How to cope with a spouse who has recently landed?

[amikety]

What should I do to prevent this if something serious between us occurs?

Prepare for the worst, pray for the best. That's what I think. We never know what the future holds.

 

[CanadianJeepGuy]

He is in no position to do anything other than leave the country and go home. If he can't adjust then I think that's what he would do. To leave you and try to fend for himself on a minimum wage job would be worse for him. if he leavers to go home doubtful he would try to sue you for the matrimonial home.

 

[Dorothea1]

It sounds like your husband does not like it here in Canada. You need to ask yourself if all the suffering is really worth it? Canada is not the country that the Government portrays it to be to International Authorities. Keep in mind that Canada receives over 1 million dollars from the United Nations for each refugee it receives. It is in effect dealing in legalized human trafficking. Canadian children are one of the worst disadvantaged groups in the world with regards to drug abuse and poverty. Read the book by Canadian writer Pat Caponni "The War at Home" to gain a realistic perspective on this country of "opportunities".
I have difficulty to find information about the post-landing period and I don't know how to cope with my husband from Morocco. He landed on January 19 and there have been ups and downs since then. There are times he takes his distance from me. He is usually very warm, loving, caring and affectionate with me. But when he withdraws from the marriage, it hits me hard. For example, I worked hard all week and after work today, he told me he would take the bus at 6:20 pm to spend the evening at the mosque and won't be home before 10:30 pm. I was not expecting that. My son is not home tonight and I thought we would take this opportunity to have a romantic evening.

It took 5 years to live together in Canada, after many sacrifices (especially on my part) and lots of suffering. Before he left tonight, I could see and feel there was something wrong with him. I asked him to tell me. He said he misses his country, his family and his friends and he needed time by himself. He also told me he loves me and he wants me to leave him alone for some time.

Are there any couples who went through this situation or are still going through? I feel let down and I don't know how to cope in order not to aggravate the situation. Also are there any books or articles on Internet about this topic? How much time an immigrant needs to "feel at home" in his new country? what are the emotional cycles? what to do to help him? For five years, my life (his too) has been put on hold and now that we can start a life together, I feel sad that it is not fully happening.

 

[figtoria]

[quote author=Dorothea1]
Canadian children are one of the worst disadvantaged groups in the world with regards to drug abuse and poverty.
[/quote]

That's the biggest crock of poop I've ever heard.

 

[Kiri]

That's the biggest crock of poop I've ever heard.

Agreed. I'll be lucky to raise my children here as from what I've been told, the things I went through as a child (in America even) with how the schools I were in were run and how the children behaved would not have been acceptable here. I'd have had a so much easier childhood if I had been in a Canadian school.

 

[scylla]

He is in no position to do anything other than leave the country and go home. If he can't adjust then I think that's what he would do. To leave you and try to fend for himself on a minimum wage job would be worse for him. if he leavers to go home doubtful he would try to sue you for the matrimonial home.

The situation is more complicated than what you describe. He can leave and go on welfare which would create an added financial burden for Habibti for the next three years. I know she doesn't want that!

 

[singaporeVO]

I'm not trying to be insensitive or disrespectful of anyone's relationship, and I apologize in advance if what I'm about to say offends anyone. The issues I see being discussed here, these really are not issues of immigration, these are relationship issues, due partly or wholly to getting married before really knowing the person you're marrying. Emotional disposition, attitudes towards work and school, expressions of love, sharing, communication, outlook on life, opinions on how the home is run, sharing the same interests, these are all very, very important things that both partners should be fully and intimately familiar with before marriage. When you marry someone without having a clear picture of all these key elements, you're going to run into major problems no matter where you live. Missing family, working out the daily routine, deciding which side of the bed to sleep on, getting lost on the highway, these are issues of newly immigrated partners. Not being able to communicate, or being on different wavelengths emotionally - those are relationship problems. I'm saying all of this because I think many couples are hiding behind the guise of immigration, rather than accepting the true cause of their problems, and until you really get at the root cause, you can't fix anything. If you continue to seek out remedies for "new immigrants", you're never going to get your marriage back on track. Being in love is all well and good, but it's only a very small part of a healthy and happy marriage, and if loving each other is the only thing you're clear on before marriage, you're going to have a bumpy road ahead. Just my two cents..

Hi Zouk Princesse: very very well said. "many couples are hiding behind the guise of immigration, rather than accepting the true cause of their problems, and until you really get at the root cause, you can't fix anything." Very true. plus 1 for you.

 

[Zouk Princesse]

Hi Zouk Princesse: very very well said. "many couples are hiding behind the guise of immigration, rather than accepting the true cause of their problems, and until you really get at the root cause, you can't fix anything." Very true. plus 1 for you.

Thank you. Just speaking from personal and professional experience. I truly do wish everyone the best in their marriages and in life.

 

[CanadianJeepGuy]

" Canadian children are one of the worst disadvantaged groups in the world with regards to drug abuse and poverty."


Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha........So why do people immigrate here?

 

[Hello121]

A buddy I met in 2009 sponsored his wife in 2005-6 to come to Canada after only knowing each other for 8 months or so. He told me that when she got here the 1st year was hell. He said that it was a lot of work helping her to integrate and that he didn't think they were going to last. He believed that for some time they didn't love each other. 1 whole year.

I met them in 2009 and to this day they seem among the happiest couples I have known and have two girls together.

 

[CanadianJeepGuy]

A buddy I met in 2009 sponsored his wife in 2005-6 to come to Canada after only knowing each other for 8 months or so. He told me that when she got here the 1st year was hell. He said that it was a lot of work helping her to integrate and that he didn't think they were going to last. He believed that for some time they didn't love each other. 1 whole year.

I met them in 2009 and to this day they seem among the happiest couples I have known and have two girls together.

Great story.

I think sponsors can greatly underestimate the impact on their PR spouses/partners who have to start over completely.

 

[freeislam000]

Its so true... I constantly remind myself what life would be like if I had to live in Egypt... it would be so hard ... we need to always keep that in mind .....patience and understanding is so important