IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

[AB17]

As countries develop, more and more people buy their cars. Do the advantages for individuals outweigh the disadvantages for the environment?



Almost every developing(1) country is after development(2)though it has its own upside(s) and downside(s) on the environment.(Needs rework, I don't know about IELTS but in general opening statement should be impressive to hold reader interest to read entire essay) With this development(3), owning a car is an increasingly prevailing trend among citizen(s) due to the fact that its is a fast and safe (convenient) method of travel(.) However, as these vehicles emit harmful gasses they negatively impact our overall natural health. environment.

Single word repeated three times. Develop=advance=grow=evolve.

When any city develops(4), people often need to travel quite a far for either work or shopping, as usually residential areas are not always near to downtown/commercial areas, which consume considerable amount to/(of) time to reach via public transport on daily basis. Moreover, more people prefer to opt to keep a car due to the fact that it is fast, in most case, to reach destination also provide optimum safety for the traveler in odd timings. There are instances when people usually reaches to their destination in almost half time compared to public transport.

The expansion of the city infrastructure impacts the travel time between residential and commercial areas. As it takes considerably more time for people to commute between both areas by public transport, people have started opting for private vehicles. The reason behind this preference is to save the travel time by using the car as it is only used from starting to final destination and it saves time when compared to public transport which has many intermediary stops. Another advantage of owing a car is that it provides personal safety to travel during late evenings or late nights as at that time there is less activity on the roads which increases the risk of robberies and accidents etc.


On the other hand, prevalent practice to own the private car has also dire consequences over our environment as car emits hazardous gas like carbon-dioxide. Furthermore, polluted environment will lead to worse air quality which is more likely to impact the citizen of the nation in the form of diseases like Asthma etc. To illustrate, there was a study on the air quality of Delhi which depicted that up to 80% people are prone to catch respiratory disease in next few year.


To conclude, with the development people incline towards buying their own car as it provide them security and quick service. Whereas, this trend is also hampering our environment by the dangerous gases being emitted by cars. I opine that alternative fuel or another type of car like electric car needs to be introduced to reduce this effect. (No need for your opinion, also new idea = electric vehicles, even if included mention why EV is not impacting environment)

@H0peAndFa1th - please see if this qualifies 7 - I am affirmative that it does but not sure seek your view. on the top of it, request to all member please be supportive and motivating - we are learning this !

Thanks in advance!

Overall I would suggest you to improve on the Task Response. Work on the reasoning part. Why A leads to B, don't jump directly on to C. Without mentioning B. I have done 1 paragraph for you as an example.

On the positive side, you have learned new words and sentence formations.

 

[cansha]

@H0peAndFa1th @cansha , please evaluate this essay

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing.

What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

Physical well-being of obese people is dropping drastically What does it even mean?
in some western nations. Where is western nations in topic sentence?

The main reason behind this issue is increased consumption of fast-foods and can be solved by launching awareness campaigns about this lifestyle. What life style?
bad paraphrasing and ambiguous writing.


Principle cause of decreased wellness among over-weight people is the consumption of fast-foods. A badly written sentence and didn't you write the same thing in intro sentence?

While there is a convienience of having such foods anywhere-anytime, the ill-effects are too many. Not only do these foods have bad nutritional value, they also induce ??? illnesses like diabities and high blood pressure. According to a recent survey conducted in the USA, more than 50 percent of the citizens were suffering from heart diseases because they were having atleast 2 hamburgers every day. I literally wrote a post above saying that just because you write a made up fact as a research doesn't make your argument convincing. I'm sorry this really sounds like BS.


To tackle this problem of obesity due to fast-food consumption, the government should launch an educational campaign teaching the harmfull effects of such food items. The primary aim of such a campaign should be to educate people about dangers associated with these eatery items, mainly the components with which these are prepared, and the lack of vitamins and minerals, that the human body need, in them. Terrible sentence structure.

After the comencement of a campaigning drive that shed light on this matter in China in 2015, a 30 percent reduction in the consumption of these foods was recorded throughout the country.


To conclude, having a weight more than the average mark, results in a lower level of bodily wellness and the main reason is increased usage of fast-food items, which can be overcame through an initiation by the state creating awareness among the general public about the drawbacks of consuming such foods.


I'll be honest, you really need to read more and work a lot on your sentence formation and spellings. Also, this essay feels like that there was no time spent on thinking about structure. This essay won't get more than 6 on test.

 

[cansha]

@velocityblood @H0peAndFa1th @cansha kindly evaluate
Do you think consumers should avoid over packed products or it is the responsibility of product producers to avoid extra packaging of products?

The trend of over packaging of goods and products has been rising over the world. Seriously?

Producers are trying to allure consumers through attractive packaging, Okay
meanwhile it also forges monopoly in the market of competition. How can a company have monopoly because of packaging? What does it even mean?
I believe that admittedly, manufactures should stop doing this futile exercise to attract people however, consumers should also contribute to lessen the gravity of this development. The issue is this introduction tells me nothing about what are the issues caused by over packaging. Absolutely no structure has been set up for the essay.

To commence with, it is the primary responsibility of producers as cost of packaging is added to the actual price of product and eventually, it gives rise to the inflation in market. Okay so your argument is inflation???
To cite an example, most of the pharmaceutical companies spend massive amount of their budget on over packaging in order to make the appearance better. As a result, individuals have to pay the cost of this additional expenditure. Seriously medicines are expensive because of packaging?
At times, the quality of goods is also compromised to make their products cost effective in this cut-throat competition. I have no clue what this line is doing here and what is the relation to previous argument
Moreover, the material which is used to fulfill this unnecessary task, is non-biodegradable which implies more pollution in the world. This argument could have been a better main argument but too late in essay.
Therefore, the onus in on producers to stop this menace.

Additionally, a fewer steps from the consumer side can be utilitarian to curb this development as they should stop purchasing products with excessive packaging which is of no concern. Too many "show-off" words but hardly any substance in the sentence.
In turns, producers would eventually stop producing goods with extra packaging such as shimmering covers, double packaging and so forth. For instance, the over packaging of food items available in market is indeed a wastage of resources which further leads pessimistic impacts in society. Seriously what does this even mean?
Even more, it is a need of the time and age to come forward proactively and do something for environment. Now philosophy.

To recapitulate, the augmenting concern of over packaging can be eliminated by joint efforts of producers and consumers , however, the major responsibility is on the shoulders of manufactures as they are the solely accountable for the production of goods and products.

The task response in this essay is almost non existent. I can see an attempt to "wow" the examiner by using heavy words but the sentences really don't convey any message. In short, this essay suffers from all the basic mistakes which almost everyone has committed in their initial essays. I'm sorry but this one is a very weak attempt.

If you really want to improve then please go back at-least 30-40 pages and start reading essays and the reviews. And if possible don't do the same mistakes which have been discussed numerous times already. All the best!

 

[AB17]

Just an open suggestion to everyone, our initial focus should be on developing ideas followed by structure and finally fancy writing. Why i said our, is because i am also preparing for IELTS and have not started writing essays as of yet.

My focus is on generating ideas and for that i am reading essays news articles.

 

[Aruntocanada]

Overall I would suggest you to improve on the Task Response. Work on the reasoning part. Why A leads to B, don't jump directly on to C. Without mentioning B. I have done 1 paragraph for you as an example.

On the positive side, you have learned new words and sentence formations.

Thanks for your feedback!

I can see that I missed my opinion in the intro whereas it was supposed to be there.

I will surely work on mentioned points.

 

[Divya Iyer]

Hi buddy,

I am facing few issues can u plz help

I got my test result, and I'm very much disappointed with it.
L-8, R-6.5, W-5.5, S-6.5 and overall - 6.5

This was the second time I took the IELTS test, and my earlier score was
L-7, R-6, W-5.5, S-7, overall-6.5

I'm so broken now, I don't know what should I do. I really don't know where I am going wrong in writing. I don't want to take the test for the 3rd time. Please help with, is there any alternative? I really can't make through it. Please help.

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

In my opinion key to scoring 7 is to make sure your Task Response is good and unambiguous. If you read my past reviews I have always harped on this point in almost all my reviews. My logic is as follows. As all of you know the 4 criteria for scoring are Task Response, Coherence and Cohesion, Lexical Resources and Grammatical range.

Out of the 4 .. If you nail Task response you will likely score good in the second criteria as well. It is very difficult to write a good task response without being coherent. They generally go hand in hand.

The other two criteria are very difficult to improve in short time period. You may learn lot of new words to score in lexical resources. But in exam conditions under pressure chances are you may not use a word correctly or you may forget the correct spelling.

The last one Grammatical range is the most difficult to fix in the short term. The best you can do is to make sure you are not committing really basic grammar mistakes.

Now coming back to Task Response. Many candidates here on the forum have questioned me is IELTS really looking at validity of the arguments or just testing English. My guess is this question stems from many websites where they say that IELTS is a test of English and not really logic. But I think in most places this is said about the speaking test and many people wrongly apply the same logic to the writing task as well. If logic didn't matter they would not have Task Response as one of the criteria. The biggest challenge is this looks like a subjective criteria and difficult to figure out what is a good task response.

My suggestion is keep it very simple and logical. Now what does that mean. If you (meaning anyone on this thread for advice) read many previous essay and reviews you will see a common pattern - People are trying too hard to "sound intelligent" and in the process complicating simple essays. It is a very natural thing to do. There was a time that in almost every essay people were writing "This has profound impact on society and economics" so much so that I had to write this in my summary post https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-90#post-7568485 point 2.4

Please remember the people who read and evaluate your essays are probably high school English teachers. With no disrespect to them but it is almost impossible for any human being to know everything about everything. Hence, it is good to keep things simple. When you are writing an essay think how would you explain and justify your stand to a layman. Do not complicate things.

Also, work on the logic progression of your argument. One common technique that is being taught everywhere including reviews here on this thread is to present one idea per paragraph and start with main idea, then supporting idea and then example. It is not necessary that if you follow this technique you are writing something convincing or logical.

Let me give an example. Let's say topic is something like "Many countries are spending lots of money on space exploration. Some people think it is good to spend on space programs while others argue money should be spent on other things. What do you think?"

Now let's say you agree in your essay that money should be spent on space programs and now you are writing BP1 following the technique

BP1 Example: Space exploration spending is an imperative in this day and age where the threat from extra terrestrial elements has been proven to be a reality. (main argument) It is important that governments safeguard the interests of their citizens and their security by building space armies. (supporting line ) In the recent NASA publication on extra terrestrial life it was proven that number of UFO sighting have increased 50 times in last decade and war with aliens is a possibility in next decade. (example/evidence line)

So, technically the above paragraph follows the "structure" and I would guess the English is also not so bad but is it a good paragraph for IELTS task 2?

If one can't find mistakes in other's work then one can not improve his work

one must have an eye to find faults

one must need the proper guidance

one must work hard

one must read all essay reviews

one thinks that other essays reviews are not related to oneself

one force us to repeat over and over

one bore us to death

one demotivate us, concomitantly demotivate oneself

one must listen @cansha carefully.

only by following the light one can pass the dark tunnel of writing ielts, which is apparently a scam

 

[AB17]

If one can't find mistakes in other's work then one can not improve his work

one must have an eye to find faults

one must need the proper guidance

one must work hard

one must read all essay reviews

one thinks that other essays reviews are not related to oneself

one force us to repeat over and over

one bore us to death

one demotivate us, concomitantly demotivate oneself

one must listen @cansha carefully.

only by following the light one can pass the dark tunnel of writing ielts, which is apparently a scam

What a prose!

 

[Aruntocanada]

T1
A friend who lives in a different city has invited you to his/her daughter's 8th birthday. However, you cannot accept the invitation due to some personal reasons.
Write a letter to the friend. In your letter

· thank him for the invitation
· mention why you cannot attend the birthday party
· offer to meet him some other day


Dear Sam,

I hope you’re doing well!

I would like to thank you for inviting us to be a part of your daughter’s 8th birthday celebration. I was equally excited and waiting for this moment to meet your family however, I wouldn’t we able to join the same due to some reasons.

As you’re aware, my work requires traveling so I will be going to Sydney in order to a attend business seminar which is going to be held in the week when the occasion is, this seminar is being specially planned for our team and joining it is non-negotiable. Therefore, I would not be able to join the birthday event.

Also, I planning to visit next month to your city and will surely meet you and the birthday girl. I will post you my travel dates as soon as it get finalized.

Looking forward to catch up with you and your family.

Regards
John

All good for me- can someone see if this can get 7




T2
Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?



“Earn while you learn” which allow users to work while study, has become a common trend among academic institutions. However, student taking up job usually feel stressed out due to lack of time they get for their for study after work. I believe that student who opt for long working hours usually face this scenario however this concern could be solved by adopting a better management style.


Universities now allow their student to earn their living by doing job for certain hours a week due to the fact that world has become competitive place to survive. However, student usually push their boundaries and choose to work for quite a longer hours than allowed to make more money. Therefore, it is quite obvious to get tired after working for long hours which proceeds to sidelining the assignments and projects which lead to mental stress of finishing it in due time.


Student can easily handle this issue by opting better management skills like, time management. They should allocate time for both work and study in a realistic manner and abide by the same schedule rigorously and following this schedule would not only helping them cutting the burden of finishing task daily but also give them mental relax as they come close to finishing their study project. To illustrate, if the schedule directs to study two hours daily which means, students need to spend same amount of time daily without any deviation.


To conclude, working and earning is a nice approach which is being adopted by lot of university however, student face stress due to less time to study because they usually take up more hours at work than permitted however, this can be addressed by choosing better management style.




I feel : Intro is fine, BP1 and 2 is good. though expecting some grammatical and wrong word usage. Let me know if this get 7


I am not giving up on this and going to nail this time whatever be the question. Thanks in advance

 

[velocityblood]

If one can't find mistakes in other's work then one can not improve his work

one must have an eye to find faults

one must need the proper guidance

one must work hard

one must read all essay reviews

one thinks that other essays reviews are not related to oneself

one force us to repeat over and over

one bore us to death

one demotivate us, concomitantly demotivate oneself

one must listen @cansha carefully.

only by following the light one can pass the dark tunnel of writing ielts, which is apparently a scam

Thanks for the nice words.

 

[Aruntocanada]

I would be highly obliged if anyone can review my T1 and T2 - Please let me know what band I can expect.

Thanks a lot in advance!

T1
A friend who lives in a different city has invited you to his/her daughter's 8th birthday. However, you cannot accept the invitation due to some personal reasons.
Write a letter to the friend. In your letter

· thank him for the invitation
· mention why you cannot attend the birthday party
· offer to meet him some other day


Dear Sam,

I hope you’re doing well!

I would like to thank you for inviting us to be a part of your daughter’s 8th birthday celebration. I was equally excited and waiting for this moment to meet your family however, I wouldn’t we able to join the same due to some reasons.

As you’re aware, my work requires traveling so I will be going to Sydney in order to a attend business seminar which is going to be held in the week when the occasion is, this seminar is being specially planned for our team and joining it is non-negotiable. Therefore, I would not be able to join the birthday event.

Also, I planning to visit next month to your city and will surely meet you and the birthday girl. I will post you my travel dates as soon as it get finalized.

Looking forward to catch up with you and your family.

Regards
John

All good for me- can someone see if this can get 7




T2
Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?



“Earn while you learn” which allow users to work while study, has become a common trend among academic institutions. However, student taking up job usually feel stressed out due to lack of time they get for their for study after work. I believe that student who opt for long working hours usually face this scenario however this concern could be solved by adopting a better management style.


Universities now allow their student to earn their living by doing job for certain hours a week due to the fact that world has become competitive place to survive. However, student usually push their boundaries and choose to work for quite a longer hours than allowed to make more money. Therefore, it is quite obvious to get tired after working for long hours which proceeds to sidelining the assignments and projects which lead to mental stress of finishing it in due time.


Student can easily handle this issue by opting better management skills like, time management. They should allocate time for both work and study in a realistic manner and abide by the same schedule rigorously and following this schedule would not only helping them cutting the burden of finishing task daily but also give them mental relax as they come close to finishing their study project. To illustrate, if the schedule directs to study two hours daily which means, students need to spend same amount of time daily without any deviation.


To conclude, working and earning is a nice approach which is being adopted by lot of university however, student face stress due to less time to study because they usually take up more hours at work than permitted however, this can be addressed by choosing better management style.




I feel : Intro is fine, BP1 and 2 is good. though expecting some grammatical and wrong word usage. Let me know if this get 7


I am not giving up on this and going to nail this time whatever be the question. Thanks in advance

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

T1
A friend who lives in a different city has invited you to his/her daughter's 8th birthday. However, you cannot accept the invitation due to some personal reasons.
Write a letter to the friend. In your letter

· thank him for the invitation
· mention why you cannot attend the birthday party
· offer to meet him some other day


Dear Sam,

I hope you’re doing well!

I would like to thank you for inviting us [invited you, not your family] to be a part of your daughter’s 8th birthday celebration. I was equally excited and waiting for this moment to meet your family however, I wouldn’t we able to join the same due to some reasons. [ I would avoid this, instead, say, due to my work requires me to travel out of country suddenly. << proper reason ]

better: I am glad to receive cordial invitation, more than happy to receive etc

As you’re aware, my work requires traveling so I will be going to Sydney in order to a attend business seminar which is going to be held in the week when the occasion is, this seminar is being specially planned for our team and joining it is non-negotiable. Therefore, I would not be able to join the birthday event.

Also, I planning to visit next month to your city and will surely meet you and [along with/as well as] the birthday girl. I will post you my travel dates as soon as it get finalized.

Looking forward to catch up with you and your family.

Regards
John

All good for me- can someone see if this can get 7

I doubt if it can fetch 7, 6.5 is sure. but still well written, has no errors

T2
Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?



“Earn while you learn” which allow users to work while study, has become a common trend among academic institutions [among students, not institutions]. However, student taking up job, usually feel stressed out due to lack of time they get for their for study after work. I believe that student who opt for long working hours usually face this scenario however this concern could be solved by adopting a better [time] management style.

good

Universities now allow their student to earn their living by doing job for certain hours a week due to the fact that world has become competitive place to survive.

However [bad use of however/not needed - better : In quest of earning extra bucks], student usually push their boundaries and choose to work for quite a longer hours than allowed to make more money.

Therefore, it is quite obvious to get tired after working for long hours which proceeds to sidelining the assignments and projects which lead to mental stress of finishing it in due time.

missed example,

lacks in providing the "reason", more emphasis on, consequence of the "reason"
prompt already told the consequence, now they are asking you to tell them reasons for the consequences

let me break it for you

Some students work while studying.
results in
lacking time for education
constantly feeling under pressure

all that is already known

Tell Us why is above happening / What do you think are the causes of this?


your answer
earn their living by doing job
because
world has become competitive place to survive.

it is not sufficient

say:
inflation,
education has become expensive
parents can't support higher fees
student take loans
they try to cut costs
they do jobs, to make ends meet
even employer prefer freshers to have some kind of work experience, gives them edge

thus, they feel under pressure

It is called, fully developed idea, 100% task achievement, stand for band 9 in TA

understanding question leads to better, Task achievement, thus better bands.

Student can easily handle this issue by opting better management skills like [don't use this word], time management.

They should allocate time for both work and study in a realistic manner, and abide by the same schedule rigorously and following this . An iron clad schedule would not only helping them cutting the burden of finishing task daily but also give them mental relax as they come close to finishing their study project.
don't run one sentence onto another, start a new one.
iron clad = collocation = higher band

To illustrate, if the schedule directs to study two hours daily which means, students need to spend same amount of time daily without any deviation.

ahh, IF is followed by THEN
your then is missing here, wrong sentence bro
To illustrate, if the schedule directs to study two hours daily then students would need to spend time without any deviation, which would yield fruitful results/ beneficial outcome/ positive results.

To conclude, working and earning is a nice approach which is being adopted by lot of university [students] however, student face stress due to less time to study because they usually take up more hours at work than permitted however, this can be addressed by choosing better management style.

misusing and forcing the "however"
don't do it.

I feel : Intro is fine, BP1 and 2 is good. though expecting some grammatical and wrong word usage. Let me know if this get 7
I am not giving up on this and going to nail this time whatever be the question. Thanks in advance

sorry, not 7

 

[marosa]

Hi guys! Got my results today, R 9, L 9, S 7.5, W 6.5 :/

Don't know what to do, this time my writing was well structured, and I strictly followed their instructions when answered to the question. I even had time to check a part of the writing. No idea what else to do.

 

[velocityblood]

Hi guys! Got my results today, R 9, L 9, S 7.5, W 6.5 :/

Don't know what to do, this time my writing was well structured, and I strictly followed their instructions when answered to the question. I even had time to check a part of the writing. No idea what else to do.

Very sad sis.. Hope you are going for reval. It was your second attempt?

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Hi guys! Got my results today, R 9, L 9, S 7.5, W 6.5 :/

Don't know what to do, this time my writing was well structured, and I strictly followed their instructions when answered to the question. I even had time to check a part of the writing. No idea what else to do.

IT IS A SHAM

go for reval, sure it will bring positive result, you can even see 1 band jump.

tick both, speaking and writing, while opting for reval

there is great chance that you would get half band jump in speaking, atleast they have to return your reval fees.