The New York Times published in summer 2017 has shown that only 30% of Americans prefers to travel by trains.

To conclude, the benefits of spending money on roads outweigh those of railways both because the former is efficient and because it provides people with alternative travel options.

 

[Aruntocanada]

S

Another attempt to write my way:

Governments should spend more money on railways rather than roads.

Do you agree or disagree?



Mode of transportation is critical from the beginning of times for mankind. Some are of the view that government should invest more money on railway system over road transportation. Although, I certainly assert this notion however railway travel should not be neglected.


There are numerous reason why rail system should be appreciated by government. Firstly, train routes development is not only going to last long but also contribute to huge sum of income in terms of revenue to the nation. Secondly, wouldn’t building more rail routes not lead to more stations and staff to manage them? This way government can easily originates healthy number of job for local citizen. Lastly, using the railroad government can easily connect distant location, which are unpractical to reach by road or may be dangerous to drive through till the destination. To exemplify, province of Alaska where reaching by driving is next to impossible due to exorbitant snow and unpredictable climate.


On the other hand, developing motor ways has own upside and must not be overshadowed. Roads and highways could easily be utilized to establish connectivity between suburbs and neighboring cities which is vitally essential for local population for day-to-day work or shopping. Moreover, road travel is adequate for daily and small trips around the city for different purpose.



All things considered, owing to its benefit which come back to the government in the form of taxes and also generate more jobs for local people, it is crucial for the government to invest more on railways however, road transport system shouldn’t be neglected as these can be vital for short distance and for daily commuting purposes

@H0peAndFa1th @cansha @artificial.nocturne.

Gentlemen - See if this qualifies for 7band

Senior Members, please check and share feedback:
Words : 270
Time : 32-35 Minutes
Ielts attempts : 5th

I am aware that you guys are all pretty occupied and if this not much to ask please do it as per your convenience.

Thanks in Advance

 

[Noor_100]

@cansha @H0peAndFa1th @artificial.nocturne kindly evaluate the below letter


Writing task 1

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
During a recent plane journey, you sat next to a businessman who owns a chain of restaurants. You talked to him and he suggested that you should contact him about a possible job in one of his restaurants.
Write a letter to this businessman. In your letter
Remind him when and where you met
Tell him what kind of job you are interested in
Say why you think you would be suitable for the job

Write at least 150 words.
You do not need to write any addresses.

Begin your letter as follows:

Dear………

Dear Smith,

This is Noor. We have met on previous Sunday in the flight from Dubai to India (A477) 11 P.M. We sat next to each other and had a worthful talk for the entire three hours of our travel. I hope you remember me. And I would like to remind that you have asked me to contact you regarding the job vacancy in your newly inaugurated Japanese restaurant in India.

Basically, I have fifteen years of experience as a Manager in a Chinese cuisine in Russia. Basically, my role is to manage workers, business, hotel tariffs and auditing. Currently, I am looking for a better opportunity in India for the same role and fortunately I met you. As you told me that you have started hiring management people for your recently opened Chinese restaurant, I would like to place my profile attached with thos letter to your attention for the Manager job.

I have basic knowledge and experience about Japanese food taste ,preparation and serving during my hotel management study days. Personally, I think that I can do better in the manager role, supervising the progress of the restaurant. Also, it is beneficial for me that the restaurant is located in my home nation, So I would not be in need of much vacation and can concentrate more in my work and productivity. Kindly consider my profile and let me know your decision.

Your faithfully,
Noor

 

[cansha]

Dear all, please kindly comment (version 2)


Governments should spend more money on railways rather than roads.
Do you agree or disagree?

Some people argue that it will be is more beneficial if governmental institutions invest more in railway systems instead of roads. I do not agree with this statement, since roads are more cost efficient and provide people with higher flexibility. See cost efficient is self explanatory in itself but the phrase in red is not. So, write it better.
The good - The introduction is clean and your opinion is clearly stated and I like that you have also given a "glimpse" of what will come in the essay or why you have the opinion you stated. So, you're setting up the essay well. But, as I stated before just write the second half of the argument better. What flexibility?
Also, when topic sentences are short as in this case, you can write an opening sentence before paraphrasing sentence so that introduction doesn't look too short.

To begin with, it is more expensive to build railroads than highways when covering the same distance. So, the argument is good but problem I see is that it is stated as if it is known universal truth. If it were, would they really ask you to discuss it in an essay. So, when you are stating facts like these back them up with some stats or study (It could be made up).
Would a government decide to initiate with a railway construction, they will have to face additional costs including, building respective platforms, hiring support staff and constantly maintaining the rails. I get the point but it is very weirdly worded.

Instead, the authorities can invest in roads and use the savings in other projects, including healthcare, education or science. Now this is hanging argument.

A recent study conducted by the students of Yerevan State University, faculty of Economics has shown that construction and maintenance of roads is 30% cheaper than that of railways. See I saw this line later. So you did actually do what I suggested above but see it is so out of place. It can go right after your opening sentence and you can combine those two sentences. For example

To begin with, it is more expensive to build railroads than highways when covering the same distance as demonstrated / illustrated / proven by recent study .... blah blah

So, you have ideas the execution is flawed. Work on the flow of the passage.


Besides that, roads and highways provide with a much wider freedom of choice and flexibility in terms of travel conditions.
In other words, I have lost count number of times I have advised people to avoid this phrase. So much so I had to write a separate post about it https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-90#post-7568485. Point 2.2 in above post.
with a developed road network the population is able to choose whether to travel via public transportation or a private vehicle. I think you have used too many words for a simple message. Both these sentences can be combined to write a much cleaner sentence.

Those people, who possess their own means of transportation will benefit more from newly built roads than from railways, and the remaining will still be able to get to the planned destination by bus or carpooling services. It will therefore be up to the traveler to decide on the timing, the cost and the route of the trip. No wonder, a research by The New York Times published in summer 2017 has shown that only 30% of Americans prefers to travel by trains. Okayish argument.

To conclude, the benefits of spending money on roads outweigh those of railways both because the former is efficient and because it provides people with alternative travel options.

Refer this post again on how to write conclusion. I think one line conclusions are dangerous unless you are a brilliant writer. https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-90#post-7568485

Overall positives are that there are no big issues with your language. Your command is good. The ideas are not too bad either but the presentation of ideas could be better. You probably need to spend some time in reading more essays and notice for yourself why you like a particular essay vs why you don't like one. In almost all my reviews I say this and I will repeat the key to write a good essay on IELTS is not keep practicing writing essays but to read more essays.

All the best!

 

[cansha]

Another attempt to write my way:

Governments should spend more money on railways rather than roads.

Do you agree or disagree?

Mode of transportation is critical from the beginning of times for mankind. Generic line is fine here as essay topic line is short
Some are of the view that government should invest more money on railway system over road transportation. Although, I certainly assert this notion Why? however railway travel should not be neglected. Why?
There is nothing wrong with the introduction but there is nothing exceptional either. I have always said that giving some glimpse of the essay will make your introduction better. Also, without even reading your essay I see that first body para is bigger than second body para which kind of gives me a feeling that the arguments and flow is not balanced somehow.

There are numerous reason why rail system should be appreciated by government. Wasting a line. Try to make sure that first line of body para is your main argument rather than a generic line.

Firstly, train routes development is not only going to last long but also contribute to huge sum of income in terms of revenue to the nation. How and Why?

Secondly, wouldn’t building more rail routes not lead to more stations and staff to manage them? This way government can easily originates healthy number of job for local citizen. How and Why?
Lastly, using the railroad government can easily connect distant location, which are unpractical to reach by road or may be dangerous to drive through till the destination. To exemplify, province of Alaska where reaching by driving is next to impossible due to exorbitant snow and unpredictable climate. So why does last argument demands a back up example but not the other two?


On the other hand, developing motor ways has its own upside and must not be overshadowed. Roads and highways could easily be utilized to establish connectivity between suburbs and neighboring cities which is vitally essential for local population for day-to-day work or shopping. Moreover, road travel is adequate for daily and small trips around the city for different purpose. I like the argument but are you comparing apples to apples here. You are making a distinction between railways for a longer distance but roads for local travel. But local trains exist? Don't they. I don't disagree with the argument but it is not presented well.

All things considered, owing to its benefit which come back to the government in the form of taxes Where is taxes in body paragraphs? Why a new argument in conclusion? Point 3.2 https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-90#post-7568485

and also generate more jobs for local people, it is crucial for the government to invest more on railways however, road transport system shouldn’t be neglected as these can be vital for short distance and for daily commuting purposes

I'll be honest there are some glimpses of ideas which could possibly fetch a 7 on test but the way this essay is written I don't think this particular essay will fetch a 7. All the best!

 

[akh136]

Hi guys

Please share your reviews
@artificial.nocturne @H0peAndFa1th @cansha and all others


Write about the following topic :
Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for child’s development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your opinion.

There are two popular schools of thought when it comes to educating children. One believes that it is best to educate children at home while the other , and the more popular one, believes that education should be imparted at schools. This essay will discuss the positives of both and will also conclude which one is better.

It is no secret that children begin their learning at home. Many people argue that this should be continued instead of sending them to school. Teaching at home allows children to set their own pace and results in lesser expenses for parents. Children also get time to explore a lot of other activities apart from studies if they are being taught at home.

School education, on the other hand, is the more popular method and majority of parents choose this for their children. School exposes children to real world and also allows them to be taught by experts who have gathered expertise in their particular fields. In spite of being expensive and more stressful , school education results in better returns as it follows a set structure and prepares children to face a variety of challenges.

In conclusion, I would state that in spite of having some flaws in terms of time and cost, school education is a better bet when compared to home education. In fact, it becomes even more effective if used in conjunction with some teaching at home. Parents should devote a portion of their time to review the progress and problems of the child . They should visit the school often to ensure that their child is on right track and should spend some time teaching them softer aspects of life, such as values and morals at home.

 

[Aruntocanada]

Mode of transportation is critical from the beginning of times for mankind. Generic line is fine here as essay topic line is short
Some are of the view that government should invest more money on railway system over road transportation. Although, I certainly assert this notion Why? however railway travel should not be neglected. Why?
There is nothing wrong with the introduction but there is nothing exceptional either. I have always said that giving some glimpse of the essay will make your introduction better. Also, without even reading your essay I see that first body para is bigger than second body para which kind of gives me a feeling that the arguments and flow is not balanced somehow.

There are numerous reason why rail system should be appreciated by government. Wasting a line. Try to make sure that first line of body para is your main argument rather than a generic line.

Firstly, train routes development is not only going to last long but also contribute to huge sum of income in terms of revenue to the nation. How and Why?

Secondly, wouldn’t building more rail routes not lead to more stations and staff to manage them? This way government can easily originates healthy number of job for local citizen. How and Why?
Lastly, using the railroad government can easily connect distant location, which are unpractical to reach by road or may be dangerous to drive through till the destination. To exemplify, province of Alaska where reaching by driving is next to impossible due to exorbitant snow and unpredictable climate. So why does last argument demands a back up example but not the other two?


On the other hand, developing motor ways has its own upside and must not be overshadowed. Roads and highways could easily be utilized to establish connectivity between suburbs and neighboring cities which is vitally essential for local population for day-to-day work or shopping. Moreover, road travel is adequate for daily and small trips around the city for different purpose. I like the argument but are you comparing apples to apples here. You are making a distinction between railways for a longer distance but roads for local travel. But local trains exist? Don't they. I don't disagree with the argument but it is not presented well.

All things considered, owing to its benefit which come back to the government in the form of taxes Where is taxes in body paragraphs? Why a new argument in conclusion? Point 3.2 https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-90#post-7568485

and also generate more jobs for local people, it is crucial for the government to invest more on railways however, road transport system shouldn’t be neglected as these can be vital for short distance and for daily commuting purposes

I'll be honest there are some glimpses of ideas which could possibly fetch a 7 on test but the way this essay is written I don't think this particular essay will fetch a 7. All the best!

Thanks for honest review and yes I now realized my errors and improving area. truly an eye opener!!

I had visited your post about essay very after writing this essay hence surely will inculcate those into my writing going forward.

Thanks again!

 

[marosa]

Some people argue that it will be is more beneficial if governmental institutions invest more in railway systems instead of roads. I do not agree with this statement, since roads are more cost efficient and provide people with higher flexibility. See cost efficient is self explanatory in itself but the phrase in red is not. So, write it better.
The good - The introduction is clean and your opinion is clearly stated and I like that you have also given a "glimpse" of what will come in the essay or why you have the opinion you stated. So, you're setting up the essay well. But, as I stated before just write the second half of the argument better. What flexibility?
Also, when topic sentences are short as in this case, you can write an opening sentence before paraphrasing sentence so that introduction doesn't look too short.

To begin with, it is more expensive to build railroads than highways when covering the same distance. So, the argument is good but problem I see is that it is stated as if it is known universal truth. If it were, would they really ask you to discuss it in an essay. So, when you are stating facts like these back them up with some stats or study (It could be made up).
Would a government decide to initiate with a railway construction, they will have to face additional costs including, building respective platforms, hiring support staff and constantly maintaining the rails. I get the point but it is very weirdly worded.

Instead, the authorities can invest in roads and use the savings in other projects, including healthcare, education or science. Now this is hanging argument.

A recent study conducted by the students of Yerevan State University, faculty of Economics has shown that construction and maintenance of roads is 30% cheaper than that of railways. See I saw this line later. So you did actually do what I suggested above but see it is so out of place. It can go right after your opening sentence and you can combine those two sentences. For example

To begin with, it is more expensive to build railroads than highways when covering the same distance as demonstrated / illustrated / proven by recent study .... blah blah

So, you have ideas the execution is flawed. Work on the flow of the passage.


Besides that, roads and highways provide with a much wider freedom of choice and flexibility in terms of travel conditions.
In other words, I have lost count number of times I have advised people to avoid this phrase. So much so I had to write a separate post about it https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-90#post-7568485. Point 2.2 in above post.
with a developed road network the population is able to choose whether to travel via public transportation or a private vehicle. I think you have used too many words for a simple message. Both these sentences can be combined to write a much cleaner sentence.

Those people, who possess their own means of transportation will benefit more from newly built roads than from railways, and the remaining will still be able to get to the planned destination by bus or carpooling services. It will therefore be up to the traveler to decide on the timing, the cost and the route of the trip. No wonder, a research by The New York Times published in summer 2017 has shown that only 30% of Americans prefers to travel by trains. Okayish argument.

To conclude, the benefits of spending money on roads outweigh those of railways both because the former is efficient and because it provides people with alternative travel options.

Refer this post again on how to write conclusion. I think one line conclusions are dangerous unless you are a brilliant writer. https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-90#post-7568485

Overall positives are that there are no big issues with your language. Your command is good. The ideas are not too bad either but the presentation of ideas could be better. You probably need to spend some time in reading more essays and notice for yourself why you like a particular essay vs why you don't like one. In almost all my reviews I say this and I will repeat the key to write a good essay on IELTS is not keep practicing writing essays but to read more essays.

All the best!

Thank you so much! I shall for sure spend the last week before the exam reading essays.

Could you please advise any resource for sample essays?

 

[marosa]

Is the essay below any closer to 7?
Also, could you please help me with the conclusion?

Thanks in advance!

Some people believe that capital punishment should never be used. Others, however, argue that it should be allowed for the most serious crimes.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that death penalty should be implemented for severe types of crime, while others argue that such an extreme punishment must not be used under no circumstances. I agree to the latter point of view, since capital punishment has irreversible consequences, despite some potential merits, including crime reduction.

On the one hand, it is considered that death penalty may result in a decrease in crime rates. The risk of being sentenced to death can hold back lawbreakers from severe illegal actions, would it be a murderer of an unseen cruelty, espionage or human trafficking. The fact of jeopardy of their own life would make the person think twice before committing crime. However, the recent analysis published by the Armenian Statistical Services has shown no major increase in crime rates since the cancellation of death penalty by the government.

On the other hand, many people claim that capital punishment has an irrecoverable effect. This mean of punishment directly affects a human’s life and is, therefore, too dangerous to be implemented. The smallest mistake made by the court or judges can lead to an innocent person’s death. Such a decision is impossible to cancel, after it has been applied. For instance, an article by The New York Times from November, 2014 told a story of a person who had been recognized to be sentenced to death by mistake, after the decision had been put in action.

To conclude, the drawbacks of capital punishment in terms of the impossibility to be cancelled, outweighs the advantages, including the possibility of crime reduction.

 

[akh136]

Is the essay below any closer to 7?
Also, could you please help me with the conclusion?

Thanks in advance!

Some people that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that death penalty should be implemented for severe types of crime, while others argue that such an extreme punishment must not be used under no circumstances. I agree to the latter point of view, since capital punishment has irreversible consequences, despite some potential merits, including crime reduction.

On the one hand, it is considered that death penalty may result in a decrease in crime rates. The risk of being sentenced to death can hold back lawbreakers from severe illegal actions, would it be a murderer of an unseen cruelty, espionage or human trafficking. The fact of jeopardy of their own life would make the person think twice before committing crime. However, the recent analysis published by the Armenian Statistical Services has shown no major increase in crime rates since the cancellation of death penalty by the government.

On the other hand, many people claim that capital punishment has an irrecoverable effect. This mean of punishment directly affects a human’s life and is, therefore, too dangerous to be implemented. The smallest mistake made by the court or judges can lead to an innocent person’s death. Such a decision is impossible to cancel, after it has been applied. For instance, an article by The New York Times from November, 2014 told a story of a person who had been recognized to be sentenced to death by mistake, after the decision had been put in action.

To conclude, the drawbacks of capital punishment in terms of the impossibility to be cancelled, outweighs the advantages, including the possibility of crime reduction.

Hi , before we get to the aspects like grammar and vocab , I think your score will take a severe beating in Task Achievement itlsef and it will potentially affect your score in other areas as well.

As far as I can see, the question asks you to discuss if there should be a fixed punishment for every type of crime or things like circumstances and motivation should affect the punishment on case to case basis. You have hardly discussed this aspect; your essay largely talks about whether or not capital punishment should be awarded.

This alone should pull the band score down considerably. I will leave the exact estimation on more experienced users.

Cheers