Well, I actually provided my feedback on grammar only. As some of the issues about essay organization and developing logic can be seen in old posts in this thread. There are very precious tips in old posts. I suggest you go through all the corrections in this thread.It means that I have to work harder and harder on my grammar. So many mistakes.
IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.
- Thread starter H0peAndFa1th
- Start date
Today more people are overweight than ever before. What in your opinion are the primary causes of this? What measures can be taken to overcome this epidemic?
Nowadays, obesity has become a prevalent problem. There are many causes of excessive weight gain such as unhealthy dietary habits, and this essay discusses some of the solutions to tackle this issue.
People are increasingly gaining weight because of the food they consume. Fast food has become extremely common and easily available at low prices, and individuals eat it more often. This kind of food has high calorie and fat content, which leads to morbid obesity. Moreover, media has advertised these food items without any details about the contents and their negative consequences to the human body. For instance, an online poll showed that 50% Americans are obese due to large consumption of fast food such as pizzas and burgers.
There are many solutions to this problem of increasing weight in today’s society. Firstly, governments can implement high taxes on fast food. People will not be able to afford unhealthy food easily, as a result of which they will incline towards other types of meals. Secondly, TV commercials and promotions on the internet regarding high-calorie food should be checked and honest information should be printed on the food labels. In this way, people will be rightly guided and then they will be aware of the harmful contents they are consuming. For example, in China all meals come with detailed labels about ingredients and calories.
In conclusion, people are becoming overweight because of excessive fast food consumption and promotions, and governments can ensure taxes on these products and media can also illuminate people about the calories of the food they eat, which will eventually lead to decreased incidence of obesity.
Nowadays, obesity has become a prevalent problem. There are many causes of excessive weight gain such as unhealthy dietary habits, and this essay discusses some of the solutions to tackle this issue.
People are increasingly gaining weight because of the food they consume. Fast food has become extremely common and easily available at low prices, and individuals eat it more often. This kind of food has high calorie and fat content, which leads to morbid obesity. Moreover, media has advertised these food items without any details about the contents and their negative consequences to the human body. For instance, an online poll showed that 50% Americans are obese due to large consumption of fast food such as pizzas and burgers.
There are many solutions to this problem of increasing weight in today’s society. Firstly, governments can implement high taxes on fast food. People will not be able to afford unhealthy food easily, as a result of which they will incline towards other types of meals. Secondly, TV commercials and promotions on the internet regarding high-calorie food should be checked and honest information should be printed on the food labels. In this way, people will be rightly guided and then they will be aware of the harmful contents they are consuming. For example, in China all meals come with detailed labels about ingredients and calories.
In conclusion, people are becoming overweight because of excessive fast food consumption and promotions, and governments can ensure taxes on these products and media can also illuminate people about the calories of the food they eat, which will eventually lead to decreased incidence of obesity.
An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and health care costs.
Why do you think so many children are overweight?
what could be done to solve this problem?
A continuous increase has been seen recently in the number of children getting obese. This may lead to several health problems and medication issues to cure obesity related diseases. This essay is going to discuss some of the possible causes of obesity and its solutions.
First and for most reason of fatness is massive usage of fast food in kids. Burgers and sandwiches have become an effective replacement, in terms of cost and time, of usual homemade food for most of the parents. Hence, such eatables containing higher levels of cholesterol and fats are resulting in weight gain for children. This issue can be resolved by moving back to the conventional food, cooked at home. And governments ought to discourage fast food chains to offer cheap child-offers by imposing heavy taxes.
Secondly, lack of exercise has also resulted in increasing fatness in teens. With the arrival of gaming apps in tablets and mobiles, children have stopped doing any sort of physical activities. For instance, during late 90’s I was unable to find any empty Cricket or Football ground in my town. Such was the rush and amount of children taking part in physical games. Things now, however, has been changed dramatically. Computer games have replaced those real life activities and grounds are empty nowadays. This problem can be fixed through offering incentives on taking part in physical activities. Academics should include a subject of physical activities at primary and secondary level of education. Moreover, imposing levies on internet usage and social media apps can cure this disease too.
To conclude, this essay has thoroughly discussed different causes of increase in numbers of children becoming fat and presented several solutions to overcome this continuously growing problem.
Why do you think so many children are overweight?
what could be done to solve this problem?
A continuous increase has been seen recently in the number of children getting obese. This may lead to several health problems and medication issues to cure obesity related diseases. This essay is going to discuss some of the possible causes of obesity and its solutions.
First and for most reason of fatness is massive usage of fast food in kids. Burgers and sandwiches have become an effective replacement, in terms of cost and time, of usual homemade food for most of the parents. Hence, such eatables containing higher levels of cholesterol and fats are resulting in weight gain for children. This issue can be resolved by moving back to the conventional food, cooked at home. And governments ought to discourage fast food chains to offer cheap child-offers by imposing heavy taxes.
Secondly, lack of exercise has also resulted in increasing fatness in teens. With the arrival of gaming apps in tablets and mobiles, children have stopped doing any sort of physical activities. For instance, during late 90’s I was unable to find any empty Cricket or Football ground in my town. Such was the rush and amount of children taking part in physical games. Things now, however, has been changed dramatically. Computer games have replaced those real life activities and grounds are empty nowadays. This problem can be fixed through offering incentives on taking part in physical activities. Academics should include a subject of physical activities at primary and secondary level of education. Moreover, imposing levies on internet usage and social media apps can cure this disease too.
To conclude, this essay has thoroughly discussed different causes of increase in numbers of children becoming fat and presented several solutions to overcome this continuously growing problem.
Thanks for the detailed review! respect!
I have got my errors and working on it. Posting another on if you can review that too..
Please review my essay as my exam is on 5 jan and seeking 7 Band.
Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?
People often indulge themselves in advance sports because of fun and thrill which they receive out of them. Some people hold the opinion that the games like skydiving and skiing which are highly risky and should be banned or stopped. I strongly disagree with this notion and will discuss the details in this essay.
The main reasons why these activities are harmless as they abide by rules and regulations for the safety and security of the participants which are designed by the government authorities. Moreover, these games are constructed in such a way that they provide most of the fun without risking life. Additionally, people who tend to go for these sports usually undergo a certain amount of training before they actually them. Also, usually a trained professional or a guide accompany the player who is participating in order to handle any unforeseen circumstances.
Furthermore, there are a few reasons why these activities should not be stopped or banned as they are not open to all the age groups which means it is not available for young ones and elderly people. Also, opting to experience these activities is truly based on personal preference and choice. Moreover, these games not only provide a sense of excitement but also push people of their comfort zone. Additionally, these sports make people learn how to fight with their own fear and increase their risk-taking capability which is crucial to face and handle day-to-day complexities.
To conclude, I strongly believe that these activities are not as risky as they are designed and follow safety guidelines and carried out after training. They cannot be banned also as they are available to certain age groups and subject to their sole interest also it helps people to gain some excitement and learn to tackle daily challenges.
Please review and let me know if this can fetch Band 7 or not.
Thanks in advance!
Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?
People often indulge themselves in advance sports because of fun and thrill which they receive out of them. Some people hold the opinion that the games like skydiving and skiing which are highly risky and should be banned or stopped. I strongly disagree with this notion and will discuss the details in this essay.
The main reasons why these activities are harmless as they abide by rules and regulations for the safety and security of the participants which are designed by the government authorities. Moreover, these games are constructed in such a way that they provide most of the fun without risking life. Additionally, people who tend to go for these sports usually undergo a certain amount of training before they actually them. Also, usually a trained professional or a guide accompany the player who is participating in order to handle any unforeseen circumstances.
Furthermore, there are a few reasons why these activities should not be stopped or banned as they are not open to all the age groups which means it is not available for young ones and elderly people. Also, opting to experience these activities is truly based on personal preference and choice. Moreover, these games not only provide a sense of excitement but also push people of their comfort zone. Additionally, these sports make people learn how to fight with their own fear and increase their risk-taking capability which is crucial to face and handle day-to-day complexities.
To conclude, I strongly believe that these activities are not as risky as they are designed and follow safety guidelines and carried out after training. They cannot be banned also as they are available to certain age groups and subject to their sole interest also it helps people to gain some excitement and learn to tackle daily challenges.
Please review and let me know if this can fetch Band 7 or not.
Thanks in advance!
Spend next two days reading more reviews if possible. May be go back some 20/30 pages on this thread.
Introduction is okay. Could be better. But it will do.
Ideas are clear and on point. There are some avoidable phrases and mistakes. Overall good.
Overall ideas are coherent so no issues. But I would personally state them a little differently so that task response is a little more clear. Just say people should have independence in making their own decisions and state should not be making decisions on an adult's behalf.
The approach of conclusion is good.
Okay I will ignore the issues of phrasing but it is difficult to ignore mistakes like "advance" sports and missing verbs. If this was the exact essay on the exam 7 will become challenging because of those mistakes and may get a 7 on EOR (if you're lucky).
Now, let's assume those mistakes were an oversight and you won't commit those on actual exam. I think ideas are related to topic and approach for introduction and conclusion is good. It can get a 7. BUT two suggestions which are easily implementable even with paucity of time
1. Try to give a little glimpse of your essay in introduction. Avoid that generic line at the end of the introduction. It would give more flavor to the essay.
2. Avoid these phrases " The main reasons are". "These are the reasons".
All the best!
Spend next two days reading more reviews if possible. May be go back some 20/30 pages on this thread. :: I am very much on this suggestion before my exam. Should i write now too or just grab the feedback from review?
So most fun doesn't have risk but some part of fun has risk? Why use such ambiguous language. Easily avoidable. Do i have to be logical while presenting my point as this is not my knowledge test, I suppose I can follow and explain whatever I feel like regardless they are releavent..Please enlighten.
The main reasons and Furthermore, there are a few reasons why these activities :: this has been suggested by my trainer who is checking my essays.
EX :
The main reason why I believe these sports should not be
banned is because rules and training are: https://www.ieltsanswers.com/ielts-writing-types-essays.html
Now, I am confused which structure to follow, please guide.
I am working on spelling , sentence structure and irreleavent words.
Thanks for helping.
Your personal choice. I already gave my opinion. Asking it again won't change it. You asking again only shows you have different idea. Then follow your gut.
Well most people will say this is a language test and your logic is not being tested. That argument is fair but ambiguous. If that is true why do they have a criteria for evaluation called "Task Response". Again, you asking this question again won't change my opinion and I will give the same answer again. If you're not convinced, ignore!
If you have a trainer already, why are you looking for feedback here? Essays are subjective and you are bound to get contradictory advice on many aspects. For your own sanity follow one feedback. Again, you asking question again won't change my opinion. And I'm very clear in my head your trainer's advice is useless. NOW, does it give you clarity or confuses you?
And for the Nth time I will repeat. You asking me again won't change my opinion or conviction. I give reviews based on what I believe and I always say essays are subjective. You are free to ignore some or all of the suggestions.
How are you working on these?
I am reading correct sentences and checking on spellings.
Don't get me wrong, I am just cautious and worried about my exam. Thanks in advance
No No .. I'm not. May be you got me wrong and it is possible because there is a limitation of written communication. My whole point is two different people will always give you two different views on something as subjective as an essay. Hence, confusion is inevitable. Therefore, it is futile to ask me about suggestion given by your trainer and similarly futile to ask your trainer about any suggestions I may have made here. Because, our suggestions are based on what we think is a "good essay".
In the end you need to pick a style that works for you. And apart from a few quirks in IELTS (which you need to cover) there is nothing really right or wrong cast in stone.
All the best for your exam! You will do well.
Thanks for your wishes and yes I have figured my style and will do with confidence!!
Hi, Thanks @cansha for your advice. I did go thru the videos on Liz's website, and trying another recent topic. Would be grateful for your kind review:
Some people feel online courses are better while others feel classroom courses are good? Discuss both views and give your opinion.
The advent of technology has transformed the delivery of courses in schools and colleges, giving rise to a new medium of learning, i.e. online courses. These online courses find favour from a large section of people who feel they are much better compared to the classroom courses. I feel online courses are a good option, but they cannot have same impact as classroom learning.
One of the key advantages of online courses is they obviate the distances between learner and teacher, thereby enabling the students to access such courses from best institutions in the world, resulting in wider opportunities for both the learner and teacher. Such online courses are mostly in form of video lectures with interactive facilities, facilitating the illustration of topics via multimedia, helping the students to grasp the concepts well. The instructor needs to exercise caution to keep online courses to be very simple and easy to understand for students with different nationalities and academic backgrounds. With these courses, a student can enrol with a local university and still study the courses taught online in globally recognised institutions.
On the other hand, classroom courses have been the traditional method of teaching that requires students and teacher to assemble in a classroom. Mostly classroom courses have multiple students being taught the same topic at the same time, helping students to interact with each other and the teacher, which results in group learning. In recent times, classroom courses have also been enriched with the use of technological innovations like presentations, live demonstrations, etc. The main advantage of classroom courses lies in the ability to communicate with teacher in person for resolving any doubts or queries.
To conclude, online courses have considerably enhanced the world of education, they can be best used to augment a student's learning of specific topics rather than being the only medium of teaching. While each student has its own preference, I feel classroom courses are more effective and cannot be substituted by online courses.
Some people feel online courses are better while others feel classroom courses are good? Discuss both views and give your opinion.
The advent of technology has transformed the delivery of courses in schools and colleges, giving rise to a new medium of learning, i.e. online courses. These online courses find favour from a large section of people who feel they are much better compared to the classroom courses. I feel online courses are a good option, but they cannot have same impact as classroom learning.
One of the key advantages of online courses is they obviate the distances between learner and teacher, thereby enabling the students to access such courses from best institutions in the world, resulting in wider opportunities for both the learner and teacher. Such online courses are mostly in form of video lectures with interactive facilities, facilitating the illustration of topics via multimedia, helping the students to grasp the concepts well. The instructor needs to exercise caution to keep online courses to be very simple and easy to understand for students with different nationalities and academic backgrounds. With these courses, a student can enrol with a local university and still study the courses taught online in globally recognised institutions.
On the other hand, classroom courses have been the traditional method of teaching that requires students and teacher to assemble in a classroom. Mostly classroom courses have multiple students being taught the same topic at the same time, helping students to interact with each other and the teacher, which results in group learning. In recent times, classroom courses have also been enriched with the use of technological innovations like presentations, live demonstrations, etc. The main advantage of classroom courses lies in the ability to communicate with teacher in person for resolving any doubts or queries.
To conclude, online courses have considerably enhanced the world of education, they can be best used to augment a student's learning of specific topics rather than being the only medium of teaching. While each student has its own preference, I feel classroom courses are more effective and cannot be substituted by online courses.
Introduction is okay. The first line, in my opinion, is good in terms of attempt but execution is flawed.
Topic was to discuss how online courses may be better than classroom teaching. Barring the first convoluted sentence there isn't much about that.
Ok that's it? Where is the comparison of online vs classroom? How do I know why you think classroom is better? I don't see it here.
Your argument online courses have videos. Now classroom also has presentations and you can ask questions. That's it?
Ok let's start with positives. Your English and grammar are very good. You obviously have a very good vocabulary also. Your English ability is definitely among the better candidates who have posted their essays before.
Given the above, honestly, I'm a bit disappointed by the above essay. The task response is just not there. A little bit better task response and you can score even a 8 given your better language skills and no grammatical errors. But with a task response like this it is touch and go. Mostly you will get a 6.5 which may get enhanced to 7 in EOR.
I think someone else also posted essay on same topic few days back. You can check that review and a post after that for content ideas.
Just spend a little more time in thinking about the topic and organizing your thoughts. You should be able to crack essay relatively easily.
All the best!