IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.
- Thread starter H0peAndFa1th
- Start date
Hi!
Actually not much. When they ask “to what extent” you can say “I fully agree r disagree” and then write down whatever you would write if they asked you “do you agree or disagree”. Similarly, when they ask you “do you agree or disagree “ you can say that you agree in some cases and don’t agree in others, and this way you will sorta tell them you mainly agree.
And in fact, to score 7.5 or 8 this may be a better strategy than to simply agree or disagree, even if they didn’t directly ask you “to what extent do you agree”.
Hope I could explain.
How would you structure this essay:
Some people say that a person’s success is as a direct result of the way they were brought up by their parents. Do you agree or disagree?
It is argued by some that in order to become successful a person should be brought up in a particular way. In my opinion, while upbringing plays an important role when it comes to developing soft skills, professional education is another key factor that should be taken into account.
Maybe like this. Then you say parents teach you to be social and hard working, schools give you technical knowledge that helps to build career and therefore be successful in life.
Some people like to spend their leisure time with their colleagues while others prefer to keep their private life separate from their work life.
Is it a good thing to spend leisure time with colleagues?
While some persons choose to spend their spare time with their colleagues, others prefer to keep a veil between their official and private life. I consider spending idle time with their team-mates a negative thing, as it may lead to unintentional disclosure of important official information and increases warmth between friends and family members.
Foremost, there is a high certainty that confidential and important organizational information may get revealed while spending spare time by companies' employees together. Those employees who work for the same organization generally do not have anything to talk about except office in these types of get-togethers. They reveal what and how they work in their office to each other, which means they are breaching official channels of communication. This type of misconduct is becoming increasingly common, and the number of dismissals from workplaces are also increasing owing to this, especially in multinational companies.
Moreover, employees ought to spend their leisure time with their families and friends and not with their colleagues. This is because most workers nowadays work in a private sector that demands at least ten hours of work every day, and they have already spent a significant amount of time with them. When the remaining time is spent with family members, relatives, and close friends, it increases intimacy in their relationships. Having good personal relationships makes employees psychologically satisfied, which helps them to become more productive in the workplace. That is why those persons who stay with their family members perform better in official assignments than those who live far away from their kith and kin.
In conclusion, spending idle time by people with their friends and relatives increases intimacy in their personal relationships. Along with that, it also reduces the chance of leaking official information to colleagues, which makes a positive thing for them.
Is it a good thing to spend leisure time with colleagues?
While some persons choose to spend their spare time with their colleagues, others prefer to keep a veil between their official and private life. I consider spending idle time with their team-mates a negative thing, as it may lead to unintentional disclosure of important official information and increases warmth between friends and family members.
Foremost, there is a high certainty that confidential and important organizational information may get revealed while spending spare time by companies' employees together. Those employees who work for the same organization generally do not have anything to talk about except office in these types of get-togethers. They reveal what and how they work in their office to each other, which means they are breaching official channels of communication. This type of misconduct is becoming increasingly common, and the number of dismissals from workplaces are also increasing owing to this, especially in multinational companies.
Moreover, employees ought to spend their leisure time with their families and friends and not with their colleagues. This is because most workers nowadays work in a private sector that demands at least ten hours of work every day, and they have already spent a significant amount of time with them. When the remaining time is spent with family members, relatives, and close friends, it increases intimacy in their relationships. Having good personal relationships makes employees psychologically satisfied, which helps them to become more productive in the workplace. That is why those persons who stay with their family members perform better in official assignments than those who live far away from their kith and kin.
In conclusion, spending idle time by people with their friends and relatives increases intimacy in their personal relationships. Along with that, it also reduces the chance of leaking official information to colleagues, which makes a positive thing for them.
There are certain phrases and sentences that are too general and are used too often by students, therefore those should be avoided. Examples of such phrases are “each coin has to sides”, “since the dawn of time”, “this essay will discuss” etc.
However it is not quite correct to refuse to use a word, when it’s most appropriate in the sentence, simply because a lot of people may have used it before. Besides, the examiner might think you don’t know the word if they see you keep avoiding using it.
However it is not quite correct to refuse to use a word, when it’s most appropriate in the sentence, simply because a lot of people may have used it before. Besides, the examiner might think you don’t know the word if they see you keep avoiding using it.
Hi! Try to be more attentive.
1. And again:
Google the difference between people/peoples, person/persons, individual/individuals, human/humans, population/populations!!!
2. “Official” and “professional” is not the same.
3. “Thing” is too informal, replace it with the appropriate noun.
4. Main idea should clearly show what your BP is going to be about. Main idea should not be too general. It should not make an obvious statement. It should not be about a different topic than the rest of the paragraph.
5. You do not have to paraphrase each and every word of the question in the intro. Or else your sentences become too artificial. Some words can be repeated, some words can be slightly changed. E.g. you can have “successful” in the question and use “to succeed” in the intro. That’s fine even for band 9. Just don’t copy-paste the whole content.
You can have “people” both in the question and the intro, it’s also fine. Because “persons” is not the same as “people”. Also, if they say “some people think that...”, you can say “it is argued by some”.
Thank you so much for the feedback.
1. There is very minute difference between those words. I think sticking only with PEOPLE is the best approach.
2. Yes true
3. Thing was written in the question. Even I thought it for the long time, but I didn't find the exact paraphrase. Therefore I ended up writing that only in the introduction and the conclusion.
4. Second idea was general. The main reason I expanded the topic sentence because you always try to tell us that there should be a value addition in each sentence. But I guess I wrote the bad structure of sentence there.
5. I agree that.
6. One thing I want to ask if may I. You said be attentive. Can I please ask for which element was that for particularly.: Task Response , Grammar, Sentence Structure, Cohesion, Organisation, Lack of Planning, Grammatical accuracy.
I think I have learned a lot under your guidance. It will help me more to work on my weak areas.
1.
- When choosing between “individual” and “person”, go for “person”.
- Plural of “person” is “people”. Unless you’re making a law.)))
- Use “human” when talking about us as of species. Like when comparing human brain to that of animals’, or to artificial intelligence. When talking about certain characteristics of human organism.
3. I doubt that you’ll see “thing” in the question at the exam or in the official examples. However, even if you do, just to be on the safe side, don’t use it. Instead of saying “is a negative thing” you can say “is not beneficial both in terms of confidentiality and health...”.
4. Ok, “Moreover, employees ought to spend their leisure time with their families and friends and not with their colleagues.” What value has this sentence added to your essay?
1. From the very beginning you’ve stated that you don’t think people should spend all their time with colleagues, so obviously you think they should spend time with family and friends. 2. If you say “employees should spend their time woth family” What’s the point in adding the “and not with colleagues part”. This would be a good presentation of the main idea if you said “moreover, people should spend their leisure with family and friends in order to maintain psychological health”. And then you would explain how this would lead to better psychological state and then in the last sentence you would show how they would benefit from that. Hope I could explain.
6. To be attentive for most of the mistakes I indicates in the review. I may be wrong, but I remember you have written much better essays than this one.
@marosa as you instructed, I have tried to make sentences short.
For instance, a person after a hectic day at the office gets back to home, and to get himself relaxed he again has to go to mental and physically exhausting activity, it will only frustrate him further, and might even lead to depression if he does this frequently. (Before Paraphrasing)
For instance, being involved in demanding activities after a hectic day at the office, a person would only add up to his frustration, and might even lead to depression if this becomes routine. (After paraphrasing)
Subconsciously, he is learning learns many practical traits by challenging himself such as communicating with strangers, time and finance management, which he may not recognise at that time, but later in his life, it can be of really beneficial for him. (Second long sentence before paraphrasing)
Subconsciously, he learns many practical traits by challenging himself, such as communication with strangers, time and finance management. Although he may not recognise this learning at that time, later in his life, it can be of great use for him. (After paraphrasing. I only added a subordinate clause and converted it into two separate sentences.)
I am learning participle clauses to make writing compact. Since time is short before the test, I might only able to learn basic use of it.