A strain on your relationship?

[antz21]

Money is one of the main cause for divorces. It's normal to argue over it but in a situation like this, it's just 10 times worse. Sometimes, I have threatened to leave and go back to England myself because well let's face it, this situation takes it's toll and emotions tend to travel on stranger frequencies than normal.

My boyfriend was in debt but thankfully, we've sorted that out. Now he is working again, he needs to rebuild his credit. I have always been very careful with money but he hasn't and I am worried that it will make it hard for us to get a mortgage one day.

At the end of the day, we all know one thing... if we can get through this process and make it out safe and sound on the other side, there is nothing that is going to tear us apart from our loved ones. This is a big hurdle and the other side will be a brighter, happier place.

Bonitanita - My hubby and I are the same. I am the one that saves and saves and has the deposit for our future house, and he has some debts that will hopefully be gone by the time my residency is approved. Mind you they were supposed to be gone by the time we got married last April so we will see. Over the summer when I visited him for a few months we put together a budget that hopefully is working out. Money is always a sore subject though and it always causes an argument with us, mostly out of frustration as I know when the PR comes through I won't be making as much money in a job in Canada so he might have to support me whilst I get on my feet and I want us to have a place of our own!! And I am sure we all know how pricey housing is in Canada!!! We (well he, I just visited) actually lived with friends for a while who were a couple, then they got pregnant so we had to move out. Currently we found a decent rental place that we (once again he - me just on visits) however the lease is up in May. Hoping some situations are resolved by then and I will actually be landed by then but who knows.

Also another sore subject is I did a lot of the research and filling out the paperwork (seeing as I had the summer off work so that's what I spent all my time doing), so when I talk to him about the PR he doesn't always get how it works, even though he thinks he does he hasn't done the same amount of research into it!!

I also vent a lot to him about my frustrations with work and people in my life currently. To go back to work and stay away for 9 months whilst waiting for the PR was not an easy decision. My family is in the UK, hubby in Canada and then I am in the US. It's hard to have all the people close to me so far away. So hubby gets the short end of the stick on Skype and gets to listen to all my silly daily complaints. Sometimes I wish our schedules gelled more so I could talk to him when he's not tired after working so many hours, but then again he's got to work to pay off those bills (and there we are back to money - of course hah).

When we all make it through this, I do believe it makes your relationship stronger, as we have done all this hard work just to be with the one person you love! Just the waiting is frustrating, everyone on the outside having never gone through the process doesn't understand why it takes so long. Luckily my mother went through it all with a greencard back in the day so at least she understands a little! Patience is a virtue, and I sure will have a lot of it at the end of this chapter of my life!

 

[CanadianJeepGuy]

Yes I really like Antipolo and told Merlyn it's one of the places I'd most like to live if we retire back there. She's originally from the province of Iloilo though and I loved that as well. So many nice places over there, and with a brother already retired in Quezon City I wouldn't mind calling The Philippines home in a few more years too.

My cousin lives in Vancouver and his girlfriend is from Iloilo. Neither of us knew the other was with a Filipina. I think they are going for a visit there in February.
I like Antipolo because its growing. Lots of potential for investment but I want to live closer to Boracay or even Batangas. My wife and I will retire there in another 12 years.

 

[WYWH]

Reading this thread is making me depressed. It's so upsetting what this process can do to relationships! I hope everyone gets what their heart truly desires really soon. I have been lucky with the fact that my husband was approved very quickly. He, however, hasn't moved to Canada yet (he just got the visa yesterday) and he still has loose ends to tie up, so even though we don't have CIC to worry about anymore, we still have the stress of being apart, also through Christmas.

I also started feeling a bit depressed while reading this thread. Waiting is more than frustrating and stressful for all of us, but I guess it still helps to know that we are not the only ones and that a lot of others can relate and understand your hardships and pain of being away from the loved one(s). It does hurt to know that we are not being treated like human beings, but only numbers and papers to be processed and filed. CIC's claim about improving the system and working hard on reuniting families really does seem like a fairy tale.

Bonitanita, I have been reading your posts for a few months and my heart goes out for you and what you had to go through since you've found out about the application not ever leaving Mississauga. I hope London speeds up your processing now since it should have been your turn for a visa already. I am in a somewhat of a similar situation actually. Mississauga sent my app to London, UK, in July. I tried explaining to CIC that London was not our VO, it is Vienna, but they ignored me and told me to wait. Four months later, some "genius" figures it out and says "hey, you don't belong here, we are transferring you to Vienna" It takes them 2 months to do that, apparently. So, on top of 104 days for my stage 1 (early April application), they waste 6 months before anyone has even looked at our file. It is quite depressing and yes, it has had its toll on our lives - husband unemployed, we cannot start a family, we miss each other like crazy, especially around the holidays, and now another Christmas and New Year apart ... it breaks our hearts. We only see each other once a year, when I go for a visit, since he cannot get any kind of visa to visit me. I spend so much money to make that happen each summer, then I struggle financially for the rest of the time, and it is very hard to be patient and accept that there is nothing we can do. It is that feeling of helplessness and the not knowing and not being able to plan our life that is the worst in all of this. Sometimes, it feels as if I would give up everything else in the world, just to have my husband hug me, especially during hard times that I have to endure alone. It would have meant the world if he could have been with me when my father passed away last winter. A simple hug would make half of the pain go away, but I am stuck wondering why in today's day and age I feel imprisoned and not allowed to be with my partner. That being said, we still somehow find the strength to endure because we know that all of the hard times will one day stay behind us. So we go on ... I very much feel for anyone who has had to endure being away from his/her partner for months or years. There is no relationship / marriage without occasional fights and problems, but my advice to anyone here would be to stay calm and not let anything, however difficult, affect your love for each other. There is nothing we can do to change the way CIC works or any VO, but we do have control over our own attitude. Make a decision that you will not let anything affect you and stick with it. If you believe in it, nothing can touch you. Time is on our side ... good luck to all.

 

[AnaMaria]

The added stress really does add a hell of a lot of troubles to the relationship. In a normal relationship, couples argue all the time about who is doing the dishes and how much money is in the bank and so on.

If it was not about the money, it was about who does dishes we argued about all the time. Now I decided to focus on getting licensed in order to potentially make money, there is no other way unless he makes money for both of us and my cats. Now I am happily doing dishes .

Also another sore subject is I did a lot of the research and filling out the paperwork (seeing as I had the summer off work so that's what I spent all my time doing), so when I talk to him about the PR he doesn't always get how it works, even though he thinks he does he hasn't done the same amount of research into it!!

That happened to me, too. I did everything and paid everything, for his certificates, notary fees, sponsorship application fee, etc. I listed what he needed to do and drafted but it took him months to fill out the forms and review them (how many forms does a sponsor have to fill out!). I gathered all evidence, documents, photos, and compiled them. He got frustrated with me as I have urged him to finish. I, again, felt some doubt, too, if he truly loved me ???. But it was also a process to really know him. He did not mean anything but he did not understand the stress I had. How time consuming to gather applicant's documents and evidences, and being here without PR status while I was stressed out with school work and not being able to find a job.

Again, going through all these things, we are much closer and love more. We are any more inseparable!

 

[Remrov]

Same here! living on Vancouver Island, pretty nice I must say! I just got my PR approved so I don't have to explain anymore, but I must say I have been lucky - my partner's parents were super nice and understanding, they knew that I was waiting and willing to work, but just couldn't... and kept on telling me how much it must be difficult for me to wait, and that they were happy that I choose Canada (so their son could be close to them!), and that they hoped their government would welcome me very soon! so can't really complain... his grand parents wouldn't really get it (they kept saying - well you're from Europe, and you're educated, so of course you can work... well no!), but well... for the rest it has been quite nice...
Now I'm a PR - and so I'm officially unemployed! I'll see how long it lasts before people start calling me lazy...
Sweden

Congratulations Sweden with your PR approval!!!

The whole process is not really a strain on our relationship, although we are both extremely stressed, and sometimes I'm wondering what the hell I started with. But I know as soon as I get approved everything will be perfect.
I have autism and I've always found red tape extremely difficult, and lately I feel that I'm just totally overspend and I've had many night of hardly any sleep at all. I am really thankful for this forum though, because without it I would never had found out how to do certain things, and besides that I don't feel so alone.

 

[amikety]

If it was not about the money, it was about who does dishes we argued about all the time. Now I decided to focus on getting licensed in order to potentially make money, there is no other way unless he makes money for both of us and my cats. Now I am happily doing dishes .
That happened to me, too. I did everything and paid everything, for his certificates, notary fees, sponsorship application fee, etc. I listed what he needed to do and drafted but it took him months to fill out the forms and review them (how many forms does a sponsor have to fill out!). I gathered all evidence, documents, photos, and compiled them. He got frustrated with me as I have urged him to finish. I, again, felt some doubt, too, if he truly loved me ???. But it was also a process to really know him. He did not mean anything but he did not understand the stress I had. How time consuming to gather applicant's documents and evidences, and being here without PR status while I was stressed out with school work and not being able to find a job.

Again, going through all these things, we are much closer and love more. We are any more inseparable!

I actually begged him to complete the forms while he was on vacation because we thought we'd get the police clearance around that time. He did one of the four.

Luckily for him my fingerprints were denied and I had to submit again.

I have paid for everything as well, all doctor visits, all fees. He told me before I moved here I had to pay them myself, so at least I knew to save money for PR before moving to Canada. I just shrug at this one. It's my PR so whatever. He at least drove me all over town to get the appointments done. Sometimes I really angry with him for passing the buck on everything but it's taught me some valuable insight into him and helped me make some choices regarding our future.

 

[bonitanita]

I also started feeling a bit depressed while reading this thread. Waiting is more than frustrating and stressful for all of us, but I guess it still helps to know that we are not the only ones and that a lot of others can relate and understand your hardships and pain of being away from the loved one(s). It does hurt to know that we are not being treated like human beings, but only numbers and papers to be processed and filed. CIC's claim about improving the system and working hard on reuniting families really does seem like a fairy tale.

Bonitanita, I have been reading your posts for a few months and my heart goes out for you and what you had to go through since you've found out about the application not ever leaving Mississauga. I hope London speeds up your processing now since it should have been your turn for a visa already. I am in a somewhat of a similar situation actually. Mississauga sent my app to London, UK, in July. I tried explaining to CIC that London was not our VO, it is Vienna, but they ignored me and told me to wait. Four months later, some "genius" figures it out and says "hey, you don't belong here, we are transferring you to Vienna" It takes them 2 months to do that, apparently. So, on top of 104 days for my stage 1 (early April application), they waste 6 months before anyone has even looked at our file. It is quite depressing and yes, it has had its toll on our lives - husband unemployed, we cannot start a family, we miss each other like crazy, especially around the holidays, and now another Christmas and New Year apart ... it breaks our hearts. We only see each other once a year, when I go for a visit, since he cannot get any kind of visa to visit me. I spend so much money to make that happen each summer, then I struggle financially for the rest of the time, and it is very hard to be patient and accept that there is nothing we can do. It is that feeling of helplessness and the not knowing and not being able to plan our life that is the worst in all of this. Sometimes, it feels as if I would give up everything else in the world, just to have my husband hug me, especially during hard times that I have to endure alone. It would have meant the world if he could have been with me when my father passed away last winter. A simple hug would make half of the pain go away, but I am stuck wondering why in today's day and age I feel imprisoned and not allowed to be with my partner. That being said, we still somehow find the strength to endure because we know that all of the hard times will one day stay behind us. So we go on ... I very much feel for anyone who has had to endure being away from his/her partner for months or years. There is no relationship / marriage without occasional fights and problems, but my advice to anyone here would be to stay calm and not let anything, however difficult, affect your love for each other. There is nothing we can do to change the way CIC works or any VO, but we do have control over our own attitude. Make a decision that you will not let anything affect you and stick with it. If you believe in it, nothing can touch you. Time is on our side ... good luck to all.

Wow! I can't believe they would let that happen. Well, actually, I cannot say I am totally shocked. The way cic works is absolutely disgusting. They're controlling people's lives and they have no idea how much they're screwing people over. It really doesn't have to be that way. In this day and age, they should implement a more reliable information system so that the flow of processing applications is more reliable.

So sorry to hear about your struggles! Sucks!

 

[Merlyns_Tim]

My cousin lives in Vancouver and his girlfriend is from Iloilo. Neither of us knew the other was with a Filipina. I think they are going for a visit there in February.
I like Antipolo because its growing. Lots of potential for investment but I want to live closer to Boracay or even Batangas. My wife and I will retire there in another 12 years.

I think there are a lot of Canadian guys who are looking forward to retiring in what ever country their wife came from. I could buy a brand new house in a nice new subdivision in Iloilo for anywhere from $35,000 and up. Living in Canada I'm one of those who would never be able to afford my own house. My retirement is 4 years off, and depending on our financial status when that day comes, skipping to the Philippines is an attractive option for sure. ;D

 

[aerogurl87]

I have paid for everything as well, all doctor visits, all fees. He told me before I moved here I had to pay them myself, so at least I knew to save money for PR before moving to Canada. I just shrug at this one. It's my PR so whatever. He at least drove me all over town to get the appointments done. Sometimes I really angry with him for passing the buck on everything but it's taught me some valuable insight into him and helped me make some choices regarding our future.

I paid for almost all of my fees and expenses for sponsorship as well. Originally we were supposed to pay for them 50/50, but then my boyfriend's work slowed down alot and bills piled up, so I used alot of my savings from my last month of work to just pay for everything. The only thing he's paying for is my RPRF. But he give me his old car for free when I moved here, and has paid for most of our trips, so I can't complain. It is my PR after all, not his.

 

[antz21]

I paid for almost all of my fees and expenses for sponsorship as well. Originally we were supposed to pay for them 50/50, but then my boyfriend's work slowed down alot and bills piled up, so I used alot of my savings from my last month of work to just pay for everything. The only thing he's paying for is my RPRF. But he give me his old car for free when I moved here, and has paid for most of our trips, so I can't complain. It is my PR after all, not his.

I figure it will all work out even in the end!! I know my hubby will look after me when I get there. It was just easier for me to pay everything up front, rather than him putting it on his credit card which would just pile up!!

The worst thing about being apart is when we call each other on Skype when our internet connection is bad - I just want to throw things at my computer but I know that won't help!!! Ha, it will all be so worth it in the end, and here's to hoping the end is near for all of us still waiting!!

 

[amikety]

The worst thing about being apart is when we call each other on Skype when our internet connection is bad - I just want to throw things at my computer but I know that won't help!!! Ha, it will all be so worth it in the end, and here's to hoping the end is near for all of us still waiting!!

Ah, the Skype death trap. I don't miss those days.

 

[aerogurl87]

I figure it will all work out even in the end!! I know my hubby will look after me when I get there. It was just easier for me to pay everything up front, rather than him putting it on his credit card which would just pile up!!

The worst thing about being apart is when we call each other on Skype when our internet connection is bad - I just want to throw things at my computer but I know that won't help!!! Ha, it will all be so worth it in the end, and here's to hoping the end is near for all of us still waiting!!

It will be worth it. I know when my boyfriend and I were apart MSN chat was the worst thing in the world. Some days it would work, others not so much. Then skype would drop our calls and somedays not even work at all. I'm lucky in that we're together while my application is being processed, and I'm thankful for that even if I can't work anymore.

 

[amikety]

I paid for almost all of my fees and expenses for sponsorship as well. Originally we were supposed to pay for them 50/50, but then my boyfriend's work slowed down alot and bills piled up, so I used alot of my savings from my last month of work to just pay for everything. The only thing he's paying for is my RPRF. But he give me his old car for free when I moved here, and has paid for most of our trips, so I can't complain. It is my PR after all, not his.

I'm having deja vu. I think we've had this conversation at least once before! ;D

 

[aerogurl87]

I'm having deja vu. I think we've had this conversation at least once before! ;D

Haha probably.

 

[Merlyns_Tim]

It hasn't been a strain on our relationship. The process is out of our control. It has been a strain on me emotionally and financially. While I understand it does take time to get a visa I see anything taking more than 6 months on a straight forward spousal application with no dependents to be excessive.
My wife worries about the strain on me and she feels guilty that she can't do more to help.

I think my wife's feeling the same way as yours as far as feeling bad about the strain on me. When we met she was working in a call center, and did for probably the first 6 month, but they laid off 25 eventually and she was in that group. She worked for a friend for probably a month or a bit more after that but I told her to quit cause she was doing 12 and 13 hour days for about what I make in 15 minutes, and her health is worth more than a few pesos to me.

She also wanted to pursue other jobs to help out but in most cases you need to sigh a contract over there and I wasn't willing to let her take that risk, .. because in all honesty I figured our documents would zip through the CIC fast and that she'd either have to break her contract or stay till it was finished.

We just hope she can get work not long after she arrives to help stabilize us financially again. She doesn't actually care if she starts in a minimum wage job but she's got a university education and I think she can do better than that. To me anything's a big help though.

We do feel we're close, .. just not feeling all that confident that we're "close enough" to spend Christmas together this year again.