Need help to rectify my writing
- Thread starter Milan Desai
- Start date
I just want to ask you one thing. Do we have to state a clear position in the discussion type essay in the introduction as well as in conclusion?Thanks a lot
It is better to state your position both at the start of the essay and in the conclusion. In my case, I wrote why I strongly believe in the positive aspects of people choosing to marry in their 30s and supported it with facts. My essay was straight to the point and didn’t deviate from the topic.
@canedame @pumpkin_latte @Cane101
Attempt : #3
Question: some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
It is commonly believed that guardians should motivate their kids to actively participate in team-building activities in their spare time, however, some people oppose this view by claiming that minor should find a way of occupying themselves on their own. In my opinion, organizing group building activities is more beneficial for children as they developed the skill of socializing and cooperation.
On the one hand, organized group activities help adolescent to socialize with other people in their intermediate vicinity by doing that they learn how to interact with people in their society. To illustrate this, one can organize a picnic among families which eventually give children enough time to get familiar with their peer. As a result, minor learn various group building activities such as time management, discipline, competing with siblings and coping up with pressure. Besides this, children learn right kind of attitude from being in a group and they can see situation from other’s perspectives.
On the other hand, junior should be independent in choosing activity in their free time. This give them confidence and freedom of thought. Children learn to take up challenges and responsibilities, however, there is a possibility that some kids take up a wrong route and ended up being in unavoidable circumstances. For example, If given the freedom of choice, the majority of young one in India prefer to spend their off time on the internet, by doing this, they will eventually, detach themselves from their immediate social circle. Children can be given freedom of thought but adult supervision is necessary that they do not take the wrong path.
To conclude, in my opinion, I think that organizing team building activities for young one in their leisure time is more favorable as it improves their socializing and cooperation skill than allowing them independently to chose on their own. Children are the future of the society their nurturing can not be ignored.
Attempt : #3
Question: some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
It is commonly believed that guardians should motivate their kids to actively participate in team-building activities in their spare time, however, some people oppose this view by claiming that minor should find a way of occupying themselves on their own. In my opinion, organizing group building activities is more beneficial for children as they developed the skill of socializing and cooperation.
On the one hand, organized group activities help adolescent to socialize with other people in their intermediate vicinity by doing that they learn how to interact with people in their society. To illustrate this, one can organize a picnic among families which eventually give children enough time to get familiar with their peer. As a result, minor learn various group building activities such as time management, discipline, competing with siblings and coping up with pressure. Besides this, children learn right kind of attitude from being in a group and they can see situation from other’s perspectives.
On the other hand, junior should be independent in choosing activity in their free time. This give them confidence and freedom of thought. Children learn to take up challenges and responsibilities, however, there is a possibility that some kids take up a wrong route and ended up being in unavoidable circumstances. For example, If given the freedom of choice, the majority of young one in India prefer to spend their off time on the internet, by doing this, they will eventually, detach themselves from their immediate social circle. Children can be given freedom of thought but adult supervision is necessary that they do not take the wrong path.
To conclude, in my opinion, I think that organizing team building activities for young one in their leisure time is more favorable as it improves their socializing and cooperation skill than allowing them independently to chose on their own. Children are the future of the society their nurturing can not be ignored.
Another attempt In writing:
suggestion are welcome.
Question: Some people think that young people should follow older people’s examples while others think that it good for young people to challenge older people’s opinions and thoughts.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
It commonly believed that young citizens should follow footpaths of grey people while approaching a life, however, many sections of society argue that the young one should stand against the old generation's opinion and views. In my opinion, I completely agree with the notion that teenagers should listen to advise and viewpoint of pensioners towards making life progress.
On the one hand, retirees are full of life experience as life has taught them the practicality of facing life. They are considered to be the best teacher in life. Not only one can learn from their real-life experiences but also put it into an effective life and achieve great success specifically during a troublesome time in the real world. For example, a recent study in India state that 65% of young adult prefer to take advice from one of the senior in family while planning for their retirement finance and healthcare. Furthermore, a youngster would be accepted in a society only if they opt for a suitable career option which elder people have already selected for ages.
On the other hand, there are valid reasons for opposing the view of older people as time has transformed completely and challenging old norms and conditions as a better choice. To put it into words, in the past, people believed that men and women should get married as a teenager, however, this is simply impractical and unacceptable for the modern couples. This is because most young citizen are either busy in pursuing their career or building up their career in their early days. Staring a family and having kids at a young age will hamper their potential ambition and become less competitive in society.
To conclude, I believe that both views have their merits, but in my view-point, youth should consult their elder while taking various life decisions as they have ample of life experience which can make their life easier however there are some choices that youngster should that independently without relying on elders.
suggestion are welcome.
Question: Some people think that young people should follow older people’s examples while others think that it good for young people to challenge older people’s opinions and thoughts.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
It commonly believed that young citizens should follow footpaths of grey people while approaching a life, however, many sections of society argue that the young one should stand against the old generation's opinion and views. In my opinion, I completely agree with the notion that teenagers should listen to advise and viewpoint of pensioners towards making life progress.
On the one hand, retirees are full of life experience as life has taught them the practicality of facing life. They are considered to be the best teacher in life. Not only one can learn from their real-life experiences but also put it into an effective life and achieve great success specifically during a troublesome time in the real world. For example, a recent study in India state that 65% of young adult prefer to take advice from one of the senior in family while planning for their retirement finance and healthcare. Furthermore, a youngster would be accepted in a society only if they opt for a suitable career option which elder people have already selected for ages.
On the other hand, there are valid reasons for opposing the view of older people as time has transformed completely and challenging old norms and conditions as a better choice. To put it into words, in the past, people believed that men and women should get married as a teenager, however, this is simply impractical and unacceptable for the modern couples. This is because most young citizen are either busy in pursuing their career or building up their career in their early days. Staring a family and having kids at a young age will hamper their potential ambition and become less competitive in society.
To conclude, I believe that both views have their merits, but in my view-point, youth should consult their elder while taking various life decisions as they have ample of life experience which can make their life easier however there are some choices that youngster should that independently without relying on elders.
@Cane101 @pumpkin_latte
Y
Question: Many adults think that childhood and school days are best days of life. What are the reasons for this? Do you agree or disagree?
Aspect of life plays a very significant role in human development. Majority of grown up believe that shaping years and schooling at an early age are the excellent time in person’s life. There are numerous reasons behind it and I completely agree with the statement that formative years along with school days are the finest days of living.
To begin with, the most important reason is that children have carefree life as they do not have to worry about livelihood and can enjoy a stress free life. So, they are more active and playful as compared with mature people. They feel elated by sharing and spending time with their friends and socializing with them and eager to learn new skills by actively participating in activities such as quiz and dance competitions.
Furthermore, juniors are very agile and a quick learner. They show respect for their teachers and convey their love and affection towards them. Kids considered their tutor as mother teacher. They are completely relied on their guidance in terms of seeking moral well as academic education. As a result, school has a very profound impact on pupils in regard to shaping their personality.
Nevertheless, some adults argue that kids are more vulnerable as compared to grown person as they have the authority to take decisions in personal as well as a professional life. So, their personality get enhance and they can develop analytical skills and thus confident enough to tackle any unfavorable circumstances in life.
To conclude, childhood days should not be compared with any stages of life as stripling are more carefree and quick learners as well as they learn respect and moral education from their school time.
Y
Question: Many adults think that childhood and school days are best days of life. What are the reasons for this? Do you agree or disagree?
Aspect of life plays a very significant role in human development. Majority of grown up believe that shaping years and schooling at an early age are the excellent time in person’s life. There are numerous reasons behind it and I completely agree with the statement that formative years along with school days are the finest days of living.
To begin with, the most important reason is that children have carefree life as they do not have to worry about livelihood and can enjoy a stress free life. So, they are more active and playful as compared with mature people. They feel elated by sharing and spending time with their friends and socializing with them and eager to learn new skills by actively participating in activities such as quiz and dance competitions.
Furthermore, juniors are very agile and a quick learner. They show respect for their teachers and convey their love and affection towards them. Kids considered their tutor as mother teacher. They are completely relied on their guidance in terms of seeking moral well as academic education. As a result, school has a very profound impact on pupils in regard to shaping their personality.
Nevertheless, some adults argue that kids are more vulnerable as compared to grown person as they have the authority to take decisions in personal as well as a professional life. So, their personality get enhance and they can develop analytical skills and thus confident enough to tackle any unfavorable circumstances in life.
To conclude, childhood days should not be compared with any stages of life as stripling are more carefree and quick learners as well as they learn respect and moral education from their school time.
Hey Milan,
I can't grade these anymore because I have other commitments. Would appreciate if you stopped tagging me in these posts.
I can't grade these anymore because I have other commitments. Would appreciate if you stopped tagging me in these posts.
Hi! sorry for the late response. The last essay was pretty good. Did you check the grammarly website I told you about? Your ideas and responses answered all the questions. Just a few minor grammar corrections and you’re all set. Keep on practicing. I did at least 10 before I took the test. I also made sure task 1 was written extremely well. I know most people say that you need to focus on task 2 more but somehow it worked out for me and I got a high score on my first try! They make task 1 the basis of how well you can write. If you do it well, task 2 will be a breeze.
Yeah mate
I am also working on task -1! Besides this, I have download Grammarly on my phone and it is really helpful I am writing at least one essay and letter every day to work on my flaws and grammar. Thank you again for helping out @Cane101 @yoloraw
Guys can you evaluate my writing:
Question: some parents think children should have a mobile phone, others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Although some guardians believed that it is good if kids own cell phones, however, others think that it is of no use. I completely agreed with the notion that smartphone are not better for juvenile as it affects their education and health.
On the one hand, many children are provided with a mobile phone in order to keep in touch with their parents when they are out home. They can be in contact at any time or in any place. In other words, since these days in most of families both the parents are working, giving a cell phone to children aid them not only keep an update about their adolescents; but also, keep them informed during an emergency. For instance, the majority of working couples believed that certain application in smartphone assist them to keep a track on their children’s routine activities and traveling routes.
On the other hand, the most valid reason for dismissing the use of mobile phone by children is that they end up wasting their precious time. To be precise, cell phone these days are equipped with vivid application such as WhatsApp and Facebook, thereby, using it for socializing and playing games, which divert their attention from studies. Furthermore, Digital phones can be a major distraction. Youngsters spend most of the time surfing on the internet instead of doing outdoor physical activities. Consequently, excessive usage of mobile phones leads to health issues such as depression and sleep disorders.
In conclusion, smartphones are indeed useful in contacting families and friends, however, I opine that mobile phone brings more harm to youngsters in the form of addiction and deteriorating health conditions owing to excessive usage.
Guys can you evaluate my writing:
Question: some parents think children should have a mobile phone, others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Although some guardians believed that it is good if kids own cell phones, however, others think that it is of no use. I completely agreed with the notion that smartphone are not better for juvenile as it affects their education and health.
On the one hand, many children are provided with a mobile phone in order to keep in touch with their parents when they are out home. They can be in contact at any time or in any place. In other words, since these days in most of families both the parents are working, giving a cell phone to children aid them not only keep an update about their adolescents; but also, keep them informed during an emergency. For instance, the majority of working couples believed that certain application in smartphone assist them to keep a track on their children’s routine activities and traveling routes.
On the other hand, the most valid reason for dismissing the use of mobile phone by children is that they end up wasting their precious time. To be precise, cell phone these days are equipped with vivid application such as WhatsApp and Facebook, thereby, using it for socializing and playing games, which divert their attention from studies. Furthermore, Digital phones can be a major distraction. Youngsters spend most of the time surfing on the internet instead of doing outdoor physical activities. Consequently, excessive usage of mobile phones leads to health issues such as depression and sleep disorders.
In conclusion, smartphones are indeed useful in contacting families and friends, however, I opine that mobile phone brings more harm to youngsters in the form of addiction and deteriorating health conditions owing to excessive usage.
Hi Dear,
Your ideas are good. But just few suggestions:
- Don't try to over paraphrase, such as Children = Adolescents. Can you check on internet about the difference between these two words? If there is a difference then you wouldn't get 7 for this essay.
- Check the use of 'the' 'a' just for practice. I am just talking about improvement.
- Syntax is correct, even word choice is also appropriate.
- BTW, I have seen your comments on every single page on this forum. ( which is good, but don't over-stress anything. Just be natural and clear)
- Check the use of tenses, for instance, you used " I strongly agreed with" Can you check whether to use agreed or agree?
- Other than this, everything if perfect. Just work on articles usage, tenses, and correct paraphrasing.
All the very best.
Your ideas are good. But just few suggestions:
- Don't try to over paraphrase, such as Children = Adolescents. Can you check on internet about the difference between these two words? If there is a difference then you wouldn't get 7 for this essay.
- Check the use of 'the' 'a' just for practice. I am just talking about improvement.
- Syntax is correct, even word choice is also appropriate.
- BTW, I have seen your comments on every single page on this forum. (
which is good, but don't over-stress anything. Just be natural and clear)- Check the use of tenses, for instance, you used " I strongly agreed with" Can you check whether to use agreed or agree?
- Other than this, everything if perfect. Just work on articles usage, tenses, and correct paraphrasing.
All the very best.
Thank you
I am just trying to sort things outHi Dear,
Your ideas are good. But just few suggestions:
- Don't try to over paraphrase, such as Children = Adolescents. Can you check on internet about the difference between these two words? If there is a difference then you wouldn't get 7 for this essay.
- Check the use of 'the' 'a' just for practice. I am just talking about improvement.
- Syntax is correct, even word choice is also appropriate.
- BTW, I have seen your comments on every single page on this forum. (
- Check the use of tenses, for instance, you used " I strongly agreed with" Can you check whether to use agreed or agree?
- Other than this, everything if perfect. Just work on articles usage, tenses, and correct paraphrasing.
All the very best.
Hi Milan,
I have seen several of your posts and I appreciate your efforts. However, I need to point out some issues which I have noticed in, more or less, all of your essays. If you work on them, you will get your desire score very soon.
Question: some parents think children should have a mobile phone, others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Although some guardians (Guardians is not a synonym of parent) believed (They still believe) that it is good if kids (Informal) own cell phones, however, others think that it is of no use (Where did you get that they believe it is of no use?) . I completely agreed with the notion that smartphone are not better for juvenile (Not children) as it affects their education and health. (The question is not asking whether you you agree or not)
-Please read the question very carefully. Your introduction does not talk about what is being asked in the question. Here the question says:One group thinks children should have mobile phones (Note that it was nowhere mentioned that it is good for children) while others disagree i.e they think children should not have mobile phones.
-This essay is a discussion essay and not an agree/disagree essay. You have to discuss both views and then give your own opinion. You may side with one of the views or have a completely independent view of your own.
Rewrite the intro: While some parents believe that the practice of children using mobile phones is desirable, others think otherwise. I believe that although allowing children to have mobile phones may be helpful in emergencies, they should not be allowed to carry this device because of the detrimental effects such as wastage of time and distraction from studies, it may have on them.
On the one hand, (Write a topic sentence: some mothers and fathers think it is acceptable for their children to use mobile phones as it may be useful in case of an emergency or simply to keep in touch with them). many (Many) children are provided with a mobile phone in order to keep in touch with them
On the other hand, (Write a topic sentence: despite the obvious benefits, there are some people who believe that children should not be allowed to use a cell phone due to its negative effects).
In conclusion, smartphones are indeed (You are contradicting yourself when you say it is indeed (With certainty) useful) useful in contacting families and friends, however, I opine that mobile phone brings more harm to youngsters (You were never asked whether it is more harmful or not. You were asked whether children should use mobile phones or not) in the form of addiction (You have talked about distraction from education not addiction) and deteriorating health conditions owing to excessive usage (Off topic).
Rewriting your conclusion: In conclusion, people have differing views with regard to usage of mobile phones by children. In my opinion, children should not be allowed to use such electronic devices as their education and health may suffer.
Please please work on your issues instead of writing tons of essays. Try to identify the areas where you can improve and then work on them. You are not impressing anyone with your varied vocab when you use them incorrectly. Focus on your grammar. There are many mistakes which can be easily improved. The major issue however, is your task achievement. You are writing a mixture of discussion, agree/disagree and advantage/disadvantage style essay. This will not get you the desired score. Each essay type is different and there is no "one structure fits all" formula. Read the question carefully and then decide your essay type. Don't start writing without fully understanding the question.
Dear @SR_T please evaluate my new attempt :
Question: some people think that schools select student according to their academic abilities. Others believe that it is better to have student with different abilities studying together. Discuss both views and give you own opinions
It is considered by many that it more beneficial to students’ development if student attend in the mixed ability school, however, some people contend that streaming students according to their educational abilities into separate school is utilizable to the education system. I believe that it would be more effective and efficient in terms of both teaching and learning while streaming of students implemented.
On the one hand, it is evident that student learning with various abilities together are likely to achieve positive outcomes in all-round abilities. Mixed abilities classes offer student opportunities to learn from each other, thus, to develops abilities that were absent from them previously. For instance, a sophomore with an excellent academic ability can learn how to dance or paint from peers who are less academic but rather artistic. Consequently, mixed classes encourage students to develops their multi-dimensional abilities rather than single educational ability.
On the other hand, steaming students accordingly to their academic abilities generate more benefits to teachers and students. As to teacher, it is more convenient to discover suitable teaching methodologies to accommodate a group of students with similar abilities. Thus, streaming students makes it much easier for teachers to control their students more conveniently and easily. Furthermore, streaming enable students to learn in an effective way. According to students’ different abilities, they are taught in different ways that are more suitable to for them. To illustrate this, teachers explain the study material more slowly to those in bottom streams as compared to top streams.
To conclude, mixed ability classes are beneficial for students’ versatile development, but in my view point, segregating students based on different academic abilities is better for both teacher and students.
Question: some people think that schools select student according to their academic abilities. Others believe that it is better to have student with different abilities studying together. Discuss both views and give you own opinions
It is considered by many that it more beneficial to students’ development if student attend in the mixed ability school, however, some people contend that streaming students according to their educational abilities into separate school is utilizable to the education system. I believe that it would be more effective and efficient in terms of both teaching and learning while streaming of students implemented.
On the one hand, it is evident that student learning with various abilities together are likely to achieve positive outcomes in all-round abilities. Mixed abilities classes offer student opportunities to learn from each other, thus, to develops abilities that were absent from them previously. For instance, a sophomore with an excellent academic ability can learn how to dance or paint from peers who are less academic but rather artistic. Consequently, mixed classes encourage students to develops their multi-dimensional abilities rather than single educational ability.
On the other hand, steaming students accordingly to their academic abilities generate more benefits to teachers and students. As to teacher, it is more convenient to discover suitable teaching methodologies to accommodate a group of students with similar abilities. Thus, streaming students makes it much easier for teachers to control their students more conveniently and easily. Furthermore, streaming enable students to learn in an effective way. According to students’ different abilities, they are taught in different ways that are more suitable to for them. To illustrate this, teachers explain the study material more slowly to those in bottom streams as compared to top streams.
To conclude, mixed ability classes are beneficial for students’ versatile development, but in my view point, segregating students based on different academic abilities is better for both teacher and students.