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IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

Akhil Soni

Star Member
Feb 9, 2018
108
18
Hi friends,
Kindly evaluate this essay and guide me for areas of improvement in this. Thank you.

Some people believe that a great difference in age between parents and children is more beneficial. Do you think advantage of a greater age difference outweighs the disadvantage?

Over the years, burgeoning popularity of delayed marriages has resulted in huge age gap between parents and their children. While some individuals consider it as more advantageous, from my perspective, the benefits of this trend are eclipsed by its drawbacks.

The only possible advantage of big age difference between two successive generations of a family that can be conceived is better parental care of children in their growing years. The reasons for the better rearing of children by older parents can be attributed to better professional settlement of such parents. Usually, people marry late in order to establish themselves professionally. Therefore, by the time their children enter school, they can contribute more time in the upbringing of their children because they are not struggling to establish a strong footing for themselves professionally. This notion is fortified by a recent research conducted by Oxford University, which concluded that in primary school studies children of middle aged parents, outperformed other children of parents in the age group of 25 – 30 years. Thus, better care of children and adolescents can be perceived as a benefit of this phenomenon.

On the contrary, there are two main drawbacks out of many which outweigh the only advantage discussed above. Firstly, in older age, people become completely dependent on their off springs who are still struggling to create a niche for themselves in the professional world. Many a times, poor health of older parents presents itself as a major obstacle in the career path of such children. In addition, big age difference between these parents and their wards often lead to differences in opinion. This results in quarrels and communication breakdown eventually occurs between the two generations. Consequently, tranquility of domestic environment is damaged.

In conclusion, the impressive upbringing of children by the older parents is the only positive aspect of this trend which is completely overpowered by serious drawbacks like hindered professional growth of their children and hostile interactions due to difference of opinions between the two generations.
 
Last edited:

Scottpark77

Star Member
Apr 2, 2018
185
17
Let me Join the crew! I tried to keep it simple as much as possible.
Write a letter to your friend. In your letter,
· offer to find somewhere to stay
· give advice about what to do
· give information about what clothes to bring
You should write at least 150 words.

Dear Frank,

It was good to hear that you would be on your graduation trip for two weeks in Edmonton next month. Since I know everything about the city, you contacted the right one for those questions.

First of all, you can definitely stay at my place. You can also choose to stay at any hotel but I will not recommend it because of their high cost. Since we were roommates during university time, why not save money on accommodation and spend it to have more fun at other places?

For your leisure time, you can go shopping at West Edmonton Mall, the largest shopping center in North America. You will be able to find everything you need. Also, the Royal Alberta Museum that has been closed for a year is re-opening next week. We can go there together when we have free time.

Only one thing that you have to be careful when packing is, that you need to bring warmest clothes that you have. Temperature is going to be below minus 20 Celsius degree by the time you arrive here.

Please get back to me with details of your flight so that I can pick you up at the airport.

Yours,
PI
 

cansha

VIP Member
Aug 1, 2018
6,676
5,855
Oooh looking at the growth of this thread I’m thinking of starting my own ielts reviewing classes. Who wants to pay me money :D:D:D

Jokes apart. I think the anonymity provided by the forums help. But I think once in a while a group call (voice and not video anonymity and privacy are important for people to feel comfortable ) may help.

Most platforms have group call feature where we don’t have to use phone numbers etc.

If you guys think it can help we can have a group call and review stuff together and ask questions and help each other.

So

1. Will it be useful?
2. Who wants to do it?
3. What’s the best way of doing it without compromising anyone’s privacy and anonymity ?
4. What ground rules we want for such a call ? ( like no personal questions etc.)

Will review the new content soon.
 
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H0peAndFa1th

Hero Member
Jun 19, 2017
485
471
Oooh looking at the growth of this thread I’m thinking of starting my own ielts reviewing classes. Who wants to pay me money :D:D:D

Jokes apart. I think the anonymity provided by the forums help. But I think once in a while a group call (voice and not video anonymity and privacy are important for people to feel comfortable ) may help.

Most platforms have group call feature where we don’t have to use phone numbers etc.

If you guys think it can help we can have a group call and review stuff together and ask questions and help each other.

So

1. Will it be useful?
2. Who wants to do it?
3. What’s the best way of doing it without compromising anyone’s privacy and anonymity ?
4. What ground rules we want for such a call ? ( like no personal questions etc.)

Will review the new content soon.
nice idea, but hard to implement, you will end up in frustration and more work load, nobody gonna pay ya....
 

cansha

VIP Member
Aug 1, 2018
6,676
5,855
nice idea, but hard to implement, you will end up in frustration and more work load, nobody gonna pay ya....
Ha ha don’t need payment man. That was a joke and anyways too much complication.

The idea and all the help is free. But you’re right implementation is difficult and depends on how much people are willing to do it etc etc.

Idea was because sometimes while reviewing I feel like it would be better to explain without writing too much.
 

H0peAndFa1th

Hero Member
Jun 19, 2017
485
471
Ha ha don’t need payment man. That was a joke and anyways too much complication.

The idea and all the help is free. But you’re right implementation is difficult and depends on how much people are willing to do it etc etc.

Idea was because sometimes while reviewing I feel like it would be better to explain without writing too much.
I know payment idea was a joke.

I believe explaining in writing is much better, because if you speak they will forget right after, here they have a proof, they can read again and again.
 
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cansha

VIP Member
Aug 1, 2018
6,676
5,855
Hi
@H0peAndFa1th @cansha ,


I tried this same essay.. please check and let me know if i could score 7.5 for this attempt! desperately aiming for CLB 10 to increase my score 441(max I can score ! )
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nowadays, sophisticated devices have become a double-edged sword for the society. Although there are myriads of benefits from its usage, there are various disadvantages as well. This essay will discuss the pitfalls of using smart devices and discuss different perspectives around it.
Hopeandfaith has done an excellent review of the essay. I just want to mention two more things which I see in many essays but I'm using yours as an example to illustrate it. Hope you won't mind it.

1. First one is related to English Grammar. So as you may have seen in the video from Hope that they award you marks based on cohesion. And one criteria for that is substitution. One method of substitution is using pronouns. BUT I see mistakes in subject pronoun agreement.

For example, your second sentence has pronoun as "its". What is your subject? "sophisticated devices". Your subject is plural. And hence pronoun needs to be plural too. So its needs to be replaced by their.

I know it is probably too long a explanation for a small error. The reason is that it is easy to fix but difficult to spot. Hope it helps everyone.

2. Second point is related to word choice. Now myriads is a good vocab word. But read your sentence.
Myriad advantages
Various disadvantages
Just by word choice it shows that there are "countless" advantages BUT "different" kind of disadvantages.

Two issues

a. Various very rarely denotes "number". It generally is used to show there are different kind of things. Yes we do use to denote a number sometimes but even so that would rather mean "a small number"

b. Reading that sentence gives reader a feeling that there are so many advantages but very few disadvantages.

Now if we read the essay you mention 3 disadvantages but only ONE advantage.

Is it a big issue? IS IELTS examiner even thinking at that level. Honestly, I don't know BUT I think it is good to use words judiciously and make sure they go with overall argument of essay.

Again, this review was not limited to tech_girl's essay. I see this in many other essays but difficult to write a big post every time.

Hope it helps! if it doesn't ignore. All the best everyone!
 

cansha

VIP Member
Aug 1, 2018
6,676
5,855
An English-speaking friend wants to spend a two-week holiday in your region and has written asking for information and advice.
Write a letter to your friend. In your letter,
· offer to find somewhere to stay
· give advice about what to do
· give information about what clothes to bring
You should write at least 150 words.

Hi Winston,

Hope you are doing good. ! You can use an exclamation mark instead of a full stop as it is a informal letter and shows your excitement.
I am (since this is a informal letter you can use contraction like I'm) so excited to know about your visit to Vancouver. Didn't know you are in Canada man :D Joking!

I am sure we will have a great time once again. I am writing this letter to tell you about few things about my city in advance so that you can plan your trip in an a better way.
Few grammatical errors and few suggestions. Overall good!

First of all, accommodation is a bit expensive here, especially if someone tries to live near downtown area. I can help you to rent an apartment in downtown which will be quite economical for you. Moreover, this city has so many offerings e.g. beautiful warm beaches, crowded clubs, lush green parks and many other site-seeing options. Besides, you can enjoy the delicious and economical food at famous fortress food street. I would advise you to bring some light clothes with you as it is generally not very cold here, so you might feel uncomfortable in warm clothes.Unnecessary and incorrectly worded too

Let me know you need any futher information. Looking forward to your visit with great anticipation.

Regards,
AMK
No big issues. I think you're ready for task 1. make sure you avoid grammar errors. For task 1 try to keep it as simple as possible.
 

cansha

VIP Member
Aug 1, 2018
6,676
5,855
Hello everyone,
I've tried to attempt informal letter this time. Topic is same as @Moeedkh :)
Please help to improve my tone in informal letters and other mistakes if any.
Thanks in advance.

An English-speaking friend wants to spend a two-week holiday in your region and has written asking for information and advice. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter
·
offer to find somewhere to stay
· give advice about what to do
· give information about what clothes to bring


You should write at least 150 words.
Dear Jack,

I’m (use of contraction in informal letter good) pleased to know that you’re coming to Goa for a fourteen-day vacation and thank you for asking me about this excursion. I’m just writing this letter to give you some guidance with regards to for your trip, which would be absolutely informative for you.
To begin with, (video impact) I would be deliriously happy if you stay at my residence. Otherwise, I can arrange for a convenient and cost-effective guest house nearby my residence if you so wish.
My city offers multitude of places to pay a visit, ranging from white sandy beaches to first-rate restaurants full of finger-licking cuisines. Having said that, I recommend you a club, which must be on your bucket list while staying here, a Photography Club. As I ‘m aware that you are an avid photographer you will assuredly admire this place. Additionally, you can adore commercial?? nightlife of Goa with prominent trance parties. Now I want to go to Goa!!
One more thing, you don’t require to carry warm clothes, since the weather is tropical here most of the time. In addition, you can pack some loose beach wear t-shirts to cherish the ambiance of Goa in Goan style.

Please inform me well in advance so that I can pick you up at the airport and I’m sure we shall have a marvelous time catching up.

Yours truly,

Agam
Well written. Will fetch a high band if same was written on the test. Need to be careful about a few things marked in red.
 
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cansha

VIP Member
Aug 1, 2018
6,676
5,855
Let me Join the crew! I tried to keep it simple as much as possible.
Write a letter to your friend. In your letter,
· offer to find somewhere to stay
· give advice about what to do
· give information about what clothes to bring
You should write at least 150 words.
Okay one more letter on same topic. Here we go!

Dear Frank,

It was good to hear that you would be on your graduation trip for two weeks in Edmonton next month. Since I know everything about the city, you contacted the right one person for those questions.
First of all, you can definitely stay at my place. You can also choose to stay at any hotel but I will not recommend it because of their high cost. Since we were roommates during university time, why not save money on accommodation and spend it to have more fun at other places? Yes seems like a good idea ;)
For your leisure time, you can go for shopping at West Edmonton Mall, the largest shopping center in North America. You will be able to find everything you need. Also, the Royal Alberta Museum that has been closed for a year, is re-opening next week. We can go there together when we have free time.
Only one thing that you have to be careful when packing is, that you need to bring warmest clothes that you have. Just seems complicated to read
Temperature is going to be below minus 20 Celsius degree (degree Celsius may be ??) by the time you arrive here.

Please get back to me with details of your flight so that I can pick you up at the airport.

Yours,
PI
You can write task 1. Try a few formal topics and you are all set!
 

cansha

VIP Member
Aug 1, 2018
6,676
5,855
The 21st century has begun. What changes do you think this new century will bring?
Use examples and details in your answer.
Okay I reviewed the essay and again had to come back to say this. I understand this is a tough topic. Very tough and different from traditional topics we see here. My suggestion would be that when you are trying to write a new essay type do not time yourself and try to write an essay in 30-35 minutes. Give yourself time to make sure you understand what is needed.

21st Century has already begun and we are almost a quarter-way through this century. This century is expected to bring some drastic changes in the geopolitical environment of the world as well as lifestyle of the people. The significant advancements in internet (I of Internet is always Capital. This mistake is throughout the essay) and computing power coupled with research on alternative energy sources in the end of 20th of century, has set the stage for transformations, we are currently observing and expecting in future.
I was happy to see the introduction till Geo-polictical and lifestyle of people. What happened after that? I can't see how the next line is an extension of previous line. What's the relationship?
Doesn't your second line say what is expected in this century? And then you go to two more topics. Okay fine. Let's go ahead and see where it goes.

The advent of internet and computers are the two major inventions of last century, which can be attributed to dramatic changes we are expecting today. Good sentence but low value add. Why waste time on facts which belong to last century. Also you already established Internet as major invention in previous paragraph.
Such quick flow of information that is possible today due to high speed internet and rising computing power, has never been witnessed in the history of the world. Again a low value statement. Doesn't establish your argument.
This has opened doors for the widespread and quick dissemination of information which was previously confined to powerful quarters of the world. Okay how?

Similarly, enhancing computing power has given birth to virtual currencies, which cannot be controlled by any government or super-power. This is the first time you mention a concrete example which shows disruption of this century. Why not take this to beginning of the para and then build arguments around virtual currencies. See in above lines you are saying a lot of words BUT there is no concrete message. Seems like you started writing and then this idea hit you but by the time it was time to finish the para.

This prompt flow of information and completely independent financial system is surely expected to modify the political environment of the world along with lifestyle of general public. Okay I lost count on how many times you have established the fact around prompt flow of information. How is that going to impact political environment is still not established.
This is probably the weakest paragraph I have seen from you. You can write much better. You have written much better before!

Secondly, research on alternative energy is expected to meet a major break-through in 21st century.
Oil reserves are depleting with the passage of time and their prices have reached to unprecedented levels. It has become inevitable for the world to identify and utilize alternate sources for energy.
Research has been started since last century and many new sources has been identified such as Solar energy, Ethanol, Bio-fuels, wind energy and nuclear energy. All of this sources are already contributing in meeting the world energy requirements but their contribution is still very low.
The on-going hustle in the research on these technologies is soon expected to bring improvement in their output and we will soon witness effective utilization of alternative energy sources.
This para is better than previous one BUT still has similar issues. But still the message is consistent. It is very weak on establishing how it will be different from previous century besides one line on "effective utilization"


To recapitulate, quick flow of information, autonomous financial system and a new oil for the world will shake the world from its roots and we can certainly expect dilution of power and a new way of living for the citizens of the world.
The essay doesn't establish anything about dilution of power and new way of living. This is not at the same level as your own previous essays.

I think forget about this essay. Sometimes its just as bad day. Or may be I'm being unjust to the essay. And I'm sorry if that is true.

Wish you all the best!
 

Jimmy_McGill

Star Member
Aug 21, 2018
60
7
#cansha be unjust and harsh with my essay and also with me... I'm bullet proof and made with adamantium

First: the prompt was little confusing to me, it was not clear what needed to be discussed only effects (positive or negative) or talk about the medical advance a little more, or both.., anyway I did my "best". I know is simple and bad, just beg for confirmation... maybe I can hit a 6.5.. :(

Prompt:
Modern medical science has made it possible to combat many diseases. This is one reason that people are living longer lives now than they did in the past. Discuss the effects this might have on society.

Support your answers with reasons and examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Essay:

Life expectancy has increased considerably thanks to the latest advance in medicine to prevent a number of countless diseases. Although it is a positive achieve for individual, it could end up affecting negatively to society, inasmuch as world's population might increase significantly, and local governments would have to increase taxes to cover an overloaded public services.

To begin with, now that there is a sustained growth in longevity, the number of humans on earth inevitably will rise. Under this scenario basic resources, particularly food, would be in high demand. This could provoke a shortage of food at global scale, badly affecting developing countries. In fact, a report released on the last quarter of 2017 by UN organization, shows that a whopping 25% of people are suffering of malnutrition in South America, where regular diet consisted mainly in carbs since great part of their fruits and vegetables production are sent to richer countries, where, curiously, the longest-lived people live.

What is more, if people live far beyond the retirement age, they won't contribute to the economic at all. However, they will still need to use the public services such as transportation, medical health care, etc. As a direct consequence, not only public services will collapse, but also more manpower will be needed to attend the increased number of users, so public administrations would irremediably have to raise taxes as a quick way to face that unexpected cost.

All things considered, increasing the life expectancy represents definitely a quantum leap in medical field; however, society might witnessed a food shortfall and an unexpected tax increase.

(268 words)
 

Ranbir_Dhillon

Star Member
Sep 26, 2018
148
28
Chandigarh
Category........
FSW
NOC Code......
4163
Well written. Will fetch a high band if same was written on the test. Need to be careful about a few things marked in red.

Thank you @cansha :)

commercial was typing mistake sorry,it was communal actually.

and what could be an alternative to = don't require to carry
I tried this : you don't need to bring warm clothes or you don't need warm clothes (simple).

any suggestions ??
 

Moeedkh

Star Member
Jan 6, 2016
83
1
Few grammatical errors and few suggestions. Overall good!


(so you might feel uncomfortable in warm clothes.Unnecessary and incorrectly worded too) - what is wrong with it ?

No. I am not in Canada but fancy that everyday :)



No big issues. I think you're ready for task 1. make sure you avoid grammar errors. For task 1 try to keep it as simple as possible.