Disabled Sponsor, Sweetheart in Togo

[Graihn]

OK, I understand online love and offline love are two different beasts, but so is dating love and married love.
I mean, I read some of the CIC articles, and one of the quicker ways was, if your partner and you were same-sex, and you were afraid of persecution on that basis for your foreign partner.
Well, suppose a born again Christian thinks common law, living together before marriage, is a sin? What, I don't get the same rights to my beliefs like everyone else?

You will not be able to sponsor him in any way before establishing some sort of "physical" relationship. Just take the peoples advice, which is what you came here for. You arguing to infinity with knowledgeable people on this forum isn't going to change how CIC works.

Oh, and please, referring to the quote above, do not compare your religious beliefs to homosexuality. Not choosing to live with somebody you love because the bible (lower case B on purpose) says it is a sin is ridiculous to stand by if you want this man in your life so badly. This way you will only be able to love Jesus for the rest of your life, and you will have lost your Eugene.

 

[QuebecOkie]

MissThea, I'm so sorry that you find yourself so isolated and without help and meaningful relationships. I understand how easy it is to believe people are good (especially if you have strong religious beliefs, which you seem to). I understand how much it means to you to have found someone who listens to you and seems to care about you. However, as bad as you feel right now, how much worse will you feel if this person is, indeed, using you for money and possibly as a way to immigrate to Canada? With money already having been brought up and exchanged in a mere 6 week period, I'm afraid I can't see this as anything other than a scam on his end. You are obviously on a fixed income; if he manages to get MORE money out of you, how will you repay your debts?

Please, dear, rethink this. Think about spending some of the energy you're spending worrying about bringing Eugene here, instead, on perhaps attending church here, or looking for a pen pal or other companionship here or in another developed country. I foresee only heartbreak for you if you continue down this path.

 

[SenoritaBella]

@MissThea, have you looked into "christian singles"? It's online and you can create a profile and set preference to Toronto or Canada, if you like. Even if it doesn't work out romantically you can end up with a friendship. With this option, there is no need to worry about sponsorship and you have an opportunity to meet in person. If you do, please only meet in public places and bring a friend for safety reasons.

 

[katester]

To the OP, MissThea, there are ways to investigate your sweetheart. You can use pipl.com and gather some of his information and it will tell you if he is still legally married, how many kids and if he has a criminal record. There are also sites where you pay a small fee (including the one i mentioned) and it will give you even more information... you will be able to know it is his because his birthday, location and other information will all match up. With technology today, anything is possible...even meeting the love of your life from a different country online (like I and almost everyone else on here did)

 

[mikeymyke]

@ MissThea, have you looked into "christian singles"? It's online and you can create a profile and set preference to Toronto or Canada, if you like. Even if it doesn't work out romantically you can end up with a friendship. With this option, there is no need to worry about sponsorship and you have an opportunity to meet in person. If you do, please only meet in public places and bring a friend for safety reasons.

+1

 

[Obronibini]

To the OP, MissThea, there are ways to investigate your sweetheart. You can use pipl.com and gather some of his information and it will tell you if he is still legally married, how many kids and if he has a criminal record. There are also sites where you pay a small fee (including the one i mentioned) and it will give you even more information... you will be able to know it is his because his birthday, location and other information will all match up. With technology today, anything is possible...even meeting the love of your life from a different country online (like I and almost everyone else on here did)

she may not find anything on him at all. The signs are clear . The best way is through the hand writing on the wall . It easy to find things on very notorious scammers online .

 

[MissThea]

On the one hand, relatuionships break up all the time. Especially when cultures/religion/language/age/background are all so different. I wouldn't nessecarily "blame" the woman just because things went south.

On the otherhand, that guy is kind of dumb. Spendings tens of thousands of dollars on a thai wife? I mean, he could spend the same amount of money and get a different girl every day!

Just my two cents.

Maybe he didn't want a different girl every day. Maybe this one enchanted him, and he only wanted her.

 

[MissThea]

:'Thanks alot for all the Bible verses saying I should live the rest of my life alone, buddy. Really sweet of you.
Not.
I told my sweetie he should remain in Nigeria, try to earn the money for two weeks, since that's the amount of time he says it will take to get into the embassy to get the papers.
He did mention the connection men were trying to talk him into the 4800 dollars so they could write him up letters indicating he had a bigger account than he had, and I told him no I wouldn't help him do that.
I'm very depressed, so bad I lay here weeping just like before I met him.
As to church, they can be the coldest places for disabled people to find friends. Ask anyone. I tried and couldn't even get a ride to and from, nor can I get volunteers to get me out of the house. For the last time: They Simply Aren't There.
One volunteer bureau worker told me there are plenty of people dying of loneliness just like me in Toronto. And as long as I'm not allowed to use para-transit, and my pain issues won't allow me to travel regular transit, there's no way for me to get out and do much, except for medical appointments.
Some life!
And I don't need more damn pen pals. I'm on all kinds of email lists, and I've got all kinds of Braille and talking books to read, and I swear if I have to choke down one more book ... Don't you people get it? I need TLC, touch, there-ness, not thousands of miles away-ness. You guys are talking about a person's most primal instincts: need for love, sex, companionship, someone's there-ness.
I find some of you damn lacking in compassion. You can't help me by being there for me, but you don't mind crashing my world into bits.
OK, I didn't send him any more money. And I haven't heard his voice for two days.
I guess you guys don't know the neurology of love, why people get depressed, because the neural pathways of the brain actually get used to and crave the presence of the person; then, when it is taken away, it is like withdrawing from a drug. I read it in a science article having to do with the production of the love/trust hormone in the brain: oxytocin. I don't know when or if I'll hear from Eugene again. He just said he'd work it out himself.
But now he has a different cell phone, with a certain amount of credit on it. So the number I have for him doesn't get me to him.
So, I don't know what to say, whether it's the end or he's working hard to earn the money for the fees. I do know that I haven't heard from him since the day I said I wouldn't, couldn't, send him any more money to get to Ghana. I suggested he stay near the Nigerian Canadian embassy.
Wait the two weeks, if that's how long it takes to get an appointment. I also told him Why doesn't he fill out the forms online? He's not into computers, I guess.
Anyway, I'm done with bloody pen pals. I want a real person. I'm sick of the phone, and in any case, I can't hold one against my ear for long because of the carpal tunnel syndrome in my hands.
Dammit, I want me some touch! I need to be touched! The cat just doesn't do it, or it that just too hard to understand? I'm not interested in pickups, even if I could get out, which I can't. I've told you all that already, and that I've tried to get out and can't because the paratransit here won't let me have service. And I can't travel the busses because I have too many pain conditions. I didn't send him any more money, and FYI, I didn't send the last person who tried to scam me a red cent.
But there's always that one.
I even wrote an article on the romance scam business, before I met Eugene.
Anyway, I'm withdrawing from love, so if you can't say something nice ...
(

 

[Mrs_Canuck]

"We people" get it. Disabled or not, everyone needs to be loved. We are not lacking in compassion, you just choose not to hear what we are trying to tell you.

We are simply trying to help you as you have ASKED for help. Immigration is NOT a walk in the park. It is NOT easy and it is VERY easy to be duped by people who just want your money. The fact that he stopped calling you after you said you wouldn't give him the money is a HUGE red flag.

If you want something badly enough, which it seems like you do, go out and get it. If there is a will, there is a way. Hire a caregiver who is willing to be a companion. There are such things as them in Toronto - you can go through the province. Don't say you can't because you can - my uncle who is partially blind and hard of hearing from working years with VIA Rail was able to get one in Toronto.

If you don't like hard truths, then don't ask tough questions. Sugar-coating truths doesn't help anyone. The only person stopping you from living life is yourself. There are 50+ CNIB centers in Toronto that host events and social gatherings and provide resources to people of all ages who are blind or partially blind. You WILL find someone to love, you will find friends; but please do not categorize yourself and allow yourself to be put down by your limitations. Know what you want for yourself and go out and get it. Don't rush it - work with it; you are worth the time that it takes to develop a proper relationship.

I wish you the best of luck in the future.

 

[chakrab]

i believe this is a lost cause as the OP can't sponsor the person. the person has a kid and the sponsor definitely has to earn money to sponsor an accompanying kid. this is regardless what kind of marriage they have. i won't believe any normal dad will leave the kid for 5 years (as that's how long it would take for him to sponsor his kid) to come and stay with his sweetheart in another country.

also who waits for 2 weeks at the embassy to get forms for applying? that's a huge lie in itself. one can easily print them off. even a computer illiterate can ask for help at a net cafe. how did he get the ad on the internet and chat with the OP, if he is so naive about computers. sounds very dicey to me.

 

[SenoritaBella]

In addition to Mrs_Canuck;'s suggestions, you can also start a group for people with similar interests and challenges using the popular "meet up" resource. You can't meet people without putting yourself out there. If you can go to medical appointments, is it possible to also go for social functions using the same means? I understand the system can be challenging sometimes and if they are truly restricting your movements, are you able to contact your member of paliarment? Or even "Go Public"(media) which will at least bring the news to the responsible department?

 

[zardoz]

It was a lost cause long before that. This is/was a complete scam. Like many thousands before and many thousands yet to come, this poor lady has been taken in. All of the warning signs were there and have been confirmed by the last post. Contact has been cut off, phone numbers changed etc etc.

The sign of a good romance scammer is that the victim still thinks, after everything that has happened, that there is still hope....

 

[keesio]

Anyway, I'm withdrawing from love, so if you can't say something nice ...

Sorry to hurt your feelings (and I do sincerely feel bad for you because you are in a rough situation), but you have to understand that as mean as you perceive us to be, CIC will be much more "cold". They are known to have made people cry during interviews because of their harsh questions. You came here for honest advice and not comforting words (I assume). This is our honest advice. CIC will look at this case very suspiciously and harshly. The truth hurts sometimes. But it is always better to get the truth.

 

[scylla]

He did mention the connection men were trying to talk him into the 4800 dollars so they could write him up letters indicating he had a bigger account than he had, and I told him no I wouldn't help him do that.

It was a good decision on your part not to help with the 4800.

A visitors visa to Canada only costs $100. It's a very bad idea to create any kind of letters or other paperwork that aren't truthful (like fake bank statements). If discovered, this results in a person being banned from Canada for 2 years due to misrpresentation (i.e. lying in their application). It's an extremely bad idea to lie in an application.

 

[Obronibini]

Wowww am so proud of you for not sending him the money. There's nothing to suffer for anymore , tell him you don't have a even half a dollar for him , my mom goes to Togo from time to time , I just asked her and she said in total it shouldn't cost more than 25 Ghana cedis and that's around 10 dollars , so basically all your sweetheart needs is less than 19 dollars . And again she doesn't need to Ghana . He can download the forms at any cyber cafe . He can't say he doesn't know how to use computer because you said he did sent you emails . There should be someone willing to help him. Give are the days when connection men succeeded in getting visas is now a thing of the past. The embassy will detect that . He's only lieing to get money off you . He's telling you what you want to hear just to get money. I didn't want to be blunt because I've learnt on here that you don't call someone a scammer unless they say they are , so even when it obvious what people's intentions are we just have to "beat around the bush" but this guy is taking advantage of your kind heart, your love, etc. . Nigeria is out because Nigerians deal with Ghana , Togo deals with Ghana as well. There's no line or queue he need to join for two weeks ! Embassies deal strictly by appointment. I went to the Canadian embassy and they have arrival hall where you wait and the security does not allow more people than they can take so there's nothing like too many people . If you need someone to talk to etc just know that you can talk to us anytime . Everyone here cares about you . Eugene is probability somewhere enjoying with your money. , He's gonna come back to pretend he's been working hard to come there. It can take him many years to raise 4800. The equivalent in Ghana money or Togo money is so much . It someone's yearly salary. Anyways enough lol. Stay safe and stick what you did , don't give him a dim .