@dotslash227 ,
@cansha ,
@H0peAndFa1th Please Review....
Essay
Q.Nowadays children prefer electronic games to other games and toys?Why is it happening?Is it a positive or negative development.
In this technological era of emerging technology, electronic games are gaining momentum over the traditional games and children these days like to spent their leisure time playing these digital games because of plethora of benefits.Firstly, these smart games helps youngsters to improve their logical thinking and secondly they can play these games in realm of their comfort in contrast to older games.Considering the pros and cons of electronic games, I would not term it as a negative development but it is not totally positive either.
To begin with, there are many good reasons for the growing popularity of electronic games.On one hand it offers a range of games that offer both entertainment and edification.It is believed that some video games play an integral part in enhancing cognitive skills of children.Moreover there is a convenience that cannot be disregarded.Playing some traditional games require a large playground with suitable weather.However due to space crunch and other issues childrens are unable to access such basic combinations of outdoor games as a result youngster utterly prefer electronic games that are generally played at home.
On the contrary, there are certain beans of digital games.They are expensive and all parents may not be able to afford them.Furthermore, more dependency on electric games give birth to pernicious diseases like obesity in childrens because of paucity of physical activities.
In conclusion, I assert that electronic games help children to improvise their aptitude and intelligence level while traditional games helps them to stay fit.Both qualities are imperative for the childrens and it becomes responsibility of elders to aware the little ones about the significance of all types of games.
Thanks in advance............
The intro : In this technological era of emerging technology -> Usage of technological makes your stence redundant. Correct : In this era of emerging technologies.
Task Achievement - The question is straight forward, is it a positive or negative development? This question expects you to choose a side, you can write the positives and negatives in body paragraphs, but in your conclusion and opinion, you are expected to choose a side. Typically, before you start writing the essay, you give 3-5 minutes to it's planning, try to come up with both, positives and negatives and base your conclusion and opinion on the basis of number of points you are able to come for each side.
Coherence and Coherence - It is fine, your paragraphs are appropriately written and in order and do not seem to be illogical.
Lexical Resources - It is also fine. You have used some uncommon words such as paucity, utterly, plethora, cognitive, realm, pernicious, which is good. However, avoid usage of words that are already mentioned in topic such as positive, negative, children, electronic, games, toys and use synonyms for them to get more points on lexical resources. Also, I feel that the word, utterly has been used in wrong manner, I would had avoid it's usage because it's a very strong negative word.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy - This is where you need to focus the most. You should write smaller, complex and compound sentences to score more. Also, I found certain noticeable mistakes with your grammar which would mark your essay down, such as:
1. there are many good reasons for the growing popularity of electronic games -> there are many good reasons for
<omit the> growing popularity of electronic games.
2. Moreover there is a convenience that cannot be disregarded -> moreover
, there is a convenience factor that should not be disregarded.
3. In conclusion, I assert that electronic games help children to improvise their aptitude and intelligence level while traditional games helps them to stay fit.Both qualities are imperative for the childrens and it becomes responsibility of elders to aware the little ones about the significance of all types of games. -> In conclusion, I believe that electronic games help children
improve their aptitude and IQ
, while traditional games, such as football/soccer, help them stay physically fit (note: when you say fit? how? physically or mentally?). Both qualities are essential for a child's development and I believe that is the responsibility of the elders to be informed about the benefits of such games.
