Well, I can't tell you from a similar culture perspective but I'm American and have been in Canada for 2 years and 2 months now.
I read this and I see a lot of what we've gone through and still do sometimes.
Culturally it's not very different from America to Canada, but at the same time I am from the south. The way family is and relationships and all is very different. I'm religious and am big on expression of emotions, etc.
Since being here in Canada I feel like I've lost touch with my religion. I quit praying, reading my bible, I haven't even attended church and I used to twice a week. I had quit thinking about it honestly, but reflecting on it I am reminded about how sad it makes me that I've lost so much touch with the world I've always known. It's not the same here. The churches are not the same as I'm used to something different, and most only find it in the south or deep south.
My partner is an introverted type and isn't very open with emotion and it has been a big point of conflict even to this day. He has slowly changed but in the beginning it was devastating. I felt so alone and even unloved! He would tell me he loves me, he would do things with me, but then there would be things that just didn't line up with MY understanding of a committed partnership for what I know a relationship to be. And with me being his first truly serious relationship, that didn't help either... but strangely enough, this is probably a positive as he can learn what works for what I'm culturally used to seeing.
Do we still fight and have issues? Yes, unfortunately we do lots. This whole immigration thing has really created a lot of debt and stress and such. Credit cards, and the fact he had to stop school only 1 year from finishing due to having to use school money on living because I can't work and he wouldn't work (he does now, but it took almost 2 years to get him to work steadily! He didn't want to go to school and work. This has caused numerous arguments.). I can't work a steady job here or have a car or anything yet. We're trying to save money for things and he's now working 2 jobs, barely sleeps. But I keep arguing that if he had been more responsible earlier then it wouldn't be so hard now and that it's hard to feel sympathy when he didn't care before (and he said so!). I know I shouldn't do that... I'm not trying to kick him while he's down, but I think he should know or at least acknowledge he knows more. He had gotten to the point of wanting to end the relationship a few times over our arguments because it's not how he thought it should be - but I come from a culture where women are strong and speak their mind. Southern American women are strong willed and can be loud mouthed
It's taken us 2 years to get to this point. We have arguments still, but truthfully it's getting better. And you know what? Only in the past month has it really started changing from the usual routine. I'm still lonely (I find this hard to say... I should be happy because I have him but I haven't seen my family since November 2011 and I've never gone more than 9 months without seeing them and that was only once). I still feel disconnected from who I was... but maybe it's time to change. It's still hard. Debt is hard. Not having money to even go out on dates or anything and knowing we won't for another year (we're saving for something that we aren't even sure we'll be able to have enough saved over the next 9 months for) is hard. And he gets depressed too. The idea that he has to work 2 jobs and can't get his degree and work a job that would keep him from doing 2 jobs is hard.
I cried a lot. I actually don't cry as much.. but that's because I've gotten a little numb on some subjects. I love my partner and he loves me. I've talked about leaving a lot because he wasn't doing right. He would play video games for hours and wouldn't be open with me or get a job and that is different from what the perception of him was when we first were together. I was so upset that now that I'm immigrating and gave up so much where I'm from that it was like this. He's the sponsor who's supposed to do the immigration stuff, I did it. I did the research and the papers and all... but that's because he's used to someone handling things. His mom always handled paperwork, financial things, etc for him. I was so angry, and still am that I shoulder the responsibilities. This kind of fits with my "control" mindset of making sure everything is a certain way, etc... but still upsets me that he expects it. He says he doesn't, but he just doesn't know what to do so it's dropped on me anyway. I'm fine with that if he'd be more open with me.
So with all that, we've been struggling through this since I've been in Canada. Is it fixed? No, still more shaping to go. Are we happy with each other? Yes, because we know each others hearts despite the confusion and stress. This might not have been the case a few months ago... I was almost ready to leave and it gave him a wake up call. He knows he hasn't done right by me, but he's younger than me and this is new to him so I try to understand. I just think after this long, it's not that new anymore and there's no excuses. I let him know that and now things are going in a better direction.
He wants to work, and knows he has to (doesn't want 2 jobs, but that's the boat we're in now since he wouldn't work before and I have to remind him of that). And he's more open now than before so while it's taken much longer than it probably would for others - and he's acknowledged that most women wouldn't have stuck around this long (maybe because I'm stubborn and love this man) - it's getting better.
I think if we weren't having to save, didn't have the credit card debt and he could work 1 job we'd only have to work on communication with one another and the rest wouldn't be pressing on us too. With that, the feelings I have about where I'm from and sadness would be eased. If we didn't have to save and the debt, etc I'd be able to go visit home more. I'm here temporarily but I've had extensions for the time... some might say why not just go back for awhile? Because we want to be together more, and want to save for future. It's weird, but still I get lonely. But unlike your husband, I want companionship and someone to talk to me and be there for me when I feel my sadness - I don't' want to be alone - and when he's a very closed and quiet type, I get upset.
Anyway, I just wanted to give you a perspective from someone who's come to Canada from a very different background. I've not even been approved and landed yet and this is what we've faced in our first 2 years living together. I'm thinking after landing and this situation with saving up is finished it'll be better. We press on with that hope.
This was very long winded and WOW I can't believe I said all this... it just started pouring out of me. I think I needed it myself. lol
Good luck to you!
