Hi! See my comments above.Nowadays, when people have to travel abroad for work, many take their family members with them on the business trip. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the individual and his or her family members who travel together?
With the advancement in industrialisation, businesses are getting more and more globalised. In a recent phenomenon, an increasing trend of placement of workers in other countries has been observed. You spent 30 words to say “along with globalization more and more people have started traveling with their families for work” . + Your first sentence is applicable to nearly any essay, so try to avoid it at all. Although working abroad equips with advantages such as an increased international exposure of family members and avoiding home sickness psychological (the reason I corrected this part is that in the intro you only give a general overview, while naming a particular disease is more like bringing an example of a health issue, which you would rather do in the BP) issues, the associated disadvantages are that it often gets difficult for families to assimilate in different cultures and at times expensive for the worker.
On the one hand, The advantages of taking the family to business trips are multifold - this is the first sentence of your body paragraph, so this is where you introduce your main idea to the examiner. What you could here, you could start you BP1 with “On the one hand, taking the family to business trips is beneficial both because it enables the person to avoid homesickness, as well as provides the family members with the opportunity to get to know new cultures”. . Most importantly, the problem of homesickness can be avoided when a person has a company of closed family members such as partner and children. When workers move to another country, they seldom have friends or relatives over there, which they must try to avoid presenting your ideas as 100% truth need after working hours. Let’s stop here: before jumping to the next main idea you should ensure you’ve really supported this one. What you said is that when away from home people will miss their country less if they have their family near. Afterwards you need to 1. explain why it is so 2. What’s the advantage of not being homesick (like say they perform better at work) and preferably 3. give an example. E.g. those expats who have their families with them are more efficient at work. Or Most Luxembourgish companies cover costs related to family relocation for their employees work better. Now that will be a complete main idea 1 that would lead you to band 7+. Then do the same for the next main ideas. Btw You can have only one example in each BP, no need to give 4 examples. Moreover, the most significant extreme advantage it has for family members that they get international exposure, which broadens their horizon. Visiting different countries, admittedly, provides an opportunity to interact with other countries’ residents. Instead of the previous two sentences I would say “secondly, when moving to another country, family members can get an intentional exposure by exchanging experiences with people of different cultural backgrounds” Children make friends from other nationalities, hang out with them and get themselves familiarise with others’ customs and traditions. You keep repeating the same idea
However, despite these advantages, the downsides of foreign business placements’ on families and workers cannot be ignored. It could be really hard for the workers to get financial benefits from these trips if they have the company of their families. Since accommodation allowance normally does not cover the family expense, the worker might have to pay from his salary, which could make a living abroad really expensive; hence, low savings. Another downside of this could be on the family members. In spite of the fact that foreign living increases family’s exposure, it is not possible for every member to get assimilate in culture every time. If a person had not got himself adjusted in a country, it would create issues for other members. Finalize this BP with answering to the question “so what” and then give an example for that “so what”. If you cannot do that it means you shouldn’t have started talking about that idea in the first place, you know what I mean? Only put down ideas you’re confident in and can disclose
In conclusion, whereas the advantages like avoiding homesickness and increased exposure are significant, the disadvantages of low financial backups and failure to accustomed cannot be neglected.
@cansha @CA GURPREET SINGH MANN @marosa
For 7 and above you should do the same exercises I suggested Sohaibkq to. Your grammar and vocabulary is ok.