IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

[H0peAndFa1th]

Hi @H0peAndFa1th do we have a post on analyzing the question?

it is scattered in essay reviews.

 

[velocityblood]

Guys anyone had time to look at it?

Hi @H0peAndFa1th please review.

 

[velocityblood]

Hello Guys @cansha @H0peAndFa1th @artificial.nocturne today again practiced on paper for below WT1 and WT2, I know it might feel burdensome to review essay in the pics form but I am supposed to practice it in paper, please review the work.

WT1: You work for an international company. You have seen an advertisement for a training course which will be useful for your job.
Write a letter to your manager. In your letter
> describe the training course you want to do
> explain what the company can do to help you
> say how the course will be helpful for your job

WT2: Some people say that it is possible to tell a lot about a person's culture and character from their choice of clothes.
Do you agree or disagree?

https://imgur.com/a/C1kicpW

P.S. @H0peAndFa1th Tried to add things from "The List"

Hi @H0peAndFa1th please review.

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Hello Guys @cansha @H0peAndFa1th @artificial.nocturne today again practiced on paper for below WT1 and WT2, I know it might feel burdensome to review essay in the pics form but I am supposed to practice it in paper, please review the work.

WT1: You work for an international company. You have seen an advertisement for a training course which will be useful for your job.
Write a letter to your manager. In your letter
> describe the training course you want to do
> explain what the company can do to help you
> say how the course will be helpful for your job

WT2: Some people say that it is possible to tell a lot about a person's culture and character from their choice of clothes.
Do you agree or disagree?

https://imgur.com/a/C1kicpW

P.S. @H0peAndFa1th Tried to add things from "The List"

essay is good,
intro is too long.
good language, idioms are there, could would may might are there,

but letter is lousy, but, still good TA

overall 7 could be achieved.

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Hi Guys please review, I have tried writing WT1 and WT2 in one go, it is really exhausting could not do it properly.

@cansha @H0peAndFa1th @artificial.nocturne

https://imgur.com/a/xNYQbgW

in this your letter contains vague language (lots of bullshit talk)

see in letter keep things to the point, straight, you only have 150 words,
3 paragraphs, 50 words each, you are done.

6 for letter, but examiner may give it 6.5
----

you know about "THE LIST" right ? our secret tool

practice writing, IF THEN sentences, just create few facts, scenarios etc
some, not only but also
write some sentences which contains idioms, "go hand in hand" "in tandem with"

not is some essay, just single sentences, out of imaginary situations,
include them in your speaking practice too.

use these words, ensues ,ensure, entail, curtail, << good words,

be the force to be reckon with and may the force be with you

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Hi @H0peAndFa1th @cansha @artificial.nocturne

You have recently ordered a book online and it has not arrived. Write a letter to the company.

Give details on the order.
Tell the company why it is urgent.
What do you expect them to do?


Dear Sir/Madam,


I am writing to bring to your attention that the book, which I ordered from your book depot, has not yet arrived, the order details are as below.



This order was placed on 10th February 2019, it has a set of three books, GMAT Vol 1, Vol - 2 and Vol – 3. The order id is AB01479 and the charges paid for the order is INR 2032.0 including the delivery charge of INR 132.0. Expected delivery time that was given to me after the order confirmation is 14th February 2019 as I opted for express delivery.


This book was ordered for preparation of GMAT exam, which I am appearing in the month of April, this year. Hence, it is very urgent, delayed delivery of the books may lead to a shorter time for preparation, which may eventually; affect the application process of my master degree.


As I have paid the charges for an express delivery, I expect you to please expedite and deliver the order latest by 16th February, additionally I want you to check the current status of the delivery and inform me about it, on my email id that is mentioned in the order receipt.


I look forward to swift addressal of the issue.


Yours faithfully,

Velocity Blood

this letter is much better than you wrote on paper, exactly to the point, no bullshit.

if then ??
not only but also ??

FIND ME 7 OR MORE BAND ESSAY WITHOUT THOSE TWO SENTENCE TYPES.

there was no scope of idiom, in this,

rest is fine, 6.5

 

[velocityblood]

in this your letter contains vague language (lots of bullshit talk)

see in letter keep things to the point, straight, you only have 150 words,
3 paragraphs, 50 words each, you are done.

6 for letter, but examiner may give it 6.5
----

you know about "THE LIST" right ? our secret tool

practice writing, IF THEN sentences, just create few facts, scenarios etc
some, not only but also
write some sentences which contains idioms, "go hand in hand" "in tandem with"

not is some essay, just single sentences, out of imaginary situations,
include them in your speaking practice too.

use these words, ensues ,ensure, entail, curtail, << good words,

be the force to be reckon with and may the force be with you

Yes even I found it vague after writing, well I have tried to overcome it in the essay and letter you reviewed just before this one. Thank You!

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Hi All. Please evaluate this at your convenience.

thank you for your patience and understanding.

Some countries spend a lot of money to make bicycle usage easier. Why is this? Is this the best solution to traffic congestion?

A huge amount is spent by the governments to make bicycle commute easier. Even though bicycle usage is seen as a solution to traffic problem, I believe improving public transport system is a better approach toward tackling the issue.

good

The usage of bicycles would result in decreased traffic congestion. Cars and other vehicles take up a lot road space, thereby becoming a bottleneck in ensuring smooth traffic. Comparatively, bicycles occupy less area of the road. For instance, the rush hour of most metropolises is during morning and evening hours. If bicycles are used at these times, the traffic will be reduced considerably. Bicycle commute ensures less occupance of road and per se, a decreased traffic.

good

However, an effective public transport system can be a better solution to the problem. Public transport such as trains and buses are a much faster way to commute. People need to reach their destinations quickly and public transport is known for a fast commute. What is more, modern buses and trains run on dedicated tracks. Subway systems in western countries for example, are plied on underground tracks which connect the entire city. People will be able to travel quickly, yet there will be no traffic on the roads if public transport is made effective.

good

In conclusion, a lot of investment is being made on the betterment of bicycle commute. The governments are seeing this as a solution to traffic problem. However, an effective public transport is a better solution as not only will it ensure quick commutes, but there will also be no traffic on the road.

good

see, 7 is minimum, but I feel, it is as good as 7.5

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

please evaluate this essay

Many countries encourage teenagers to have part-time job.What’s the situation in your country? what do you think are adv and disadv of doing part time jobs?

A good amount of nations are encouraging citizens in their adolescence to engage in jobs that are not full-time by nature. Apart from having merits such as financial independence, this kind of approach has some demerits as well like lesser time for studies. I personally believe this trend is more beneficial.

good

On the positive side, this approach provides the youngsters with economic stability. They are able to manage their expenses better and do not have to limit their budget according to the pocket-allowance provided by their parents. According to a study by Business Today magazine, students who were engaged in such jobs felt self-sufficient and responsible financially. This develops a basic work culture and sense of responsibility in youngsters.

good

On the negative side, by performing such paid tasks, students are jeapordising their studies as they have to take time out of their normal routine which would otherwise be utilised in studing at home. Since, they are working now, they get tired and have to sacrifice their study-time to take rest. For example, 2019 survey by the Munich Welfare Department reported that more than 60 percent of students who were employed part-time, were under performing in their school activities due to the fatigue. This however, can be tackled with proper time management and resting schedule.

good

On my native land (keep it simple), teenage oriented jobs are not common and people often wait till their graduation to start their career with a full-fledged job only.

In my home country, situation is different from most of the world, here people discourage children to engage in part-time jobs. In-fact, parents provide their children with necessary school fees and pocket money for their sundry expenses.

In conclusion, although minors performing small jobs on the side have to deal with reduced study timings, which can be overcome by scheduling themselves properly, the benefit of having a stability and independence in terms of financial matters over-shines the problem by a large margin.

good.


no doubt in 7 bands, but your language delivery is quite good, sounds natural/native.

still, i would suggest that, to be sure, find "THE LIST" which contain mandatory ingredients to throw in an essay, so examiner won't have the chance to say no to you,

read posts in my signature.

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

@H0peAndFa1th @cansha @artificial.nocturne please evaluate this essay. thankyou

According to a survey, people involve certain professions are seen to be honest? What is the situation in your country .? Why?

Those having occupation in some particular sectors like medicine and law are more true to their jobs, claims a survey. I believe that like any other nation, in mine also same trend is followed, because these certain group of professionals are required to be truthful towards their work as it gives their clients a fair chance at survival.

India is a huge country with variety of people from different backgrounds having different castes and financial capabilities. This versatility can often lead to domination of a certain group over the other, which can arise very dangerous situations in some occupational sectors. A doctor being biased about treatment given on the basis of these characteristics would not be ideal, ergo India also follows strict honesty in these professions.

wow use of Latin, there

but, its little vague, broad, narrow it down a little, so it will put less stress on reader's mind.

TA is not so good.

Moreover, every being has equal rights in constitution and are entitled to medical facilities. It can be easily understood that a corrupt police ofiicer can ruin the life of anyone who he wants to, same goes for a lawyer and other law practitioners. Doctors on the other hand, can endanger one’s precious life by simply denying him/her the medical assistance that is required. A recent survey by Indian Institute of Management found that honesty towards their work is highest amonst doctors, lawmen and cops in India.

this is same as para 1, but with better TA,

I see it as REPEAT.

In conclusion, India among the other nations is home to a group of professionals who show honesty to their work at any cost, because a person’s career or life, for that matter, can be at stake should they start being corrupt.

despite, great language, it would end up 6.5, because of messed up TA

Para 1
Police, lawmen, judges, lawyers
bind by oath,
bind by constitution,
constitution treat equally
mistreatment/corruption dealt with serious jail term and fines.


Para 2
Doctors
bind by oath
neglect can cost license, jail term
reputation conscience
considered as next to GOD, or GOD you can meet
illness/injury/accident never discriminate basis on caste/creed/race etc etc

this will present better picture, must re-write this essay.

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

Recently it has been observed that the crime rate has dramatically augmented, which is quite unusual not because of no. of crimes, but due to the increase in number of reoffenders. This is mainly because of the lack of rehabilitation and poor employment facilities once released. There re no. of solutions to be implemented to deal with criminals who reoffend.

First and foremost, one of the reason criminal recommit crime is because of the lack of rehabilitation, which means offender are not given the opportunity to learn new skills for better way of life or to develop correct perspective towards moral values and instead mix with other criminals can only strengthen the negative traits. Secondly, unemployment is one of the major cause of repeatedly doing crimes after being released because the society would see them as Alien. As a result, many of them struggling financially, which leads them back to the crime, regardless of the consequences.

good

However, there are two effective solutions to the problem of repeat offenders. One way to tackle this is to ensure that that all the criminals who are entering the prison are given the chance to retrain themselves with new skills, which ensure a better job in future to fulfill their financial needs and walk with pride in society once they finished their sentence. Another method of dealing with criminal is to have close monitoring and check-in system when they are back in society. This solution would probably prevent them from taking chance to reoffend when they are being closely watched.

good

In conclusion, having a training in prison and close monitoring when first time offender released are effective in dealing with this issue. If state implement these solutions, crimes rate will decrease drastically.

good

clear 7 to 7.5

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Eventuate my essay

The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the existing health care system due to the in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To extent do you agree or disagree?

It is beyond dispute that there is a significant amount of rise in obese people due to junk food and sedentary lifestyle which is a serious concern by many. It is often thought that an ideal solution to reduce this problem is to have more sports activity and exercise in schools. I complete agree with the idea that in order to stay fit and healthy physical activity is the key.

good

Firstly, dealing with the issues surrounding obesity and weight problem can be solved by long term approach and introducing more sports and health activities in schools. This solution will help children to have healthy life and change the way of thinking towards fitness. In order to indulge such activities, schools ought to have sports as a curriculum so that children take part in. For instance, in India, most of the schools have outdoor session for students which is mandatory to attend. And, by doing this, children can combat the deteriorating lift style and help them to become fitter and more active.

good

Another point to consider is that having more sports lesson in school will sharpen children interest to have healthy life which probably result in developing interest in other family members. For example, parents often involve with their kids in sports to encourage them and which results into an inevitable part of their daily lives. Therefore, it is undeniable that this method is a natural and long-lasting way to ease the burden of the public health care system.

good

In conclusion, to deal with the increasing unhealthy issues with people, changing life style by introducing physical education in school is the most effect method and vital to have fitter lift style in the longer run.

good

clear 7 to 7.5

very good writing brother, you could still look up at our "THE LIST"

just read threads in my signature.

 

[JaaKaaa]

Hello.

Praise to all of you that contribute to this thread, you help us a lot.

I have a question regarding Task 1: If a letter is informal, can we write "don't" or we still have to use "do not"?

Tanks a lot

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Hello.

Praise to all of you that contribute to this thread, you help us a lot.

I have a question regarding Task 1: If a letter is informal, can we write "don't" or we still have to use "do not"?

Tanks a lot

you can write don't, but I would stick to "do not"

 

[marosa]

you can write don't, but I would stick to "do not"

I've read it that it is recommended to use I've, I'm, it's and so on in case the letter is informal. This way you set a certain style for your letter and show the examiner that you know the difference between formal, semi-formal and informal types of letters.

P.S. This does not mean you can use plz, cuz etc.))))