A strain on your relationship?

[bonitanita]

It's made us have to cut back on our spending since I'm no longer working, and that's been hard. My boyfriend has been really supportive though, although he says he can't wait for me to go back to work. We want to build a house in the next few years, but until my PR comes through, that will be put on the backburner, which means no children either since we can't have children in our apartment. What really annoys me is seeing his family. They have no idea about what's involved in going through this and for some reason seem to think the process doesn't include much other than paying a fee and then waiting a few weeks to get an answer. It's why I sometimes dread seeing them, because all they ever ask me is "why don't you go to school" or "why can't you work right now?" Well I can't go to school because we are barely being able to make it now, adding thousands of dollars that we don't have to the situation would make it worse. And I can't work because legally I'm not allowed to and refuse to get paid under the table as some of them have alluded to as being a great solution for me.

This made me laugh. I love how people are all like "oh, did your papers come yet?" And they look at you like it's your fault sometimes as if you're trying to make the process longer so you can just bum around. They so don't get it!

 

[bagelbagel81]

bonitaanita - I hear you!
I just turned 31 today , and I feel the same way about saving to relocate, and everything being on the backburner until we are able to finally land in Ottawa.

It's hard when you feel the time ticking away and you have wayyyy too much time to sit and think about everything when you could actually be out there living your life (It doesn't help for me that my twin sister is already settled with a healthy happy baby, a mortgage and they are already thinking of their second!)

What does give me hope is that there IS an end in sight- even if it doesn't feel like that now.

I couldn't imagine what it would be like for you not only not able to work, but also living to some degree separate from your spouse AND with the in-laws- especially in a remote area where it is difficult to keep your mind off things with other social activities.

Is there a community type of club that you could join that would help you to meet others and maybe volunteer with small projects or what not that would occupy your time, and maybe give you another skill set for when you finally move to Vancouver?

I was thinking along the lines of some kinds of charity work or something? Not sure what the deal is with doing that whilst waiting for your PR, but at the very least you might meet some cool people that you would not have otherwise, and a social group with an objective viewpoint that you could also vent to! (I find that helps a lot when I am feeling alone with my worries).

We have fought a lot about the VISA process- and in some ways the best remedy is to try and forget about it (easier said than done!). The more I focus on it the more I yearn for the process to be sped up, and that only leads to a cycle of anxiety and worry!

My focus now is on my wedding in 2014 - still a long way off (and another financial aspect to worry about!). So I think I still have a bit to wait before thinking about a family... however I just keep trying to tell myself that everyone's journey is different and the wheels are in motion.... it WILL happen eventually!!

 

[Nevaeha]

bonitaanita - I hear you!
I just turned 31 today , and I feel the same way about saving to relocate, and everything being on the backburner until we are able to finally land in Ottawa.

It's hard when you feel the time ticking away and you have wayyyy too much time to sit and think about everything when you could actually be out there living your life (It doesn't help for me that my twin sister is already settled with a healthy happy baby, a mortgage and they are already thinking of their second!)

What does give me hope is that there IS an end in sight- even if it doesn't feel like that now.

I couldn't imagine what it would be like for you not only not able to work, but also living to some degree separate from your spouse AND with the in-laws- especially in a remote area where it is difficult to keep your mind off things with other social activities.

Is there a community type of club that you could join that would help you to meet others and maybe volunteer with small projects or what not that would occupy your time, and maybe give you another skill set for when you finally move to Vancouver?

I was thinking along the lines of some kinds of charity work or something? Not sure what the deal is with doing that whilst waiting for your PR, but at the very least you might meet some cool people that you would not have otherwise, and a social group with an objective viewpoint that you could also vent to! (I find that helps a lot when I am feeling alone with my worries).

We have fought a lot about the VISA process- and in some ways the best remedy is to try and forget about it (easier said than done!). The more I focus on it the more I yearn for the process to be sped up, and that only leads to a cycle of anxiety and worry!

My focus now is on my wedding in 2014 - still a long way off (and another financial aspect to worry about!). So I think I still have a bit to wait before thinking about a family... however I just keep trying to tell myself that everyone's journey is different and the wheels are in motion.... it WILL happen eventually!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

 

[bagelbagel81]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Aww thanks! It's kind of amusing that the VISA process to me is the first thing on my mind opposed to celebrating! haha...

 

[Nevaeha]

Aww thanks! It's kind of amusing that the VISA process to me is the first thing on my mind opposed to celebrating! haha...

Celebrate your day, you'll only turn 31 once! And remember, you have this forum for support whenever you need it; we all do from time to time or for some of us all the time!!!!!

 

[bagelbagel81]

Looks like I am the one needing reassurance today!

:-\

That made me feel all warm n' fuzzy- so thanks!!

 

[Nevaeha]

Looks like I am the one needing reassurance today!

:-\

That made me feel all warm n' fuzzy- so thanks!!

Good, I'm glad; consider it a birthday present!!! Now get off your computer and celebrate YOU!

 

[Ms Malawi]

Good, I'm glad; consider it a birthday present!!! Now get off your computer and celebrate YOU!

I agree with this!!! Go celebrate and know that you will be re-united with your partner sooner than later!!!

 

[computergeek]

I am quite grateful that financial stress wasn't part of our application process. The waiting was terrible - all 3 years, 3 months and 17 days of it. Indeed, one reason I didn't keep fighting the first refusal was the realization that I didn't have the stomach to spend another two years at it. It exacts an insidious price - there's so much uncertainty. You can't really plan on doing anything. I had the additional uncertainty of wondering if I'd just be refused re-entry when coming up to the border (due to the previous refusal on medical inadmissibility grounds). The definite maybe from the lawyers ("well, you probably won't be refused") combined with the fact that my job requires I travel piled on top lent an additional aura of discomfort to the entire process.

The best thing now is realizing that, as a PR, there's no longer that level of uncertainty. It's fun to start thinking about what the future will bring. It's great not having to worry about work permit expiration dates, medical coverage going away abruptly, etc.

What is shocking to me is how people outside this system really don't understand what's involved in it. I had someone here in Canada congratulate me on "getting citizenship" after I landed. I didn't have the heart to explain that is another step several years from now. Almost everyone in the US thinks you just "swap passports at the border". If only it were that easy...

 

[bonitanita]

bonitaanita - I hear you!
I just turned 31 today , and I feel the same way about saving to relocate, and everything being on the backburner until we are able to finally land in Ottawa.

It's hard when you feel the time ticking away and you have wayyyy too much time to sit and think about everything when you could actually be out there living your life (It doesn't help for me that my twin sister is already settled with a healthy happy baby, a mortgage and they are already thinking of their second!)

What does give me hope is that there IS an end in sight- even if it doesn't feel like that now.

I couldn't imagine what it would be like for you not only not able to work, but also living to some degree separate from your spouse AND with the in-laws- especially in a remote area where it is difficult to keep your mind off things with other social activities.

Is there a community type of club that you could join that would help you to meet others and maybe volunteer with small projects or what not that would occupy your time, and maybe give you another skill set for when you finally move to Vancouver?

I was thinking along the lines of some kinds of charity work or something? Not sure what the deal is with doing that whilst waiting for your PR, but at the very least you might meet some cool people that you would not have otherwise, and a social group with an objective viewpoint that you could also vent to! (I find that helps a lot when I am feeling alone with my worries).

We have fought a lot about the VISA process- and in some ways the best remedy is to try and forget about it (easier said than done!). The more I focus on it the more I yearn for the process to be sped up, and that only leads to a cycle of anxiety and worry!

My focus now is on my wedding in 2014 - still a long way off (and another financial aspect to worry about!). So I think I still have a bit to wait before thinking about a family... however I just keep trying to tell myself that everyone's journey is different and the wheels are in motion.... it WILL happen eventually!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

You really should get off here and go celebrate!!!!

Thanks for your suggestions but when I say remote, I really do mean it. The nearest town is 40 minutes away and it's too far to travel to for volunteering. The only thing near us is a tiny convenience store 15 minutes away.

The only community groups I know of are ones for mothers and toddlers etc..... gah!

Over the past year, I have done:

- Shaun T's Insanity twice
- worked on my book
- practiced with my photography
- done some free online courses

But, in reality, when your hobbies are the only thing in your life, they become more of a chore and really do lose their value.

Anyway, happy birthday again.... go out and have a drink or something! x

 

[bonitanita]

I am quite grateful that financial stress wasn't part of our application process. The waiting was terrible - all 3 years, 3 months and 17 days of it. Indeed, one reason I didn't keep fighting the first refusal was the realization that I didn't have the stomach to spend another two years at it. It exacts an insidious price - there's so much uncertainty. You can't really plan on doing anything. I had the additional uncertainty of wondering if I'd just be refused re-entry when coming up to the border (due to the previous refusal on medical inadmissibility grounds). The definite maybe from the lawyers ("well, you probably won't be refused") combined with the fact that my job requires I travel piled on top lent an additional aura of discomfort to the entire process.

The best thing now is realizing that, as a PR, there's no longer that level of uncertainty. It's fun to start thinking about what the future will bring. It's great not having to worry about work permit expiration dates, medical coverage going away abruptly, etc.

What is shocking to me is how people outside this system really don't understand what's involved in it. I had someone here in Canada congratulate me on "getting citizenship" after I landed. I didn't have the heart to explain that is another step several years from now. Almost everyone in the US thinks you just "swap passports at the border". If only it were that easy...

Oh it is quite shocking what people think.

A funny story:

I am british but my grandparents were indian (from India). As I said, the place I am in is very, very remote and there is a small-town mentality here. My boyfriend's mum said "why don't you just apply for your indian rights?" Baaaahhhhhhhhhaaaaahahahahaha. Just right over her head entirely. Need to get the frigg out of this!!!

 

[CharlieD10]

Oh it is quite shocking what people think.

A funny story:

I am british but my grandparents were indian (from India). As I said, the place I am in is very, very remote and there is a small-town mentality here. My boyfriend's mum said "why don't you just apply for your indian rights?" Baaaahhhhhhhhhaaaaahahahahaha. Just right over her head entirely. Need to get the frigg out of this!!!

I had to laugh at that one. Someone asked me, "Well now that you're a Canadian, do you get to keep your Jamaican citizenship?". I explained that I'm not a Canadian, I'm a Jamaican allowed to live in Canada on a permanent basis. She blinked at me, and said "Oh. I thought you got your citizenship!". /facepalm. :

 

[computergeek]

A funny story:

I am british but my grandparents were indian (from India). As I said, the place I am in is very, very remote and there is a small-town mentality here. My boyfriend's mum said "why don't you just apply for your indian rights?" Baaaahhhhhhhhhaaaaahahahahaha. Just right over her head entirely. Need to get the frigg out of this!!!

Aboriginal people actually have immigration easy - show up at the border with their paperwork and voila! Instant permanent residency - either direction across the US/Canada border.

Well, once you get to BC you'll find some solace. Many of the people here ARE immigrants, so they understand the process. But the native Canadians generally do not.

 

[sariss]

It puts a bit of a strain on our relationship. During the process he has been here but unable to work. Trying to support 2 people (and 4 pets) on my income with student loans/rent/etc etc has been pretty rough.

 

[Isometry]

I'm not a Canadian, I'm a Jamaican allowed to live in Canada on a permanent basis.

This is the best way I've seen of explaining it, and I will probably use it from now on. Thanks!