'Stereotyping' hogwash -- I described a scenario that plays out again and again in rural Thailand, based on my years of experience living there, translating letters for village women who don't speak English, talking with foreigner men who got their fingers and other organs burned, reading the papers. etc. If you're unhappy that it occurs, don't read forums where you'll hear about it. I didn't say a single thing that ascribed qualities or behaviours to people based on their ethnicity, and if you search this forum you'll find a couple of detailed posts where I discuss how the differences between Thai marriage customs and Western marriage customs contribute to this dynamic.Koifish76 said:
Original Poster, you mistook my questions. I have no opinion about the truth or falsity of your relationship at all -- its red flags won't make me think it's false, and your belief in it won't make me think it's true, only time can tell on these fronts. I'm not CIC, which has to decide. When I asked 'how an isolated disabled Canadian woman and a Togolese fruit seller met' I thought it was clear that I meant that as a question that you will have to answer, at least implicitly, for CIC. A lot of the proof you supply as to your relationship will have this question as its underpinning, and I think it is VERY likely that your disability will cause them to raise their standard of evidence. Is that fair to you? It is not. Will they do this explicitly? They will not. It will simply be an exaggerated version of their "Does this relationship conform to the cultural standards etc. etc."
And above all, the general tone of your last post, which I would paraphrase as "I must have this relationship to give my life value" should be avoided when dealing with CIC. Why? Because people who are desperate are the easiest to trick. CIC's criteria are already conservative -- they like marriages that look like other marriages. Yours won't. If Maude had been Canadian and Harold had been Cuban, they would have had some huge hurdles to get over.
As for your point about 'tact or sensitivity', tact or sensitivity about what? Do you mean that you came here for advice, but that you don't want anyone to mention the real possibility that you are being scammed? Even though that possibility is the thing that you need to explicitly acknowledge so that you can demonstrate to CIC that it is not occurring? If you re-read my email, you'll see that I have not actually said a single thing that casts aspersions on your relationship -- instead, I suggested practical things that you can do that will both protect you, and let the relationship continue, and warned you about a couple of danger signs. (Incidentally, one of the biggest danger signs is refusing to acknowledge other danger signs -- 'headlong' is the style, for the men who jump off of Pattaya hotels) Perhaps you missed the extensive parts of my email where I commended you for finding a companion, and commented on the naturalness of this. Finally, think about this:
I married a Thai woman. Here are the things people think when they hear that: bar girl, prostitute, gold-digger, ping-pong ball, Pattaya, jerk-who-marries-Asian-woman-because-she-never-talks-back. The first six of those don't bother me, because I don't look down on bar girls, and I married my wife because I love her -- I could spend my life apologizing for her ("I'd like you to meet my wife, she's a Thai NURSE") and our marriage, but why bother? The last of these irritates me because the truth is actually closer to the opposite :-X but aside from that, no big deal. Here in Canada people have a lot of dumb ideas about immigrants; they have a lot of dumb ideas about people who marry immigrants; and your situation, blind, married to a Togolese guy with a bunch of kids, is going to trigger all of these dumb ideas. Spending your life feeling sensitive about that is going to be a bit of a chore.
